Usually it's money,  in fact it's almost always money! But in addition, this week I've been really worried that my uncle's test results will show he has cancer. He's getting a bunch of blood tests and screens done because he's been losing weight and no one knows why.

Mine's always money. Right now it's how we're going to pay my husband's hospital bills.

 Yes, money! But lately it's also distance. My parents are starting to have their first real health problems, and they live across the country from me. None of us grown kids are even in the same region. I worry we won't be able to keep track of how much help they'll need, and when.

I just lost my dad a few weeks ago and so now my thoughts are filled with anxiety about my mom and her emotional and physical state.  She's got her own list of health issues. 

Well compared to all the other posts mine are silly but here it is. Easter. We are invited by a second cousin to his fiance's house. I'm worried about what my Mother will wear. She has osteoporosis so bad she is hunched over so all the dresses she has (3 or 4) are too long in front and too short in back. Her feet are swollen to extra extra wide and the only thing she can get on are the 2 pairs of shoes I just bought her. One of which is a pair of white tennis shoes.

I'm killing myself off tomorrow to have her hair done for Easter. I will drive 50 miles north to get her. Return to my hometown, another 50 miles, then take her 45 miles east to her Doctor, spend at least 2 hours there, then home to her apt, another 60 miles, then around 8 pm I will get to go home to my house, another 50 miles. My husband is angry that I'm doing too much but I want her to look well cared for in front of her cousin who is flying in from Seattle.  I am doing everything I can from afar. I take every Wednesday off w/o pay to help her bathe, shop and clean up her apt. Am I doing this so she will look good for Easter, or I will?

Gently said: you are doing it for BOTH of you. I don't know you, but if you have the insight to ask the questions, you are probably a good person. That means that you are wanting everything to look the best because you are a perfectionist, not a show-off poseur. One thing, though, it is only important that your MOM likes what she is wearing. You make sure she is decent, and clean........she gets to choose what is comfortable to wear. That said, a jacket will glide more over the hump, either a blazer and skirt, or a pants-suit/ jacket type of thing.......and tennis shoes do come in colors, even sequins if she is a glittery kind of a gal! (Maybe she would like the Crocs so many wear nowadays.) She should wear her favorite color, if possible, assuming that she is concerned about fashion. Not all women are.

Also, it would be nicer if your husband should show his concern for your well-being differently. Angry is not helpful to you, it causes you MORE stress. Anger makes it sound as though it is more about HIM.

My worries are usually money but the thought that keeps creaping up in my head is about him dying. About my life without him. About me having to get my life in order without him by my side. About me having to dealing with our sons grief. He will probably live for years despite his heart conditon but this is what I worry about the most. Some days this worry keeps me away from him. Some days it is difficult to live in the normal intimacy because the fear makes me back off. But just some days.

I am worried about my near future because I am still not employed after a long duration of unemployment.  I worry about what will happen when I run out of my savings and there is no income to survive.  I worry about my mother constantly because she is aging and I am the only one she has to look to and I am in no position to help her if and when she needs it.  Thank God for nights because unless I am suffering from insomnia, I can leave this plane for awhile.

what scares me right now isthat my father passed 4 years ago of heart disease,and he didn't even smoke.my mother smokes one right after another,my son thak god moved in w/his grandma, we'd go there and there would be ciggs left on the edge of the kitchen sink ,but luckily they stop burning. my mother won't quit.,she figures why bother now, also, i smoke and i want to quit ,i just want to stop do i need apatch or meds, i think i can do it myself,HELP

Another woorry i have is that i have to take pain meds for my injured neck and back, and it could go on for awhile and i need to quit smoking,i don't want to be so stressed all the time. trying to care for my family my mother , about my job. than me

Money, paying for medical and dental costs.

Had two big worries last night: My mom, with Alzheimer's, was just hospitalized with some sort of vague but awful back pain (blood in urine) and my dad, at 87 and still driving, just ran into two parked cars in a shopping center parking lot two days ago. I worry that my mom just won't understand what's going on in the hospital. And my dad is going to have a HARD time if he has to stop driving.

I worry about my parents' health. Mom and Dad are going to need specialized care in the future (perhaps a nearer future than I can even begin to face with any sort of courage), and I am their only child. Until very recently I was in poor health myself due to autoimmune disease, and they have been my caregivers. I want to be able to give them the support, medical care, comfortable home, and security they have provided for me. 

I am hoping one of my job interviews leads to....a job!

But I will have to worry about Gran. She absolutely refuses one of those alert necklaces. We bought her a cordless phone 6 years ago when Gramps passed, but it's hard to get her to carry it around with her.

I've tried talking logic to her until I am blue in the face.

"What happens if you fall down?"

"Well, I guess I lie here until you get home, or I'll find my way to the phone" (right....you have to hold onto both walls with both hands just to walk down the hall........)

She's anti-social, no friends, so it's not like anyone will be checking on her while I'm (hopefully) at work.

I think my biggest worries right now are that one of my parents will fall down the 13 basement steps trying to do the laundry when I've told them I will do it for them OR that they will mess up their meds and I've said I will do those as well.  I did go out and buy them each one of those nice big medicine planners to help some but I still think they get confused!

Hi Dolphins Cry,

My Mom had a stroke and went back to living alone after rehab. She thought the call pendant was stupid and wouldn't wear one. I got the system and put it in her house anyway. Two years later she fell and broke her hip and managed to scoot across the floor to where the pendant was hanging on her headboard. She has since expressed gratitude for having it. The system that I used (don't know if I can name companies here) has either a pendant or a braclet. They also offer a wall mounted botton (extra $). It may not work for you- but perhaps if a fall is a real concern you could get the system and put the pendant in the bathroom or near the bed where she would at least have a better shot a getting to it. My mom was in FL and I was in NE so I was really worried about her being stranded. I sort of resented paying for the system knowing that she refused to wear it but it helped my conscience to know that I had done what I could to make her safer - regardless of her decisons. And in the long run - it was a very worth while move.

I'm letting my mom push her into that. I'm moving out soon, so I won't be around. We can't even get her to use the new walker, or carry around the new phone.

It's like banging one's head against a brick wall. She has so many options, but she refuses.....

I've reminded her how she fell more than 10 years ago, and my grandfather was around to help. She still won't listen. I remember being on my hands and knees cleaning up all the blood from the carpet, etc. She resented having Visiting Nurses to check on her wounds.

It is difficult when they are so headstrong. I can only imagine how difficult it is to lose one's independence but reality must be faced. My Mom wanted to stop using the walker about 2-3 months after her hip replacement when she really had no strength or balance. She insisted on using a cane instead. We kept telling her - you will fall again and have to do the whole rehab thing again- but she did it her way. And sure enough, four and a half months after the hip - she fractured the femur on the same side.

The balance that I try to find - and am not always sucessful - is to realize that I can't be responsible for her choices. That is so hard though becasue HER bad choices effect MY life in a big (and difficult) way.But she is still mentally sound - if stubborn- and there is nothing I can do about it.

If there is a positive here - it seems that now that I have seen her through the stroke, the hip and the leg, and that she is more dependent on me than ever - she is way nicer and more compliant than she has been in a long time. Perhaps she is facing the reality that this is as good as its going to get so she better make the best of it. Or - maybe its just a phase. Time will tell.

Anyway - I wish you the best with your Grandmother. And remember - we can only do so much and then it is their choice. (My sister once said when my Mom was still living alone - "I feel like putting a sign on her door that says "We are good daughters! This is the way SHE wants things!'")

Last year, Granny's doctor recommended Physical Therapy for her athritic knees. I was working out at the P.T. center that helped me after my accident, so I could have learned to help do the exercises at home. She totally refused. Now she complains about the pain....

With all sincerity, I pray that we remember these things that make us NUTS about our aging loved ones and do otherwise when we're older. It's almost like when we're kids, swear we won't parent the same. In the case of my dad, I'm vowing I won't age the same. I mean maybe life will hand me the same set of medical issues, but I vow to do everything in my power to 1) keep myself safe even if that means I need a walker and 2) make the best of my situation.

Hmmm, now that I think about it, I think this should be a new topic. I've just created one here!

I just called my mom and told her: Granny has not even touched the new walker. Since she (Granny) does not trust me, I strongly advised mom to come out and teach Granny how to use it. Next week sometime......