respite care posted by cccarter2005 @ 03:16 PM November 21, 2009

cccarter2005 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:16:08 -0000

I want everyone who has a family member IF they qualify for HOSPICE it is a WONDERFUL program at first I fought it but TY LOrd for bringing the program to me and most of all to Eve! You cnnot imangine what all they offer! But most of all they are caring!

respite care posted by cccarter2005 @ 03:13 PM November 21, 2009

cccarter2005 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:13:34 -0000

Yes but altho sometimes you feel you cannot go any further remember this: God will never give you more than you can carry and I am religious but not overly if that makes any sense!Somedays nothing makes sense!

respite care posted by cccarter2005 @ 03:09 PM November 21, 2009

cccarter2005 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:09:43 -0000

Aaron, you are awesome! Great advice! There needs to be more willing to share advice, adn knowledge! God Bless you! Carol

Multiple health concerns. posted by Wabbitgirl @ 06:21 AM November 21, 2009

Wabbitgirl — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 06:21:15 -0000

I have IBS; COPD w/Bronchitis; hypothyroid; aura migraines; osteo arthritis; bilateral hip replacements (both need to be repaired); cervical fusion of C4-6; pitting edema; burning feet mainly in the PM; itching all over without hives; Biploar; lactose intolerant; have had per-cancerous polyps removed 4 times; hemroids; inhalant, drug, and food allergies; 2 borken teeth; fungus under my toenails; buldging discs and bone spirs in the lower spine; rotator cuff problems, carpal tunnel syndrome, impinged ulna nerve all in both arms; and s few others which I cannot remember right now. Social Security and sosial services have turned me down. I have no health insurance. I got laid off in January and finally secured a job a couple weeks ago. I only work 18 hours a week and its paid for by a federal grant thru AARP. I am 56 years old and on disabilityfrom civil service. They turned me down for health coverage. All my family is dead. Short of winning the lottery how can I get my health issues addressed?

Veterans' Days Remembrances posted by lifebio @ 01:41 PM November 20, 2009

lifebio — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:41:26 -0000

Hi Laura-- I love to hear my father's stories from Vietnam. Although he never fired his gun (which is is proud of), he was a truck driver and was exposed to Agent Orange. Many vets from Vietnam have developed diabetes as a result of this. I've captured his life story in different ways over the years. Thanks for encouraging people to do that. Sincerely, Beth Sanders, www.lifebio.com

Health insurance deductible met and about to start over posted by Anonymous @ 03:54 PM November 19, 2009

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:54:33 -0000

I am the sole caregiver for my ex-husband who has cancer and I am very conscious of this. Out-of-pocket medical and prescription costs are crippling. He no sooner met the out-of-pocket maximum for his medical costs when he hit the dreaded 'donut hole' in prescription coverage. Almost all of his disability check goes to medical bills. If it were not for me looking after him, I don't know how he would get by financially.

fast heart rates posted by LauraL @ 03:06 AM November 19, 2009

LauraL — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:06:57 -0000

I think you should see a cardiologist.

fast heart rates posted by waddles @ 02:45 AM November 19, 2009

waddles — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:45:31 -0000

I went into the emergency room on Halloween and I was in a fib...I spent 4 days in the hospital. They slowed the heart rate down and did a heart cath. My arteries looked ok. I had previous heart attacks and a stent placed in 2002. Since being released from the hospital I have had to make 2 more trips to the emergency room for fast heart rate and high blood pressure. Each trip they slow the rate and send me back home. I am already on 200mg of metoprolol daily...plus lisenopril. What they are doing seems to be just putting a bandaide on the problem and not fixing it. I can't keep making all of these trips to the emergency room. This has to be hard on the heart. Any suggestions?

fast heart rates posted by LauraL @ 02:23 AM November 19, 2009

LauraL — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:23:43 -0000

Hi,

Have you gone to your doctor? What is he or she saying that doesn't help you at all?

fast heart rates posted by Anonymous @ 02:17 AM November 19, 2009

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:17:16 -0000

Having problems with fast heart rate...can't seem to get any help...any suggestions?

When mom or dad didn't prepare, financially, for their care, what do you do? posted by gaybriel @ 05:39 PM November 18, 2009

gaybriel — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:39:36 -0000

BRENDA D Regarding credit card debt-It is shameful the way credit card companies and solicitors take advantage of the elderly-fight back. Check to see the interest and fees that have accumulated. Talk to attorney who specializes in elder law. You can call the credit card companies and try to settle-Be firm-because of his age, if you threaten not to pay, they will probably deal, especially if he misses a few payments. But, you have to speak to a supervisor, not representative that answers phone. If that doesn't work, you can go to an accredited state credit counseling service (google or call state government for list-do not deal with any other debt counselors or settlement companies-you could get scammed). They can set up a consolidation plan with creditors (lower interest and payments) or advise if he qualifies for bankruptsy. What does he care at his age about credit scores. Even if you do nothing, they "might" after a few years, try to get a judgement, but that would only allow them to get a lien on property-not take it (have him transfer assets to you). They cannot garnish Social Security income or pension. There are many financial and legal counseling agencies that you could contact for advice-find your state agencies for the elderly. Good luck.

Incontinence - did your loved one request adult diapers or did you insist? posted by LindaSD @ 03:15 PM November 18, 2009

LindaSD — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:15:29 -0000

My 89yr old mom whom I live with now has Alzheimer's. At first her urine incontinence was minor but she ignored the smell and evidence in her pants so I had to start using a thin panty liner in all her underpants in her drawer. Doctor did tests to make sure no infection. As she got worse, she tried explaining it a way -it was "old age" and just "leaks". But she smelled and was making a mess of her clothes and where she sat. As with everything, as all her syptoms have constantly changed, I have had to kindly stop in and nudge and do in a way she doesn't really notice.

I'm currently buying a incontinence pad that sticks in her underpants. I buy them on line to cut the cost (by the case) delivered to the house. I have to catch her changing into her nightgown before bed and help her change to a new pad and underpants. If I didn't she would leave the thing dirty as it is on for days on end. I think she cannot smell and has little reasoning ability left to realize she needs the pad changed.

I keep a baby diaper thing where she changes. One where you push the diaper down an opening and it puts it into a bag in the lower half - keeps the smell in there and then you have a bag to tie off and throw out after it gets full.

I still struggle with getting her to clean. She leaves herself and the toilet with poop because she doesn't realize she's not cleaning herself when she goes to the toilet. Any suggestion that she clean before bed or at any time ends in an argument each time. She insists she already cleaned when she didn't.

I know as she moves into getting worse that this will be difficult. I've read enough articles/forums to know just how "messy" this situation can be and how mentally challenging it can be. Add to that the fact that here in the USA incontinence costs are not covered by any insurance and it becomes a financial burden.

As everyone else has stated, it is what it is and you deal the best you can. I will keep my mom at home taking care of her until I can no longer keep her safe and healthy.

Incontinence - did your loved one request adult diapers or did you insist? posted by not myself @ 08:03 AM November 18, 2009

not myself — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:03:19 -0000

PT Cruzr: Thank you for being a guardian! When right is right, and bad is bad, and your paycheck rides on what you have to say about it, it's tough. You must be a good, strong soul, and those you care for lucky to have you.

Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other? posted by kjohnson @ 08:05 PM November 17, 2009

kjohnson — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:05:46 -0000

This survey provides definite evidence the strain and turmoil that can be caused by caregiving for loved ones. Perhaps it is best to delegate caregiving to an outside agecny.

Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other? posted by cmacp @ 03:43 PM November 17, 2009

cmacp — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:43:24 -0000

Laurie; I don't know what to say, except at some point you must realize you can't continue on doing what you are doing - indefinitely -forever!.

a -All of us can take on a few more mild responsibilities in life, and probably continue to fulfill them for the rest of our lives. or b - Most of us can assume 'super-human' responsibilities - for a short time, because adrenaline kicks in during a crisis.

But, ------ none of us can do what you are doing - trying to combine the "forever" of "a", with the "super-human" of "b"

Even a car engine cannot run flat out as fast as it can go, without breaking down. Neither can you. For most of us , especially those of us who are accustomed to balancing a family and a job, etc., - Care Giving is the very first time, we run straight into the wall of our human limitations! Even a regular job is 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week. As you point out, a regular job also has it's rewards, both financial and social. More importantly, it doesn't consume every hour of your life. Even the medical staff at a hospital doesn't work 24/7 shifts like you do, - they'd kill themselves if they did. If professional medical can't do it, why do we think a home Care Giver can???

I wish I had a solution for you Laurie. I don't. After 2 yrs of caring for my disabled husband at home, I'm just at the stage of realizing my limitations and wondering what my options are. I respectfully disagree with Loupad who is telling you to 'show your husband how strong you are'(ugghh), what a 'super grandma' you are, and to 'keep up the good fight'. If anything, you must show your husband how WEAK you are and that you are not SUPER, and you are running out of the ability to to keep up the good fight. Being human with human limitations doesn't mean you don't deserve a Pat on the back, or that you should not be proud of yourself for doing your part. You do and should.

The tradition in all human cultures has been for the well to care for the sick, and the younger to care for the elderly, as they age. It has been part of our social contracts for thousands of years.And, I believe, that's how it should be. However, the level of Home Care now being expected of family members today is far beyond what people did in the past, or do in other countries. Medical arts/science, now keep people alive after accidents/illnesses that would have killed them just a generation ago. Medicine has leaped forwards but American society has not kept up with the change. Not only AREN"T we funding the resources for Caring when these people return home, but we are in the process of actually CUTTING BACK on Medicaid and community support services! Society and community support services are NOT keeping up. American society spends Millions $$ on Trauma, Critical Care units, Skilled facilities, etc - but then gives little thought to where these people will go and how they will be cared for when they are finally discharged. And, when they return home, they are a lot sicker than family members were a generation ago. Our State has just eliminated LTC Medicaid pay for Intermediate Nursing Home care - categories of people who previously qualified.

I have cared for my 57 yr old husband at home for 2 yrs while we waited the 2 yrs 5 mos for Disability Medicare to pay for his medical needs. He was recently hospitalized with a stroke, was discharged to a skilled facility, (thank God his Medicare coverage had just begun), and now the skilled facility is making plans to discharge him. His 100 days of Medicare coverage is soon to expire. He has traumatic brain injury induced Alzheimer's/Dementia (mid level)and type 2 diabetes. He is a "wanderer", cannot make safe choices, needs help with his grooming/bathing, dangerous when angered, on 1/2 dozen medications. All his doctors have said he will be a danger to himself and me if he returns home. He needs intermediate long term care - which used to be covered by State Medicaid. Our family lives hundreds of miles away in other States. My choices are to put him in an assisted living which will be a danger to him because of his compromised mental abilities, and lose our home because his SSDI check will go to the facility,-- or take him home where we will not be safe, but we will keep our income and our home. These cut backs in our State Medicaid LTC qualifications are so new that most people are still not aware. So, - Laurie. Yes, you are in full burn out. I don't have a solution for you, but remember that before you can find a solution, one must first recognize and accept that there is a PROBLEM. And, finding the solution to the problem should not be your responsibility alone.

Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other? posted by loupad @ 12:45 PM November 17, 2009

loupad — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 12:45:13 -0000

Hi Laurie, I hope my words can comfort you a little. You are balancing a lot right now and you are asking how much of what you are doing is really your responsibilty. You might be wondering if you are really appreciated for all your hard work. You sacrifice so much and sometimes don't see any rewards. Laurie, sometimes we give so much that we blindly neglect to care for ourselves. Look inside you and pat yourself on the shoulder. You are an awesome individual who has taken on the job of mother, doctor, caregiver, and so much more. Being so powerful you sometimes feel drained. That's normal. As for not getting support from others, well at least you have done your part. Show your husband how strong you are. Tell him that we are all passing through this world and we are in journey to a better place. Laurie, you are the one who is carrying all this. Look towards your grand baby. He will be there for you. What a super grandma he has in you. God Bles you Laurie. Keep up the good fight! Lou.

Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other? posted by LaurieLB @ 09:49 AM November 17, 2009

LaurieLB — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:49:26 -0000

My husand and I moved in with his Mother in July, 2009. She was dx'd with parkinsons disease with dementia, and NPH (normal pressure hydrocephelous.), Her 75 yr old husband was her primary caregiver, up until he suddenly passed way (we think from the stress of it all)leaving a very confused,unabe to care for herself woman all alone. She had fallen and was hospitalized for about 10 days, and then went to a health care/rehab center for a month.

When she came home, she was doing OK...but not great. She was confused all the time, incontinent, with both urine and bowel, and very unsteady on her feet. She went from walking on her own, to almost being wheelchair bound all the time. She did have PT and speech therapy, but she got so bad they couldn't really help.

My husbands family offered for us to move back here to Florida from NY state to "help" take care of her. We had plans to move back in the fall anyway, but live in a different town, near my 2 grown sons, one of which will be a father in MARCH. My 1st grandbaby! The offer was we live here rent free, and they would pay me to stay home and care for her, even though I could be making alot more money working outside the home and only 40 hours a week, instead of the 6, 12 hour days tha I do now. I figured up my pay doing this and it comes to something like .70cents an hour!. My husban found a job driving a truck, but at least he is home every nigt, and msost weekends.

I have never done caregiving before except to raise my children. Its VERY hard on me. My sister-in-law comes every weekend ( a 2 hour drive one way)and stays with her mom all day saturday and half a day Sunday. She is the only supportive member of this family with her TIME. There is another son and his wife, but they aren't around much, as they always have "plans".

MIL recently had a VP shunt placed in her brain to drain excess fluid as it builds up. She was doing great, but then she went right back to being confused, couldn't walk, etc. The Neurosurgeon adjusted the shunt last Friday and she is coming around better. She does use the toilet now, (most of the time), she can walk and talk again, but can't find words and loses her train of thought. She is also easily distracted. We have home health coming back with PT, OT and speech therapy. They think they can work with her now, and improve her quality of life.

The biggest problem I have is communication with hubby. He doesn't seem to understand what a toll this is taking on me. I always worked outside the home, and made decent money. I always had friends around to go to lunc or a movie with. Now it seems I never get out of the house, unless its Saturday and by then I'm worn out and can't enjoy myself, because I'm so tired! He also doesn't understand how har it is to shift gars from caregiver to being intimate at night. I have tried to tell him I need an hour or two after she goes to bed( at 8 pm) to be able to wind down, and relax first. He thinks I shuld be able to make the lap from putting her to bed, to jumping in bed with him.

Maybe if he asked me how I was, or how my day went..anything! He comes in from work, expects dinner to be cooking or ready, and then goes and sits in his recliner and falls asleep for the evening. We are not older. I am 47, and he's 45! I tell him over and over, I would like to just get away for a weekend and recharge! I did go and spend 1 weekend with my oldest son, for his birthday and had a very relaxing, fun time. My husband chose to stay home and help his sister with his mother.

Am I beig selfish to feel this way? I would do this for my own mother in a heartbeat, and hubby's Mom really is the sweetest lady to care for. Its just such hard work. I have to wash her sheets everyday, she pees the bed each nght, and yes she dos wear depends and pads, but the bed is sill wet!

I also have to shower her, dress her, wash her face and clean her dentures (when I can get them out of her mouth). I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.. I just feel like a slave around here, and hubby doesn't listen! When he does, he hnags is head and cries that his Mom is so bad, and he has a hard time handling that. Well...I wishhe would hav OLD me that before we moved here! That has to be my biggest complaint. Its HIS Mom, and he just doesn't get it. The only other alternative we have right now is if his sister were to quit her job, lose her benefits and probably HER marriage if she had to take care of her Mom right now. He husband alredy gets irritated when she comes here every weekend. He doesn't come with her either, to support her or spend some time with her...I love my husband, I just want him to be more supportive and take on more responsibility for his own mother. I am seriousy considering counseling for myself, there are no support groups that I know of in my area. I am on full burnout, and any advice would be wonderful! Sorry this is so long. It turned into a rant, LOL! Laurie

How do I bill Medicare for services I provide? posted by Joanne in MO @ 08:05 PM November 16, 2009

Joanne in MO — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:05:18 -0000

Please forgive my ignorance.

An older man is currently getting help through an agency of some sort. He has a tracheostomy as well as a PEG tube for feeding through his stomach; the agency comes out every other day to clean these items. They are paid through Medicaire. He is unhappy with his care - they are inconsistent with the times they come and also should come every day but for some reason they do not. My pastor thought maybe I could provide this service instead of the agency. I have a few questions - first and foremost, is this something I could actually do with no medical background? Are there any potential risks to the patient? Of course I do not want to harm him!! Secondly, how do I receive payment from Medicare? My pastor thought maybe I could just start my own home help agency - specifically for helping the elderly with non-medical or light medical issues.

Any help would be appreciated! Please email me directly at joanne @ godspost . com

Thank you!

Health insurance deductible met and about to start over posted by Missy @ 08:00 PM November 16, 2009

Missy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:00:29 -0000

It wasn't until my parents starting having health issues that I began paying attention to when their health insurance deductible was met and when it started over. In most cases, it starts over on January 1 of the new year. So this is just a public service announcement...if you or your loved one has something they need checked or done, consider moving forward with it before the end of the year if you've got your deductible met. :-)

Just out of curiosity, how conscious are you of whether it'll be more financially feasible to hold off or go forward with a procedure based on where you are with your deductible?

My mom's mental state is pushing people away who had helped in the past posted by Sue Ann @ 04:15 PM November 15, 2009

Sue Ann — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:15:26 -0000

Sounds like maybe the next step would be assisted living. My husband did the same thing. He pushed everyone away, neighbors who were willing to help, my son (who finally got so mad, due to the treatment i was receiving from his step-father)that he told him off and wouldn't help my husband anymore. Although he continued to come over and do my shopping for ME and what errands were needed. The situation finally got so bad, with demands and hostile mood swings. His doctor would only just give him another pill or increase what he had. Lovely, sometimes doctors just don't get it. Finally one day he lost it and slapped me. I called 911 and sent him to the hospital. Asked for a Psych eval (which they wouldn't do); I didn't even go to the hospital with him. ER called and said they were transporting him home. I refused to take him back and stood my ground. Told them to place him somewhere (nursing home) and there was NO one to care for him here. They did. I kept him there for 4 months. He was mean and nasty to all. Finally, he learned to humble himself and treat others better. I brought him home, and whenever he gets mean and nasty, bosey, overly demanding, I remind him that his only other choice is BACK to the nursing home. Yes, I do have power of attorney and was glad I had it when things took a turn for the worst.

Time for me and only me. How much of my own life do I give up to help or do I even get a life. posted by Sue Ann @ 03:44 PM November 15, 2009

Sue Ann — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 15:44:43 -0000

Hi Imelda, I know what your mean. The people we care for, my spouse for example, have a desire to live thru us and to control us. I think it is because they have lost control of their own life, due to aging or illness. They are trapped by themselves, scared and frustrated. Have you considered a pet for your mom? My husband has refused to let us have a dog for years; now, i have almost convinced him it would be a great idea. As soon as possible we are taking a trip to the animal shelter and check out what's available. We shall keep doing so, until he finds what makes his heart jump. It must be his choice, for I want a companion for him, other than me. He must control the choice; that way the dog will be welcome in our home. It would be wonderful for him to have a special friend to sit outside in the sun with and to keep him busy so i could take a shower once a day, without him screaming for me, and sit in the car with him while i run in the store and try and get some errands done without worrying that he is waiting for me.

Only child with Mom living 400 miles away with dementia posted by CapeCodRi @ 10:43 PM November 13, 2009

CapeCodRi — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:43:47 -0000

Thanks so much for all the replies! Here is the current situation. Things, indeed did come to a crash....Mom started wandering and took her suitcases and supposedly was coming to visit me from Pennsylvania to Cape Cod.... This was without anyone's knowledge. She wound up wrecking her car in New York State and I got a call from the Holiday Inn Express tellng me where she was. All the employees there were fantastic and took excellent care of her until I could get there the next day. Brought her home with me and have now put her in the hospital in the Geriatric Behavior Unit where she is undergoing all kinds of tests, evaluations, etc. It's been the most difficult thing I've ever had to do but at least we are taking action and I know she is safe for the time being. I am exhausted already and it's only been 4 days but try to tell myself to take one day at a time.

What is to be expected with a knee replacement? posted by berriepatch @ 09:16 PM November 13, 2009

berriepatch — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:16:32 -0000

I had the knee replacement surgery back in 2008 and have to do the right knee soon. It has made so much difference as the pain was just awful especially with both knees out.....I could hardly walk or get up from a sitting position. I would not hesitate to do it again but while I dread doing the other knee I think it is just because I am not in as much pain as I was before the first surgery. The surgery knee is still sore and my PCP says it will be sore for a very long time but that is only when I bend the knee doing my daily therapy. I must say the worse for me was the physical therapy....be sure to take pain meds as prescribed before going as that helps tremendously. Hope this helps I really had very little problems and surprised everyone by walking 4 days later without my walker. I just didn't have that much pain but I was lucky I guess and hope yours will be the same. Sincerely Barbara

Does anyone have a parent with C O P D? posted by robb4265 @ 06:53 PM November 13, 2009

robb4265 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:53:23 -0000

Celia I am so very glad that your mom had such a wonderful day! And it sounds like you are getting alot of help from friends and family. You might even think about the Sooner care program to help with her other needs. I know exactly what you mean about the germs, We keep germx and antibacteral wipes with us all the time. Seems now days you can't be to careful with these nasty little germs. Good luck with everything you need

Does anyone have a parent with C O P D? posted by robb4265 @ 06:47 PM November 13, 2009

robb4265 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:47:26 -0000

This is a wonderful success story for you. I pray that you have many more wonderful years together.

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