I live with my parents. Mom is 89 & Dad is 91. Mom has Dementia, has fallen several times in the past year. I am the one that comunicates with all Dr's & her medication. They still want to play the role of Parents and their 55 yr old daughter is a kid who knows nothing. I try to get my Mom to do what the Dr's say she should do. My Dad's comments are "Quit giving orders!!!"
I had to quit my job, give up my apartment, that I loved!! My life was taken from me. One sister, one brother both out of state. Now after his comment the other day, I am afraid to say anything. That stems from childhood, we were not allowed our own feeelings, and to be seen and not heard. I had a very toxic childhood and can't remember one happy time. Now I am the one stuck living here, and trying my best to keep my Mom alive. She also comments " Oh, She's a MEAN ONE" I have no one to talk to, or vent. I am ready to die and get out of this mess. I should be able to have a life without restrictions. How am I suppose to deal with all of this anger & frustration?
Hello there,
I'll tell you where you go to vent...HERE! I think you'll find lots of support from others who are in similar situations. Isn't it funny how we fall right into our old roles of child, no matter how old we are when we find ourselves as caregivers for our parents? There's a tone of voice my dad can use that gives me a pit in my stomach. How funny is that?! I respect him, but I'm an adult making my own decisions. Why would that tone of voice immediately make me put my tail between my legs? I have no idea. But I get how you feel.
I don't know if this advice will help at all, but perhaps remind your parents that you're there to help them remain as independent as possible. Seems like a contradiction, but maybe they'll ease up a bit on feeling like it's you against them. Also, maybe do your best to give them options. I seriously doubt you give them orders, as your dad said, but I know when I communicate with my own dad, I tend to say "Dad, take a shower." or "Dad, eat breakfast." because I'm trying to give him steps in a process (usually to get out the door). What I should probably say is, "Do you want to eat breakfast or take a shower first?" Truthfully, the order doesn't matter to me as long as get out the door and maybe that approach would help Dad feel like he was part of the decision making? I don't know.
Hang in there, dear. We're here for you. Vent as often as you need. I'm hopeful others will have some good advice for you. *hugs*
I live with my grandmother, she's 88. It is not easy. I've often felt like I am waiting for her to die so I can finally live. I know it sounds cruel, but it is how I feel.
They like to think they are still in charge. Often....they still see their child or grandchild as that, not as able-bodied, mature adults.
I totally understand where you come from. I wish I could give advice to make it easier. The best I can do is say to take it one day at a time. Read through this site, there is a lot of help here.
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