pancreatic cancer

Hi star,

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's battle with pacreatic cancer. Fortunately, I don't think there are any "right" words. As long as you speak from your heart, express concern, caring and love and offer your support in whatever capacity is comfortable to you, the family will appreciate it. With that all said, though....it's so hard. :-(

Hi Star, I'm brand new to this community but your post caught my attention. I lost a friend to pancreatic cancer in 2007.

I'm also on a team with the local police who respond to traumatic incidents and offer short term emotional support to victims and witnesses of traumatic events... including natural death calls.

I think the most important thing to know is it's OK to say, "I don't know what to say." It's also good to say what you're feeling from the heart. What I heard you say in your post is that you're sad and this is unfair. Say exactly that! I often tell families, "Life can be so danged unfair!" That reaffirms their own feelings of being cheated out of the time they wanted with their loved one.

Cancer is a horrid disease with no rhyme nor reason to who it takes from us. It IS unfair. I hope this helps just a little.

Talk to your friend. Listen more. Let him take the lead. Don't expect or feel that you need to have an answer for his situation or immediate problems. Do talk to, and listen to his spouse, who has been going through this difficult time supporting her husband, and at the same time, trying to have a life of her own apart from the illness and spousal caregiving. Arrange to be with him, while she takes breaks. Find a speciic household chore or some ordinary kindness task you can do to help her, and him.

i had offered many times to stay with my friend. his wife said he became very anxious if she was not by his side, which i guess is understandable. i have a neighbor also her husband has esophageal cancer, he is the same, upset if she is not by his side. i digress, my friend's wife with the pancreatic cancer did call me and ask me to stay overnite with her one nite this past wk, she and he had both had a very bad nite. i stayed, happily, he actually got some rest along with her. the next am, i did some laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned out the refrig, did a little sweeping. i felt better that i was able to help out some. sadly, my friend passed away, a blessing for how much he was suffering. i know there are few words to express how sad you are for both of them, hugs seem to help. the wife is coming over for dinner this wk. just can't stop thinking how alone and sad she must be feeling right now. i count my blessings every day.

Star:

Good for you, that's exactly what I was writing about... you persisted, and did after all do them a real good turn, in helping out. It's very sad that your friend died; but maybe a blessing in disguise, in that pancreatic cancer brings so much suffering with it.

Please tell his wife, and also the next door neighbor whose husband has esophageal cancer, about the Well Spouse Association, http://wellspouse.org, which offers support to people with a spouse or partner with chronic illness and/or disabiliy -- during and after their ill spouse's lifetime. Best, Richard

hello my name is Nicole and im so sorry to hear about your friends condition, i understand it's one of the single hardest things in the word to want to help so much but end up helpless. I understand because i lost my dad in August if 2008 to liver cancer he was given 6 months to live no treatment because it was too late my dad never made it 6 months he passed in 2. I can honestly say words may go in one ear and out the other to a greving family just because of the utter pain. But before my dad died he said the thing that should make you always feel better is i'm never gone think of the years we spent together the times we laughed so hard we cried the days we fought but couldn't stay mad at each other. He always said to remember the pain will pass but all the memories as a family last forever and also the love never changes. it's going to hurt but soon the tears will be filled with smiles and laughs of memories. each day is diffrent but the love is all the same.

I just buried my mother/grandmother Sept. 2 from pancreatic cancer after having brought in hospice 1 week prior to her passings so I understand the many questions, confusion, pain, & loss of words during this time. God Bless! I second the response from Star, there are no comforting words to say but you can be there which is what they really need during this time. It will not get easier but have comfort in knowing that the pain will no longer take each day they take a breath. Pancreatic cancer is one of the most aggressive and painful types of cancers. During the last days she went through a number of mental transitions that were scary (always thinking someone is standing next to her) but some of the moments were the symptoms of the pain meds that had her so happy even though she couldnt eat solid foods nor drink certain liquids due to the pain in her abdomen. These moments brought relief in knowing that she is not crying due to the excrucisting pain she was having durong chemo and radiation.

Your presents is needed for comfort and reassurance during their final days. mY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND HOPE THAT YOU TAKE COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.