You have my total sympathy! I am an only child and live 3000 miles away from my mother (father is deceased). I am fortunate to have a couple of cousins who help a bit, but for the most part, it is up to me. In the past 8 months, I have been down there 4 times (and airline tickets are not cheap).
You need to let your husband's family know that at this time you are dealing with your parents issues, and cannot take on any more responsibilities. You also need to take the time to get home and check on things. If you do so, you may be able to alleviate some issues and make it easier for them and you. I would suggest setting up MD appointments for both mom and dad prior to your visit, so you can accompany them. Let the office know the reason for the visit. Have the doc check them out separately, and make sure he knows to eval (especially your dad) them for signs of dementia. Check their house for sign of dementia as well. There is a great list here on caring.com. Some of them include failure to pay bills, overdrawn checking accounts, spoiled food, burned pots and pans, sloppy housekeeping in a formerly prisine house, and fender benders with the car. You can also check with the state DMV about getting their driving skills evaluated....or revoking their licenses. You can turn them in yourself, does not have to be a polic officer. Check with the local council on aging to see if they have any assistance that would be helpful.
In my mom's case, it took a fall and a hospitalization before I was able to get help, and get her into a facility. That is not a good place to be, but in hindsight it was a godsend, since it forced the issue of getting her in a safe place.
Good luck, and please know there are people who care! Hugs to you!
Susan
I am so new to this. I am an only child. My parents live 300 miles away, with no close-by neighbors or relatives. They are in their 80s and refuse to move closer to me. For the last few months, my dad has been pulling me aside and making wild accusations about my mother, e.g., she has a lover, she is giving away loads of money, she hides things from him, etc. etc. These accusations seem to have no basis in reality and my mom denies they are true. Now, my dad has taken to calling my mom's brothers and sisters and telling them the same types of things and saying that my mom has Alzheimer's. I am not close enough to see what goes on day to day. I have a school age child still at home and can't just run down to their house. Now, my husband's family has told me that I must have my 90yo mother in law move in and I must care for her this winter. I am at my wits end and don't even know where to go from here. I am open to any suggestions as to how to proceed. Thanks.
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