Dear Katylou, I know exactly what you must be feeling. I'm in the same situation with my mom-in-law. I've been her primary caregiver for the last 17 yrs. Over the past 3 she has required 24/7 assistance. I can't leave the house and no one is offering to give me any relief. My sister-in-law has never helped me in any way with her mother. She is a nurse in a nursing home and has told me I can't ever put her there. I've never had a good verbal relationship with her, however I know exactly how she would react if I were to ask her for help. I too have considered writing her a letter explaining my situation. Due to depression, throid disease, and fibromyalgia my health has declined greatly. I feel as if I'm letting myself go inorder to keep my mom-in-law a home. She recently spent nearly 4 months in the nursing home because she couldn't stand up and they did physical therapy on her daily. I can't explain how the burden seemed to lift from me while she was gone. I felt free and was becoming a new person. However, my husband insisted we bring her home. Now its worse than even before. He does help me as much as he can and home health comes 3 days a wk. But that doesn't get me out of the house. I am at the end of my rope and don't know where to turn. I want to put her back in the nursing home long term. But, my husband wants me to wait, because he doesn't think she is going to live much longer. We have been saying that every year for the last 15. Don't get me wrong, I love her with all my heart. But, she can't do anything for herself. Or won't try. I think for her well-being and mine, it is time to make some changes. So, I am going to write that letter to my sister-in-law and tell her exactly what is on my heart. If it doesn't do any good then it will be on her concious, not mine. Blessings to you Katy Lou. You've done your mother a great thing by taking care of her. Just try to take care of yourself now. Would like to hear from you again!
"I have been caring for my mother in my home for almost a year. She has substantial dementia and possibly early stage Alzheimer's. My mother is also extremely bitter, angry, selfish, manipulative and narcistic, which is exacerbated by her dementia.
I asked my sister to help me, as I am getting very tired and my health is also suffering. (I have hypertension and my blood pressure is soaring!) When I asked her if my mother could stay with her for a couple of weeks this summer, she told me she would have to discuss it with her husband. Then, about two weeks later, she had her husband contact me and he left a voice message on my phone telling me that they were not going to take my mother for any amount of time and that my sister was not going to discuss it with me. I am so angry with her that all I can do is boil over with resentment. She rarely calls my mother and never asks me how I am doing. I want to write my sister and get it all off my chest - is this a waste of my time or should I follow my gut and tell her how I feel anyway, even tough I know it will not change a thing?"
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