My mom's mental state is pushing people away who had helped in the past

To lay out the background, my dad died last November and my mom is physically handicap from an aneurism in 1985. She lives in a senior apartment building, not quite assisted living but they server dinner and have activities. She also has/had an overnight care giver.

Among other health issues, my mom has COPD. As a result of some COPD issues she spent a week in the hospital and a week in a skilled nursing unit recovering. Toward the end of her stay in the skilled nursing unit she started to become very difficult. I understand that staying in the hospital can make anyone go mad, but she started to attack the people who were helping her.

Her overnight caregiver was visiting the hospital in the afternoon since I just started a new job. One of my sisters or I would visit after work. I don't think a day went by where she did not have at least two visitors during the period.

She started to act very paranoid, telling us all that we wanted her dead. She also started declaring how independent she is, even though I take care of her finances and a lot of her personal management. She also works with a social worker and of course has her overnight care giver.

My mom decided she did not need anyone.

Less than 24-hours after being discharged she fired her care giver in a nasty way (basically berating her until the care giver left). She also acted like this with her Doctor who then suggested she see a psychologist - I was not there but I do not think this went over well.

At this time we are trying to apply for VA benefits and did need the doctor to sign a paper that he would partially oversee the caregiver. Of course since my mom just fired her caregiver this all went horribly wrong. And my mom must have said something to the doctor as well.

Since I am at a new job, I was not there for this Dr. office visit but I know the fall-out.

1) The Dr. will not sign the VA papers because he does not trust my mom's current mental state 2) My mom has alienated her social worker - who will no longer help with any care giver aspects for my mom. She will help with medical issues, however. 3) My mom wants me to now come in and talk to the Doctor to smooth the waters. 4) The social worker did suggest we go with my mom for future Dr. office visits.

So basically, my mom threw a fit, fired everyone, told me and my siblings she is independent... then came to realize a little help is a nice thing. She has hired her caregiver back, explaining that they have made up. No other explanation.

My tough decision is how to I move forward?

This is common behavior for my mom. She acted like this every time my dad came home from the hospital before he passed away. I am sure part of it was her daily routing was changing rapidly, but I do not think that can explain everything.

I don't know what to do? Do I smooth things over so my mom can repeat these actions in 4-5 months (the normal cycle for this)? I pay the bills so any changes she makes I need to know about, even when she tries to hide them I eventually get the bill. I am at a loss here.

What do you do when your parents start sabotaging themselves?

I have been caring for my parents for the last several years.