Hooray Dolphin!  I know it's been a few days since you've written this.  How are things going?

It's going.

Granny is all "I don't want you to move" .

Her and my mom are full of discouragement "You'll never make it on your own", etc.

Which makes me even more determined.

Basically: I am realizing that my grandmother is a complete control freak. I've been enabling her and my mom all this time.  And I'm not doing it any longer.

I have a great guy, who has a nice trailer...he's offered to help me move my stuff down to FL, and he'll come visit.

 Hey Dolphin,

I'm new here but I can relate to your situation. My gandmother was also highly manipulative. The pattern is the same i'ts the names that change. Have you decided where in FL you're going? I've recently transplanted from New Hampshire to Jacksonville. It was a long ride but worth every minute of it. If you don't wanna discuss personal details here I can understand. I can prolly be of some help if you want to email. I just wanna say YOU ROCK!

You can if you think you can!

Ruthellen  (I think I got that hug thing backwards oops)

Thanks for the hug and the kind words.

I'm heading to the Tampa Bay area. Someplace close to St Pete Beach, since I know that area pretty good :)

Anyway, every day lately is an argument. 

Trash day is Tuesday....anywhere between 8 am and 6 pm. I take out the trash on Mondays, I'm not getting up early on Tuesday to watch for the trash man. The last bag of trash was an argument. I wanted to take it out, she wanted me to leave it for tomorrow. I won. The bag is full, it is out.

I came home from the gym, etc., - she has shucked the few ears of corn I have....then went on with "I hope I'm not in trouble for this". No - the only time I have a problem is when you throw out a bottle of shampoo that still has a decent amount of product in it; or when you package up some of my stuff and have the neighbor take it outside.

Yes, Granny, I get it....you never wanted a kid, let alone a grandchild. I'm a slut who cheats on her boyfriends. I don't shower until you are in bed so I don't get your way. I don't eat breakfast, so I am not in your way or disrupting your schedule. I'm sooo sorry I had to use the bathroom on Cleaning Day.

Since you do get by when I am away....you don't need me to open containers for you, or anything else. You will be fine on your own. You won't have to put up with someone you only NEED, but don't want, and certainly don't love.

She is really playing it for what it's worth. Her usual "helpless old woman" routine.

I did her shopping today (waiting for the list and money, until she was ready, of course). I've asked her to make her list on Monday, so I can go do this early on Tuesday, hit the gym, do my job searches, etc.

I get home....she didn't realize she needed a prescription refilled. So I have to make a special trip tomorrow to pick it up.

Then she starts b*tching about when will her bank statement arrive. I'm not psychic!!!! I could view it easily on line, but....I set up the account years back and she refused to use it....

I'm so sorry this is such a sucky time and she is working so so hard to manipulate you. Have you set a target I'm outta here date? The very last be all end all done drop dead date? If you dont have one make one and move it for no one. I know work is important but getting beaten up just makes it harder to find work. Oh and don't ask permission just ,make the decision. Can your stay with your sweetie for a while?

I'm just planning on end of September, at the latest. I'm waiting on the Real Estate license. 

Making as many trips to the storage unit as I can...gotta see if there is a UHaul available tomorrow. Even got another tote in my car for morning. I just need to get there and package the stuff in bubble wrap.

What about moving your address? I moved mine to the local ups store. The boxes aren't too badly priced and you won't be at risk of anyone opening your mail. Intentionally or otherwise. Also a ups store gives you a solid address and makes it easier for you to  create the illusion of longevity. Since they read like regular addy's most people assume you LIVE there. It can help give employers the sense that you are "Steady Eddy."

Thanks for the suggestion.

Since (1) She can't get to the mailbox, and (2) I'm the one who checks the mail daily - she can't look through or open my mail.

She doesn't understand why I'm "doing this". I've told her - because my stuff is not safe here, because I don't trust her, and I'm sick and tired of her control. I wanted to go to college "not while you live here". I wanted to take Real Estate training here years ago: "Not while you live here".

I'm taking Real Estate training for another state. I know if I stay anywhere near her, I will be doing her shopping, etc., still.

I've gotta go through the other closet today, remove the rest of my clothes. Jackets are packed up and stored. By the end of today, she will have her other closets available with none of my stuff. I've even packed up many of my clothes, leaving minimal.

Good points, however I'm staying with the mail move since once you are gone you'll have no choice but to go there to get anything that didn't get changed on time. And of course open yourself up to new abuses. You'll get the "you've abandoned me" routine. It doesn't have to be a right this second kinda thing but I'm thinking it would suck to have your RE license go there and get tossed out. Any way your call not trying to push. Oh my stock answer for why is I am an adult. I Choose to live elsewere. or whatever fits the circumstances. No further explanation needed.

Thank you. I did not think of that. :)

It's frustrating.....I tried so hard to the do the right thing.

Like the song goes: I tried so hard, and got so far, In the end, it doesn't even matter.

We're arguing daily now. I'm so tired of it.

Got a list going of what next to pack and move. What to see if my b/f can stash a few things in his basement (CD's, video tapes, games). 

Prolly a good plan. I dunno if theres a freecycle near you but thats a good way of getting rid of stuff that you don't use or don't want. freecycle.org Unfortunately she'll up the ante the closer you get to going. trying to "convience" you by guilting you into staying. don't buy it. You don't have to be responsible to anyone but yourself. she is an adult and has made adult choices and continues to do so. Ok we accept that things aren't what they used to be, but none the less, If she has enough cognition to up the ante and guilt you in to things, then she as a grasp on the fact that she does it Stick with your plans

Yeah, there is a freecycle here. And Salvation Army.

I figure....I have spent half my life doing what everyone else wanted me to do. It's my fault for allowing my life to be dictated. But....at this point....no more. It is time to live my life the way I want to.....

You are totally and absolutely right! Good on ya! Stay with the plans you have. Sometimes the road's not easy but the freedom is worth it.

The latest update: More information requested for my Florida Real Estate License, so now it looks like mid-November.

In the meantime, still packing. And my packing comes first. I no longer care if the shrubs get taken care of.

Of course, she is still "I'm Sorry" and "I don't want you to move". Well, when for years I've heard I am a burden, not wanted, in the way....she's just getting her wish now.

I'm glad you're sticking with it.freedom is only a fw weeks away don't give up now.

I'm not giving up at all. I won't even live within an hour of her because I will not continue to live like this. We argued again yesterday as I was packing up stuff...."I'm sorry", "I shouldn't have done it...I just wanted your stuff out of the spare room".

I looked around last month when I was packing: She has 6 sets of sheets still in original packaging. She has stuff in the spare bedroom closet, she has 2 full dressers full of towels, bathmats, etc. 2 dressers in her room, plus her closet, plus the hall closet.

Now she glares at me if I put anything in the frig or the pantry.

On the goodside....my b/f had extra unused packing boxes from when he moved and gave them to me. Got some wine boxes from my former boss. And WalMart has storage totes on clearance :)

Her reasons for anger today: - Her milk gave her diarrhea (sell by 9/23...today is 9/11) - I got a quote for a second storage unit, Climate Controlled for my cooking mags, musical equipment (She SWEARS she will not get rid of them). - My moving (I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, but your shit was in the way). - I don't know how I will live without you, you do so much for me. (BINGO! Should have though of that before!)

You are soooo right! well she lived before you he'll live after you too

The latest update:

My license application goes before the board on 10/21.

So hopefully....mid-November and I'm gone, gone, gone.

She's still in the "I don't want you to leave" mode. Oh well. It's still weekly arguments over anything and everything.

It's been the usual Soap Opera here. The usual arguments over anything and everything. Atleast today has been the most peaceful Monday in a while (then again, I'm playing Mafia Wars, so I can just vent by killing mobsters.).

Oh yeah...and she ruined her hallway carpeting. Spilled toiletbowl cleaner on it (holy smokes, that stuff is corrosive!!!! It literally ate that patch of carpet!). Had that been me, I would have been given less than 12 hours to pack and leave. Used to be if you spilled any little thing, she would not speak to you for 3 days. Now she's "Oh, now I realize people can have accidents". 89 and you have now just figured this out?

That said: Suggestion needed: She has a Clorox mop thingy for the floors. She has a walker. From Hallway to Bathroom is 5 feet, but effort for her (or another ploy). Any suggestions on how to get the mop from one room to another without putting it down on the carpet? Thanks!

And just when you think you may have a few days to relax.....HA.

Came home from upnorth. To find a mouse in my room. Of course, that created drama. Got a second one.

Since they were in a small vicinity, I suggest (and mom agreed)....maybe the hole where the cable comes in? Granny insists no. 5 guys on Facebook say I am likely right. B/F comes over...sure enough....we have a large gap on the skirting there....and a big hole where the cable comes in. Patched that up and we've gone 1 mouse free night.

I hate that Granny could not believe me on that.

Next up: Granny needs a prescription for a new walker. Her Doctor calls, leaves message, pres is ready, pick it up at the front desk.

I tell Granny it is ready, will pick up after I do the gym. It's right across the street. Nope...Granny thinks I have no idea where to pick up a piece of paper at. That was my docs office til I switched docs. It's not a big town, nor a big office.

Now my mom is mad, because I said...hey since Granny doesn't trust me, you go pick it up (she is the one who ordered it).