Mother, age 76 with early to mid dementia made worse by wine consumption. Behavior goes from depression (weepy, sad) to semi-violent aggression - shouting, yelling, cursing, out-of-control.
Lots of lies, believes stories she makes up.
She just lost her husband of over 40 years a few weeks ago, right after the driver’s license & keys, followed by loss of financial independence – checkbook, credit cards.
Unable to take meds for depression due to drinking.
Takes Namenda, was taking Aricept, but will have to stop due to cost and cannot afford both.
She has acute migraines, never wants to leave the house and makes up excuses even though so many people invite her to church, counsel meetings, the Y, to lunch, class meetings, etc. Just stays home, gets drunk and cries or rages.
Walks to drug store approx 1 and 1/2 miles one-way from her house, through questionable territory to get wine, sometimes on a daily basis. Neighbors sometimes stop to pick her up, sometimes she knows them, sometimes not so well. Her
Basic health is good for now, except for the dementia and spiraling effect of the wine.
Cannot afford assisted living so we're looking for inexpensive early evening help for companionship, if you know of any in Southeast GA.
My sisters are handling her personal care and financial duties, but are frustrated and at their wits end and not financially able to quit their jobs - and it's only just really begun.
When not drinking, Mother is forgetful - which is okay – but mostly lucid and you’d never know what’s really going on. But only after one drink she becomes totally incapable of rational behavior and is either in a stupor or ranting within a short time.
I'm 10 hours away and can only offer support via calls, emails, cards and knowledge gathered from support groups and online communities. Comments on any or all of these subjects are appreciated. What’s left of her dignity is at stake.
Hi rabbit,
I'm no expert, but it sure sounds like your mom has an alcohol addiction. Have you or your family in the area looked at treatment options for her? Consistent drinking coupled with prescription meds can't be good and probably worsens her condition.
Do your mom's doctors know how much she drinks? This may be something you can discuss with them over the phone.
Had the same problem with my 89 year old mother-in-law. Problem was that she forgot how many glasses of wine she had every evening. Solved the problem totally by capturing empty bottles, mixing half pomegranite juice and half wine in refilling (easing off to avoid DT's) and after a month or so switching to alcohol removed wine (FRE (Available at Safeway ot on the internet). We do mark out the part of the label that says ALCOHOL REMOVED with a marking pen. Have had a return to Moms sweet self now for over 7 months.
Thank you for your suggestion, which would work if she was a little more non- attentive, but my mother is only 76 and if she doesn't get the alcohol fix, will walk to the store to get it....over a mile away - and has even recently started lying to her friend to take her to the store where she'll stock up on at least 3 huge bottles at a time. Three days later, she's out! She's much too sharp about the wine...which seems to be the only thing she cares about.
WE finally got the doctors on our side and they intervened and talked her into going for a "medical evaluation" - to evaluatie the medicines she is taking because they think some may be affecting the others....etc. She bought it and is at a medical facility - hopefully to get the help she needs so badly. WE'll see. She thought she was going for 3 days, but it'll actually be 2 weeks. And they WILL be evaluating her condition...her total condition. Our prayers are non-stop that she'll truly dry out and realize that life is worth living.
Thank you all again for your support. My sister has done an excellent job of managing the drs, lawyers, drug stores, friends, etc. to make this happen. God bless her. Time will tell if this will work...for a while.
I am so sorry for the stress you are under with this situation. Your Mom is obviously suffering and looking for "self medication" for her situation. It seems that so many elderly turn to alcohol as a relief from the loneliness that they are feeling.
I so understand the struggle of confronting someone in this situation and the responsibility and guilt that you feel. In my situation, I did the best that I could to convince my family member of his need for help, but was left to wait until a crisis to finally intervene. It does seem to me that your Mom would be better in a group home in which she could have friends and channel her emotional needs to something other than a bottle.
All my best to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
daxelson, I loved the idea of switching off one thing for another. My husbands drink is beer. He drinks, passes out and unfortunately does this when I'm gone at work. The day provider I have coming in can't do "everything". But I think I'll be trying this tomorrow, switching to something else in the same color. If his taste buds weren't already "off" I don't know about it working, but it's sure worth the try. He also walks a couple of miles one way to get his beer. Luckily beer comes in bottles as well.
I don't want to sound negative - but I'm afraid that the two weeks will probably not help...I have just gone through this with my mother who is an alcoholic (and has been for decades although according to her, she has no problem!). She is 77 and sounds like a twin to your mom. She broke her hip and was in the hospital for 6 weeks. During that time, no alcohol or tobacco. Was treated for the DTs but still maintains that she had no alcohol problem. When she came out, we were hopeful that she would stay clean because she was on a walker and very shaky and she said that she wasn't going to even have a beer until she was more "stable" and off the walker.
A week later, she was drinking again.
And now, just like your mom, she will again do anything, lie to anyone she has to so that she can get her beer and wine. She has fallen about 8 times that we know of, broken two ribs, has multiple bruises and abrasions, has called 911 twice to take her to the ER after falling and then refused treatment when she gets there.
I am beside myself with not knowing what to do about any of it. As far as I can tell, drying out won't make a bit of difference if the person doesn't want to dry out. The only thing that would make a difference for us at this point is having her committed to a home where she couldn't get alcohol. But she is still in the beginning stages of dementia and I'm sure would be very unhappy in a care situation, even if it was just assisted living. We are playing it by ear at this point.
And - the doctors are no help. Not one of them seems willing to take on the issue of her drinking with her.
Anyway - good luck and you have my total understanding and sympathy for all you are going through. I truly hope that your outcome will be better than ours has been.
L
Dear IMS,
If your mother is beginning dementia and drinking like you say, I've seen for myself how hard and fast the dementia accelerates. My mother has been in eval for 3 days and the nurses say that now she's hallucinating at night and will probably be prescribed assisted (institutional) living. I had no idea how bad the brain was eaten up but this last binge did it and the depression over the loss of her husband evidently did it.
It still amazes me how lucid she is in the mornings. We're at the mercy of the docs at this point, no matter what she wants. If you have the opportunity to really get a doctor to vouch for you and get her evaluated in a facility, at least she'll be safe. Good luck to you and thank you so much for letting us know we're not alone with this type of dementia & self-abuse.
As sad as it is, I'm glad I'm able to relate to the past few posts. I was feeling so stressed and frustrated. My husband is in the early stages, but the alcohol has definitely accelerated his symptoms. Like night and day. I feel like the medications are worthless when he's been able to get his drink. My son had the idea of switching to a non alcoholic beer, which for some reason didn't even occur to me. I don't think this will work long term. But all I'm hoping for is that it could buy me alittle time until I can get him a new evaluation and hopefully housing. Unfortunately being only 54 he can get threatening and the alcohol doesn't help. Besides doing the loving thing, I'm trying to do the smart thing too.
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