Losing it?

Hi Anonymous,   Vent away!   Wow, but you have had a lot on your plate.  Don't take the co-workers personally.  They probably can't deal with their own emotions, guilt, fear, etc. - to do so would be too painful for them. 

someone once said to me  

'hearts are meant for breaking-  its how they stretch and grow'. 

But the process is soooo painful.  Recently I came across this excerpt from a poem by Rilke.  I'd heard it some years ago, but I found it so helpful.  Maybe you will too. 

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.

you can do it!

It's so difficult when your family and work collide like they often do in care giving situations.  There are some who are just really good at separating business and personal lives.  Unfortunately, when you're sleep deprived and completely spent from either one of those, the other suffers.  I'm so sorry they're lacking compassion for you. 

Is there any way you can do a portion of your job from home?  That would allow you some scheduling flexibility, and the ability to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak...even though I'm not really into harming birds.    You could work a bit while your mom is resting and still give your work your best effort without having to actually be there.

Oh, Anonymous, I'm so sorry! People can get wrapped up in their own fears and responsibilities to give much care to someone else's.

What it sounds like to me is that you need assistance in caring for your mother so that you can work. Have you checked with the senior services in your area as to what options are available to both you and her? You need a break - I'm so worried that you will crash and burn so  hard that it will be hard to help her well yourself. Please check into some assistance and see what relief you can find. Here's a link to the Local resource finder on the site here: http://www.caring.com/local

Best, and please, please do come to us and vent when you need to. :)

Hi Anonymous,

Please hang in there!  This is a good place to vent and share, which you will find very helpful.  I and my husband are caregivers for his very frail 88 yr. old mom that we took in to our home 3 years ago.  It has been a tough 3 years!  But at least my boss and colleagues are supportive, which makes a big difference!  Check in to your Mom's finances to see if she is elgible for any assistance and there may be some volunteer services that can assist you, depending on where you live.  I was lucky to find a local caregiver's support group and we meet about every 2-4 weeks.  I've been part of that group for over a year and it has been very helpful...plus it's free!  Because MIL (mother-in-law) makes a tad over our state's amount, we do have to pay out of pocket for a part time caregiver that helps 8 hours a week, but it is one less shower that I have to do and much less laundry, so for me it is worth it.   Sometimes I feel like crying or screaming, but you have to take care of yourself and know when you can walk away or take "me time" for yourself.  So, this site will be good for you and look for a local support group also...it made me feel less "alone" and I have learned so much from the other ladies in my small group.  If your mom can afford help, hire a caregiver to take some of the burden off you.  We can't afford to pay for a lot of hours, because it is costly, but it is worth it to me.  Does your mom live on her own?  Try not to take her in to live with you, unless there are absolutely no other options...our lives have been totally changed and not for the better, sorry to say.  I don't know if I helped any, but know that your are being a good daughter and you will have good karma coming to you!  Watch out for yourself...you must be healthy in body and mind to be a good caregiver.  Does your company offer EAP, the free 5 visits, confidential counseling referral service?  If so, jump on it!  Can you talk to HR about your Boss or will it make things worse?  Can you ask around at church or in your neighborhood to see if there might be someone else in a similar situation, that could meet you for coffee, once in awhile?  Feel free to vent to us on this site...there are some wonderful caregivers out there that you can learn from.  We share ideas...what works and where helpful resources are, plus you can vent to others that really understand what you are going through.  Take care of yourself!!

 Anonymous, 

Is there any way that you can see someone? Whether it be a therapist, a counselor, priest, or other religious/psychological figure, It might help to talk to someone (someone who is completely unbiased, or at least on your side) about problems such as the ones you are having. I cannot imagine the pain you have been feeling lately, and I hope you can find strength to overcome it. Talk to someone, whomever you feel close to or that you can trust. I have struggled with breakdowns (for completely different situations) for a long time now, and I am finally reaching the point that I'm going to try and do something about it, and honestly, if you feel up to it, or feel ready to, some type of outlet or therapy might help. While therapy has yet to work for me, I am optimistic and am going to keep trying. This site is a great place for that, but maybe find some type of human contact to help in dealing with this rough hand that life has dealt. And just remember, "If you're going through hell, keep going."  

 hi. . .i know i am a bit out of my range here because i am a bit younger, and i realize something i say might not be taken serious  due to my age. how ever , the best you can ever remember is your not alone i care for my 90year old grandfather, and also cared for my dad who i lost less then a year ago to liver cancer.i stood by my mom and aunt, and even my grandpa when they had cancer, its a very painful thing to help so much yet  feel so helpless, and i know it hurts even more to not have the time to take care of yourself. Everyone has bad days but we have it worse when other people worry about getting their coffee right we worry about giving baths, hopeing our names are remembered, worrying if tempers are going to be out of control, if food is going to be ate, making the meals cleaning the home, handing alllll the meds over. And i am in the same spot you are with people just down right not seeming to care or thinking its not as hard we make it seem and being negative people in the office but it hurts more when family  has doubt. you want to scream, you cry at least 3 times a week and thats if all goes well, you just wont to lay down and stop but you cant its a 24hr job we do out of love. your not alone i'll be glad to talk if you would like i am at my brakeing point, and could use a good talk as well. . .but i'll give you a tip i write notes and stick them everywhere with little saying that help me feel better and i tell myself this when im haveing a horrible day;

god gave us pain to let us know how much people mean to us, lets us know what true love is what is worth fighting for dying for and living for. and for me i live for  the days when i get a smile and an " i love you' its worth going threw all this pain if i get those moments. find your moments their there and no one, no one, will have those happy moments but you live off those they get you threw the day nothing else

hope i helped a lil, GOODLUCK!!!!

Cole. . .