Just a little venting

1) I don't know. it depends on what your grandma's priorities are, and how frequently you're with her. If she's ever alone, go with whatever variation of "I need to be able to reach you" you think will work. The family guilt version ("I'm so worried when I can't reach you"), the friends guilt version ("What if your friends were trying to reach you about something important?"), the public guilt version ("If I couldn't reach you, I would think something awful happened. You don't want the rescue people wasting their time because I was afriad you'd fallen, do you?"), the embarrassment version ("If I couldn't reach you, I would think something awful happened. Wouldn't you feel silly if the police came because you left your phone alone?"), etc.

2) Knowing what I do about your loved one (which is nothing), I think I'd need more information before I could give you a helpful answer. Though, various versions of the above might help (for example "If you weren't wearing the necklace, so I'd know if something was wrong, I'd worry any time I called and you didn't answer the phone.")

3)  Again, I don't know the person you're talking about, but you can always try the guilt tactic: "Granny, I'm so worried about your feet. What if there's something really wrong? Oh, Granny, I just couldn't stand it if anything happened to you!" With luck, she'll eventually go to the doctor because she doesn't want you to worry (whether or not she thinks your worry is reasonable is irrelevant).

4) a) Yes, banging your head against a wall can be theraputic; however, it is IMPERETIVE that you tape, tie, or otherwise affix a pillow or thickly-folded blanket against the wall BEFORE you begin banging. :-) b) I don't know why she can't make your life easier, because I don't know anything about her. But--hopefully; there are people in this world who are just generally awful--I would doubt that whatever she's doing to drive you crazy, she's doing for that reason. (Heh. That there is something I have to keep reminding myself: "My grandmother's not TRYING to drive me crazy. It's just an unfortunate side-effect of her behavior.")

Thanks for the laugh, #4 was funny :) 

She's 88. Stubborn.

Aside from playing her secretary and answering the phone most of the time....thing is, most of the calls are for her. I have to answer the phone no matter what I'm doing. While she just sits there because she doesn't have the portable with her. 

I have tried talking to her until I am blue in the face. Two years ago when she was able to get outside the house, she fell, but was able to get up. She hasn't left the house since last summer. Not even onto the porch.

As for her feet....mom is coming out Tomorrow or Wednesday.....hopefully she can convince her to make a doctor appointment. (I'm just the dumb little grandchild......)

She doesn't have friends (she's always been a loner/antisocial), so there is no one else to check on her. Except my mom who lives 45 minutes away and calls or doesn't call.

I'm between the gym, the store, running her errands, and job hunting. She is active enough indoors to clean, Clean, CLEAN everything. She does use a walker sometimes, and the rest she holds onto the walls and furniture to walk. 

I don't know why my old post is there four times. Oh well.

Update: Mom saw Granny's feet. She finally went to the doctor. She is now on water pills to reduce the swelling. Also found out that her blood pressure is high (she always had low b.p. in the past). So she has another check-up next month. She's using the walker more now since the water pill can cause dizziness.

I managed to locate an old Fanny Pack, so the past few days she has been carrying the phone around in that. Still refuses a MedAlert necklace though.

Odd that your old post was there four times, Dolphin.  I just deleted three of them.  Don't be alarmed if you get three emails alerting you to that!  It was just me tidying things up!

Thanks so much for the update on your Granny.  Bummer about her blood pressure, but I'm glad she's got some treatment for it and her swollen feet.  How is she doing with the walker?  Think it's given her more or less confidence in moving around?  And that's good news that the fanny pack is working well!

DophinsCry, you're such a helper here in our community, I couldn't not write to say something encouraging. A friend dropped off some chocolate this morning and I'm finding they're making everything better for me today. Wish I could share some - I think they're better than a head bang.

Thanks for the update/great news on fanny pack and going to doctor for her feet.

Two things (and I could be totally off-base here since I don't know you or your grandmum well):

1. Think it's worth asking grandma why she won't wear the necklace? Does she have fashion, pride, practical concerns? Think that not wearing it around her neck, but having it in the fanny pack could work?

2. Are you sure when you talk about it that she needs to wear the necklace now? Do you have certainty in your voice when you talk to her, simply, respectfully, but resolvedly?

All the best to you and thanks so much for all the support you give to other caregivers.

Hi Missy and Kirby,

Thanks for the nice words.

She still says "absolutely not" to the Med Alert Necklace. I think it's pride. Atleast she has adapted to the walker (finally) and is using it more and more.

When I do talk to her about things, I do it in a respectful manner. I would feel better about her having an alert necklace, especially when I find a job. The fanny pack with the phone is atleast a compromise.

I think the next time I bring up the necklace, I'll remind her about the two times Gramps fell. The first time, I was able to get him up, but had to take him to Urgent Scare for stitches. The second time, we had to call my mom's then-boyfriend to come help get him up. "Granny, I worry that while I'm at work, what happens if you fall? I wouldn't want you to lay there all day.....".

While I'm not old, in some ways I can relate. I was in a car accident two years ago and have a permanent back injury. The limitations definitely drive me nuts.

DolphinsCry,

Thanks for the update. I was wondering how things were going with Granny.

And, I know about limitations too. Although, I think the reason I'll be a terribly difficult granny will have to do with my fear of being reduced to normal, average, same.

We all have our own things. I'd need to make the necklace more unique, more mine.

Granny's luck to have you - sounds like you're great at taking a step back to notice what's going on, being flexible, crafty and respectful when you approach her.

Best to you.