If you could turn back time, what changes would you make?

I would have been more insistant that we get caregivers in place for my grandmother sooner. Not so much because she needed them then--even though she did, just not enough to make it, like, mandatory--but because if we'd gotten them in place a year or two ago, she would have accepted the explaination/bribe that they could drive her places she couldn't go on her own, and help her cook and bake the way she wanted to, and stuff like that, and she would have been used to them by the time it got really bad. Instead, we (no, my mom and uncle; I tried, and thus disavow all responsibility here) waited and hesitated and procrastinated and all, until a) it became urgent, which meant we didn't have as many options as we would have otherwise, and b) my grandmother was far gone enough dementia-wise that she just hated all the aides, and the very idea of them, because she couldn't be reasoned with and was stubborn/contrary/I-don't-know-what-the-clinical-term-is to boot.

 I would have not been so shy about discussing everything -- power of attorney, healthcare proxy and all the rest. Why do we act like children again when it comes to our parents?

I would get online banking sooner, to arrange automatic payment of all bills and check on any unusual payments. This would have avoided unpaid rent hassles and late paid credit card fees and charges of several hundred dollars.

I can honestly say that I did many things well, and my father's health was good at the beginning, so we were able to set up things correctly, and it went smoothly for us.

I think the only thing I would have changed would have been to take the time and spend more quiet time with my mother.  I experienced amazing times with her, filled with laughter and sorrow, but mostly with love.  I would spend more quality time and just feel her beside me or in my arms.

I have been taking care of my grandparents for a little over a year now, and three weeks ago, I moved in with them.  I deeply appreciate the advice I am getting, the online banking, time spent, etc., because this is a very hard job. I had to give up my home, my two older children moved in, both divorced, with two of my grandsons. My sixteen year old son and I moved in with my grandparents. It has been quite a sacrifice. I am 52 years old and lived on my own since I was eighteen. Right now, I am feeling lost, without a home, and trying to figure out how to make this work. My grandmother suffers from dementia, and can get quite mean, especially because of all that she can't do anymore. It seems she gets mad at me because I can still do the things she can't. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. I love this website, it has been such an awesome help to me. I know it sounds like I'm concentrating on me and mine, and I guess I am. But believe me, late at night, or when I'm alone, I cry over the grandmother I no longer have, and what it must be doing to my grandfather to watch his wife disappear. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. My husband died 4 years ago at 48 years old. I would rather him die the way he did, in his sleep, cause unknown, than to watch him die this kind of death. Thanks so much for the listening ear and all the advice and suggestions.

I went into caregiving learning by the seat of my pants.   Fortunately, I have been working with some knowledgable people, so my mother hasn't suffered too much because of my ignorence   (she is now 94).  

What I would do differently is this...

. I would make a plan to take care of my own health and fitness and stick to it. 

  I would think in terms of how to manage for 10 years or more.   It really doesn't matter how well you prepare, there will always be something you shoulda known (done) yesterday.  Resolve to be kind to yourself and never beat yourself up.   Understand that docs and nurses are sometimes overworked and will not pay proper attention to your loved one unless they know that your LO has an advocate (you).    Ask questions, but don't expect them to give you a medical degree.   

For shou2,  Is your grandmother on an anti-depressent?   It may be time to discuss this with her doctor.