All the time! I was on that other thread discussing parents not wanting alert systems or walkers or therapy or caregivers or incontinance garments etc. I know the stess it has all caused me and I keep telling my kids that if they are ever caring for me just to say "Mom - you are being unreasonable!" and not worry about my feelings. But we never know until we are there - do we? I get so frustrated at the fact that I now need reading glasses and often have to ask my kids to read something to me when I don't have glasses nearby. Who knows how frustrated I will get if I can't walk. I like to think I will be more sensible and considerate of my kids by not putting them through what I have gone through. But when my mother first had her stroke and was helpless in bed I told my husband when I got home I was going to use the elliptical daily and only eat broccoli so that I would not have the high blood pressure and cholesterol and diabetes that caused her problems. And yet - with the added stress in my life I spend WAY more time with chocolate than I do with the elliptical and have gone up two pant sizes. Easier said than done I guess.

I was in a car accident 2.5 years ago. Wore a back brace. Permanent lifting restriction.

That has meant nothing to my family. I was already self-sufficient, and I had to be even more so after the accident as I was the most able-bodied.

I also put the most effort into my care. I work out regularly. Even while wearing a backbrace, I was doing my grandmothers grocery shopping, and having to arrange transportation to do so. I even bought a cart like Seniors use, would have myself droppped off at Kohl's, then walk to Walmart and Meijer. I was asking my doctors for exercises before I even started physical therapy.

Sure, I'm younger. But...the point is: If you can't take the time to take care of yourself, how can you expect others to take care of you?

My grandmother....she was given a prescription for Physical Therapy for the arthritis in her knees. She refused it. Now she's in constant pain and complaining.

Youngone,

I hear you on the broccoli and exercise, though I do eat broccoli, I eat a lot of sugary "comfort foods".

goodMorning. . .I vow when I get older I will. . .

"Never say never", none of us know how we would react to any situation until "we have walked in those shoes" (it has happened to us).

It is easy to say I wouldn't, looking in from the outside or when we aren't in the same boat.

My mother being very independent, didn't want to be in a wheelchair; didn't want to use her walker or cane; wanted to be "the way she used to be".

It was difficult for us watching, worried she would fall, (she was always trying to do everything by herself. Thinking back, I'm glad she didn't give up but kept trying, it was a huge lesson for me.

I can't even imagine going through what my mother did (strokes & dementia) and struggled for many years.

Today, if I if it happened to me, I feel I would react just like mom did, I'd be stubborn, I would get depressed. . .who wouldn't and I would want it to be like it used to be. I hope and I pray I wouldn't just give up.

Keep active as long as you can, exercise your body and mind. . .it is the only have one. karen http://www.memoryjoggingpuzzles.com

I know from my own experience that we CAN deliver on our promise not to cause our children unnecessary stress and hardship in the future. My mother-in-law made this promise twenty years ago and is delivering on it.

My mother-in-law Molly had a very hard time with her aging mother because of dimentia and other health problems. She resolved she would not do that to her children. When she was seventy she moved to a senior community that provides continuum of care from independent living through nursing care. She lived independently for seventeen years and loved it. She travelled, took courses at the nearby college, made new friends and was visited often by her children. (She purposely picked a community that was a few hours from her children so they would not feel obliged to visit all of the time - that is one decision I regret.)

This past summer Molly had a minor stroke and had to move into assisted living in the same community. She also has increasing memory problems. Because she is in the same community, there have been few changes in her support system of friends and medical support. We visit more often now, but we are sure she is getting good care and is safe. She is very content in assisted living - says that is why she picked the community in the first place.

Perhaps my mother-in-law's biggest contribution to her children is her attitude toward life. Molly was always very independent and proud of her ability to manage and control her finances. She recognized two years ago, though, that she was getting sloppy with her records and called and asked my husband to take her finances over for her. She can't travel to European cathedrals any more, but she is taking a course nearby on them and reads about them. She is very engaged in any health decisions (she was a medical researcher), but lets me play a stronger and stronger role with her doctors and nurses because she knows her memory is unreliable. She insists on, and works on, living in the present and letting go of the past. She recognizes and lives with what her capabilities are today, rather than what she'd like them to be. This means we aren't fighting her and worrying unnecessarily about her. We spend our time and energy giving her love and support.

So, when I look to my future and how I can make it easier for others to support me, a big lesson for me is to get in the habit today of being truthful and facing up to what IS true about me and my capabilities. Work with what is and not how I remember me.

I turn sixty in two months. Okay, I need reading glasses and I grouse about the inconvenience of it. Realistically, I can get three cheap pairs of reading glasses at the drugstore so that one, usually, is within easy reach. My memory is changing. For now, carrying a small notebook in my purse to jot down 'to do's' and notes seems to be enough to compensate. I know I shouldn't climb ladders anymore without someone else around, and I, usually, don't. What else is there that I'm not seeing yet? Molly is a great incentive to me to keep looking.

I am a national elder care expert. As I speak across the country, I hear Boomers panicked that they will not have learned anything while caring for their aging parents. In my book "Stuck in the Middle...shared stories and tips for caregiving your elderly parents" I suggest writing a letter to your kids, sign it, and having it notarized. I have a whole list in the back of my book of the things I have promised to my kids. It will be interesting if this technique really does work when I am 85!