I think my MIL needs a psych eval

Greetings!

I live with my MIL, and she's also um...difficult. She has COPD and possible early dementia, and it's like having a petulant teenager. God forbid you ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, and can't catch a hint to save her life. Sublety doesn't work with her, and if you're blunt, she gets mad because you're yelling at her. (Even if you're singing it with rainbows and unicorns surrounding you.)She behaves around her doctors, or anyone who can do anything about it. She also wasn't taking her meds.

I'd recommend you and your brother in law or other concerned family make an appointment to talk to the doctor without her. Express your concerns and tell him that the behavior is causing problems with her care, and causing her to skip her lifesaving medications. Don't make it about your needs, make sure you frame it to be about her needs.

It's what we had to do. I wrote the doctor a letter and then spoke to him. I explained that her mood and poor attitude was pushing any caregivers away, and that she was not taking medications properly. He put her on something to even her out and she's been a lot better. Not completely, but enough that my husband and I can take care of her without dealing with the stress of her attitude problems.

We hated having to do that, but as her caregivers, we needed to do something to ensure that she participated in her own care as much as possible and didn't decide to skip her meds because she was feeling pissy that day.

Oh I am encouraged that there is an answer to this madness! Yes I think that is exactly what we need to do. Thanks so much for your reply. My only problem is, what if she won't take the "happy pills"?

She is 86. Both she and her husband (80) live with us. He has Alzheimer's. He's very easy to take care of even though he can be irritating because he repeats himself all the time and it's like Ground Hog Day every day. But it's her attitude that's bad. Right now she's "determined to move out..." She has no place to go. She has gotten them in a rut (she's a shopaholic, cares more about her clothes & how she looks, etc). She forgot how to fix her hair and blamed the hairdressers (2 different ones so far) for her hair looking the way it is. In the span of 2 weeks, she has permed, un-permed, dyed, AND re-permed her hair and it's cost her about over $270!!! I take care of their bills and she blamed me for not having enough money!

Last week she had a meltdown and started to get physical with me. So far she's been combative with every family member she's lived with. There is nowhere else for her to go; she's running out of options.

I could go on and on but I'd better stop. Anyway.. I will call/write the Dr. about this. Hopefully he'll have some good advice.

I hear you. MIL has burned, no, nuked, every bridge she has and we are her last resort. Her attitude was too much for everyone else. MIL occasionally threatens to move out. Hubby's answer by the way is: go ahead. (She does this when she doesn't get her way.) She'll go through her phone list and call her other son and all her relatives, try to invite herself to live with them, then calm down once she gets rebuffed by the entire lot. (They're used to this too.)She's not physically combative in any way, but she's mentally combative.

As for if she won't take her meds, that is a problem. You can't make her, but you can give her consequences. All of you need to sit her down and explain her situation, that she may not realize it, but her crappy attitude is making it difficult to care for her. She may not notice, but it's there. These pills the doctor gave her will help her feel better so she can have lots of good days with you and hubby. I don't know how lucid Dad is, but if he's lucid enough, get him to encourage her too.

It sounds harsh, but tell her if she doesn't take them, it's becoming too difficult to deal with her emotional needs and Dad's Alzheimers, maybe he or she needs to go to a home as you won't be able to deal with it.

I had a similar experience a couple of years back and it is very difficult to get them help because they are adults. As the law says they can act as "crazy" and just about any other behavior they want and they can not interfer because they are adults and can make their decisions. The greatest argument for me was how can a person who doesn't know what they are doing make informed consent. Lucky, you can help them still, see a therapist; one you can trust and who when you meet shows a TRUE interest in helping you and your loved one on your own share your concerns. Your husband or a sibling can become a treatment guardian for her (this will help them in control of her mental health and you decide what medications and dosages are best for her) You may have to go to a court hearing and tell them her behavior and why you think she may be a danger to herself. There are guidelines that you must follow and guidelines that the judge must make sure your mother-in-law meets prior to assigning a treatment guardian, but trust me it makes all the difference in getting someone you love help.

Also you can go to NAMI(National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) for help and questions. They have treatment guardians and support groups all over the USA.

GOOD LUCK, KEEP YOUR FAITH & GOD BLESS!!!