Husband acuses me of having an affair...dementia?

Oh no! I'm so sorry you're going through this. I haven't been in this situation, but I want to encourage you to talk to the doctor, even if your husband won't. Perhaps the two of you can figure out a way to get him to come in that would make him feel comfortable. I'll be thinking about you!

You see I did send a note to the Dr. and he did not order any tests. Maybe the Dr. mentioned to my husband that he may need some tests on the next visit in 6 months...but I am not sure what for, as he does have some heart disease. So the tests may be for that. I will have to wait till May to see. It is just scary thinking about how my husband is thinking. There is absolutely no reason to think the way he is reasoning. Just does not make sense. Not even the early sign of Alzheimers...but a later sign. I am just upset and wish this could be explained. He thinks his thoughts are true and is adament about his strong mind...when I know his whole personality is different from just a few years ago.

I guess that's what I'm saying...don't let the doctor push you off for six months. That's a long time and it's YOU that's living with the accusation. It's easy for the doc to say "oh we'll evaluate next time". If you're not happy with that delay, maybe consider seeing another doctor. hugs Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm anxious to hear if anyone else has some good advice.

You cannot just tell your husband to go to another Dr. Especially when he thinks he is perfectly sharp as can be.... His Dr. should have done more on his last visit...but maybe my husband said he did not want any tests at that time...I do not know.....denial???

My father did the same thing, to a point of getting violent with my mother over the supposed affair (they were 79). It was apparent my father was having mental problems. The family doctor ignored my mother's complaints. I saw that my father was very good at appearing "normal" while at the doctor and my mother was the one very upset, leaving the doctor to treat my mom for depression rather than my father's dementia which was later diagnosed as Alzheimer's disease.

Eventually I got involved (daughter) with the doctor (phone calls). And eventually my father got bad enough to start showing the doctor what was going on. That said, when the doctor tried to treat my dad with medication (anti depressants and something for the aggresive behavior) my father refused to take it. He did take the Aricept which didn't stop the abuse toward my mother.

Later I realized that my parents needed someone else involved in asking what tests were done and why (that ended up being me). Also Medicare would have paid for geratric phsyciatric evaulation which may have speeded up the Alzheimer's diagnosis. In the end my father got so violent with my mom the police were called and he was put in a nursing home. He was also physically ill by then.

What may be of help along with dicussions with your doctor and diagnosis of your husband, is more support for you. Seek out a support group or help in understanding your husbands behavior.

I agree with previous advice. Changes in mental behavior could be from many kinds of physical illnesses, as well as mental that may be treatable. If tests are not run and proper evaluation, then change doctors. Go to one that treats geratric patients and is used to seeing these types of behaviors.

Good Luck. It is not an easy thing to deal with.

I can't change his Dr. he does not think anything is wrong with him. He has not mentioned anything again. He is not violent or I would have to do something more. I am just going to wait till May when he has his next appt. and see what tests the Dr. has planned for him. I have neighbors for support...but cannot go anywhere else for it. He would think I was having the affair each time I went. And if I took him with me , he would think I am the one who is mentally off. It is a real problem...but I am hoping he gets his exam in May and they might tell him he is getting dementia. He really is in denial at this point. However he might believe his Dr. if the Dr. can actually diagnose anything at this point. That remains to be found out. I notice the personality changes, etc. but others do not really notice too much. I am hoping he does not get like your dad...ever. His mother had alzheimers but she was good spirited and funny. My husband also thinks someone has taken some of his boxes he had in storage (we are talking garage sale stuff) and he has gotten very upset about the missing "stuff". I am at a loss to what he is talking about. I do remember his mother always saying almost the same thing...over & over again. I did tell him that he sounded like his mother...and he has not mentioned the missing boxes since then. I am sure it will come up again. I know this is not very nice...but I almost wish he would get worse so that the Dr. could tell that he is mentally not thinking right & then let us know if it is mental illness or dementia or alzheimers. Time will tell. Is you father still alive? Living in the nursing home? My husband is so physically fit and does eat right, so it just seems strange that his mind is not thinking right. He always goes with me everywhere. He never used to...but it is like he is a puppy these days. Sorry to ramble...this is my outlet!

Oh yes, been in those shoes of yours myself. It made me feel like picking up my purse and running out the door. My husband's mental problems were the result of being OVER medicated. The doc's kept giving him a pill for everything he complained about. This became what they called "Drug induced Dementia". We changed doctors and his new doc has taken him off all narcotic and anti-depressants (after YEARS) of treatment. He is so much more calm now. Although, he does have his days, when he makes those type of statements like, "So, when I was in the hospital, I hope you had a good time bar hopping and partying". Yeah, right..all i did was go back and forth to the hospital and then come home and rest or play on the computer. I did enjoy the time alone.. I think they strike out at us because of their fear of us leaving them because they feel so inadequate because they are ill and no longer OUR caretakers. It is really hard on them. Just reassure him that you love him and thinks he is the greatest and no one could compare to him. Be strong and don't fight with his fears. Take care..

SueAnn, Thanks for the feedback. My husband has been quite calm & not saying much. He still goes everywhere with me. He is pretty quiet. He does not take a lot of medications...only a statin & baby aspirin. So medication is not the cause. I do remember my husband saying he thought I was leaving him...for someone else. That was almost funny as I am always with only him. Recently I had to have my neighbor call & come over to pick me up for a neighborhood walk...just to get out of the house. I have not been alone without him in the car for months. I think he realizes he is a bit off...so he does not talk as much...maybe because he thinks he will say something that does not make sense. My husband sometimes cannot name things...like he called the cell phone a computer thing. Also when he drives he always asks which way is the best way to go...like where to turn etc. Right now things are fine and there is no verbal accusations. But it will come up again. this laST TIME WAS REALLY STRANGE BECAUSE HE HAD JUST GOTTEN BACK FROM A 3 WEEK ROAD TRIP...then all of a sudden the accusations came. Like where did all this come from...never out of his site. So strange. I have been keeping notes on the computer of times he acts out of character. Mostly he is normal...so I am not sure if it is dementia or if it is delusionary jealousy of infidelity. Thanks for your comments! PTCOOPER