'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Loving husband — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:16:07 -0000

Well, I am living proof that some periods of grief last a long time and continue on. My dear Patty is now gone 26 months and yesterday (Sunday 10/9) was the 35th anniversary of our marriage and the real beginning of my life. I still love her as much today as ever, I feel just as lost without her as ever and even though she has gone to be with God, I still consider myself married to her. In my heart, mind and soul, the number will continue to grow because I will be her husband and she will be my wife for all time (here and beyond).

'how long should grief last' posted by RRC @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RRC — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 14:57:59 -0000

My wife Shirley has been with God for 16 months. I too find myself shedding tears often when I think about having her beside me and the good life we had together. What I would give to be able to hug her and tell her how much I love her. I too will grieve till I die by choice. As I cherish every second we spent together and want to remember the happiest days of my life. I once asked an elderly gentleman whose wife died 12 years ago. "when do you stop grieving" His reply was that if you love your spouse you will never stop grieving. This has stuck in my mind and I now know what he was saying. A good marriage is forever and death does not stop the love you have for each other. Loving Husband like myself miss our spouses very much. He has his dogs and I have my 2 cats to share my lonely days with. I also have a son and daughter in law who spend some time with me. May god bless Loving Husband,his wife Patty and my Shirley.

'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Loving husband — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:40:02 -0000

Well, I know now that grief lasts a long while. It was just recently two years since my dear Patty went to be with God and at many times during each day I still find myself lost and a few tears come as I remember a happy time in our 33 years together. Only a few friends, my sister and occasionally my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are there for us but for the most part my two little maltese dogs and I are alone. If the end of grief means giving up the cherishing of all the memories of my happy times with Patty, then I guess I wish to grieve for the remainder of my time here in this world. God Bless Patty in Heaven and God Bless you all for being out there and listening to me.

'how long should grief last' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 05:29:06 -0000

Dear Mamag86,

I'm so sorry that the doctors did as they had done to you and your husband. It wasn't what the two of you had planned and I can understand your anger.

Please don't allow your children to "blame you" for doing as your husband had wished and recorded in his living will. Your children are just as angry that they lost their Dad but unfortunately, you are the one that they vent their anger! I'm so proud for you that you honored your husband's wishes - it was a very hard decision and action to do!

I too had to do the same with my brother. I already knew his wishes, he wanted to walk into the desert until he couldn't walk any longer. He didn't get to do that, he was in a coma before he passed. As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital to let him go, the hospital called and told us to get there immediately. After a few minutes, I gave the nod to disconnect. They had us leave while they did their job and I was fortunate to be the last to whisper in my brother's ear - "it's okay bro, go be with Mom and Dad - you and Charles (my 17 yr old son) play the music so they can dance the night away". The nurse walked in and said, "he has gone". I knew he waited for me to give him the "OK" and it gave me peace.

I hope you were able to feel the peace for you and your husband despite the children's "opinions". Don't let them get away with placing "blame" - you did as your husband wished, talked with you about his wishes, and fulfilled your promise! I'm proud for you to be so brave in honoring your husband's wishes! I also hope your children will honor your wishes as well!

Sending loving hugs and prayers! Please hold your head high - you fulfilled your promise - that's something to be very proud of doing even though it was hard to do! Your husband is greatful and so proud of you!!

'how long should grief last' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 05:03:29 -0000

Dear Loving Husband,

My apology for not answering sooner - computer had a "Trojan Invasion"!

Thank you for sharing your story - I always wonder what I did to deserve the treatment from my daughter and husband! I contacted my ex-son-in-law and he has given me the schedules of my Grandsons sports activities. It shocked both my daughter and husband when I arrived! Both Grandsons ran up to me with lots of hugs (the one Grandson playing waited until after the game)!

The 11 year old Grandson asked me if "I was still too busy" because that was what he was told. After I explained to him that his Mom was not sharing his schedule - he replied, "I knew you would be here, you have always come to every game!" Then he said that he "needed to talk with his Mom because she lied to him!" I believe at age 11, he truly needed to know why his Mom left me out. He has also told me that, "Granny, you are the only one that hasn't ever lied to me".

Divorce is so hard on kids, and I have been there to answer their questions even though I have no experience in divorce. But I just want them both to know that both parents love them deeply, they just don't think clearly sometimes.

At the 5 yr. old Grandsons "Daycare Graduation" - when it was time to leave the building and go home - he had the biggest hug with those precious arms around my neck. I always bend down to be face to face, never to intimidate him. The 11 year old is 5' tall - same as me! Anyway, my daughter told the boys to "come on, let's go home". My 5 year old Grandson without letting go of our hug - told his Mom - "I'm not finished hugging Granny, you will have to wait"!

Both Grandsons now know, Granny wanted to be there but now she is having to go through hoops to get the informtion! The relationship with my daughter has been worse now than before - wonder how she explained her actions to her sons! My husband told me that I was "out of line to tell the boys what I said" - to which I replied, "you were just a part of leaving me out as our daughter - suffer the consequences"! "Wonder how our Grandsons feel about you now, knowing you wouldn't email me the schedules after receiving them"!

I don't know or understand why our family members do the things they do while we are still grieving - they seem to be able to "put it away" and can't understand why "I'm stuck". I'm not "stuck" - I'm just trying to learn how to cope. This is hard to do alone but one step at a time, one day at a time, I continue on regardless of anyone's opinion! None of them have been in my shoes! I'm the sole survivor of my "childhood family" - no one to share memories any more - and it hurts because my family was very positive while growing up and very supportive. We were always very close! My husband wasn't brought up the same way!

My husband lost his Dad last September - the first death in his family. I was very supportive, had flowers ready for the vase after the other flowers were removed. I had small gifts for each of the four children to give to their Mom before they left for home. My Mother-in-Law (didn't have a good relationship because of the negativity)started calling me because of my "experiences with death". She was finally told that I was the one that got the gifts for her children to give her. I listen to her, let her talk, cry, or ask questions. I just let her know, I haven't been in her shoes but I do know the hurt and that she can call me any time she needs to talk. However, it didn't seem to affect my husband. He seems to hide his grief but it is obvious on his face. All four "kids" thanked me for the gifts for their Mom and the flowers for their Dad. It was something naturally for me to do - they all understood later.

Our situations are different but yet the same! With the help of hugs and prayers and knowing God is blessing us each and every day, we will survive! That's why we are called "survivors" in the obitutaries! I always wondered why they call us that - why can't we be known as "loved ones left behind"? In my son's obitutary, I had it read, "serving as parents . . ." I wanted everyone to know that God chose us to be the ones to raise our son the way He knew we would do!

Please accept my loving and supporting hugs and prayers! Thanks again for the hug of support and prayers! One more thing I'd like to share, before my Mother passed (my brother and I took care of her at her home for what was her last month - we were told 3-4 months), she gave me some wonderful words of wisdom that I use daily. She told me, "Find some joy in every day, and if you can't find it - make it!" I have chosen to "Make my Joy every day" instead of looking for it! It's a lot easier! It's so easy - like giving a stranger a smile, picking up something someone has dropped, etc. It does warm my heart! Afterwards, I always say, "Thanks Mom"!!!!!

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bware — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 00:14:38 -0000

Amen!
barb

'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Loving husband — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:13:50 -0000

I totally agree with RRC that there is no more painful experience in life then losing your dear spouse epsecially after you have spent a very large piece of your life with them. Don't get me wrong, losing parents and other family members is extremely painful, but losing your spouse is an experience that stands alone with its own type of grief attached. I lost my father in 1963 when I was only nine years old and lost my mother to alzheimers in 2005 and both gave me pain,sadness and grief. But losing my dear wife after 33+ years of marriage presented its own type of loss to my heart, mind and soul and I know that I will never stop grieving that loss. As far as my children, my daughter was 30+ and my son was near 30. In the case of our daughter, as I said, she turned her back on us before her mother became ill and the illness and death of her mother did nothing to bring her back to my wife or I. I doubt very seriously that she feels any pain or remorse over her treatment of us because she has the classic "hard heart". As for our son, during his mother's brief but fatal battle with leukemia (3-1/2 months), he did seems to be genuinely concerned and effected in a small way by what was happening but after her death, he quickly pulled back from the situation and me. I had contact with him maybe once a month (unless you count messages on his voice mail as contact) and sometimes waited several days for a reply which in many case came from his wife. With him, its hard now to gauge how he has felt since my wife's passing in relation to the circumstances of it and the time of her illness prior to its occurance or since. I too have experienced the "disappearance" of friends since my wife's passing and although painful earlier, I have developed the opinion that I am a good person and if they wish to sever contact/relations with me, at the risk of sounding conceited (which I certainly am not),it is much more their loss then mine. Those people, in my opinion, were never friends but simply "acquaintences" who crossed our path in this lifetime. If the reason they went away is due to not wanting to deal with me and my memories of my dear departed wife, then they are small minded individuals who hopefully will never feel the pain of the type of loss that I and so many others have suffered as I have my doubts if they will be able to deal with it. I am a member of a "widow/widowers" group at my church and it has a definite place in helping to cope with loss but I realize that it is only one step of many that we who griev should take. Those steps should be taken at each individual's speed and not rushed at all because as I stated earlier, "there is no time limit on grieving".

'how long should grief last' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 23:28:27 -0000

Please have faith in your psychiatrist and psychologist. You are to be greatly commended for getting professional help for coping with your deep losses. Families and friends want to help but frequently do not have the skills to help you process a long grieving period-unfortunately "expecting" them to do something they don't know how to do doesn't work. They give up in frustration and turn away. Anger and bitterness doesn't make them able to do things they aren't skilled at doing. I think many many people with deep and prolonged grief eventually come to the conclusion that they have to heal themselves...it's just a long and painful process. For a few, it goes on for decades like the loss was just last week--but this is far from the norm. I know someone with a grief experience that has caused her to feel abandoned and bitter for over 41 years...she has'blocked grief'--it's much like post traumatic stress syndrome. None of her friends or family have been able to help her and she has declined counseling. Her life has been horrible and very very lonely. Her neighbors, friends and family aren't able to pull her out of the hole. She is deeply depressed and bitter--but again, no counseling nor treatment for her depression.Now she appears to have an addiction. No one wants to end up like this!! I am so inspired by your courage to get "real" help now. Your losses are very, very real--you deserve the best professional support out there. There are many articles on the web about blocked grief. Check them out and take heart. Here's one I like. Good luck to you--you are strong and resourceful. God will watch over you. http://www.wpic.pitt.edu/research/depr/grief.htm

'how long should grief last' posted by reynwrap35 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

reynwrap35 — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 17:35:21 -0000

Being able to speak about one grief with someone who will listen (nonjudgemtnally), not only beings releif it also allows one to hear their own feelings. By letting our feelings build up internally may creat stress and that could lead to other medical problems. Stree has been called "the silent killer" because of it's affect on one's blood presure and heart. Learning from others may bring one insight and understanding about one's own feelings. reynwrap

'how long should grief last' posted by RRC @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RRC — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 15:04:33 -0000

To Anonymous: It has to be hard on a person losing mother.father and a loved animal in one year. I know a lady who lost her mother,father and a brother in one year. She had lost another brother a few years before. it hit her so hard that she turned away from all her friends and isolated her self. To this day I don't thik she associates with past friends. I can tell you from my experiences that it hurts to lose your parents or inlaws. But there is no pain as severe as losing a loving spouse. As far as talking to friends or relatives about your grief; most of them don't want to hear about your pain. They will comfort you a short time after the loss but that is all. Every one I talk to who is grieving say they go to the grief group meetings mainly because almost everyone there wants talk about their grief and loss and listen to how others handle theirs. rrc

'how long should grief last' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 13:32:15 -0000

Grief is a process you take one day at a time. I lost in 2009 my father in May (buried on Memorial Day) and dog (Labor Day); then my mother in January 2009. It is difficult to have layers of grief on one after the other. It is necessary to work through grief with hope, prayer, crying, and if necessary, counseling. When you lose your beloved family member, you find a place where your at ease with the pain (it never goes away). If you have close friends, you can talk with them. It is hard to lose the people you love, life is everchanging and never the same when you lose your parents.

'how long should grief last' posted by reynwrap35 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

reynwrap35 — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 12:52:57 -0000

In response to one's greif, Dough Manning, "Don't Take My Greif Away From Me, I Earned It" noted that everyone deals with greif in a different way. At the workshop I attended, years ago, he spoke of a woman who had a misscarrage and her husband told her to forget about it. Years later she spoke to Mr. Manning about the greif she was never allowed to deal with and in that moment it changed my life. Yes, I also misscarried in April and the next thing I remembered was my youngest son telling me the President Kennedy was dead. Thus, depression was my way of excape the tramma and most of that time I lay on the couch.
Twenty yrs. ago I told my husband I was going to college, to which he replied: "YOU CAN'T DO THAT", earning both a BA & MA in the field of Gerontology (the study of aging) and working with Senior as a Case Manager has been most rewarding. Listening, without being judgemental allowed me to better understand where they were coming from and we worked to get them entitlements, free drugs and remain independent. My latest thing has been playing Scrabble with a 96 yr old widow, who has Alzheimers and yes, she beat me most of the time. That old memory was very sharp.

Hang in there, deal with each day in a way that makes your life more than just thinking about something you have no power to change.

Senior Advocate, Beverley Reynolds, White Hall, AR

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bware — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 17:15:09 -0000

Loving Husband,

A question came to mind on the ages of your children when their mother became ill? We might see children as adults but are not able to cope or assimilate their feelings on death must less their parent. Do they blame themselves or feel helpless because they were not able to do anything or do they have anger towards you because you couldn't fix the situation. There are so many dynamics and kids do not have the tools to work through this. You know, my husband through his alzheimers disease in the latter stages would make a statement.... that I was not doing anything for him or taking care of him.... this was not true and fortunately the family knew it wasn't true. But if they had believed him being as sick as he was they could have easily turned on me with totally different feelings towards me. I've read everyone's post and I do so as it educates me further and allows me time to understand my own feelings and well see all of yours on these postings. I was angry for a time because my husband died, I was angry w/everyone because my best buddy died, even God I questioned. I'm now able to allow the anger to wane, it wasn't the other peoples fault that your loved ones died, and I couldn't allow myself to wallow forever in this self-pity. I know God has a plan and we don't always know why or may never understand but I can assure you all getting rid of the anger and finally putting your loved ones death in a way that is easy for your to move forward, you will see some "light at the end of the tunnel". I see the parent who lost her son, he would not want her to carry life in depression. he would want her to be happy move forward and do something constructive in his memory. Volunteer, make a special garden, help out another loved one. There is a reason you are still here, to be loved, productive and giving. Make your time count! Love you all. Barb

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bware — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 17:00:39 -0000

rrc,

You will always have a special place and yet a void in your heart! there is no easy way to handle spouse loss and grief that follows as its individual and personal. However, I do know time will soften the hurt and memories will flood your mind even more. Its great that you had such a long and loving marriage you should be proud. yes, our animals do sense our moods and they too see and feel the losses. As far as friends telling you to shut the door is inexcusable and unacceptable. You can't shut the door that was your life do not allow them to do this to you, you set the boundaries on your grief and do what you need to do to work through it and not around it!

Barb

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bware — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 16:47:11 -0000

MaxFinch,

You did exactly what your parents requested and you are to be applauded for carrying out their wishes. Donating your body is a way of giving back to medical science in finding more information on a particular disease that can educate and perhaps save other lives so that they may be able to live a fuller and longer life. As you can see people generally are living longer and because of modern medicine in addition to people have taken charge of their lives and being mindful of how to take better care of themselves. Again unfortunately families are not going to agree.

'how long should grief last' posted by Maxfinch @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Maxfinch — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 13:20:10 -0000

Have had same experience and usually able to carry on, but as get older, having more difficult time with it.

'how long should grief last' posted by Maxfinch @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Maxfinch — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 13:17:36 -0000

Had both mother and father that had DNR's and THEN had the Gall to donate their bodies to science!!! Could not believe the way family reacted , mostly because of their selfishness! Told them was honoring parents wishes and did what parents wanted...not what anybody else wanted!

'how long should grief last' posted by RRC @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RRC — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 20:47:29 -0000

There is no set time for grieving. Any grief counselor will tell you that everyone grieves differently and the time varies. Your grieving for your lost spouse or relative shows your love for them. I lost my wife to the awful Alzheimer's disease 13 months ago. 6 months before our 50th wedding annivesary. that was the worst day of my life. I still miss and love her very much. I visit her at the cemetery every day and keep our grave looking nice. I still go to grief group meetings. One group has 9 ladies who are still grieving for their husbands who have been gone 10 years or longer. They all say the miss and pain will always be there but you will learn to live with it. That is the best advice I have received. Some friends and relatives say I should close the door and move on. I reply that there may be a doorway but it will never have a door and I will never move on. Shirley is always in my heart and on my mind. I am taking it a day at a time and there are times I get so lonely for my Shirley that I can't sleep. My male cat who cried and would not leave my wife Shirley's side for 3 days before she died seems to sense when I am sad and blue. When I get that way he will come to bed and lay in my arms for most of the night. This seems to clam me a lot. I also pray a lot and hope that some day we will be together again. I don't think there is any easy way to handle the loss of a loved one. rrc

'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Loving husband — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 16:46:45 -0000

Dear Granny2grandsons: I feel your pain and understand the "family" part of it. My parents and stepfather have gone to be with God and my brother and two children do not bother with me. A few years before my wife Patty passed away, our daughter decided without any warning and for no known reason totally broke off contact with Patty and me and she would never tell us why. A year before Patty passed away, our daughter had a son and it broke Patty's heart that she was never allowed to meet or know him. Until the end, she spoke of the pain of that and for that I will never forgive our daughter. Next, there is our son who never visited or called much at all after going out on his own. He did visit his mother a time or two during her fight with leukemia but since her passing has practically treated me like a stranger except when he had his hand out for something. The last contact I had with him was the day he asked me if I would give him his mother's car. When I said no, the conversation ended very quickly and I have not heard from him since. In not having any contact with my two children, I have also lost contact with six grandchildren. Then there is my before mentioned brother. For a little while, things were okay but since the end of last year, he has also become a stranger who doesn't visit or return calls so I guess that is another lost relative. I will never until the day that I die understand how family can turn on you like they have. I am not perfect by any means but I don't consider myself a terrible person who deserves to be shunned like this and I guess I will have to accept it. The one saving light is that my mother-in-law,sister-in-law and sister do occasionally contact me but 9 of every 10 times we do speak or see each other, I am the one who has to initiate it. I feel so badly for you because like I said, I feel your pain and frustration. May God shine his everlasting love upon you and help you to go on in a world which obviously is filled with pain and lonely times. Please accept a hug of support and a prayer that brighter day are ahead for you. God Bless.

'how long should grief last' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Granny2Grandsons — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 05:31:33 -0000

I feel like I am "locked in the grief room". In nine months, starting in May 1993 - March 1994 - I have lost 5 members of my family. The second was my 17 year old son - I was numb while the deaths kept coming. My son and I were "buddies" - we could talk about anything and I so miss our long chats on the deck. My Dad was 6 months later, he kept saying my son was all alone and I truly believe he wished himself to join my son - no matter what I said!

It will soon be 18 years that my son has left this earth. He is so very much still in my heart and around me, just like my Dad, Grandmothers, and my Aunt. Last year was the hardest, 17 years - as long as God allowed me to have him. I'm grateful to have been chosen to be his Mom but the hurt has never gone away. As my Mother always said, "I'm the emotional child".

My brother and I took care of our Mother, she passed on Memorial Day 2005. My beloved brother was 20 months later - March 2007. No more childhood memories to share - I'm the sole survivor.

My husband and daughter do not understand nor do they care to help me through the pain. My husband "can't handle the emotional stress I feel", our daughter - she has always been "Daddy's little girl" and doesn't have anything to do with me. A year and a half ago, my husband decided because of the stress he was under from work, he couldn't handle or help me through my losses. He didn't even attend my brother's services - he was there the night before my brother passed but left the next day - leaving me alone to deal with my brothers' services, etc.

How long does the grief last? I'm still seeing a physciatrist and psychologist. Some days are fine - some hit like a ton of bricks. I don't know how to stop the emotional roller coaster and wonder if maybe I'm not suppose to ever be able to stop it.

All I do know is that the fact I'm having to deal with it all by myself and I'm proud with accomplishments are made. However, I still feel very bitter - I didn't realize when I got married 37 years ago, the vows taken could be "Chosen as to when and which ones we want to honor at which time"!

I would never believe that my husband would have done this to us. Given the cards I'm dealt - I can only do the best I can. As long as I still like the person I am, continue receiving help, I know I'm okay. But to be "out of the loop" from my daughter and Grandsons' lifes and my husband allowed to be a part but doesn't share any info, or even consider to include me - hurts as if my heart literally broke. I know when I lost my son, I could feel my heart break - now, I feel like it is truly broken!! I've now lost all my family - what do you do to deal with it all? How can your "loved ones" be so cold? I don't understand it, I don't get it, and I'm amazed that my husband and daughter have turned into self-centered, self-serving people that I don't even know! I'm just numb again!!

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bware — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 00:49:56 -0000

There's no time limits on grief. Its individual and personal for every person enduring grief. After 2 yrs I was finally able to let go of my husbands clothing, it happened totally unexpected and suddenly. Clothes went to someone we knew who needed clothing and could also use them for job interviews and such. It was a great feeling and another step of getting through my grieving. There are days of profound feelings of loss and it overwhelms me totally. I just let the tears flow. The people who are critizing you, loving husband' probably mean well but they most likely haven't been through a loss such as your spouse. It may come to you letting them go for awhile in order to give yourself time and space. You will always have your wife in your heart and there will be many times things or activities will remind you of her. Its normal. Take care.

'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Loving husband — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 17:03:11 -0000

I feel that there is no "time limit" on grieving. My dear wife has been gone nearly 22 months now and I still consider myself as grieving. I still have our home pretty much the same as it was when she was here, I have not cleaned out closets or drawers. I visit the cemetery often and take flowers there many times upon visiting. We were married 33 years and so many things that happen every day remind me of her or something that we did together. I have been criticized for some or all of this by a few people who tell me that I need to live for today and tomorrow and move on away from the past. I feel that if you truly loved and cared for someone, you should be able to griev as long as you need to do so.

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bware — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 16:39:17 -0000

Allow yourself to grieve however you want and also relieve yourself of anger. Medicine is called a practice and when people are in comas its often difficult to make a call of whether that person will come around or not. Not knowing the exact circumstances of your husbands illness, he confided in you as his wife on what his wishes would be when the time came. Your decision did not come easy as we all want to hold on to our loved ones and sometimes family are not thinking clearly. Your husband wished for quality of life and if that quality of life was compromised he did not want to suffer or live just to be on life support. That is not living! I know first hand, I had to make the same decision on what my husband's wishes were when he was so ill, it's a gut wrenching decision but I do have faith in God and the divine plan. Take time and rid yourself of that guilt that others may be putting on you. Talk to a counselor if need be. Just be kind to yourself! Hugs to you.

Barb

'how long should grief last' posted by Ms Terri @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Ms Terri — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:52:45 -0000

Is that one of the people you lost Debwright, or was it more than that...may I ask.

'how long should grief last' posted by debwright @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

debwright — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:34:37 -0000

My brother was my best friend too. I know it is easier to greiv when you are alone (working) I hope you have someone to talk about what you are going through, it was and is hard for me to open up to friends. Even when I know they care and love me.

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'how long should grief last' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by reynwrap35 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by RRC @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by reynwrap35 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Maxfinch @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Maxfinch @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by RRC @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Granny2Grandsons @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Loving husband @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by bware @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by Ms Terri @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

'how long should grief last' posted by debwright @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}