Hi Deb,

When you find out, please let me know. I'm not usually one to wish away time, but I'm so over 2009. It's been one loss after another, the biggest being my dad. He died in March and to say I'm still "dealing with it" is the understatement of the year. Thankfully it's not consuming me anymore. I've had lots of happiness and joy peppered with tears. I have to keep clinging to the joy, otherwise I'll go nuts.

I don't think there's a timeline for grief. My father-in-law passed away seven years ago and I could still get teary if I think about it too much. I think the key is, though, to keep moving forward. The absence of your loved one will still be there, but don't let your own absence from things you love last too long. You're still living and breathing and have the abillity to be happy.

I'm so sorry for all of your losses, Deb. We're definitely here for support. hugs

Hugs to those of us who grieve and I believe that is everyone to some extent or another. I personally don't believe that we were even created to know loss and therefore even know how to handle the grief that comes from it. Having lost loved ones myself I know how you feel. The best help that I have found is at www.cloudtowsend.com. I believe that they have several CD sets that talk us through how to deal with our grief. Hugs and prayers to you!

We all grieve differently. Three of my children were out of town when their dad died, only my youngest son was with me. He had a living will which no one seemed to want to consider so I had to insist that all extra life-support be removed, make him comfortable and let him go. It had been a long struggle. I fully blame his doctor for the end of life snafu that made his passing so awful. He could have told us days ahead that the end was near so I could get the kids home to see their father one last time. He was in a coma 4 days before death. Although my son and I sat there, held each other and cried, I am still angry at the doctor and my son is angry at me for pulling the life support per his living will (I hope someone is as considerate of me when my time comes). I has been 19 months and I am still being blamed. If you have a living will make sure everyone understands what it is and will comply with your wishes.

Yes, 2009 has not been a very good year for me either. My younger Brother died at the age of 49 on Jan.31. Then my Father passed away on April 21. I had to move my 80 yr old Mother,with mild dementia, to my home to be cared for.I live alone and am trying to work and find care for her too.

My Brothers death hit me the hardest, since we were best friends.My job allows me to work alone. I'm a driver.So I can cry, scream or whatever and no one knows.I still cry off and on when I look at his picture and think about what the future could have been.I don't think the grief ever really goes away,but it gets easier to handle with time.Keeping busy helps me to deal with it better, but I can get real depressed if I dwell on it.

I believe in my heart that there IS something after death and I think I'll be seeing them again when I go; and that makes accepting their death a lot easier. It doesn't seem so final.

I'm so sorry to hear about all the losses.

My heart & sympathy goes out to you. My mother died at age 89 in February of this year, my father is rapidly approaching this experience and no matter what the situation, it isn't easy. Yours is particularly difficult because of the probable misunderstandings. As far as blaming the doctor, it often or usually just isn't easy for a doctor to reliably predict the passing of a person until it is really close. Doctors have so many times called in the family only to have the patient revive and live for some time. And, on the other hand, they have thought that the patient had the strength and will to last days, even weeks, and they pass within hours. I think it would be useful to consider giving up the anger (unless there's other circumstances upon which you didn't elaborate)and just continue the normal grieving process of losing your loved one. Bud

I did the same, no one to be angry with me - only my own pain, even knowing that is what my mom and I both want,it was hard. I did not cry though, until her little dog had to be put down the next day. Even Sugar bear was 19 yrs. old, and I knew it had to be done, I fell apart right in the vets office. I held it together better holding my moms hand as she passed. Mom always would ask me if anything happen to her if I would love and take care of Sugar.

I try and live each day keeping my word to others, it is too hard when they are gone to forgive yourself for failures

My brother was my best friend too. I know it is easier to greiv when you are alone (working) I hope you have someone to talk about what you are going through, it was and is hard for me to open up to friends. Even when I know they care and love me.

Is that one of the people you lost Debwright, or was it more than that...may I ask.