'Helping my 90 year old father to not drive on long distance trips' posted by MIDSH @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

MIDSH — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 23:32:43 -0000

Maybe my story will help some elderly person understand the importance of giving up their car keys before they cause irreversible devestation.

My son was just 22 years old and on his way to a dance competition in Palm Desert, CA with his dance instructor and some other dancers in his troupe. His instructor was driving and my son was in the front passenger seat.

An elderly driver (79 years old) nearly missed his exit, cut across two lanes to try to get off the freeway and cut in front of the car in which my son was a passenger. His instructor swerved the car to avoid a colision with the elderly man's truck and went up an imbankment. The car flipped over and even though my son had his seat belt on, he died instantly from a fractured skull.

Clearly this accident was caused by this man's inability to react quickly and think clearly--all related to his age.

I am sure this man faces every day with the guilt of having taken the life of a young man in his prime simply for the convenience of being able to hop in his car and drive himself.

I often think that family members find it much easier to make every excuse in the book for their elderly relatives to continue driving even though they certainly know that they are no longer capable simply because it is more convenient for them--they do not need to worry about taking the elderly relative to doctor appointments, grocery shopping, family visits, etc.

Search your soul and decide if you could live with yourself if your elderly relative killed someone simply because you did not have the courage to take their keys away!

'Helping my 90 year old father to not drive on long distance trips' posted by JoanneM @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

JoanneM — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 22:19:48 -0000

Our family has dealt with this issue before with limited success. We informed the DMV in Pa. about our concerns about our uncle They suspended his license till he could be tested. He was a catholic priest, so he waited till St. Patty's day, walked in with his priest outfit and they passed him! He was having a good day. Was able to walk in without his scooter. He finally had an accident that hurt only himself and decided to take our advice. We are now dealing with the same issue with our dad. The rules with each state are different so you need to find out what your options are. Your PCP can help you there. Also AAA and AARP would be a good resourse. If all else fails I know of some families that disable the car. By no means should your sister or anyone else drive with him. As my sister told my Uncle when he wanted her to drive with him. "My kids are too young to be Motherless". He laughed and never asked her again. Or any of the rest of us. Good luck.

'Helping my 90 year old father to not drive on long distance trips' posted by CA-Claire @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

CA-Claire — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:20:59 -0000

In my state (CA), anyone can 'turn-in' someone to have their driving ability tested by the DMV. Unfortunately, my parents have passed. They are 88 years old, and none of us siblings have been in a car with them driving for over 10 years, due to their impairments - it terrifies us. I would suggest turning them in to the DMV - for family it can be done anonymously. This way they have to go through the testing, and the fear that they may not have their driving ability anymore. It may also surprise them that someone (DMV) is concerned about their driving. It is more difficult with men, as they feel that driving is a part of their 'manhood'. By yourself, you will probably not be able to remedy the situation. Get the physician and DMV involved. Best wishes to you.

'Helping my 90 year old father to not drive on long distance trips' posted by camrey2002 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

camrey2002 — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 03:48:13 -0000

looking for more advice as to how to handle this determined

'Helping my 90 year old father to not drive on long distance trips' posted by camrey2002 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

camrey2002 — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 03:47:04 -0000

She has consulted an aging expert

'Helping my 90 year old father to not drive on long distance trips' posted by Journey002 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Journey002 — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 20:34:22 -0000

I would suggest that you have your sister talk with your parent's primary care physician and explain the situation. The pcp can try to persuade your father into giving up his license voluntarily, or if need be, the doctor can send in a form to the state's DMV requesting that the license be revoked. If all else fails, the "losing of the keys" trick is always helpful, as well! Hope this helps.

'Helping my 90 year old father to not drive on long distance trips' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:50:49 -0000

My sister is living with my parents, dad:90 mother:89. Every summer they drive 2 days to a family summer cottage. Last year, my dad promised to let someone drive them this summer. Now he is determined to drive himself again. He does okay driving in his local community where he is familiar with roads, but out of town, he can be hesitent about the direction, gets sleepy, sometimes doesn't focus on cars around him, and is distracted because he is pointing out things he sees or talks about what's on his mind. He has always been determined to do things his way, and he of course doesn't want to give up his independence, but for his safety and the safety of others, it just isn't reasonable for a 90 year old to be driving on a 2 day trip that involves multiple expressways and even driving in some cities. My sister has gently tried to have a reasonable conversation with him, but it just escalated very quickly as he is immediately on the defense. She has consulted an aging expert who made a possible suggestion that my sister go along and 'share' the driving.. letting my father drive the less difficult areas, but to be honest, the whole stretch is diffficult as it is out of town, etc. And then the fact that my sister would have to take off work, fly back home, and then the issue about how will they get back.. she would have to repeat the process.. I have downloaded AAA quizes, information about elderly driving, and other resources. But we are looking for more advice as to how to handle this determined, intelligent, aging man. Thank you.

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