My Mom and Dad are in their Mid-Eighties. They own a multi-level home (50years) that is fallen in disarray and need of repair. Neighbors are all gone, I live a 1000 miles away. Mom can't access anything but floor level due to arthritis and osteo issues. Dad (85) takes care of her, cause she really can't take care of herself, with the exception of barely making it to the bathrooom.
Dad complains of the $7000 yearly tax bill, but he refuses to give it up and live a better life. He could sell the home and they could live in a 1 floor summer home, which they already have in Florida, closer to family and a world of medical facilities. He's so stubborn and won't listen to reason. I'm lucky that he got a will made just last year.
I've already recieved a couple of frightening phone calls saying Dad has fallen out of bed and Mom refused to call 911 because she is ashamed of the condition of the house. Dad has already smoke checked the house by letting the kettle melt on the kitchen stove. They need help, but refuse it! I'm afraid to answer future middle of the night phone calls. (as I mentioned, I live 1000 miles away...)
Should I take over and make them move and lose their respect, or burden my own family and job to take time off to help them on a regular basis (which I've been doing, and it is straining everyone), otherwise, they have no other support. No Brothers or Sisters or surviving close relatives
Help! I'm torn as to what to do? Any Advice?
My sister and i talked with mom's doctor and he agreed and told us to apply guardianship for in Georgia it takes 5 years before we could expect any monitary help from her insurance. He also said it was totally unsafe for her to remain at home for a broken hip would totally wipe her out not to mention the fact that she refused to eat, drink, or get out of her bed. Luckily my sister had the forethought 5 years earlier to talk to mom and receive from her the power of attorney and now we have guardianship. We couldn't afford everything had we not already thought 5 years before her illness. It is even with the help a huge burden for her her meds alone are close to $5,000 or more.
Oh, goodness, that is quite the situation, and I'm sorry to hear it.
Honestly, I think being upfront and honest with your parents may be the best idea. Write it out so they can see it. They are having trouble with the house, and that bothers your mother. She is hurt. He is not doing well. It would be best for all parties concerned if they moved to the easier house, and let someone help them so they can do the things that make them happy. No one likes to have to change, but change is part of life, and you'll need to be clear with them about it.
I would be trying to get guardianship, as well.
Best of luck, and let us know how things are going!
Being Upfront has been a priority with me as an only son for a long time, since they were in their 50's. I have tried writing it out to them and discussed as to them moving and looking into easier accomodations, but all was unheeded.
Mom say its up to Dad and Dad says 'yeah' , but nothing gets done. Mom blames all faults and house problems on Dad. Mom being Old fashioned has no backbone to say anything to anyone else. Dad just says , "yeah, I'm workin on it." , this has been his response for years, but still nothing gets done.
As for guardianship, their Docs are afraid of moving in my defense, since they are alert and mentally sound.
I don't think he realizes the seriousness of the overall picture, he's in denial...Up until last year (at age 84) he thought he was immortal, since he had no intention of protecting his family with a will. His overall, thought process is: 'after I'm gone I won't have to worry about it.'
Where are there Senior aged counselors in New York when you need them?
Help again, any advice?
Thanks,
Kevin
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Have you talked to your Parents about a reverse mortgage? You may want to fly down there and talk to them patiently and lovingly. They are probably overwhelmed, and really don't know what to do. Don't expect a decision right away. If possible talk to them over the phone about it, then if you can set the time aside, go and help them. It's tough, but they will become less resistant as time goes by. As far a the reverse mortgage thing goes, it will pay them a certain amount every month, and maybe they could use the money for improvement and or modifications to help them. There are alot of agencies that help to. A good place to start is the local Senior Center. If you have any questions, please feel free to e mail me and maybe I can help you find an agency close to where your parents live.
Hope this helps.
Katy
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