'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by wokeup @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

wokeup — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 03:54:10 -0000

I am so sorry for the loss of your Father. My Sweet 95.8 yr old Mom went with the Angels too on Dec. 20. Like your father, she was loved oh so much by everyone. Her family adored her! I know how tough it is for you. You are in my prayers. Your sister is blessed to have you since you want to help with your Mom. You must do what you think is the right thing, regardless of what your husband says. That's only my opinion. You love your Mom and it appears that he doesn't care what happens to her. It's sad that the marriage is not what you'ld like it to be, but I feel that we are better off alone than with someone who doesn't respect you, nor cares for your feelings, there appears to be lack of empathy. My experience has been to look up to a Higher Power, a Greater Being than me, in my case it's God. He is there for me. He choose me for whatever reason to take care of my Mom and I did for nine years. I miss her so! Please take care of yourself and let your husband take care of him. Help your sister and your Mom in what they need and in what you know to be the right thing. God bless you for everything that you do. He will take care of you and bless you with everything that you need. Hugs to you.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Janie123 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Janie123 — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 17:10:59 -0000

My 90 year old father died December 21. It was very hard on everyone as he was dearly loved. Now we have to deal with our 83 year old Mother who has early stage dementia. The problem is I live 5 hours from her and my sister lives about 1 and a half from her and has a seriously ill disabled child. My biggest problem is my husband. He wants no part of helping my Mother. Making the 5 hour trip by myself is going to be hard because I'm a fearful driver. I'm scared to death to drive that far and my husband won't take me anymore. I have to go down next week to help her collect her insurance. He won't take me. His answer to this is to get very depressed and stay in bed all day. He makes my life a living hell. He's even mad I am planning to drive myself down there and makes sarcastic remarks about how I'd get lost and never make it because I am so incompetent. My sister has been wonderful about it all. She has so much on her shoulders and I try to help by dealing with many problems over the phone. The stress of all this is getting to me. I can deal with my Mother. It's my husband I can't deal with. We are both 62 years old. I just can not reason with the man. He laughed when I told him I would drive myself and said,"This ought to be good". I am seriously considering going to a woman's shelter once we get my Mother's settled because I no longer want to be around him. The sad thing is I was forced to take care of his Mother. He did NOTHING for her until I went shopping leaving her alone with him so I could have some time to myself. He was furious with me and sent her back to the nursing home she lived in whe HE had to take some responsibility. I no longer now what to say to the man so I just avoid him at all costs. The marriage of 42 years is pretty much over anyway. He has zero respect for me. If anyone has any suggestions,I would so appreciate it. Once we get Mother in Assisted living,things should settle down but there's a lot to do before we can do that. It's gotten so bad that,if I enter a room,he leaves and I do the same for him. It just all seems so hopeless. I need to help my sister so I have to find the strength to get down there by my self I guess.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by mrst53 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

mrst53 — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 03:11:05 -0000

My Mom is 83 and in the middle stages of Alzheimers. She has been with us for 3 years and my husband has Post Traumatic Stress from Viet Nam. Most of the time things are ok,but bed time is a real pain. She gives me a fit about going to sleep alone, she fights me about going to take a bath and she interfers in our arguments. Has my marriage gotten worse? Oh yeah, of course it wasn't the greatest before, but with the lack of privacy it has gotten even worse. We have little or no time to ourselves, I am an only child, sitters cost $10 an hour and Mom only has Social security. I have NO me time...unless I give up sleep time. Not a good idea... I stay depressed and exhausted, which upsets my husband even more and the waiting list into a good assited living home is at least 6 months....Don't know if my marriage can last that long...

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by wokeup @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

wokeup — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 03:34:52 -0000

Yes, it's difficult caring for someone. I take care of my Mom, she's lived with my husband and I for nine yrs. The last yr has been difficult for both of us: our relationship, our togetherness. Mom's dementia has declined horribly and has been in hospice for the last four months. I love her so much. She used to be so strong and independent and did EVERYTHING! She is a trooper! Anymore she's either 18 mo or 2 yrs old. I never know what she'll do next, doesn't sleep well, but takes meds with hospice, wants to go home all the time now. We tell her Mom is coming for her soon because she keeps asking for Mom all the time. It breaks my heart to watch this. I am very tired anymore, mentally more than anything. I think I'm going to be very old before my time, I'm 62 and have always felt young. I am trying NOT to feel quiltly for not wanting this anymore. My Mom is tired, I can't understand this circle of life the way it is, lingering so long when she doesn't know anyone anymore, not even me. :'(. I'm blessed that I have a sister to help on weekends, but it'a still tough. My husband helps me alot, thank God for him. I am so sorry for all of you who don't have more help. Please, can you find someone to help you, a healthcare with respite at least twice a week? I get that, too. It's a God send. All of you are in my prayers. We are all brothers and sisters who have the heart to do it because no one else can or will. God bless you!!

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by frustrated48 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

frustrated48 — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 22:37:06 -0000

I have read through all of your responses and situations. lets just face it its not easy caring for someone period. I am to the point of i just try and do my best each day.I still am the only one who helps my husband,family doesn't help. I must deal with my problems on my own as i will from now on. Today was a bad day but maybe tomorrow will be better, Keep the Faith everyone, god bless you all.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by budswife @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

budswife — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 01:06:13 -0000

jmhjar, I completely understand the guilt! It is a never ending thing. I was home for a month (again) after 2 months away from home, leaving again was SO hard. I do not mind the care-giving so much, it is the being away from home. My mom with the breast cancer is declining, not rapidly but I can definitely see a change. My sister who my mom lives with had a brain tumor removed and is now undergoing treatment for that. Between the 2 of them there are days when I just want to load the car and go home. I was working part-time, helping out a little with the household income, so I am not able to do that. Then on the trip here this time a big rock hit the side of my car, dented the door and broke the window. Another expense. My heart goes out to all of you who are dealing with being a caregiver, while also leaving a spouse on their own. Every day I am afraid I will get the phone call where he's telling me either come home or he's gone.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by jmhjar @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

jmhjar — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 01:25:56 -0000

I can relate to all of the above living and caring for a spouse with cancer. My husband was diagnosed earlier this year with pancreatic cancer at the age of 45. He had surgery to remove the tumor and was doing well. A few months ago, he had a recurrance and the cancer has also possibly spread to the liver. Apart from the horrible feelings of having to deal with my spouse's mortality and possibly losing the love of my life,I am the one caring for him and taking on most of the responsibilities around the house. We do not have kids (thank god) so that makes it easier but there is no family in the area and he doesn't want to "burden" anyone else.

I am feeling guilty about a few things- -resentment at times about being the sole caregiver-sometimes I need a break! -not having a life really anymore and feeling like he's not the same person sometimes.

We have a great relationship,but sometimes I don't know how to deal with it all and feel like less than a "superwoman". Is anyone else getting support somewhere? Depression is definatley a factor in my life these days.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by budswife @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

budswife — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 21:37:43 -0000

Susan, I understand about the guilt. It's an endless loop running through my head, because I don't want to be away from home caring for my mom, and now my sister. I want to be home, but in order for that to happen my mom will have passed. When she does, my sisters' kids are going to have to step up and help her. It has been 8 months since my mom told us she had cancer. Even her dr. didn't think she had long left, and here we all still are. It's great that she's still with us, but it's going to cost us all before it's over.
I have been home for a month, but have to go back. My sister that's there has had a really hard time. She has her own physical limitations. Then I get all her frustration in an e-mail or phone call, usually followed by the other side from my mom. More guilt because she has had such a hard time, guilt because I would rather be home with my husband. Friend at home tell me how lonely my husband is when I am not home, no one to talk to but the dog. Our kids are grown and gone. He could be busy this summer, but with snow coming on the days will really be long and lonely for him. I have determined there is no real solution for this problem, just faith that God will keep my home and husband safe for me while I am gone.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Susan Morse @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Susan Morse — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 18:57:23 -0000

My husband's been great, but I always feel guilty, pulled in every direction. The kids were my main issue. At a certain point I had to strictly tell myself that my mother is not going to live as long as my kids. So while her needs are important, my children have their whole lives in front of them and really need their parents' attention in order to stay on track. I am lucky that my mother understands this, and that we're now close enough to be able to talk coherently about priorities. Talking is the key for me. -- Susan Morse, author of The Habit

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Catie @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Catie — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 16:45:14 -0000

I moved an hour away from my long-term boyfriend to be a caregiver for my grandfather. It has been very difficult for both of us, but we do our best to spend quality time together. It has really put a stain on both of us. It is hard for me to find someone to stay with my grandfather, to go out, and my boyfriend is busy with college, and work. sometimes we go whole months without seeing each other in person. I worry everyday that he will get tired of waiting around and leave, But he has been amazing about the entire thing.He understands why I am doing this and we try our hardest to spend time talking everyday. It's so difficult to have time for others when you are constantly caring for just one person. I have been a caregiver for over a year now, and without any help from the rest of my family it is becoming increasingly hard. I feel for anyone who has lost a relationship because of the stress of caregiving.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by frustrated48 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

frustrated48 — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 05:31:40 -0000

Thank you so much to budswife and marciann for responding. I am trying to do my best day by day. I am sorry to hear of your situation and hope his suffering will end soon. I hope you are taking care of yourself too. I have went through hospice when my father was sick and lived her with us. It was very nice to have them here and help out. I guess I need to be more positive and not dwell on myself. I feel so guilty. Nothing seems to bother my husband he is always thankful for every day and me helping him he just doesn't understand my side of things. Well thanks again for both of you being there and take care of yourselves once again.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Marciann @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Marciann — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 00:41:57 -0000

@Frustrated48: I know how you feel. My husband and I married 9 years ago at age 52. Two years ago he was diagnosed with a rare form of bladder cancer--incurable. The last 10 months have been awful, but especially the last 3 months. I am sure he will not last more than another month. He has beat the clock because he is such a strong man with an iron will. I would've given up long ago if it were me. But I, too, feel like I lost the man I married a long time ago. So I know what you're saying. I'm sorry you have to bear the brunt of the work caring for your husband. We have in-home hospice coming in now, and that has been a real blessing. Family have been very helpful too, so I'm able to get out at least once a week to have lunch with friends--the only way I've kept my sanity these last few weeks. If you don't have family around who will help you, maybe there are volunteers in your area who could sit with him while you are out taking care of yourself. Or maybe there is adult day care in your area. If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't very well take care of them, can we?

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by budswife @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

budswife — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 04:21:12 -0000

It is so nice to just be able to find someone to relate to. I don't expect anyone to solve my problems, I just want someone to tell me they understand how I feel. I have friends who are caring for, or have cared for family members, but always in their own home, not away from home. This is the hardest part. My husband just turned 68, he's in good health but we all know anything can happen. I feel like he is living our life without me. Frustrated48, I am sorry you are going through this, and without any family members to help. I at least have another sister who helps. Please continue to get out on your own. Is there adult daycare in your area? Are you eligible for any assistance from agencies in your area? I hope there is some program you are able to use to get you some relief. Thank everyone here for reading and helping when you can.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by frustrated48 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

frustrated48 — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 04:11:57 -0000

my husband had a stroke 4 yrs ago and i have been his sole caregiver. we had only been married 7yrs. when this happened, i now feel that the man i married is no longer here, we get along ok and he is done with all the therapy that will help him. He also has had prostate cancer,rotater cuff surgery and recently nasel surgery. I am now 52 and feel like I have missed out on life at this age. we had so many plans after he retired when he was only 50. He has some neurological damage and no use of his left arm,uses a quad cane as he only can use right leg left was damanged and he can hardly put weight on it. i have been through counseling and they tell me to find a hobby or do something i like. Well by the time i get him showered shaved and all set for day i don't feel like doing much.I am not looking forward to winter coming as it is so hard to take him out with his wheelchair in snow or ice. He also has a hard time getting in and out of our suv so next year i will probably have to get a car. i know i should be more understanding but I hope someone out there understands how hard it is to lose your lover and best friend. I was 48 and he was 55 when this happened. We are thankful for each day we have together but he is just not the same man i met and married. His 2 sons and my 2 daughters do not help whatsoever so that is not and option. Lately i have been making his lunch and just going out for 4 to 6 hours so i won't feel like i am going crazy. I have been on anti-depressents and anxiety pills for quite some time and that doesn't seem to work. I guess there is no easy answer but i just needed to vent. Is there anyone out there who can relate taking care of a spouse? Its alot different than taking care of parents which i did yrs. ago but have since passed on. Well thanks for listening.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by budswife @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

budswife — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 22:17:03 -0000

I am still away from home caring for my mom with breast cancer. Now the sister mom lives with is in the hospital with a brain tumor. I was supposed to go home for a much needed break and time with my husband. Now that is all up in the air. I am trying to keep a positive outlook and keep my faith strong, but at moments I feel like I could break into 1000 pieces. We don't know what will happen with my sister, it's too early to tell. How do I keep my home life from disintegrating completely? How do I keep from feeling SO guilty about NOT wanting to be here?

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by annette6720 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

annette6720 — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 19:17:00 -0000

At the end of my rope! I am an only child caring for my 83year old mother. I brought her to live with us (she lived 180 miles away)after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer.(2008) She is now cancer free, but still has a heart and kidney problems. During this time my husband, wrapped up in his own insecurities, has accused me of affairs, stealing money, and just being dishonest. All of the accusations are untrue, cause where could I find time.... I have a 14 daughter at home too! We've sought marriage counseling, but he stopped cause the counselor was on "my side". Now he doesn't like my mother, because she decided to tell him how she felt about how he was treating me. He wants her to go to a daycare, so he can be at home without her looking at him... wants her to stay in her room, so he can walk around without her watching. He wants me to get rid of the dog he bought for my daughter, cause mama has spoiled it and it gets on his nerves. He's always complaining of space, but doesn't consider, that I don't get any. I don't complain that everywhere I go, I have either my mom or daughter with me. I don't have "me" time and he had the nerve to complain. My mom probably could go back home, but I sure that it would keep me back and forth on the highway (3 1/2 hours)if she'd get sick. I'm very confused on what is best for her. Since I'm venting, to add to my confusion, he's father (a widower, who lives in town)is suffering from cancer now. He's the only child in town, so guess who'll have to be a caregiver now! Don't know if there is a happy ending to this story.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by hvinskus @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

hvinskus — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 21:55:30 -0000

I started a blog and this was the subject of one of my posts. I have copied the text of my post below. My blog can be found at www.familycaregiving.wordpress.com

How Caregiving Affects Relationships

My husband, Matt, was so understanding about the time I needed to spend taking care of my family. When I first met Matt, my mother was in the hospital on a respirator and near death. At the same time my Aunt Janet was fighting a reoccurrence of breast cancer that had metastasized to her bones. Also at that time, my Uncle Larry was in the end stages of lung cancer. So my mother and her only two siblings were all in the fight of their lives.

My husband took on a lot of family drama right from the beginning. He really did get a package deal when he got me. I owe a great deal to Matt for being so supportive of me. I would not have been able to take care of my family as I did without him supporting me behind the scenes. He let me focus on them by picking up the slack at home.

Matt had only met my Uncle Larry once he was sick. I am glad he got to know Uncle Larry, but I wish he knew him when he was healthy. Uncle Larry passed away six months after I started dating Matt.

Being a caregiver is not very easy on personal relationships. I will elaborate later on how caregiving for my family affected my relationship with my husband.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Marciann @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Marciann — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 17:20:51 -0000

@budswife: I understand your feelings of guilt, and I know that you do have to stay there. Your mother needs you now. Your husband needs to understand that he must put his needs last right now, until you are able to come home. This is the end of your mother's life. If you leave, you will always regret not spending these last days with her. If you tell him this, perhaps he will be able to better understand why you need to be there. I know how hard it is to put your life on hold for another person. I've been caring for my terminally ill husband for the last two years. We are now down to the last weeks, perhaps days, of his life. And I am so happy that I have been able to be here for him. There may come a day when your husband will need you the way your mother needs you now. Wouldn't he want you to be there for him, the way you are there for her? Know in your heart that you are doing the right thing, and it may rub off on him.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by budswife @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

budswife — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 22:04:47 -0000

I am away from home, caring for my mom in another state. She has breast cancer, which she knew about for 2 years before she told my sisters and I. She lives with one sister, I have another sister in a different state. It has been 6 months, I have been home for about 45 days in those 6 months. It's starting to put a strain on my marriage. My husband keeps asking me why I need to be here, and doesn't understand when I tell him I just do. We talk on the phone every day, but lately he hasn't had much to say and sounds like he'd rather not talk at all. I feel like if I don't call him, the distance between us will be even greater. He is retired, I just retired last fall and had alot of plans for the summer, none of which has come about because I am not home. I feel guilty for not wanting to be here, knowing that I will only be home for good when my mom passes. My other sister can only stay for a month at a time, I am at the end of my rope.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by blownharley @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

blownharley — Sun, 01 May 2011 14:31:33 -0000

My father died almost 20 years ago and on his death bed i swore to him if ever the need i would take care and watch out for my mother,,well that time has come and i am going into the second year of it,,i had a decent paying job a small house and a few of the toys hard work provides,,extra car and custom harley,being the youngest of the 3 kids and single i thought it was going to be easy because i had the means to buy what ever she needed and provide light care,,,then i lost my job and moved home to moms 2 bedroom apartment,,i have ended up selling my vette my bike and my house,,it all seemed worth it at the time it was for her benefit and my own,,,but as time goes forward i have gotten less and less help or support from my brother or sister,,i understand my brother he lives far out of state,,my sister is just a street over and i guess i have made excuses for her,,,she has her own family and job and issues with her kids. My girlfriend is who is suffering she says she has seen the life sucked out of me and that now it seems i am no longer living life but just trying to survive another day. i feel so lost,,we live 100 miles apart but it feels like 1000,,there is no money left because of the cost of supporting 2 people on a single fixed income,,my mothers ssi,,,,i am so angry but dont know how to tell my family i just cant go forward on my own,,,there is not much work close to home and i might have to move,,i have turned down so many job offers because of the care i provide to my mother and the distance away,,,,if it was the 50's i would make a hell of a house wife,,the problem is my mothers care has become a 24/7 issue and with keeping up with dishes laundry cooking cutting grass shopping and taking her to her doctors visits,,there is no time left for me,,my mom made me promise not to put her into a home and for the most part she functions daily,,but being 73 going on 103 and cant open a bottle of water,,,how do i get the help i need,,,last but not least,,i never minded selling off my stuff,,,mom gave me life and lots of love growing up,,but i know how much i am losing touch with my girlfriend,,i only feel whole when i am with her and that is where my life is,,she has been great at times trying to encourage me or give me advice on what needs to be done with my family and moms future care but she deserves a future too and i feel like i am holding her back just waiting on an unknown tomorrow but also know that we could have a great life together if i was not stuck here.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by wokeup @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

wokeup — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 17:21:25 -0000

SharonAnn, I attend a caregiver's mtg once a week and I care for my Mom, 95. There are men/women in the group who care for their spouses. Surely a caregiver's mtg in town will accept you. You SHOULD NOT go thru this by yourself. Please inquire...I'll pray that they will 'take' you in. A caregiver is a caregiver, not matter to whom, be child, parent, aunt, etc. If you haven't found a place by now please do so. God bless you.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 20:20:51 -0000

I will not attempt to tell you what to do, but sometimes time is the best solution. Your ex and yourself need the time to even digest the recent divorce and what emotions are sometimes popping up. Trust in yourself and your heart. This is not the best advise, but merely something to consider. I am a caregive for MIL of an only child.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Miss Vicki1 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Miss Vicki1 — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 02:05:08 -0000

When I met my future husband,he knew what I did for a living. I said if he wasn't fine with it,then we could go our separate ways. He has stuck through the almost 2 years we were seeing each other. I got off every two or three weeks, he said was fine with him. Now we have gotten married, we got married in October of 2010. He is a God send!! He feels about the person that I take care of the same way I do!! We are making this work!! We see each other every two or three weeks, when her daughter comes in to stay. Some men can't handle this, but he is a very loving, caring person to do this. He know this is my my job and the way I make my living.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by Dee W @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Dee W — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 01:49:50 -0000

My situation involves my 82 yr. old Mom who has lived with me for about 4 years. She has always depended on me, even before my Dad died. Now, she says she will be with me until she dies. I was divorced for 10 years when she had to move in with me and it wasn't so bad. But then, I met a man who asked me to marry him and said he would take my Mom in. Her health was really bad and we didn't think she had much time left. However, once we moved, her health improved and although she has COPD, congestive heart failure and a host of other problems, she is doing fairly well. My husband began to resent her being there and made her take the upstairs bedroom. She had a hard time going up and down the stairs so spent most of her time in her room trying to stay out of his way. I have had 6 back surgeries and am on disability so carrying the oxygen tanks up and down the stairs hurt me as well. I did most everything for her while he was at work during the day and didn't neglect my marriage. I spent evenings watching TV with him but he was still jealous about the time I spent with her even during the day. He insisted my brother take her but my brother and sister-in-law both work. They do take her one weekend a month. When that wasn't enough, he wanted me to put her into a nursing home. My Mom is very shy, quiet and dependent and would not last a month in a nursing home or an assisted living center. We can't afford that anyway. She starts crying to just think about it and begs me not to put her there. The stress and jealousy was so bad on my husband that his anger came out in rants and rages. I couldn't take the yelling and emotional abuse any longer so after only a year of marriage, I took my Mom and moved out. If she had consumed all my time when he was at home, I could understand his problem. But she can mostly take care of herself except for cooking and sorting out her medicines. Sometimes she will have a breathing problem and needs someone close at hand when she panics. She uses 4 different nebulizers which she can do herself with very little help. Now, he wants me back but says he won't allow my Mom to return to his house. The pressure he is putting on me is rough. I need another surgery and he wants me to come stay with him during my recovery. What do I do with my Mom??? There is no one else to take her permanently. He is making it so hard on me pushing for an answer that I am so confused. I can't do that to my Mom. Am I wrong for that? I miss my home, which is in another city and only 3 miles from my daughter and grandchildren!!! There are advantages to going back and trying my marriage again but again...what would I do with Mom? I feel he is being so unfair. He said the offer only stands for a short while and he would have to find someone else because he is lonely and no man should be alone. I think he loves me but I don't like being pulled in two directions.

'Has caregiving affected your relationship with your spouse or significant other?' posted by bstallant @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

bstallant — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 19:30:31 -0000

Thanks for reading my post. I enjoyed reading yours too. My grandfather (Baptist Preacher) always said that the good Lord will not put anymore on us that what we can bear. What we are going thru in life with the care of the family in-laws feels to me like I am loosing years of my life that I am supposed to be happy and enjoying every minute. I guess there is a reason for us going thru this trial in life, we will find out the answer to that one day. My father-in-law makes the worst come out in me (I am not an evil person at all but he makes me feel so much hatred). It makes me feel sick the more I am around him, it is like he takes the good out of me and fills me with anger. I hope your situation dosen't get to that point. My ex hired a nurse to come in and take care of his father 3 days a week now. He came to visit me stress free for 3 days over Thanksgiving, the nurse came to stay with his dad. Maybe you can possibly get a nurse to come in just 2 or 3 days a week to help you so you can regain your sanity. I just felt like a doormatt until I moved out of the house with them. I do not like being divorced from my husband but I felt like I did not have any options. Now, if I go there to spend a day or two with my ex, his father will not speak to me or even look at me. My ex understands how he is and dosen't hold that against me at least. Call a local nuring home and ask if they have a nurse that could at least maybe help you 4 hr 2 or 3 days a week. God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.

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