Hello, I'm 35 years old woman and since i'm 17 my mother depends economically and emotionally on me. I was so desperate that when I was 27 I left my country and came to Europe to scape from the situation.However, even I'm far from her,I still call her every single day and I still respond for her economically. Now I have a husband and a little baby and I would like to live my own life without this extra-pressure, but I just can't abandon her. She does'n have anyone else, her family is absolutelly indiferent, she's 60 and is not easy for her to get a job, she doesn't even have friends, so she is all day alone on her place, smoking, and waiting for my call. I have a sister, and as well as me, she went to live in another country with her husband and she also has to send her money and call her, but in some way I feel she depends emotionally more on me than on her. I'm the oldest one, and I send her 75% of her income, the rest is done by my sister. The thing also is that now i'm not working because I just had the baby, my husband lost his job, so we are basically living with our savings and of course part of those savings are for her!!!!! I can't deal with this any more!! she was a very dedicated, suportive and caring mother when I was a little girl, with no help of my father or anyone else, that's what I always felt I wanted and had the obligation of helping her, but now I just can't live like this pressure any more!!! I've been her mother for 17 years!!
Hi Lilo! Congratulations on your new baby!
I am very sorry to hear about your husband's job loss; it's so hard these days! I understand how that can be affecting your mother as well.
It may well be you simply have to be honest with her. You haven't any money to send. She may need to take up the responsibility herself to find some funds, whether that means finding a job or accepting a roommate to share the expenses. At 60 she's not really eligible for federal help like Medicare or Medicaid, I don't believe. Sometimes the truth is hard but perhaps she needs to hear it and truly realize the situation.
I did find this Family Advisor post; perhaps some of the advice in here would be of interest to you? http://www.caring.com/blogs/family-advisor/my-sister-wont-care-for-mom-even-though-she-lives-in-the-same-town-i-do-everything-but-i-live-800-miles-away
Please let us know how things are going!
I am sorry for everything that has been going on..you certainly do sound overwhelmed! Could you ask your sister to contribute a bit more, until you and your family get your bearings again?
Hope it works out!
Best,
Kathy
www.homecareassistance.com
I don't know of any European resources nor your nation of origin. Perhaps there are group housing and meals for seniors? You do not give enough information to reply sensibly. I support your feelings and your efforts.
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