Do you think of yourself as a "caregiver"?

I like the word/phrase "caregiver" because it implies a more full-time, long-term commitment to being the person, or one of the people, who takes on the responsibility of caring for [whomever]. I'm not personally a good example of this (because to some extent I do have a more flexible caregiving schedule; I can "fit it into my life"), but if you say to someone for example "Oh, my mom works from home as a freelance editor, and she also takes care of her mother" they tend to think the caregiving--and it is caregiving, from making sure she eats okay, to taking her to doctors, to talking to her ten times a day on the phone--is something she does in her free time, almost as a nice afterthought, to be polite. Whereas if you say "Oh, my mom works from home as a freelance editor, and she's also the primary caregiver for her mother" they tend to understand that the two things might be (and in my mom's care, are) connected: she works from home BECAUSE she's a primary caregiver. (To be fair, we seem to be working out well with hired in-home caregivers these days *fingers crossed* so "primary caregiver" may no longer be accurate. But even just saying "and she's a major caregiver for her mother" implies more than just a passing thing.)

On the other hand, when it is a short-term, more finite thing (caring for an otherwise-okay elderly relative with, say, a broken brone), more whimsical terms can be fun to play with. My grandmother (before she had dementia) used to call and ask if I could come over to "Grandpa-sit" while she went to the store, because he was temporarily bed-ridden from a car accident. Some people thought it was offensive, implying I was "babysitting"...but my grandfather, the patient, thought it was hilarious. (And so did I, when my grandma seriously tried to pay me a going babysitter's rate!) Even now, my friends who offer respite care for my grandma (because even with the hired caregivers, she gets bored; my friends offer to take her to a movie, or come over for lunch or dinner), frequently phrase it as "So, that's my schedule; let me know if you need to me to Grandma-sit." (In a slightly darker vein, when I showed up to help my dad out after he busted his knee a few years ago, he took one look at me dressed in my usual jeans and t-shirt, and announced "You don't look like the nurses they have on TV!" To be fair, though, he was stoned on Percocet at the time. ;-D)

I've heard "carer" but maybe that's in another country like england?

I wish there was even abetter word than "adult child"

I prefer the phrase "Caregiver" to other things I have been referred to. Caregiver to me means that you are giving care to one who needs it.  I had been a primary caregiver for four years until June of last year and now even though my Dad is in a Nursing Home I still consider myself as his Caregiver. I do his laundry, shop for him mostly fresh fruit and of course take care of any and all info that the Nursing Home needs.  I do not think there is a better phrase for the person who gives the care and if you are truely a devoted caregiver you do not mind being called one.

I love it and I will miss the day when I no longer have that position. Please always be glad you are there for the person you care for as they need you and you may never hear it but you can always see it in their eyes.

I think the word caregiver tells it all. I have been a caregiver for almost 5 years for my husband who has alzheimers and I hope it last along time to come. It makes me feel needed and I wouldn't change anything. Sometimes its really hard but I know I am appreciated for what I do. It takes a strong person to be one and I have no problem being called a caregive. Its a great word and makes you know you are needed.

I use the term Care Partner.  We are actually "partners" in this experience.  I got this term from the book, Learning To Speak Alzheimer's.  It is excellent for any care partner to read.  It offers such insight into listening to the patient, even if they cannot communicate well.  You can still give them a voice and some independance in the situation.  I have used these techniques for 8 years.  Lucky for me I found a paid care partner that uses the same loving care. 

Joy

Caregiver or care partner works fine. We give care. It's demanding when it's 24/7 full care, as in my case. My  Mom is nearly end stage Alzheimer's with other health problems, too. Not everyone wants to share in the experience. No one wants to see "Mom the way she is".  Reality bites! My heart breaks. However, life goes on in a different vein. The consistency is in the inconsistency. I was at my Dad's bedside at home when he drew his last breath Nov.25,2008. I can't imagine being anywhere else. Caregiver? Yes, and glad I can be one, by God's Grace and with His help.

Debbie

I am a part time 'Careworker' and the people who I care for are called 'Service Users'!

I think this is the current terminology!!

Clem

I like the word "caregiver". But the reality is that I feel more like the Family Slave!

I understand that feeling, too. Sometimes I have to force myself to keep a focus on what really matters....................and that is giving care to someone who can't do it themselves. I can look myself in the mirror and know I'm doing what's right to the best of my ability.  May God give you peace, rest and strength, DolphinsCry.

Well, at least no one has mentioned that noxious phrase, "consumers". That is what the mental health comunity decided that patients had become. No matter that they were in a hospital, receiving care. Just sets my teeth on edge. Service users is a smidge better. I think cargivers is a wonderfully "crisp" word. It has some professionalism to it, not just a babysitter mentality.......You think more seriously of the commitment involved.

Joy's Care Partner is close, but the title i hope will catch on is an action verb: Care Sharing!

Taking  the blinders off our eyes and the earmuffs off our ears to REALize how much our folks are STILL  bringing  to the experience just by Being with us and we with them.  Sure, it's different than when we were the children, but somehow i don't think most of our parents ever saw us even in our infancy and times of illness or injury as less than beings to SHARE their lives with! 

Coming full-circle, then, let's enCircle them with that anticipation that they, too, offer just as much as we do.  If we are open to tHIS, tHERE will be lots of discoveries that  they 're meeting our needs even as we are meeting theirs!  In fact, many times we can encourage them to feel meaingful, too,  just by Asking for their Caring!  

pssst:  {{{{{HUGS and SQUEEZING HANDS are for TAKING as well as GIVING!}}}}}}

so, i vote for seeing ourselves engaged in CARE SHARING ~ recently Given a song~poem  that came out of a note i wrote on a basket of fresh fruit: 'let's just eat 'em all UP^ till they're all gone" ~ found myself singing "YES, let's just eat 'em all UP^ with love and tender loving care and kindness, in all our Ways, thru all our days, in all the Ways We can, Jesus, hand in Hand ~ Let's just eat 'em UP^ with Love and tender loving care...until they're just no longer there"  and such Love definitely Means SHARING...so, go and actively VERB each other every Way you can 

Would that we all could acheive gollyboys state of mind.

dear AuntieM (love your pic w/ the little one!) ~ it isn't a state of mind i've achieved - just my Design!  i hope you'll check me (gollyboy!) out in my Archives (esply the ABC Game!) so you'll get the real picture of how i tick.  Mostly i have to stay on the sidelines and try to just be a CHEERleader for the rest of you, based on the tiny of sliver of experience i'd give ANYTHING to get back to!   i miss them a lot, and i feel like i'm missing SO MUCH of their lives with them.  so, it's the Golden Rule in a Way to CHEER y'all on!

Right on gollyboy!  You got it!  Care Partner, Care Sharing, I love them both. 

Caregiver is OK but to me it means I give, you take.  It leaves no room for the loved one we are caring for to give us the wonderful gifts in the experience.  

 Service users and consumers is really  sad.  I had not heard those phrases before, but it explains some of the poor paid workers I have seen.    It means you are looking at a living human being as a product to be serviced. 

Look for the gifts that caring and your personal growth receive.  After months of my husband not being able to find the right words and no chancve of a full sentence, he was given the gift of speech.  And he said to me this week when I told him I had been to weight watchers, "Why, you are beautiful just as you are."  I will treasure that gift forever. 

Joy

Awwwww, Joy!  that's AWESOME!  please come on over to my new "corner " called TRADING HAPPY TALES in the Alzheimer's Group!  tHIS RATES big-time as a Happy Tale you've shared! 

i am so happy for you i can hardly stand it.   lots of Heart-felt JOY you've brought!  Jesus'n'val  

the darker the background, the more the diamonds shine!

more Happy Tales to YOU...until we meet again....from Roy & Dale and Trigger and Buttercup...and me!

Hey, Debbie!  AKA By God's Grace <= Amen to tHIS, my sister in the Faith!  Just got Led to go check out your bio, and also Nudged to say that i, too, kind of fell unsuspectingly into tHIS care sharing with elderly parents!  Like you, HiStory of my vocational "Choices" Chosen for me long ages ago were the perfect preparation:  Mine were all in the field of early childhood education for handicapped kids, especially NON-VERBAL ones...

i bet YOU can imagine how overwhelmingly awesome it was to find myself using all those skills and techniques and just fun-loving Loving i'd so glady spread around in my classrooms, to be Loving on  my Mom as the "new" kid who needs my patience and cheering her on (no matter how small or "insignificant" the advances she makes each day), to bring out the very Best in her!  Even my year recently as a volunteer in a bi-lingual Spanish~English class of kindergartners seems somehow to have been a hilarious part of the mix, pre-Pairing me to not panic when Mom and i weren't exactly speaking the same language and i couldn't find the vocabulary to let her know i was with her - that's when TOUCH comes in so HANDY, you know!  Ah yes, tis all By God's Grace! 

(:  ...and Jesus'n'me just Wanted YOU to Know how Blessed i am by your pointing out  how our Daddy's been Grace-Usly Tracking with you, so I'd see it for me, too.  thanx Debbie, go forth confidently  in your Reliance on Him!  come "see" Us over in the "corner" of the  Alz. Support Group We call TRADING HAPPY TALES! ...J'n'val

The Lord works in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform.  Angels"unaware" to us touch our lives in God's perfect timing.

TYVM Gollyboy for sharing with us. Your words mean more than you will ever know!  We don't  "walk this lonesome valley by ourselves", though we feel like it, at times.

Auntie M, you are so right!

Laura, tyvm for posing the question. May those who give care glean a better understanding of the importance of their role in life, albeit by chance or choice. There are many who share in the walk, joyfully, tearfully, part-time or full-tme . May we all learn and grow from the experience, giving support to each other as well. Thank you all!

Have a blessed day! :-)

Dear Debbie, AKA By God's Grace!  Yea, my Daddy, Yea!  Just a quick note of great-full-heartedness for your Blessing, Debbie!  as i figure it, "9 hrs ago" was about 9 in tHIS morning my time (East Coast), and i can reckon the day having begun on a Light and Lightened note from about then!  so, thanx for your prayer. 

Spent the day sorting/sifting,  sort of starting to dream about getting back to Houston and my dear folks, may(iT)be with/in the month (as in @ 4 weeks)!  If Jesus'n'me Deems me ready!  that's a big, big IF cuz i was reMinded of a purrable  re  my old kitty and me not very long before we were Parted.  my friend whom we live/lived  with had a memory to share with me of golly and how he'd make a mad dash for the door after being outside...well, the rest of that story, as golly came to anticipate all too well  and PROTEST vigorously and loudly, is that, for the sake of his good old heart, i'd let him run to the door and then pick him up and carry him away quite a distance and encourage him to race to it again, probably 4 more times at most - then finally, when he was all nicely exercised and strengthened from MY omniscient/omnipotent point of view, i'd let him in!

so....what was good for the the pet purrson i now realize is also good for me: to have to endure a lot of closed doors for the sake of MY heart!  i can only Hope this "pet's"  Person Who has already Loved and Re-Deemed me, Deems me ready/pre-Paired someday soon to go Share Care again! 

Meanwhile, my job to SMILE (sometimes thru tears) and to Brighten the Corner where We are...until We're just no longer THAR  (:   anyWAY, could be i get to go back to Houston SOON!~in Jesus' Loving Strength and STRENGTHENING Love for each and all of y'all (that's Texan-ese!)