DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by Anonymous @ 08:57 PM May 02, 2009

Anonymous — Sat, 02 May 2009 20:57:43 -0000

my mom was on too much b/p pills and her heart acted up as anxiety, they put her on Seroquel and then Zoloft. She developed tremors and seizures, was taken off most of meds and only on one B/P now. She is starting to be more cooperative.

Elderly can not break down meds well and they are not metabolized properly and give them side effects. Zoloft can cause tremors in the elderly.

A kidney Dr. would help to see how the body is digesting the pills but can't get a referral because her lab work is fine.... Although she does have low sodium and low potassium now and frequent UTI, itching and other symptoms of kidney.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by Anonymous @ 07:55 PM April 29, 2009

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:55:43 -0000

As frustrating as it is to care for someone with dementia, we never forget that we love them and are happy to help and do for them. However, I learned that after a while, you neglect yourself and become too tired to cope with this alone. No matter what you do or how much you give of yourself, there comes a time when a person has had enough of abusive behavior..even if intellectually you know, its dementia, or an interaction to medication,.pain, etc.... All threats are to be taken seriously...like I said I learned, that eventually this escalates and you do not want to be in a situation where you cannot help yourself. or you are in danger because you thought the person who had dementia, drug reaction, pain, depression etc. would really never hurt you....Been there, done that....you need help...a support is a good place to start, but you need to get out there for your sanity, your safety and best case scenario: To better help the person you are caring for. I hope this helps.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by DebbyC @ 03:46 AM April 20, 2009

DebbyC — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 03:46:49 -0000

The med name is LORAZEPAM. She gets a dosage of 0.5 mg twice daily. As I said once the medicine kicks in....she is much easier to tak to and seems more cooperative and less aggressive! I hope this works for you as well. Let me know. GOOD LUCK

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by cmacp @ 01:11 AM April 20, 2009

cmacp — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 01:11:36 -0000

DebbyC- Please tell us what the name of the med is. I think that is OK. My husband takes Depekene, a form of Valproic acid syrup. This is widely used for brain injuries, although originally just for Epilepsy. It soothes the chronic pain of the brain trauma and settles his personality. I've been increasing it which seems to help, and spreading it eavenly through out the day. I know what you mean about the meanness and profanity. It does hurt.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by cmacp @ 01:11 AM April 20, 2009

cmacp — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 01:11:36 -0000

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by DebbyC @ 04:36 PM April 19, 2009

DebbyC — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 16:36:40 -0000

This sounds EXACTLY like what I have been going through in my home as well. I talked to my mothers Doctor many times about this problem. Finally I asked him, isnt there something that you can give her that just takes off the edge of some of her brutality? He said he would perscribe something, and IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM. Its not heavy medication that makes her dopey, but rather a mild anelgesic (spelling?) that really does take the edge off and makes it so that I can talk to her in a rational manner without her screaming obscenities and trying to hit me. Usually after she takes her meds in the morning she is still BAD but by the time that the meds kick in she becomes more rational in her thinking and is able to relax while talking to us. THANK GOD FOR THIS MEDICATION! My mother not only has had a stroke but is dealing with an inoperable brain tumor that is pressing on the frontal lobe of her brain....yes, the part that actually controlls reason, personality etc. So I would heartely suggest that you speak with your mother or fathers doctors about offering you something that will help them relax just a bit. Life with someone with a stroke is not easy, but there are meds out there that can help!

Debby

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by cmacp @ 09:31 PM April 18, 2009

cmacp — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 21:31:02 -0000

3rdgirl;

My 57 yr old husband had progessive dementia from a brain injury 2 yrs ago. He also throws heavy objects and smashes glass. I've put most of my valuables away in closets. Need to get them all away. One of my favorite lamps, my electric kettle, and a favorite painting lay sitting waiting to be repaired. I just picked up the sheraton style chair from the furniture repair man. He is breaking things faster than I can get them repaired or replaced. When he was hospitalized I repainted all the rooms. Now we have dents in all the walls from flying objects. Yesterday I was washing orange juice of the bedroom walls and floor.

I've started spreding his medications out through the day which helps some. I also treat him with kid gloves at night. I'd never heard of the term 'sun downing'. I thought it was only my husband who became violent at night. I have no answer, only comissuration

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by LauraL @ 03:20 PM April 09, 2009

LauraL — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:20:38 -0000

Thanks Ohmickie, and welcome to the site!

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by Ohmickie @ 02:07 PM April 09, 2009

Ohmickie — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:07:19 -0000

I just discovered this website and these discussions and just wanted to thank all of you for your comments. Many of them have been very helpful. I am most comforted by the fact that there are others out there going through similar situations as mine. My mom is 86 and has had one TIA about a year ago and more recently a small stroke. Although she recovered from the stroke with minimum damage, she can no longer be left alone 24/7 and needs supervision with her meals as she is no longer able to safely prepare them by herself. I have one sister who recently retired to take care of my mom and then I try to provide the "respite" care when possible. My mom has always been a very cold and hurtful person, so my sister and I have had a lifetime of dealing with her rejection, her meanness and her personality changes. She tries to play us against each other and tells each of us, as well as other family members that we said things we didn't say!

I do have a couple of comments/suggestions that might help. One is to encourage everyone who is going through similar situations to just keep trying. All of the suggestions about MRIs and checking medications, etc. are very good. I don't think anyone really has an answer and you just have to keep trying until you find something that works.

To Suze, I just want to say that if you are still working for that woman after ten months, you are to be commended. I think any threats of hurting someone, etc., should always be taken seriously and I agree that her family needs to know about her behavior. The suggestion of making a video or at least taping some of her episodes was very good in case no one believes you. You also do need to take care of yourself and not be in the house with this woman 24/7.

Another suggestion is to do your best not to take these episodes personally. I've found that my mother has her "mean" episodes when she is not feeling well, when she is in pain and/or when she is really depressed or anxious over something. I've come to realize that she struggles greatly over the concept of her decline in being able to do for herself and with her possible death. She is extremely resentful of my sister because my sister "has" to help her now and she aims a lot of her anger and bitterness at my sister for this reason. She accuses us of "just sitting around watching her and waiting for her to die," but I've come to realize that is her own personal struggle and feelings, so when she makes those accusations, I try to talk to her about them.

Also, keep the communication open between yourself and other family members or the family you are working for. My sister and I have an "agreement" not to believe anything my mother tells us about the other person and we stay in constant contact with each other. My mother hates the fact that we talk to each other, but some things are just necessary.

Lastly, God has called us to love one another, even the ugliest of people, and I believe He has called us to care for our elderly ourselves and not stick them in nursing homes unless absolutely necessary. He will give us the strength and wisdom we need each day. Through my relationship with him I have come to learn how to "love" people like my mom who are often unlovable! With His help and His strength, I can do all things....even suffer my mom's abuse without being personally hurt or wounded. When I take myself out of the picture and focus more on the source of her meanness and what she must be going through, I am able to cope. I encourage anyone who is going through this with an elderly person, to get involved in some kind of support group or have a good group of friends to talk to, and certainly the FAMILY of any elderly person who is being abusive should be informed! God bless you all and remember -- you are not alone!

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by Anonymous @ 07:58 PM April 01, 2009

Anonymous — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:58:00 -0000

I am friends with an elderly lady. I don't get to see her very often but the last time i seen her she was very thin and kept coughing and tapping herself on the head, she is 83. I gave her some dinner and she was eating like she hadn't ate for a long time and she made a statement that it felt good to eat. She also makes statements about always being left alone and no one talks to her. I am considering making an anymous complaint so that she could be checked on to make sure she is not being neglected. Not sure what to do, She lives with her son and his wife, they have a handi cap daughter and small small son They seem like nice people but who knows behind closed doors. Does anyone else have any other suggestions.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by Anonymous @ 02:33 AM March 31, 2009

Anonymous — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:33:30 -0000

Suze - you started this thread a long time ago, so you may not see this, but I have two thoughts on your post. First, if you are truly caring for this woman 24/7 I think her family has unrealistic expectations. They really should have at least two people sharing this job. I am just now finding out how challenging care giving is (with my mom) and I know I certainly could not do it full time with no help. If you are - may I send caring thoughts your way?! Second, as a hired care giver I would document what is going on - keep a journal or something. (Video perhaps? ) If her family has not seen this side of her and she is on best behavior everytime they are there, what will they think if some type of incident occurs? I just think one must be cautious in today's litigious atmosphere. That way you will have some support if a "she said, you said" discussion came up.

My very best wishes to you for all you are doing to help and care for this lady.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by LauraL @ 03:05 PM March 16, 2009

LauraL — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 15:05:06 -0000

lady-di, I'm sorry to hear of your cousin. It must be difficult to see someone change as much as I'm sure she seems to have. I'm glad to hear you and other family are so willing to care for her. Good luck.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by lady-di @ 06:50 PM March 15, 2009

lady-di — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:50:09 -0000

I have a cousin who is 68 years old who now has early stages of alzheimer, I have never been around anyone who has it until I started being around her.

I notice how agitated she gets when she cannot remember anything and somedays she looks like she is depress or just out of it.

I wanted to get Will and power attorney done for her but Senior Law Center said because of her condition now the court would have to assign a Guardianship over her they would have to appoint someone to take care of her, we went tothe court March 11th, 2009 here in Philadelphia, Pa.so I hope her mom and neice will take care of that to make sure she will be ok

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by jaded_heart @ 06:25 AM January 26, 2009

jaded_heart — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 06:25:55 -0000

Diana3, since the situation with your mother is only recently diagnosed, has she been put on any dementia medications like Aricept or Namenda? If so, those may take several weeks before the full benefit is realized. There is also a bright spot in her advanced years at diagnosis ... what I mean is that the more aggressive forms of dementia generally have an earlier onset, in the early 70's, the 60's, or even the late 50's. That might indicate a slower progression with the disease, which might buy her more time if a medication regiment can be found that helps her. One more thing, with most forms of elderly dementia you'll see a daily pattern where increased confusion and agitation occur about the same time every day, typically late afternoon until bedtime (it's called sundowner's syndrome). Some people find that this is the period when outside help is most useful, so start keeping a daily log of her behavior and see if you can identify her pattern ... if you can that may help to determine the type of assistance and frequency that would most benefit them.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by 3rdgirl @ 04:18 AM January 25, 2009

3rdgirl — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 04:18:21 -0000

To Suze:

My father is 81 years old and he has a tendency to act out when his girlfriend of 30 years is not around. She is such a gem she stays at my house most of the time to help care for my father, however when she is not here he is combative, fights everyone, drinks liquid soaps and urinates on my bathroom counter.

When I question him about his bad behavior upon her return he completely denies any knowledge of it.

That being said, you are not alone and I have yet to figure out whether or not he has bouts of clarity where he actually knows what he is doing.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by Diana3 @ 09:54 PM January 09, 2009

Diana3 — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:54:29 -0000

My family recently found out our Mom has Dementia. We are struggling trying to put all the pieces together on "what to do next". She is 81 and she lives with my Dad who is 85 and not in good health either, although his mind is still good most of the time. It is really hard to know what is best for them. They do own their own home and have a small pention so financially it could be a lot worse. I just want what is best for them. ]I am just looking for resources and help for the next phase.

Reading all your letters and solutions has helped me. Thank you.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by kj777 @ 02:49 AM December 22, 2008

kj777 — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 02:49:35 -0000

This is me again, I'm not anymous. Here I am!

I wrote info immediately above. My error.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by Anonymous @ 02:48 AM December 22, 2008

Anonymous — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 02:48:40 -0000

I AM GOING CRAZY. I have my own problems. Anyway, I love my family. In a nushell, my mom is 75 and in May 2008 had a mild TIA stroke. In no time she was better and back to herself but I knew she needed rest cos she seemed tired anyway and sometimes a bit of weakness would return to her right arm. I don't live at home. What makes it worse is my Dad has Parkinsons and is no help to himself but he did do his best and he cooked but the minute he thought Mum was back to normal, he stopped. My brother in from the Uk, who is there temporarily with his wife and kids said suddenly last week she seemed to be out of it, incoherent, forgetful, aggressive, angry, snapping and confused.

I said take her to a doctor and get the MRI and blood test and cardiovascular tests. Nobody did that. With a TIA, the first thing to do is check the brain for a bleed or clot but noooooooooo. Then the last two weeks have been hell (likely more hell for her too). She had blood tests - grave;s disease , her skin (she is caucasian/olive) is like the coour orange; then another endocrinologists says seems like she has dementia as well but I can't get the siblings (I have two) to get the MRI ! Why do they have to wait on a doctor to tell them to get it when they can ask him to write it up. Meanwhile my Mum is forgetting everything. By the way, her mom died at 96 of Alzeimers so I am so frustrated.

My dad, who seems to be in denial, said he did not even ask her the results. She must be so hurt. She has forgotten the name of the cat, has no interest in anything and I am so hurt and sad and it is Christmas too.

I love everyone in this picture but we need piwer of attorney, need to know everything and she is also acting paranoid.

OH God!

Mom was never sick a day in all my 44 years and I am also wary of telling my daughter who has had trials already and is now settled in the Uk with a job and doing well. When is the right time.

HELP!!!

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by batgrrly1 @ 06:04 PM December 12, 2008

batgrrly1 — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:04:32 -0000

wow, it could be couple of things, I would definately have the meds checked. But is she suffering from Dementia or Altheimers? If so, this very childish behavior and threatening could be part of it. BUt your life shouldn't suffer because she is like this. I would maybe look for another position.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by jaded_heart @ 02:53 AM December 03, 2008

jaded_heart — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:53:25 -0000

Darlenej - It's so heartbreaking for all of you. I watch my husband struggle with his elderly father's anger issues ... like you I think he's becoming numb to the string of verbal assaults that always await. The numbness becomes a matter of simple survival after a while even though the guilt lingers on... nothing seems to numb that aspect for any of us. My husband goes home to visit them less and less no matter how much I encourage him and deep inside I can't really blame him. It's a sad situation. Numbness defends against the hurts but it also dulls the connection they once had. I sure wish there were answers for all of us, but it doesn't seem there are.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by darlenej @ 08:28 PM December 02, 2008

darlenej — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 20:28:04 -0000

That sounds like my mother to a tea; just mean and hateful but has been for years, although now she has dementia and is in a nursing home. I would have her live here but with threats of killing me and accusations of stealing from her, plus outrageous anger outbursts wherein she'll throw and bust up everything in sight, it is just not doable; nor would assisted living. Right now she wants to go home but her home is in a physical and financial mess. I have loved her and tried to help her all my life, but I am at wits end and beginning to become numb to her insults and aner....after years of allowing her to tear my heart out. Bible says to be careful what you hear....Harmful and hurtful words can do much damage. I'd find another job. This is probably why the family has hired someone rather than take her in with them.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by jaded_heart @ 07:29 PM October 14, 2008

jaded_heart — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 19:29:36 -0000

3rd girl - your father's issues are very problematic but not unique. I don't know the answer but it does bring to mind a very similar story. One of my best friends experienced similar focused bouts of rage from her elderly mother aimed at her two children (boy and a girl). It started right after her mother's health took a sudden and dramatic turn for the worse (brain anyurism complicated by a series of debillitating strokes). Her mother was left with mobility issues requiring use of a walker for ambulation and a severe speech deficit she was never able to overcome in the twelve years she lived after the strokes. Where she had previously been a fit and physically active, very independant person she could no longer drive, speak clearly, or move about freely enough to even provide for her own basic needs without assistance. Talk about anger issues ... episodes of unadulterated rage were common the first few years and gradually waned over time. I honestly don't know if my friend's mother came to terms with her disability or gradually lost the strength required for a really good bout of rage, but I suspect it was a combination of both. A couple of years into it I encouraged my friend to let her mother fulfill the role of being her mother (rather than her dependant child) for at least a few moments every evening. In their case, my friend who had previously leaned heavily on her mother's advice about daily problems, began sitting down with her mother and having (albeit one sided) discussions about the trials and tribulations of her day ... giving her mother the opportunity to nod sympathetically and pat her hand or offer a hug. It wasn't a miracle cure but my friend did see a decrease in the frequency and fury of aggression aimed at her children. I think it gave mother and daughter a common ground to begin communicating about many of the hard issues the final days bring with them.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by 3rdgirl @ 04:42 PM October 14, 2008

3rdgirl — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:42:00 -0000

It helps to hear your stories, I thought I was the only one. My situtation is a little different as my 80 year old father has not focused his anger on my yet and he has been in my care for 2 years, however, he does very mean and hateful things to my young adult sons, my husband and my teen age son he despises. Don't know how it will progress but when he is angry he is out of control and engages in dangerous behavior (throwing glass objects and heavy items at people). If anyone has experienced this focused rage and has any solutions I welcome the advice.

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by LauraL @ 01:20 AM October 14, 2008

LauraL — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:20:33 -0000

That's wonderful advice jaded_heart. Thank you so much for sharing your information with us!

DEMENTIA AGGRESION posted by jaded_heart @ 07:07 PM October 13, 2008

jaded_heart — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:07:33 -0000

A UTI certainly can escalate behaviors and cause erratic mood shifts in some elderly people, but not all. Many medications do have side effects to cause behavior changes and steroids would be at the top of the list, plus there are interactions between medications that sometimes cause changes. Another factor to consider, the older people are the more likely they are to suffer from an accumulated overdose on maintenance medications they may have been taking routinely for years without suffering any adverse effects at all. Sundowners is also a common cyclical complication of many forms of dementia and it most often manifests in the afternoon / evening hours but that's not written in stone either and can happen at other times of the day in certain individuals. Several organic brain syndromes may also cause a disrupted sleep pattern on top of the mood swings, so there are cases that without behavior modification medications the outbursts typically occur very late at night into the wee hours of the morning ... and those often have psychotic features that may include full blown hallucinations. In short, there's no simple answer that works on everybody and a thorough assessment with blood and urine screening is a great place to start, followed by a complete pharmacological review ... and don't leave out testing for theraputic drug levels to assist in making any dosage adjustments that may be necessary. Then, if you still haven't found the answer it's trial and error time, including altering diet, sleep schedules, and finally behavior modification medications as needed. Welcome to my world ... the world of nursing where you always hope you'll stumble on the solution that's just right for that particular individual. Oh yeah, and add a huge measure of patience because it typically takes several days on all the lab work you need plus the necessary consultations ... and in the event that you must resort to trial and error only change one thing at a time, let two or three days pass to observe the effects over time, then if that wasn't effective move on to changing something else. I know family's hate to hear this, but it's a process that typically takes weeks to resolve these kinds of issues. But who knows, you might get lucky and find the problem in your initial set of labs ... regardless, the important thing is don't give up. Network with anybody and everybody and remember that no matter how disagreeable a dementia patient can be for the most part you are dealing with the disease, not the person.

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