Hi,
I stumbled onto this web site while looking for senior resources. I've been trying to help my parents for the past couple of years after my Dad broke his hip and Mom had her heart attack with stent install. Last week, Dad was in the hospital after a seizure where he struggled to breath. He was diagnosed with COPD and his left ventricle is dysfunctional. He's had a water pocket near the brain stem for several years now. This was viewed as a risk to do a catheterization to look at his heart further. Dad is home and fairing OK. He's staying on the first floor for right now. A home care nurse was coming in today to meet with my parents. Someone from Ohio's Passport system is meeting with them next week. My Mom feels guilty when I take off work and leave behind my family to help them. She tried to pay me for coming up last week when Dad was in the hospital but I refused the money. I have no siblings. I work full-time with a husband and a six year old son. I've been calling each day since I came home to check in with my parents and my Mom seems to appreciate it.
I'm at a loss on what the right thing is for me to do. I don't want to make my parents feel like invalids. My Mom is in far better health than my Dad. I know Dad struggles with not being able to do the things he used to do like mowing the yard which is something they've hired out. Besides general cooking & cleaning, I feel my parents have reached the point where they need to have outsiders (family or hired help) come in and do major jobs like lawn care, painting, fixing. Their house is paid off and they would like to remain there. Come 2012, my parents could lose their supplemental insurance from the company where Dad worked. I cannot get them on my benefits unless they live with me.
I'm doing a lot of praying and a lot of researching. This is one of my many stops.
Thanks.
Soon hopefully later, your parents will be getting older health-wise and they will need either caregivers or assisted living. The state will take all property, money, and belonging within the past 5 years (check with your or her state gov't benefits for elders). My mom had to put everything in our name 5 years before she was in need of any state aided help and the Medicare doesn't pay for much of the costs of Assisted Living. It is very expensive. We had to sell mom's new car and home just to pay for her to remain in Assisted Living. There is a program I think somewhere on this site about Caretaker's receiving payment for later years when times get tough. These are some suggestions to look into and think about. Also lean on her and your medical support they have great advice. It will become intense. I will be here if you need to know more.
Hi Jodi,
Sorry I didn't see you post until now! I could have written your post a few years ago before my parents moved here. You're a smart girl for trying to do some preparing now.
I have a few questions. How old are your parents? Are they on Medicare yet? If they are not, they will be eligible at age 65, if not sooner due to disability. Unfortunatley, Medicare doesn't cover everything, but there are supplemental policies they can buy to help offset those costs.
When Charlene mentioned the state taking everything, she's referring to Medicaid, I believe. Medicaid is a needs-based problem and eligibility depends on assets and income. In the case of someone needing long-term care in a nursing home, for example, my understanding is that they do some estate recovery after the person has passed away. Here is some good information about that.
On another note, have your parents ever considered moving closer to you or vice versa? My parents moved about 20 minutes away from me and, to be honest, I wish the house was even closer. We lost my dad only a few months ago and it's been a huge blessing to be able to see my mom as she went through this.
It's so nice you've got a relationship with them that they're open to frequently phone calls and visits. I'm sure they really appreciate your love and concern!
Hi,
My parents are both 74. They have medicare along with a supplemental insurance that was part of my Dad's retirement benefits. That could be going away shortly. My parents own their home and it is paid off. I looked for some places near us last year after my Mom's heart attack and the cost was too expensive. My husband and I both currently work at Ohio State and trying to find similar positions in Ashland has not been possible. There are not many jobs in the area at all.
I saw my parents yesterday and my Dad looks horrible. He shuffles and is terribly unsteady. He sits even more hunched over than I ever remember. A PT came in and gave him a sheet of exercises. He will only do the exercises if the therapist is there. I tried to talk about things so he could be engaged in conversation but he didn't want to talk. He said he was really sleepy. Already being hunched forward, every time he started nodding off, he almost fell off the dining room chair.
My Dad had an appointment with his doctor today and he's supposed to see the same heart doctor that my Mom sees. I'm not sure what that will yield so I'm waiting to see at this point. Mom gave me a hug bear hug yesterday so I know she is very appreciative. Dad & I did a "half hug" because I thought he was going to fall over!!
I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but yesterday's visit was a bit discouraging.
*hugs* It's so hard seeing our parents sick, Jodi. It's heartbreaking. 
Let us know how the doctor appointment goes. Hopefully s/he will have some good information.
We are your parents age. My husband has Lewy Body/Alzheimer's. What my boys did was to start coming at least once a month for a long weekend, 3 to 4 nights. While they are here, they do alot of the "honey do" projects that I can't and spent quality time with us. You could supervise friends and neighbors to help you. Even now that he is in memory support, they continue to come as often as possible and when I want to take a vacation. He still knows them and continues to enjoy their company.
About the finances of bringing 24/7 help. I don't know much about it, but you might explore a reversable mortgage.
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