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hi  my brother  just had  pancreatic  cancer  surgery   and  3  days  latter  he  had to have  open heart  surgery  ,  hes  doing   pretty   well but   he  is  getting  ready  to  start   chemo  and  rad ,,,,,,,  he  already  get  upset  over anything and  it has change  him lots   ,  does any  one   no what  i will be  facing  taking  care  of  him  thou  the  treatment  he  want  to act  like  nothing  wrong  and  more  i do  to help madder  he  gets  ,,  im  try   nto to  push him just  let  him be  hisself  but  this  is  very  hard  for  me  as  much   as him  so can  anyone  plz  tell me  if  this  will get  better  for  him or  what  i'm looking at  to deal with  all  i want  to do is  be  here  for  him i have  moved  him in my  home but  right  now  hes  mad  at  ever  body  just  dont  no what  to  do  


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Ugh!  It sounds like you have a classic case of caring for someone is very independent.  I'm betting your brother views needing help as a sign of weakness.  And seriously...being treated for pancreatic cancer and having open heart surgery would definitely make someone weak!  It must have all been a hard blow for him to accept.

I don't know if this will work, but when my mom recently stayed with us for a few weeks while recovering from surgery, the thing that made her happiest was feeling like she was, in someway, helping me.  If I asked her to set the table, she cheered right up.  When I asked her to do a puzzle with my children so I could work for a bit, she was thrilled.  Do you think there is any way you could make your brother feel like he's doing you a favor by being there?  It may make a huge difference and help his ego.

Let us know how it goes!


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ty  so much for  the  advice , i have  been  finding  little thing for  him  to do  and  it has  seemed  to help lots  he  was  very  indenpent  before  he  also lived in  another  state  and  had to come   here  so  yes  he  has   gave  up a lot  ,,,,,,,,   but  i had never  though  of  it  like  u said   so  ty  so much  for  that