Working and Caring

Hello!

I can definitely believe it's tough.  Everyone needs a break and it seems like you go from one job to another.  Don't take that the wrong way.  I know you love your mom and care for her lovingly.  But let's face it, caregiving is a chore. 

You may have already crossed this bridge, but do you think your siblings would be willing to maybe take on the responsibility of caring for her once a month?  Maybe they'd be more amenable if they realize it's a temporary thing, just to give you a break.  Another idea is to hire a caregiver that maybe comes in one or two nights a week.

Missy,

Thank you for your response.  After I re-read my initial email, I realized that it made my mom seem horrible.  She is a very loving and caring person.  She does occassionaly say some mean things but that is maybe 1% of the time.  I know that she is hurting and I will do anything for her and she knows that.

My one sibling lives out of state and the other sibling takes care of mom during the day.  She has made it clear that she doesn't want to watch mom during the night or weekends.  Now I had to work today and and she did watch her.  I do get help to come in and it gives me a chance to go to a meeting or whatever in the evenings.   I have a lot of wonderful, caring, lady friends from church that will come over and be with mom when I am gone.  I have started using them. 

Thank you for your response.  One thing I know about myself is that I am strong.  Mom is all I have and I don't want to loose her.

My pleasure, Sammi!  And please...no worries about making your mom sound "horrible".  You absolutely did not.  I'm sure she's a lovely woman whom you love dearly.  You're among other caregivers here who understand the joys and frustrations of this devotion to our parents.  You don't ever have to disclaim or apologize.  *hugs*

Another thing I was thinking about is your work schedule.  Is it flexible at all?  Maybe can you go in a little earlier or take a shorter lunch break and get out earlier?  Or perhaps you can go in later and leave a little later. ...andything to get some precious time to yourself for a little break without necessarily increasing the load your sibling bears as well.

I feel for you, though. You work all day, all night and every weekend.  Caregivers needs breaks too.  If you don't get one, you'll go nuts! 

So Missy,

My hours are fixed but my boss is wonderful about me coming in late, leaving early or taking time off to be with mom for appointments.  Mom is doing so well.  Tonight I pushed her through the neighborhood in a wheelchair looking at the halloween decorations.   I think I enjoyed it as much as she did.  If you haven't figured out, mom is pretty much my life.  First is my Lord and then comes mom and then my job. 

Speaking of breaks, do you speak from experience regarding breaks?

Aww!  Your Halloween walk sounds so nice!  I'm glad you both enjoyed it so much!

I definitely speak with some experience with regard to break.  In times when my parents' health was in a deep valley, I've provided lots of care and it was overwhelming.  I had to, unapologietically, take breaks.  My situation was different, though, because it was temporary.  Thankfully my parents are both doing well right now.  Now my kids...they're another story. 

I know caring for children and caring for parents is quite different.  But the common denominator is my feeling of needing to breathe.  And when I do take a few minutes to myself, I know I return to my caregiving duties refreshed and really to do my best.  When I get worn down, I feel lke I'm just going through the motions.  My head and my heart feel better towards my responsibilities when I can have a break.  And I feel like my children pick up on that.

It has been a tough day.  Mom fell again.  She didn't get hurt, but is sore.  She stayed at my sister's last night so that I could get a good nights sleep.  But we won't be doing this anymore.  It is just too hard on my mom and sister.  I have never seen my sister so shook up as she was this morning.  I am a much stronger person mentally and physically as she is.  I have help for the rest of the year all lined up for the nights that I have to be gone.  That is a blessing.  I have wonderful lady friends from church that really step up to the plate to help me.

Well, it is time for bed.  Blessings.

Sadness today. We found out that mom's bladder cancer tumor has grown quite large since January.  It has now blocked her left kidney outflow.  We are going to visit again with an Uriologist and see if there is anything else we can do.  I hope so.  My head is killing me today with a headache.  Need to cry and release but don't want to do it in front of mom.  Try to be light and fun with her.  She wants to go to AZ to see her sister so I will be taking her next month.  Looking forward to that.  Prayers are helping.  God is in control. 

Hi Sammi,

I'll definitely keep you and your mom in my prayers.  I'm so sorry to hear that the tumor has grown.     One thing I want to let you know is that it's okay for mom to see you cry.  If everyone is always all light and fun all of the time, there will be a part of her that wonders if the problem is actually that serious and if it is, why is no one sad? 

*hugs to you both*  Please keep us updated.