Trouble dealing with Moms cancer

Hello, loving son. I'm glad you've come here.

It's a very difficult thing, to deal with the possible loss of a parent, and I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are. It's tough, I know. ***HUGS*** Eat. Hang in there. Spend time with her. Do what you can do now, and know that she loves you, and always, always will. No matter what. Your life isn't ending - and you know how to know it?  Look at your parents' parents. Your parents continued on with their loss (if they've passed; I'm assuming they have and you can correct me!) and life itself does go on. Always has, always will. You are part of this really big circle, and so am I.

Please stick with us and let us know how things are going.

Loving son,  I feel your pain.  You are very fortnate to have a wife and children who love and support you - - - let them.  My mom is 88 and she has bladder cancer.  Yesterday we found out that her left kidney is now blocked by the tumor.  This is not good.  But the Lord knows what he is doing, I don't.  I don't know if you are a religious man or not, but if you believe, trust in the Lord.  You won't understand, I don't.  I want my mom to live forever but I am being selfish.  Cry, and cleanse you spirit.  Be happy for all that you have shared with your mom.  If you haven't start making notes about stories or things that she has told you.  If she would feel comfortable do a video.  Remember all the fun you had as a child on the video.  Ask you mom and dad to tell funny stories about you as a child.  Don't think of it as a "rememberance" of them, but something for you to cherish for ever.  Love them.  Give lots of kisses and hugs.  Get into a support group.  Ask your dr where you might find one.  They are wonderful.  I went to one when my dad was diagnosed with cancer 16 yrs. ago.  I cry.  I haven't eatten since yesterday and I have a screaming headache.  Why?  Because I love my mom more than anything.  You are married, talk to your wife.  You are lucky.  I am not married and I have very few people to talk to.  Take care and remember you have people who understand you and your situation.

Dear Loving Son - it will get better when you tell yourself that it has to be and that is the only way to go. My 72 yo Mother was dx with stage 3 BC a year ago and undergoing 2nd line chemo. The Doctor told us it was terminal 3 months ago. I cried and cried - even now - but never in front of her. We could have let her go then but I was not ready to let her go - I knew she had it in her to fight and live - if only to have me for a little bit longer. Know that your Mother would not want you to stop living bc she is going and will be gone. You have a wonderful family and think of how they would feel when you leave. Your Mother gave birth to you for a reason - to live and to live a full life - do not let her down just because she has to go. Live your life to the max and give it everything you have - make the days onwards something beautiful - if your Mother is around - do things she can still do together - she will have some bad days and some good - make it a beautiful journey you can cherish when she is gone. I don't live with my Mother  I can only visit from half way round the world and I have spent 3 beautiful months with my Mother, Father, my brothers and their families. I hope to come back for more visits - but if I don't have any more time with her, I know I can let her go - it will break my heart but I know I will live. The sun will shine again after the storm has passed. Take care.

I feel for you.  My Mother also has cancer in her lympnods, they had it under control once but then it came back.  i to this day can-not accept the fact that she has cancer.  I would do anything for her.  not only is she my mother she is also my best friend in the whole world.  i cry, i get really cranky, and i also bury the fact that it's there.  i try to pretend it's not there. i pray as the Lord is the healier and everything has a time and a place and a season. it's just so hard when it is your loved one especially a parent.  Keep the prayer's, join a support group if you can or maybe even talk to a counsolor that specializes in this area. best wishes to you and lots of love and prayer too. take care and remember the lord is right there by your side walking the road with you. God Bless

Loving Son, You are really hurting right now and it will go on for ages. I know that sounds terrible but my Mother had cancer and I lost her 30 years ago,I still cry on her birthday or some day's that reminds me of her. I took lots of pictures,so I would remember how bad she suffered during those last days. I was thankful when God took her home to be with him.  I knew her pain was gone,she was happy.  She talked to us the whole time.  She shared precious memories about us while we were growing up. She told us stories of her and Daddy when they were young,how they managed after getting married.?  What they went through at first,it means the world to me now.  I wrote it all down,so I can remember all these stories she shared with us.. She knew her days were numbered but she lasted for 4 years after she  found out she had the  cancer.  So you take lots of pictures,laugh with her and ask her to share stories of her life when she was young,ask her questions about her school days,it makes them feel good to talk about their life when they were young and care free. My Mother thanked me for bringing back all the thoughts of those years that were so precious to her and Daddy.  She told us exactly how she wanted things done after she was gone. She told us things to take care of,where everything was located in the house? She even went through the things and marked them with our names on each thing, I have 2 Sisters so my Mother marked each thing and which one to take it home. As she told us,Daddy would not need all the sewing stuff and juke that she loved so much. He wouldn't know what to do with it so she wanted us to take it home and get it out of his way. She also told us how to care for him. Not to let him get away with not eating and grieving too long.  She wanted him to visit with all of us and go places to visit with his family. That way,he was busy with other people.  She did this to keep us busy too.  She knew how we would be hurting so bad,so she gave us jobs to do for her after she was not here to do them. So ask you Mother questions.;  Get her to talk about things that are important to her.  Find out about her as  a young girl growing up,it will make her feel good to share those stories with you. Make sure you write them down later to go into a book of memories for you to save. I love mine,it makes me laugh at some of the things she told us about her and Daddy and things they did as young married kids. I laugh but I still cry too. I do miss her and I feel  her here with me when I am not feeling well. I know she is looking out for all of us.  Yes,I lost my Daddy 15 years ago but we had some very happy times listening to his stories too. Yes,I recorded it all so I could  listen to it.  Makes me laugh to hear their voices and to know how happy they were and how they felt when each one of us were born. Why they picked out our names, how hard it was to have children during the depression but they made it and feed us too. See how preciouls stories are to them and you too later on in life. We never get use to them being gone,but we know we have to let them go.  God knows best,he is holding onto you right now,so let him help you through this hard time.  Pass on the stories that your Mother tells you to your children,then they can pass them on to the grandkids.  That is what I have done,my great grandkids love to hear the stories of their lives and how they made it during those hard times,we all laugh at some of them. That is why they told us their stories,so we would laugh and enjoy their lives as they did back then. So ask your Mother questions if she is feeling up to talking about her life. Get her to laugh about some things,her high school days,her marriage,her life as it was before she got sick.  About you when you were born,were you a rough and tumble kid or what?? It makes them feel good to tell us about our lives as young kids. Some times it makes them laugh and happy to remember it all. So you stay strong,because it is up to you to pass on her stories to your children,let them know how wonderful she is. It is up to you to remember all these things and pass them on,  That way,she continues to live in all of your lives. I know it has helped me get over it even after 30 years. Not easy but we can do it. With God holding our hands,anything is possible. I just hope and pray that she is not in any pain. May God bless her and you.  It is up to you to take the life by the horns and keep it alive for all times.  You are hurting now and you will for a while but think and know how much she loves you. So it is important for you to carry her story on to your kids and then their children. Oh yes,it is so hard but That is the way life is for us, Hard to out live our parents.  Hang tough,know that you are not along,you have a beautiful family so hold on to them and all will be fine later on down the line. Blessings to you and yours, Mildred

I lost my best friend last year to cancer. He went through all the symptoms and it was very hard on everyone. We tried to do whatever we could to help him but nothing seemed to work. He only made it 2 months after he was diagnosed. I miss him so very much every day and hope I never have to go through it again. I started doing research on cancer and it's causes and found some very good information. There is a diet that will cure most cancers even in the late stages. Johanna Budwig diet combines cottage cheese and flax oil to make a health mix and cuts out all processed foods. You only eat fresh vegies and fruit and the cottage cheese and flax oil mix. After just days on the diet cancer stops growing (because it is feeding off the defienciency). In a few weeks the tumers start shrinking. And in a few months the tumers are all but gone and are not active. For the diet to really work one has to be very strict and stay on the diet for 2-5 years. This is a small price to pay for more life. Me and my family have changed our diets and I have been trying to tell everyone I know about the benifits of eating healthy. Cancer is a deficiency disease that strikes when your immune system is low and vonurable. A steady intake of Omega 3 fatty acids and vitamins from fruits and vegies will keep your immune system strong. Also a decrease in saturated fats is a must (no fried foods or processed meats). I hope someone will read this and find it helpful.

Hi SUNSHINE01, I am very sorry to hear of your lost. In some ways it is a blessing because you know he is not hurting anymore. My Mum was dx in September 07 and secondary cancer dx in August 08 - after going through chemo, mastectomy and 28 sessions of radiation - cancer was back in 2 weeks and in 6 weeks cover half her left side chest front and back and went on to the right breast! Going through 2nd line treatment knocked her off her feet and we nearly lost her at that time but her will to live was strong and she is still undergoing her chemo session today. We all live one day at a time. Mum is 72 years and I tried in the 3 months when I was there to change her diet but after what I have seen her gone through - I just want her to live the rest of her time eating whatever she wants and loves. The days she could not eat anything at all (due to mucositus) were heartbreaking - she lost 6 killos in 8 days! For the younger ones - I believed that a change in diet is the way to go. I will forward your response onto my brothers and their families and I am changing our diet daily so that we will eventually end up eating healthier. Take care and stay strong.

Sunshine, I am glad you shared your story of such a dear friend. No,how I wish we could make them well and hold on to them forever but it is not our choice?  God decides what is best for that person. I always say,"he only takes the very best, the person has proved themselves worthy in God's eyes,so he takes them home,they have done their job here on earth."   We don't really lose them completely,they are with us in our hearts forever.  The feelings hurt so bad for so long but it does get better,year by year.  Yes,some times the tears still come but that is the love of such a wonderful person that we had for a while in our lives.  We have to let them go,even if we pray to not do it. I prayed and begged God to heal my Mother but it was not his choice so I had to except his will.  Very hard to do,as you have found out!!!!!  No,I hope and pray that you never have to go through it again but life is kind of cruel at times.  We lose dear friends,loved ones,people that we care so deeply about. We learn to cry,pray and then move on and hope we can live with the loss,we do,we get better little by little.  Some things pop into the mind at the wierdest times,reminding us of that person and how dear they were to us.  We cry but we have to get it out,never hold it in,only hurts you to hold it in so let it out,share with your loved ones or friends. Talk about your friend,tell others about funny things you did together,or just share stories about them. Helps some time to talk about them with others. That is if you know the person will understand your need to talk about the friend??     I am glad you did your research on Cancer,helps to know more about it.  I had to laugh when I read your answers for keeping it at bay..  I have come up with Gastritis,a stomach problem with food .  I ,was put on a  very hard diet to keep but if I don't do as he said to do,I suffer with the stomach ache so you made me feel so good with this diet you have found. Keeps cancer away or helps to heal our bodies of it.  It is the same diet my doctor put me on for my bad stomach.. Veggies and fruits only.  Sure gets rough to keep it to those two thing only,have to find lots of different ways to fix veggies. We do what has to be done. I do eat lots of cottage cheese but love my fruit cut up into it.  Thank you so much for making me realize my horrible diet may be keeping me away from cancer.  I watched my Mother suffer horrible,just as you did your friend,so I sure do not want to even think of  it.  Thank you for sharing your very interesting diet that may help others to avoid this horrible disease.  God's willing!!!  I know it also helps us lose weight.  I lost 140 lbs in about 6 months. Now I am putting some back on,have found a dessert that I love and it doesn't hurt my stomach to eat it.  Wrong thing to do to keep my weight off.  My prayers are with you that you will never have to go through the horrible ordeal again. May God bless you and keep you healthy. Blessings to you and yours, Mildred