My Dad has been diagnoised with Stage 4 colon canc

Don't lay guilt on yourself.  Do everything that you possibly can.  Call often.  Visit often.  And when it get close you will know and that is when you go home and stay for awhile.  Turn it over to God He will give you peace.  Find a support group in your area.  Call the American Cancer Society, they can help.  Good luck.

Oh, hon, I understand feeling guilty! It's misplaced, but understandable. Be in touch as much as you can, love him always, and he will love you back. Do what you can; it's all that can be asked of you, even from yourself.

Keep us updated. Bless.

Laurel, thank you for your response. I appreciate it. i am doing all that you said, and I plan on going home for the Holidays to them, my parents. I know they know I love them, and Dad knows that if I could I would be there for them. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with . Thanks again for your support.

I had to deal with a mom in one state and a dad in another, and me in a third. I was totally underprepared and over whelmed and an only child to boot. The guilt was suffocatingly enormous, but some of that may be due to anxiety issues that are a part of my makeup, and listening to other people who made me feel just awful that my husband and I did not take in at least my mom. I did choose my husband's mental well-being over my mom, and that stays with me yet.

My father was mentally unstable, and him I had really next-to-no contact with, as I totally did not know what to do about ANY of it. He was in a home, and social workers handled his life instead of his daughter. My mom visited me, and I visited her, and  we talked all of the time. She needed assisted living from 1984 on. I will fast forward to 09.88 and 03.99; when first my mom in Wisc. and then my dad in Ohio died.

First of all, these are living and breathing ADULT people who are living their own lives. We cannot be responsible for many of the choices that THEY make. We did not pick their health insurance, marital status, etc. All that you can do is be there to the BEST of YOUR abilities and finances. As part of my efforts to try to help, I kept a binder for each parent with info that I collected, and papers that I saved, names of people I talked to, etc. It turns out that this was of some comfort to me..a physical reminder that I DID try to help, even if I feel that I was ineffectual. I only tossed these binders this year, as we prepare to move.

I think it is useless to tell you to feel NO guilt, I think we are hard-wired if we are decent........but therapy tells you that putting it all on yourself implies some sort of belief that only YOU can make it all better, and that is not healthy thinking. I repeat to do the best you can, do it with love, and do it with documentation! It will jog your memory, and show what you DID do. Call it a journal if that helps.

Caring for a parent with Stage IV cancer is hard, and it is a real challenge to be there for your dad long distance, and you're to be commended for going home for the holidays. I think you'll be really glad you did. My dad's cancer as also Stage IV when he was diagnosed, and it's a really tough situation to deal with. While you're visiting, maybe you can talk to your dad and mom about what you can do from a distance that would feel helpful to them. When my best friend, who lives in eastern Canada, was helping her mother through breast cancer treatment, she scheduled a weekly Sunday night phone call to check in about how her mom was feeling, what issues and side efffects were coming up, etc. If your parents are comfortable with this, another thing you can do long-distance is offer to help communicate with your dad's doctors. Sometimes an older patient is having pain, fatigue, and other side effects but doesn't feel capable of being assertive in asking the doctor for moer help. The same goes for treatment decisions; if your parents are struggling to understand difficult medical information in order to make decisions about chemo, radiation, surgery, and other treatments, you could offer to talk to the doctor and help communicate. You can be a really important advocate to make sure your dad gets good care. You'd be surprised how much you can accomplish by phone!

Thank you your support. I know that htis may be the last holiday that my Dad has. So it is very important for me to be able to spend as much time as I possibly can. It has been extremely hard doing all of this long distance, but i talk to them everyday, and get an update. My mom is very good advocate for my Dad and speaks up for him, when he doesn't. I guess the advantage of being with someone for almost 50 years. She is strong, but needs support as well. I try to send her a card every other week or so and let her know how much I appreciate the fact that she and dad are my parents, and her strength and being able to take care of dad with no complaints. I love them both very much adn just wish there was another way to deal with all of this. But we keep praying and hoping, and taking one day at a time.

I lost my best friend last year to cancer. He went through all the symptoms and it was very hard on everyone. We tried to do whatever we could to help him but nothing seemed to work. He only made it 2 months after he was diagnosed. I miss him so very much every day and hope I never have to go through it again. I started doing research on cancer and it's causes and found some very good information. There is a diet that will cure most cancers even in the late stages. Johanna Budwig diet combines cottage cheese and flax oil to make a health mix and cuts out all processed foods. You only eat fresh vegies and fruit and the cottage cheese and flax oil mix. After just days on the diet cancer stops growing (because it is feeding off the defienciency). In a few weeks the tumers start shrinking. And in a few months the tumers are all but gone and are not active. For the diet to really work one has to be very strict and stay on the diet for 2-5 years. This is a small price to pay for more life. Me and my family have changed our diets and I have been trying to tell everyone I know about the benifits of eating healthy. Cancer is a deficiency disease that strikes when your immune system is low and vonurable. A steady intake of Omega 3 fatty acids and vitamins from fruits and vegies will keep your immune system strong. Also a decrease in saturated fats is a must (no fried foods or processed meats). I hope someone will read this and find it helpful.