Husband with prostate cancer -- sexual problems?

Ah, anonymous, I'm sorry to hear of this. But there is a fact in this, and that is that he needs to talk to his doctor. I know for some men it's embarrassing or shameful, but I would guess that he was told beforehand that this could happen and that the doctors are there to help. It could be something very simple to fix, I don't know, but unless he sees someone about it, there simply is no way to know.

Might it be possible for you to speak to his doctor on his behalf? Have the office call him for a follow-up appointment so that the doctor could broach the subject with him, maybe?

Good luck, and let us know how things are progressing.

my husband had robotic surgery 18 months ago.  We had only been married for 8 months.  Our sex life was wonderful, till the surgery.  Now he can't get an erection.  We have done everything the Dr. said.  Meds, etc.  Nothing.  We are looking for sometime of answer or help.

My spouse had prostate surgery 5 years ago.  No sex since and he will not try pleasuring me any other way.  I resent him and think he is selfish.  I am in my 50s and I am not ready to give up sex.  Sometimes I think having an affair is justified

 I'm not sure about all these products and promises; they sound like advertisements and doctors don't usually support taking them. BUT I do think it's really important to keep trying to find a solution so you can enjoy sex, and your husband can too, even if he can't do things the "traditional" way. Sex is so important to relationships and intimacy.

If your husband is not willing to talk to the doctor, can you talk to the doctor yourself, or go to an appointment together? Also, if your husband's doctor is not taking this problem seriously, I'd suggest going to see another doctor. Oncologists are cancer specialists, so their attitude is, get rid of the cancer and sometimes if there are side effects, well, that's part of the price you pay for no more cancer.

But a urologist is a specialist who knows the latest about erectile dysfunction and urinary problems, and may take a different approach and have solutions the oncologists and GPs don't know about. So I'd insist your husband see a urologist and that you go with him to the appointment. Let us know what happens.....we care.

Well it's always important to be there with your husband in his good times and bad times aswell even though it might be hard. These  products are no promises and no advertisement and in fact they have been recommended by doctors belive it or not. My sister, Isabel, has a genetic problem with chromosome 6, when she was 3 months old we were tolled she had little to live. My mother started giving Isabel the cyberwize products, In fact it is the only company that has these products based on plants with adaptogens, and it saved her life. The doctor was freaked out when she heard about this, so she sent them out to a labratory in Georgia  to see how good they really were. We went back a week later for the results. My sister's doctor, Dr Elias, a doctor from the Children's Hospital here in Colorado, said they are great quality of product and encourage us to keep taking them, People don't just need "drugs" they need something realiable and safe. From personal experience i suffered from a barin tumor and i was taking medication for yeras ugh i hated it; the medication helped ofcourse, but had side affects. My intensions aren't to sell anything, but to let people know that there are other alternatives that help so much. I hope that everybody sees my good intensions and whoever delete these messges aswell. I know this might sound hard to belive or alie but ,it's true. These products saved my sister's life and just like it saved Isabel's it can save another life aswell.   

I too had my prostate removed by the DaVinci robotic machine. There was a short time that elapsed that I leaked but it eventually cleared up and I now do not have any incontenance problems. I did have a problem with not being able to get an erection and went to my urologist and talked to him about it. We tried Viagra and that did not work. He suggested using a shot just before intercourse and me being somewhat afraid of shots did not think that would be something I would like. We did try it and he gave me my first shot in the office, I went home and we had intercourse. I ordered the kit thru his perscription and have been using shots ever since. It works great, is not at all uncomfortable. I no longer am afraid of shots. "Edex" is expensive but my urologist found another product called "Tri-Mix" and is about 1/3 the cost and works wonderful. I hope this gives you some information that helps

Walter

See my most recent post on this subject. There is no reason to live like this when there are products that will help you. Check "Edex" or "Tri-Mix" both are wonderful and I have tried both with success every time.

Walter

Your husband needs two things: 1. he HAS to talk to the doctor about the problems 2. he NEEDS a good urologist. There are multiple ways the problem could be solved but he has to talk to the doctor and the doctor has to be reponsive and understanding. Most prostate problems, even cancers, are handled by urologists. If his current doctor is unreponsive then find another one. There is a solution out there for you amd your husband. I know, I have been there.

If he is adamant about not talking to the doctor, give him an ultimatum just try to remember that erectile dysfunction is very difficult for lots of men to handle emotionally.

I understand you predicament My wife had hysterhectomy.a few years ago . because of cancer cells. Afterwards she moved to a seperate bed. No cuddles.even resented being touched, At the time though in my seventies and I am very tactile, At first I felt I had lost my manhood. Gradually I have become to like not being ruled by my sexual urges, But at fifty. No I dont think I could have managed at all well. you have my sympathy. I feel my mind would have reacted like yours. Human nature can be very demanding. Also I feel your husband and my wife are the selfish ones.By the way my wife is 10 years younger than I am

Interesting....Naively thinking that both your subject title as well as the posts I read invited people to share their thoughts and experiences, I thought I might join your message board. The last posting which struck me (and should have offended all of YOU as well) was the impetus for me actually posting a reply. I answered the writer's brief diatribe about how all of YOU are selfish and ignorant whose husbands should divorce you with an illustration of my own very substantial experience (treatment modalities, feelings, fears, love and grief) in this world of prostate cancer as well as what I thought of his remarks. That person replied to my remarks - and today when I went to this site it appears my note was erased as well (interestingly, as that party predicted - right on!)

Thanks for the welcome!

3:10 PM CST

Well well "artygirl" we meet again. Guess we can't get away with calling each other ignorant anymore. What a shame. I must send you at least one protest though, which you have not been so subtle about. I most certainly did not, repeat DID NOT call "ALL" these bloggers ignorant and selfish.

You are being VERY misleading when, after apparently getting a chance to read my now censored response to you, you know well and good that I was only referring to the brief "anonymous" blog, which I quoted to YOU in it's entirety, and perhaps a "couple more" bloggers, whose name I DID NOT reference, whom I felt showed very little compassion for the male half of the species.

In fact, I complimented you on your stated efforts and compassion, so I have to admit I'm really confused as to what your game is with me.

All that said, it may interest you to know ole "Octoman" and I have been sharing private e-mails with each other for the past few months.

So here's to you Ken. Just sent you an another e-mail when this "artygirl" new response came to me !! Ain't that a hoot !!

J.B. 9/13/09

Game? Not likely. BTW, I appreciated your compliment and wanted to write back to you when I opened up here today, but imagine my surprise - both your and my posts were gone - as you predicted. That actually was my point in writing today....... I referenced YOUR note as I remembered it but with without seeing it again here, I did the best I could to make the statement of disappointment of their disappearance to the "group" so I apologize that I didn't remember your note about the anonymous blog. Yours kind of ignited my dander and I didn't who wrote what above it. :) .
I don't know what/which post Octoman was referencing and I only noticed, when I wanted to REPLY to yours today - that both were gone. Right now, I feel a bit like Alice down the rabbit hole and at this point, I think I should just exit stage left. It's just getting a bit weirder than what's already on my plate.
So, JB, no matter what my comments to you originally, it's refreshing not only to speak to someone with such sharp repartee - but who is also not a Stepford resident. I know this post will also disappear, so - Ciao.

@ "artygirl" 12:45 AM CST

"One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small / And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all

Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall / Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call

Call Alice, when she was just small

When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go / And you've just had some kind of mushroom, and your mind is moving low

Go ask Alice, I think she'll know

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead / And the white knight is talking backwards / And the red queen's 'Off with her head' / Remember what the dormouse said / Feed your head, feed your head, feed your head ! "

Grace Slick,1966 / Lewis Carroll,1865

...Fell in love with a Stepford wife once. Alas she knew little if anything at all about love. Ironically, the Ira Levin novel was written at about the same time I had met her, but I hadn't read the novel til about 1975, when the movie came out.

I suppose I could say I was not forewarned, and therefore not forearmed, but in reality I was just too young to know. Too young to comprehend the all consuming dangers of abject, wholesale conformity, and what it can do to the mind, soul and body.

But now I know. I can have no excuses.

Before you fly back up the rabbit hole Alice, know that all here are strangers to one another, trying to resolve their problems but in most cases revealing their quiet desperations.

Hardly different from the real world, you think ?

J.B. 9/14/09

artygirl Yes it is strange James Ballard is a friend . I received a series replies from James, Just as forthright as you received. see the blog on refusing treatment.I said you stand as much chance of surviving cancer with or without treatment,and a lot of people are dying to prove me right I refused treatment seven years ago. a discusion occured.James stated a person like me should not be allowed on this site. We decided to continue on e-mail.as it went far beyond cancer and caring. Yesterday he commented about upsetting you I decided he did not understand your plight.and I did I told him I was going to reply to you,and give you my sympathy. He told me he had been banned. Apparently not. James and I disagree on almost everything, but we still comunicate; I believe as George Bernard Shaw did . That you can learn more from a person you disagree with than one you agree with. Also I do not make enemies .I try to make friends. Your Friend. Saint Ken, Also kind regards James

Interesting dont you think?

Wow James You are cultured. I really enjoyed your Alice in wonderland type story. And understand you even more. I hope arty girl see'a you have soft side. He did not mean you any harm. He is just trying in his way to acquaint you with his real world. I love poetry. Cultured Ken

@" Octoman" and "artygirl"

1:30 Am CST

..Well, yeah we disagree sometimes. but I wouldn't say most. There are many things we do agree on; so there's another "disagreement" about agreeing, but only for a "disagreeable" moment. Makes perfect sense.

And ole G.B. Shaw & I have been buddies since high school.

"Octoman" and I are obviously on the same wavelength. Unbeknownst to me while I was writing to you he was also doing the same !

And yes. Saint Ken and I are friends. That's what's most important !

J.B.

1:45 AM CST PS...And unbeknownst to me again Saint Ken was penning another truly inspired and well informed note to and about a humble yours truly. Thanx again, Octoman. You get another cookie !! J.B.

9/14/09

Arty girl Yes I am also bewildered James had been nasty to you . My understanding reply,then you two kiss and make up. Egg-on-face Ken. But how romantic.;;

You both are a stitch. Your descriptive, James, of the board and how people try to resolve problems while they "reveal their quiet desperation" is as perceptive as I imagined. I suspect people feel they can be more honest if anonymous. I probably should have thought to do that, since I may have overestimated my own appetite for soul-baring under the web spotlight. :) I truly appreciate the rarified, humorous honesty in both of your last posts, (note I didn't say "biting", James..lol) I know more is discussed, more honestly offline so if your "club" does not exclude the opposite gender, I suspect our erudite postings may be better suited there since they may be shut down - or up - eventually......
Anyway, be assured I bear no Stepford gene. Coloring outside the lines is not only what I do literally -but is fairly descriptive personally. And since you asked (from memory, again, since those posts were removed) the moniker "artygirl" IS literal - graphic designer/illustrator and all-around creative. :) So St. Ken, thank you for the sensitivity and kind words. And James, if, as Ken says you were only trying to acquaint me with your real world - be assured - the real world and I are EXTREMELY well acquainted. Life's a great teacher...but then you know that. :) You may be just a "white knight talking backwards" and mean no harm....so here's the olive branch and ....and a cookie to you both.

Arty arty where art thou. Me and James both in love with you It is called the intelligent artygirl syndrome. I think women are more intelligent than men Did you know Rosie Mitchell.actually decoded DNA well did the ground work. Not Crick and Watson.they stole the ground work with the help of the head of Rosie's laboratory. If you would like to join.our club my answers is yes. I love all people and life laughter and tears.James cannot understand me I love Missy's wise and caring ways I belive there is need in this society for this website James violenty disagree,s I tried to explain my views to him today.because I confuse him.I confuse everyone.even my family though I love them all. You can have my E-mail address I ask James If he approves he seems to approve of you well asked me to give you his best wishes
James and I have wide interests but our view of life differ so you will get two views. Oh isn't this daring!me being only a boy saint Ken I am waiting for a big boot to fall on us, saint Ken I look forward anything new.

It seems our friend James has posted his last missive and I am not far behind - for the same reasons. I had to laugh at your ability to confuse - and since when was that a bad thing, my friend? lol. Since the boot WILL fall eventually, feel free to post your email and we can continue the conversation. Views of life are always widely different and sometimes for me, they differ from day to day. Artygirl looks forward to seeing you on another dimension. Ciao, Ken!

@ "artygirl"

oldworldgallery@hotmail.com

Look fast : It won't last !!

6:10 PM CST J.B. 9/15/09

Artygirl I asked James about you joining our our discussion First It is my view that this site is a great benifit to suffers of all kinds. James agree's but thinks it is too religious,Prayers,annoy him . I think otherwise. You do not even have a blble type god belief,to benifit from prayers. Yes I am a bit mad.but I can explain my reasoning. I think you would be an asset . I like womens minds . Superior to mens .Sorry James. kennethholmes77@ hotmail.co.uk Best wishes from Crazy Ken PS Look fast it wont last.Is it profound?or just fear that it will be squashed. footwise?

artygirl I like your style I replied to your reply before I read it. Typical me. differ from day to day!I like it I am growing day by day. Mind expansion is my aim. Confusus Ken, apologies for my spelling.

Good information. Thanks