Hi Courtney I had a mastectomy in March and like you I was most afraid of the surgery. For me it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I am undergoing reconstruction and my Plastic Surgeon performed the expander insertion during the mastectomy. When I woke up after surgery I had a mound. The most difficult part was seeing no nipple and the scar. I was wrapped in bandages for almost a week so I didn't look right away. That may have helped. Now I don't feel like a part of me is missing at all. I look normal with clothes on and except for my baldness no one would really know I (had)have cancer. Stay positive.

Coutney, I wish I had seen this before now because by now your surgery is over. I had a bilateral mastectomy 5 years ago. I had planned on immediate reconstruction because I could not imagine not having breasts, I was 44 at the time. Due to the amount of spread to my lymph nodes they did not reconstruct at the time of the mastectomy because I would need extensive radiation. I was afraid that at some point I would regret my decision but to this day I have had no regrets. I had made what I felt was the best decision for saving my life. Initially I figured that I would have reconstruction at some point. I still have not had reconstruction and am not planning on having it done. After nearly a year of surgery, chemo, radiation and doctor appointments I just wanted to live my life without anymore surgery. With both of them gone I don't feel lopsided and on a day to day basis it doesn't bother me. They do make wonderful lightweight prosthesis these days. They look very natural when you do want to have a little shape under your clothes. You'll be able to look when the time is right. It doesn't have to be right away. And when you do look, remember that whatever your feelings are, it is OK. Try to hate the cancer and what it has put you through but love the you that makes you who you are inside.

Courtney, how are you hon? I hope you're well. I posted something for you before your surgery and am surprised it's not here.

Basically "I'm a Survivor" and I shared similar experiences. The fact that I did not allow my feminity to be defined by neither my breasts nor my hair made it easy to let both of them go. When I finally saw myself minus my breast, I didn't think it looked bad at all. My right side was concave because she had to take part of my muscle. But it was very comfortable and I only used a foam prosthetic since I planned on having plastic surgery (eventually). You know if I had a bilateral, who knows, I might not have had reconstruction.

We are all as strong as we need to be. Laugh when you need to laugh and cry when you need to cry...

Remember this!!!

Women have strengths that amaze men...

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in.. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, if there is ONE FLAW in women, it is that they FORGET their WORTH.

Sorry I haven't wrote sooner! I had my surgery on the 10/23 and am doing great aside from being sore. Thank you for your stories every bit helped. I must say that I worried myself sick the day before the surgery. On the day of the surgery,I had this calming not a care in the world feeling. I am amazed at the human mind and body. I was bothered by what I saw when I took the bandges off......that being said I didn't cry when I saw myself naked for the first time since the surgery. I think thats because I have grown so much as a person in last 6 months. Losing things that I have counted on for so long (outward appearance)it has made me appreciate the more importent things in life. For that I am greatful...... so slowly but surly I am seeing the blessings from this disease.