Help I am so confused my Mom was diagnosed last week with terminal lung cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes and brain.

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Hi Kim! ((((HUGS)))) what a difficult week you have had!

Getting so much conflicting information is stressful. My advice would be to get a hold of her actual doctor and make him or her have a sit-down discussion with you with the exact information and the exact possibilities. Explain just as you have to us the conflicting information and that you need a clear, precise-as-possible diagnosis and prognosis so that you and your family can work on how to proceed.

Hang in there; I'm so sorry for your loss of your father and now this with your mother. Let us know how things are going.

Oh God, Kim! My mind is racing just reading your post, no less living it. huge hugs I wholeheartedly agree with the advice Laura gave you. My father-in-law had lung cancer that spread to his brain and with chemo and radiation, he lived for months with some good times. I'm hopeful for you that you've got some time left with you mom that will allow you to enjoy each other and get everything in order.

I'll be thinking about you!

Oh my goodness!! Huge ((HUGS)) to you! You sound like you are doing everything possible for your mom right now- I love how you got her immediate attention the 2nd time around at the hospital by running in and saying you thought she may be having a stroke. I would have done the same thing! I cannot imagine how much your mind is swirling with all the information that is out there- it's definitely overwhelming :( Please keep us updated and come here anytime to vent!

Lisa

So sorry for your mom Kim.. I hope she recovers soon. You must be sure that death could never happen unless life of a certain person ends.. Sickness never marks the end of life but it is just a cause that might or might not lead to death. So, have a good faith in GOD, and you will be fine as life goes and never stops, had we accept that or denied it. We have no choice other than to accept whatever happens to us by GOD. Even doctors, who cure others, die.. just because their life ended up thence. Don't afraid to face life challenges.. Be strong enough and ready to deal with fate and reality. Big HUGZ to you

hi kim first let me tell you how sorry i am about everything i know exactly how you feel you want to stay strong for your mom but you are hurting to. My mom was pasted away a month ago she was living with lung cancer for 6 months. when we first found out about the cancer it was stage 3 they told us the same thing they didnt have much hope actually there were suparise that my mom was even walking on her own. it sounded carzy to me she went to the doctor because she had a cough not because we ever thought she had cancer. we did chemo and raditation two rounds of it. they told my mom she would have 6 months she lived 6 months and 2 days. i didnt want to face what was going to happen i didnt make any plans for her death. i just lived with it day to day. We fought some days it hard to see the person that you love in pain and not be able to do much to help. my advice to you tell her everyday that you love her and make those plans because your mind wont be right when the time comes. no matter how much you know that her time is near you will never be ready to say goodbye. stay strong and talk you anyone that will listen.

I was so thankful to see your email --- someone else who just went through a similar thing! My mother-in-law has had COPD for 7 years and was diagnosed with lung cancer a few weeks ago - Stage 3A. Did your Mom do radiation and chemo? My mother-in-law starts that this week and I am really concerned for her, since her health is already poor. I know everyone reacts differently to radiation/chemo treatment. Would be interested in knowing what your experience was with your Mom.

hi kim first let me say i am glade i could be of any help you seem to be alot like me i wanted to know as much as i could so i would be able to help even if it was the smallest thing. And yes everyone reacts differently. My believe always was be prepared for the worst but expect the best. So the 1st round did not effect her to much she was tried and not very hungry. I had her take a nap during the day for about 1hour if she slept any longer she would not sleep at night(just like a baby) i also gave her smaller meals but alot more make sure it all healthy food. I noticed that the more rounds we did the hard it got the nause, pain and ever some swollening. the area where the radition was given stay what i could only decribed as burned it was not painful and they gave her some medication to apply to the area. Do you know if your mother-in-law is going to have a pick line or a port. This is also important to keep clean and dry. I hope i have been of some help. And remember to stay strong and i will pray for you.

I know how scared, frustrated, tired and worried you are regarding your Mom. I, too, took extremely good care of my Mom and then my Father recently with Stage IV Liver Cancer. How is your Mom now?

I am curious as to how you are doing due to going through similar tings.

Regards, Terilyn

My MIL had a port-a-cath put in earlier this week. That procedure went well. She starts her radiation treatments today. Chemo starts next Monday. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

BE STRONG AND FAITHFUL IN WHAT YOU BELIEVE, GOD BE WITH YOU!

Hi Kim,

Very sorry to hear about your mother. I recently went through something like this with my sister. She had breast cancer that had spread to her lungs and brain. She was also a type 2 diabetic.

You should speak with your doctor and radiologist about her treatment.

Our experience was not a good one. They told us that, in her case, she would live about 7 months with radiation and chemo and about 6 months without it. After her first radiation treatment she was not able to speak or walk.

If I had it to do over again I would not opt for the treatment, but make sure she was as comfortable as possible and enjoy together whatever time she has left. Only God knows what that would be.

I wish you and your mother only the best.

Kimmie~ Reading your story blew me away. My mama fell two years ago on Mother's Day in a parking lot. She complained about pain to her back and after a visit to the emergency room- she emerged with a diagnosis of lung cancer, too. Her cancer was quite progressive and within four months she died. I'm so sorry for your mama's diagnosis. This time in your life will make you muster up all the courage inside of you. THe blessings that will come from it will be plentiful, yet painful. I will pray for your strength and also for your mama's health so they can make her comfortable.

Dear Kim; I lost my mother in the same way...lung cancer which had spread to her brain. She had turned 80 just before Thanksgiving, passed January 2 in the year 2002. We cared for her at my daughter's house, as it is in town near a hospice center, the hospital, etc. She decided not to have chemo...wanted to live out her remaining time as clear minded as possible, and she did.
We rang in the New Year with her...although she had slipped in and out of conciousness by then, she was caught tapping her foot to the time of some music we played for her.
Her doctor told us...sometimes God heals a person by "taking them home, and giving them a brand new resurrected body...minus the cancer..." That helped us a lot. Just knowing where she was going, there would be no more pain and sorrow. We miss her...but know that she was able to enjoy her life right up to the last few minutes of it. If not physically, at least emotionally she was happy. Be strong. God is with you, and my prayers also. Strength to you...

i know what you are going though.my grandma raised me and know she has small cell lung cancer that has spread to her liver and all they can do is give her chemo to make her live longer they gave her 4to 6 months and it's been so hard her hair fell out the other day anf we all lost it it's so hard i understand

Kim,

There has been so much great advice in these posts so I really don't have much to add. If you don't wish to persue progressive treatment, I hope you consider hospice care. They provide such wonderful support.....nurses, aides, chaplains, social workers, volunteers... I pray that you both find peace through God's grace and know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Hi Kim,

I'm very sorry about your mom's illness and understand deeply what you're going through now, because I went through the same hard time last few months due to the loss of my father to lung cancer. I'm stretching my arms out from VA to you and give you a big hug, hugs. I'll pray for your mom and you.

I can share with you about my experience. My father's diagnosis and death were unexpected to me and my family. When he was diagnosed as terminal lung cancer in April, my heart was very heavy... At a panic, sad, confused moment, I knew one thing is a must, i.e. making his terminal days as joyful as he used to be, and providing the highest quality of life for him as we can, because I knew him enough that this is the best thing for him. My dad strove to live a long life and help others. He was always inspired by the longevity of some people and their ability to survive... All my siblings agreed with my decision and worked together in every way. To cut a long story short, we accomplished our goal, he passed on peacefully.

Another major issue for lung cancer patients is their diet. Their appetite, esp. their taste seemed changed and strange. Offering a wide variety of food is critical. I don't know how much time and many people can devote to this for your mom. For time-efficiency, you can cook relatively big amount (not huge, just more than one meal), of course, the dish that she liked, and store them in small meals.

If you have any questions or want to talk, feel free to contact me at Support@CancerPreventionDaily.com, or 571-431-6896.

Take care,

Hui

Hi, KIM and I'd like to thank Bundle-love4-World on your and our behalf since what he's just said is what should virtually be done in respect of cancer and all terminally ailed patients. They really are in a need for a special care. They need to act spoiled, naughty and childish; and, in equivalent, they but expect a sort of kind maternal responses and no "NOs" at all for such demands of theirs. We must stretch our line of patience to as long as they feel satisfied. They must always be happy. That's the least we could do for some one we are cheating that he is to stay with us while preparing his coffins. Deeper inside, we must be fooling ourselves. We are waiting some guests to depart, no matter what kind of love we are feeding him up with.

Words cannot express how much I appreciate everyone’s support, advice, prayers, and kind words. I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write this but since Mom was diagnosed, I don’t think I have stopped to breath until a couple of days ago. The reality of it all has finally hit me very hard and I am still trying to find a way to accept this horrible diagnosis and it is not easy. I am trying very hard to be positive and upbeat everyday but sometimes I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs. Her actual diagnosis is non small-cell adenocarcinoma of the lung with brain and lymph nodes metastases. She has around 23 tumors in her brain so that was the cause of the headaches that led to the diagnosis of lung cancer. The Doctor told me the cancer has spread so fast that if we had not gone to the hospital she would not have made it past 3 to 4 weeks. She just finished radiation and we start chemo next week. She has taken all of this like the amazing woman she has always been and that I will miss terribly. I will post more when I am in a bit more positive and upbeat mood. I know there are so many things that I am very grateful for. However, I am just having one of those days where I cannot get passed being very pissed off in general. I wish I knew how to deal with this better. Please continue to send any advice!!!

Then by all means, allow yourself to be pissed off, scream and cry. There's nothing wrong with that. Once you allow yourself to feel grief (and that's what it is, anticipatory grief), you'll better be able to deal...make some decisions, be there for your mother, and so on. Take care of yourself so you can help take care of her.....many hugs and prayers.

dear kim , i lost my mom on 5/10/2009 she han non small cell lung cancer which went into remission only to be told 15 months later mom had 3 tumours on her brain, we never did get straight answers from anyone , so my only advice is to keep asking those questions , i will be thinking of you and your mom, hugs and prayers for you both.

I don't have any helpful advice; just wanted you to know I feel for what you're going through. Sending you a virtual hug from California.

Hi Kim. The only thing I can tell you is to do some research into the effects these treatments can cause on the body. Find and read the stories of cancer patients or families of cancer patients who have written about their experiences of the downside to these treatments because it's not something widely talked about for obvious reasons. I had posted links to stories about people with cancer who have caused their cancers to go into remission using non-toxic methods(of course I mean the methods highly documented with wide success), even when they were given up as terminal from their doctors. But the moderators deleted my posts and claimed I was "advertising for my own self-interests", so the only thing I can say is research on the effects these treatments cause on the body not just on cancer. Don't give up even if the doctors gave a horrible diagnosis, because I know for a fact and have also read about cancer patients who where told the same thing only to find a way to make their cancers go into remission. The key is to treat the CAUSE of the cancer not just to undergo treatments that treat the symptoms and signs. If you remember recently in the news Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen was again diagnosed with cancer even after he was treated with cancer 25 years ago. That would be my advice. Just as Mollybow said, "keep asking those questions." The doctors are only doing what they know and where taught to do. You have to research the rest. But don't loose heart because it's never too late even when the doctors tell you.

My father-in-law was diagnosed a few months ago with stage four lung cancer with mets to the brain. He too experienced a severe brain bleed, though this was post diagnosis. The doctors there did the same thing by telling us that it was a stroke and he doesn't have much longer only to correct themselves minutes later. Anyway, he has been on a radiation and chemo treatment plan. The chemo was extremely hard for him to handle and put him in the hospital for a week after his second treatment. He had become leukopenic which is a very low white blood cell count. His immune system was completely wiped out. I finally saw him as a cancer patient: weak, vulnerable, bald, emaciated and in pain. I had to leave the room to cry so as not to upset him. At this point he has been out of the hospital and discontinued chemo for now. He is finally gaining weight. He has finished his first round of radiation. My biggest question has been, 'Is it worth such an extremely diminished quality of life for 1, maybe 5 more on this Earth?" He has six months to a year to live, say the doctors and he is terrified to try chemo again. As your mother's caregiver, you have the right to answers and to know all the options. Find out what the side effects of the treatments are and whether that will be more mentally and physically traumatic for her.

I know how frustrating and scary and uncertain this process is. I wish you, your mom, and your family all the best. I will be thinking of you:)