What should I tell my 89 YO mom with AD when she asks for more money?

SRC, remember that your mom has lost total control of her life and this is the one area she is trying to regain some. She is correct that it is her money and her dignity. Many facilities have a cash account for its residents. You may suggest to your mom that using the cash account will ensure readily available funds for shopping while keeping the secure from other residents that are ill and could come into her room and borrow her funds. This phase passes all to soom and you will miss it. My mom focused on the loss of control of her funds to the end. Yes, she bought some frivilous things but they gave her a sense of control, personal dignity, and brought a smile to her face. Her prize purchase was a little bunny that sang and danced to the big bopper of Easter song. I still play it occasionally, it reminds me of the twinkle and grin in her blue eyes. While you are trying to conserve her funds to make them last, remember too, that this woman scrapd and saved to enjoy those funds at some point in her life. Better she spend it on herself. Just my honest opinion. It all boils down to individual decisions. Towards the last mom loved her toysand new clothes tho she had plenty of both. She also loved to go out to lunch. Sometimes redirecting the focus to something else, such as well we will need to order checks from the bank may also appease her demand for checks to carry in her purse. Best of luck with this issue. Pam

Dear SRC,

You say your mother, who HAS MIDDLE STAGE ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE," "lives in a retirement home," with "activities 24/7," and can freely use transportation to go to the mall? Frankly, expecting to read about an Alzheimer's topic, I was TOTALLY surprised when I learned its context !!! (in the circumstances you describe...)

My own 81 yo mother, who ALSO has mid-stage AD, currently lives in my home with me and my family, and attends an Adult Day Program. Shortly after my father died five years ago, however, she spent seven months in a memory care facility while she underwent examinations and observations to determine proper dosages etc for medication management purposes.

That facility, a LOCKED facility, DID have field trips and outings, but they were to bowling alleys, zoos, libraries etc. That facility DID NOT ALLOW MONEY OF ANY AMOUNT OR KIND. They also STRONGLY discouraged valuables of ANY kind - a rule aimed MORE at reducing envy, competition, and social "striation" than theft or overspending.

In that facility STAFF was FORBIDDEN from accepting even a clean TISSUE from a resident... Staff could not accept gifts or make purchases from residents. NO COMMERCE. EVEN BETWEEN RESIDENTS.

You need to get in the door and check out the "culture" of this place, and it wouldn't hurt to take the time to follow one of these shopping trips to see exactly WHAT she is buying, FOR WHOM, (and at whose behest...)

It doesn't matter if she can AFFORD it or not. This is more about possible financial, emotional, or even social abuse by other residents, (some childish "one-up-man-ship,") or staff... Either way, it sounds like it is something I PERSONALLY would consider a problem .

FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, the personal boredom you describe, the complete lack of self-direction, her OBSESSION WITH MONEY AND SHOPPING, the competitive nature of her activity, AND the way she uses the issue to PLAY WITH, TEASE, CAJOLE, and TOY with YOU - all sound to me like she may need a more Alzheimer's focussed living arrangement. She may well be advancing in her illness.

SO, rather than figuring out how to LIMIT the amount of money you give her, It might actually be HEALTHIER and SAFER for her to be in an environment where MONEY is not an issue at all. THEN, Staff would have a CHANCE of drawing her interest to some of the activities which might soothe and calm her, giver her a sense of pleasure in the DOING, a sense of accomplishment in the OUTCOME, and a sense of PRIDE in HERSELF.

Just a thought.

Good luck,

Galowa

; )

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I work in an assisted living facility and we tell families not to give their loved ones ANY money. They do not need money for anything. It is also highly likely that another resident with AD could pick it up and lose it.