'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Bill G @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Bill G — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:16:03 -0000

Hi Laura -

Thanks so much for your information, kind words and encouragement. I really appreciate it!

Sincerely,

Bill

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by LauraL @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LauraL — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:22:54 -0000

Hi Bill! Thanks so much for joining us here. We're happy to be able to be here and support YOU. :) What's really awesome about the Community forums, is that others are able to support you as well, and you can support them!

The best ideas come from those who've been there. And so many of us have been there.

Jump in on the conversations, start your own, send hugs and prayers, light one of our Caring Candles, and talk to us -- we're here for you! :) If you need any help finding things on the site, do let us know.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Bill G @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Bill G — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:34:10 -0000

Hi Laura -

Just a quick note to say hi. My sister and I are the main caregivers to our Mom. She was first diagnosed in 2000, according to my sister.

I try to see my Mom a lot at the nursing home. As you know, it's very hard to see her this way. I give her all of the love and attention possible whenever I'm with her. I'm also the person who pays all of her bills (including going back and forth over bills with the doctor's office, insurance, etc.). I also complete whatever other paperwork is needed to help her.

Thank you for providing this wonderful resource. If you know the best way for me to get the most out of this forum, please let me know.

I appreciate your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Bill

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Mc Huggs @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Mc Huggs — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 01:43:03 -0000

Hi liz12:

She drove through a red light? Yikes! The last wish my dying mother gave to us is, "when your father license expires, he doesn't drive anymore. " So we took his driving privaledges away.

He wears a hearing aid during the day, so at night he sleeps like a log all night long.

No my dad usually stays right where we tell him. He's so fearful of falling, so if he's in bed, he will stay there until I get him up and out and onto the bathroom. He has to wear the "purple diapers" because he has no control of his bladder, he also takes Prilosec OTC. So at night when he's ready for bed I change him out of his pull-ups and into the purple ones.

He's not violent at all, very calm and quiet. He won't ask for anything, you have to ask him even if he's hungry, otherwise he will go without. Right now he's watching the Boston Red Sox game, their losing 5-4. He loves the Red Sox over the Boston Celtics but his favorite is the New England Patriots.

Last May 2009, he had a hip replacement operation from a fall. They operated the next day. He must have gotten sick and they had to clear his lungs, so they put him under anesthesia. Now,, he's forgetful and not exactly the same as he was before. However, he's not in any pain from his hip surgery. He has a older brother who is 95, who needs a hip surgery but the doctor refused to operate on him, so he is in a three wheeler scooter and goes around then house. My cousin lives with him and helps take care of him while he works during the day.

I couldn't do that with my dad, he wouldn't be safe and needs help 24/7.

He's good about taking his medications and will tell me if he wants them. He just drives me crazy with what he wants to eat. "What do you want to eat dad?" "What do you got?" Well, he doesn't like chicken or fish. He used to have tacos, but last time I made them he said, "don't buy these anymore..."

I have this video camera system so I can see him when I am upstairs on the PC and when I am in bed sleeping. It just plugs into the wall, the camera can be moved anywhere so I just position it when he's watching TV or asleep.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by liz12 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

liz12 — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 00:40:18 -0000

Oh boy, do I ever hear you! I just got back from seeing my mom and was so happy to get your reply! I understand what you are going through...I am pretty scattered myself and have had my share of panic attacks.
When my dad was at home, with my mom, we put him in thermal underwear she and I could enjoy the air conditioning. He went to daycare only once and then refused. I finally put him in a great VA when he started to wear my mom down. It was the best thing we ever did. (hard at first, of course). I was a Daddy's girl and all of my brothers live far, far away. My mom started with alz. about 4 or 5 years ago. She refused to take any Alz. meds and in March drove right through a red light and wound up in the hospital with multiple fractures. Her dementia went straight downhill and I had to find a place for her in a week. So, found one and now she is furious but crazy. The docs say she is in some ways to early to be there and in other ways she is in the right place. I know a lot about this disease and everyone is different with it. Does your dad get up all night or does he sleep? I am new at this forum stuff so hope this gets to you.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Mc Huggs @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Mc Huggs — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 00:20:32 -0000

Hi liz2:

I am divorced, 52, and taking care of my dad 24/7. Today we came home from the Adult Day Car Health Center, it's was pouring rain, he had his rain suit on over his clothes, I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, LOL I get his wheel chair and him inside and prop him up to stand and sit in his favorite chair.

He got scared and thought he was going to fall! I also went food shopping and had to put away the food. I just got upset when he was thinking he was falling and told him to "just stand up dad." "Your not going to fall while I am standing here."

I imagine I could have handled that better like remove the extensions for the legs first, by swinging them away and removing them each. Then have him stand up. Maybe even use the rolling walker, but I didn't. Some days I don't know what I am doing. There's no instructional book for this type of job. It's whatever works at the time.

I am also ADD, depressed, have anxiety and panic attacks, so it's perfect to take care of an 89 year old person at my stage of mental health. I do the laundry, cook and clean; what am I talking about I do it all. My dad can't do anything anymore but feed himself and go to the bathroom, as long as I take him there. He won't even pull up the seven blankets he sleeps with when he gets into bed at night.

He wear a hearing aid and when I raise my voice, he tells me, "George, you don't have to talk that loud to me..." " Arggh! He can't remember what he had for lunch today when I asked him as I drove him home. He has dementia, and it gives him a very short term memory loss. If I turn on the a/c in his bedroom, he tells me to turn it off, he can feel it. It's like 90 degrees in there!

It doesn't matter what he does to me, I still love the guy, he's my dad.

((((Love liz12))))

Mc Huggs :)

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by liz12 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

liz12 — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 03:48:49 -0000

Hi... I am in the same boat as many of you and am in need of talking to people who understand caregiving. I was sadly happy to hear someone else whine because that's all I do...mostly in my head. I just put my mom in a Memory Care unit and now she hates me and talks about how mean I am to her and how I am stealing her money. I am separated, work full-time and take care of her house, my house and all of the financial stuff. I lost my dad to Alz. this past summer and feel as though I am in the ring again on round 2. (after 10 years with my Dad's condition) I spend all of my extra time visiting her, washing her clothes and keeping up with her life and mine.
Overwhelmed and in need of encouragement!
Liz

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Mc Huggs @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Mc Huggs — Mon, 31 May 2010 19:24:06 -0000

Hi Christee:

I believe in occasional "whine and cheese" parties... I think we earn them with all we do.

My dad and I aren't the wine and cheese party or invite anyone over type of people. In fact these type of things just cause my anxiety to become worse. My dad doesn't like going anyway unless he has a doctor's appointment, or he goes twice a week to Adult-Day Health Center, so I can work-out on those days.

The Rubber chicken is a trademark of mine. I carry a small rubber chicken on my key chain to remind me not to take myself so seriously. And I use them when I teach seminars to help people lighten up. I've needed it a lot since I've become a caretaker!

What a great idea, that's cool!

The gym is a great idea!! I'm just getting started on that again too. Somehow things just seem easier with those endorphins pumping after a good workout. I agree that the gym is a better experience than exercising alone -- plus it gives us a chance to interact with other people, and I think that always helps. And if you need something else to do, I highly recommend journaling. I write in mine everyday and it really helps me get things out of my system. Have a great weekend!

I hoe so. I worked out yesterday and I am really sore, LOL I plan to do it again tomorrow after my doctor's appointment. I have been working out, on-an-of since 1977, through college and into adult hood. Thanks for the positive (+) energy.

George :)

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Rubberchicken @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Rubberchicken — Sun, 30 May 2010 03:06:22 -0000

Mc Huggs --

I believe in occasional "whine and cheese" parties... I think we earn them with all we do. The Rubberchicken is a trademark of mine. I carry a small rubber chicken on my keychain to remind me not to take myself so seriously. And I use them when I teach seminars to help people lighten up. I've needed it a lot since I've become a caretaker! The gym is a great idea!! I'm just getting started on that again too. Somehow things just seem easier with those endorphines pumping after a good workout. I agree that the gym is a better experience than exercising alone -- plus it gives us a chance to interact with other people, and I think that always helps. And if you need something else to do, I highly recommend journaling. I write in mine everyday and it really helps me get things out of my system. Have a great weekend! Christee

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Mc Huggs @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Mc Huggs — Sun, 30 May 2010 02:37:28 -0000

Hi Rubber chicken, really?:

Thanks for those words of encouragement. I didn't know it was okay to whine. I remember when I would go shopping with my ex wife, and we see a sign, "Thy shall not whine!" My therapist is going to be away three weeks! She told me I could talk to her supervisor if I needed to, I did yesterday and he and I had a chat, plus he made a n appointment this week to talk on the phone with me.

I just put my dad in bed, he won't get outta bed till morning. I am also planning to workout at a local gym, it will be my first gym workout in ages. I haven't been to the gym in a long time. Just exercising at home, it's not the same. My sister is coming over to relieve me for a few hours to watch my dad at noontime.

Other than that, I have nothing going on for the weekend, I never do. My dad never wants to do anything either, even if I ask him or try and move him he wants to know where';s he going and then refuses to go.

There's so much more to my care taking, I feel like Mr. Mom only he had nicer legs, LOL Have a great weekend rubber chicken?! really? that's your nick name here?

(((((Love Rubber chicken))))

Mc Huggs :) George :)

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Rubberchicken @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Rubberchicken — Sun, 30 May 2010 01:44:36 -0000

George --

Don't you dare feel that your challenges are any less than anyone else's! And I think we all understand the feeling of loneliness. As you get caught up in caregiving, it seems that all those outside relationships you've had in the past are the first things that go by the side. That's one of the reasons I'm so thrilled to have found this site this week. Just to be able to whine to other people who know what we're going through is a blessing. And, since we're all at different stages, we have built-in mentors who can help us with their experiences. Tell your therapist that we're glad he/she sent you! And you've already helped me -- I never thought about the bidet idea. Thanks!

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Mc Huggs @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Mc Huggs — Sun, 30 May 2010 00:56:54 -0000

Hi Everyone:

I am new here, 52, divorced for about 3 years now, and after reading about your problems with your family dealing with dementia, Alzheimer's money issues, and other things, I don't think my problems even come close to yours. I never knew you had it so rough as I am just a beginner dealing with an elderly dad, (he's 89) one year ago had hip replacement surgery, two weeks ago had a pace maker procedure for his irregular heart rate.

He takes medication to control his low heart rate, the same as his Blood pressure. He also takes medication for memory and his GERD, (Prilosec OTC) among others for pain, etc.

My therapist recommended I join this web site, so here I am. I am clinically depressed, ADD, have anxiety and panic attacks and ADD which I take medication and bi-monthly therapy for, My biggest concern for me is my loneliness however after reading what things everyone is going through I am ashamed to ask for any help.

My circle of friends is including my dad, my sister and her family, that's it! She doesn't get my depression and all the other things I have, maybe she never will. His bedroom has been upgraded with pocket doors and they gave us a electronic hydraulic hospital bed, new wheelchair, new rolling walker for taller people to use.

we built him a brand new bathroom with a toilet (the sales lady told me this toilet will shoot down a bucket of golf balls and never clog up plus a bidet toilet seat that makes cleaning his rear easier than a regular toilet. He has safety rails on almost every wall by the toilet and shower and medicine cabinet. I ordered both on the spot! Besides a new bathroom, we built him a new handicap wheel chair ramp in the back yard, and we had to widen all the existing doorways to accommodate the wheel chair, plus, the washer and drier are now in the new bathroom which makes life so much easier.

I don't feel right asking for help, you have enough problems then listening to me just whine about how I feel emotionally. So, I will just go now. Thanks for listening.

George :)

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by LauraL @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LauraL — Fri, 28 May 2010 22:58:36 -0000

Oh, Christee. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Rubberchicken @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Rubberchicken — Fri, 28 May 2010 22:42:06 -0000

I just wanted to step in and say how much I appreciate this forum. My story is no different from anyone else's -- dealing with denial from other family members, mourning my mother while talking to her, dreading the next stages, moving from living "one day at a time" to "one hour at a time", and trying to handle the burnout. But I also wanted to share an incredible moment I had recently that no one but the folks who visit these pages will understand. I was sitting on the couch while Mom sat in her chair. We were watching DVDs of MASH, which are the only things she wants to have on the tv anymore. She was talking non-stop as usual, just the usual repetitious sorts of things. And then suddenly I realized that she had gotten quiet. I looked up at her and she was looking at me. Really looking. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I know what you're doing and I love you for it." I laughed, but she looked stern and repeated, "I know what you're doing." I stuttered through a wimpy sounding "I love you, Mom" and then, almost as quickly as it had happened, she went off on a tangent of unrelated conversation again. It was the most incredible gift I've had in nearly a decade. I'd like to think that all of us, even when we think we're not making any difference, or when we think they don't understand the hard decisions we have to make, could be comforted by the thought that somewhere in their hearts, they "know what we're doing and love us for it." Just wanted to share... Christee

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by LauraL @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LauraL — Fri, 07 May 2010 22:44:13 -0000

Hello, RGB, and welcome, we're glad you're here. :) I'm sorry to hear about your mother but I am glad to hear that you are making decisions that are the best for all concerned.

Losing one's mom to Alzheimer's is just like losing her - the grief is still there. (((hugs)))

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by RBG @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RBG — Fri, 07 May 2010 20:19:29 -0000

Thanks so much for starting this site! I'm a 54 yr. old woman and my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers this year, although it seems it has been coming on for a while, but it's hard to tell the drug side effects from actual decline. She's 84. In the fall of 2009 she started having more difficulties with various things she has done for years. Then around Christmas we noticed she had gone downhill a lot and maybe wasn't safe living alone any more, so we brought her to our house in Jan. and she stayed with us until recently. It was a very hard 4 months and my husband and I are worn out. She ended up with a bladder infection during her stay with us, or maybe it had been going on before then, but it added to her confusion and behavior problems a lot, so now that she's over it, she's doing better. When she first came, she wasn't aware of how bad she was doing. I ended up taking her to alternative doctors and they gave her some herbals to get more blood flow to her brain and after that she was more aware of her problem. It helped her quality of life. She can laugh more than she could at first, even get the giggles. She was taken off the BP med, so now she sleeps better and her nighmares have stopped and she can understand more. It will hopefully slow the decline. We put her in a home just this week since the 2 of us couldn't keep up with all her needs in addition to our needs. It was so hard to do, but had to be done. We have over 200 senior care homes in our county, which are houses set up to care for up to 6 people, much better than a nursing home, which we did look at, but decided it would be worse for her there since she's not as bad off as the people there were. She's in a beautiful home and we were able to get several pieces of her furniture in her room, so it's very familiar to her. But, I miss her and miss looking after her needs, give or take a few. It's a grieving process to have lost her so quick. Just last fall we were talking about this years garden plans and other odds and ends. I'm so thankful for the people who run these homes. It's a pleasant environment for her and us, so much easier to visit there,plus we can take food for her and make up things there for her. I make her smoothies with plain unsweetened yogurt, fruit, and whey powder. She has a good appetite most of the time.

I'm her main caretaker. I have 2 brothers, but they're in other states, so I don't feel like I have siblings. I also have 2 kids, one still a teen. The tears keep on coming this week. I think it's just a mix of feelings since we moved her. I miss keeping track of how she's doing, what makes her better or worse, and sitting on the deck in the sun. She really enjoyed that. I miss her good moments. But, I think overall, she'll be happier there, with more people around. It turns out that the lady we hired to watch her when we went looking for a place for her is now working at the home and will be in charge of her. That was so great to hear since they hit it off so well. My mom remembered her every day. She was there to greet my mom when she arrived and took care of her that evening. Things went so smoothly when we started looking and we only looked at 1/2 a dozen places before deciding. There's a great service her that helps you find a place and the woman who worked with us was great.

Now, how do I cope with the loss of my mother as I knew her? It is so much like grieving after a death. The drugs she was on caused her so many problem for the last 10 years at least and I think they contributed to this. They caused her so much anxiety and she was getting too much thyroid for who knows how long.

My best to all of you in the same situation. It's a hard time.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by somechick @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

somechick — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:45:01 -0000

Hello everyone I just ran across this forum as I was searching for some info regarding Alzheimers.I've just decovered that my boyfriends mother has the early stages of Alzheimers.

She was having some memory loss and not reconigzing her children and was treating them like they were still little children. She began having good and bad days not quite as often but now has been having some them pretty regularly now.She constantly calls and comes over to where me and my boyfriend lives wondering where her son Gary is and wanting me to send him home.Then within a few seconds of speaking to him on the phone or in person she's calls and comes over asking where he is and to send him home.

When this first stage began her son and I took his mother to her doctor to her doctor and she was given some sample patches to use. When she was on them she was a totally different person and they seemed to help.But after awhile we noticed that his mother was begining to having bad days and had a discussion with his sister and mother.Their mother stated that her doctor had taken her off the patches.I can't believe that her doctor would just take her off the patches for no good reason.

So as of today he has an appointment with the family doctor to explain the symptoms and hopefully get his mother back on the patches or the pill form of the medication.Hopefully he'll come back home today with some good news.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by r8rlvrgirl69 @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

r8rlvrgirl69 — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:17:17 -0000

hello laura;i have been gone awhile but just wanted to say hi and i read everyone occassionally and am sad for some but happy to hear their stories of love and patience. my m-i-law just turned 84 on 06/17/09; milestone if you ask me; and we are in the process of getting her back to california. i hope everyones able to remain compassionate and loving no matter what they are being dealt. thx for being here for peole who do not know what to do or to talk to;peace and hugz;micki

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by LauraL @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

LauraL — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 17:17:09 -0000

Welcome, Jenniebear! I'm so glad you've found us. It sounds like you are making some headway, but finding some roadblocks, too. I am glad to hear you do have someone come in to give you some breaks, and I think your little roundabout alternatives (the key, the PO box) are smart and effective.

We're here to be your caregiver support group! While my mom isn't in much need of my assistance as yet, I do have three young children and I understand completely the idea of having yet one more thing to juggle, so I can sympathize. :)

We look forward to hearing more from you, and if you need assistance in finding something on the site, please do let us know.

Bless,

Laura

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by jenniebear @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

jenniebear — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:59:35 -0000

I am 54 and I am the live-in primary caregiver for my mom who is almost 84 years old. She and I have never had a close relationship. I am the artist and she is the one who always looks at problems in life... like I will make a nice place for us to be on the porch with hanging flowers and I am working on a flower garden that she can see from there and she only sees dead petals or weeds. She is very negative. I'm not sure how long she has had dementia, but the last 3 years have been very demanding. Gradually I have taken over almost everything for her... finances, housework, shopping, yardcare, etc.

My Pastor suggested I get power of attorney and I am so thankful that I was able to so that what i do for her finances and health are legal.

I think that she should be in a nursing home, as I work full time and she won't cooperate with a lady that I have come in to help her. She won't bathe or let anyone else do it. She falls, She has major incontinence problems that she either wont face, or cant see.

It seems like there is so much red tape to getting her into a nursing home. Agencies offer help but I am so overwhelmed with all the information that I dont know what my next step is. Like the one i am with now, they are there mostly to give me a break when I want them to be there to keep her clean and safe.

I dont even know what my question is today, i am just venting I think. I dont like the idea of going to caregiver group meetings, because it just seems like one more thing I have to juggle.

sometimes i feel like my whole life has been put on hold and that i am in a waiting room. I feel like i am going through menopause, mid-life crisis, and caregiver all at once.

at least i have some victories. she wouldnt stop driving and she got in a very slight fender bender so i put a false key on her keychain and she just thinks she cant start the car. she hasnt thought to steal it back yet, so that has worked for a year now ... I also got her to let me mow the grass. she has a riding mower and always wanted to do it so it got done right, but now i am doing it and she has actually praised me for it. I also got a PO box to keep her from going to the mailbox, as she was falling. plus the junk mail was a major problem as she was writing checks every day to one charity or another and even to those sweepstakes, so now i have to filter all the mail but at least she is not thinking that every request is a bill she has to pay.

it is a very hard journey, being a caregiver. I have never had children or a husband and so this is my first experience at being someones total caregiver.

I am here i guess to be part of a group that can pray for each other or maybe be in some kind of chat room together. I have been escaping for the last couple of years by pretending I am someone else on myspace. Not crazy yet, but almost : )

Peace

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Dreamkitten @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Dreamkitten — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 03:35:04 -0000

hi my user name is Dreamkitten,My mother in law is 82 and was diagnosised with Alzheimers 3 1/2 years ago.We sold our home to help my sister in law take care of Mom.She is in what they call stage 4,what can I exspect now,I take care of her everyday since my husband and sister in law both work.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by PinkLady @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

PinkLady — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 03:17:46 -0000

doforanimals' relationship with her mother sounds a lot like mine. Daddy passed away recently. Mother was diagnosed with dementia over a year before that. Daddy knew she was struggling, but hid it from me. I am an only child so Mother's care is on my shoulders. I realize quickly that the dementia was worse that we thought. We have moved her in to a small house near us. Now faced with trying to keep her from driving (a weekly argument). Adjuting her medicines to compensate for the outburst, paranoia and anxiety. After much thought we took her off aricept and hope this helps. She won't let me take over her finances although I know this needs to happen, I have a hard time standing up to her due to our relationship as a child. I do have power of attorney. I need advice on how to handle her outbursts and the best way to go about taking off her responsibilities without it being a constant battle.

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by doforanimals @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

doforanimals — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:36:16 -0000

I am a 52 year old woman with an 86 year old mother with dementia. It is especially difficult since we always had a strained relationship. She was a domineering, critical and manipulative woman. There was not much hugging going on so I find that very uncomfortable. I stick to subjects that are less antagonizing such as her childhood memories. She loves to talk about herself so retelling the same stories from her past make her happiest. When she asks the same question 5 times in 5 minutes I just keep answering them and try to steer the subject to something else. Not sure what to do when she asks to talk to my father and brother, both having passed away years ago. Sometimes I remind her of that, other times when she is yelling, and demanding to get their phone number, I say they're "out" and will call her later. Any suggestions as to what to do in this case? She is in a good assisted living facility, so I have the peace of mind that her physical and mental needs are being met, but the phone calls she makes to me and the visits to her are truly a draining, stressful experience. It's especially hard dealing with this around a stressful, full-time job, so visiting her every day is out of the question. I guess I just have to do the best I can in my particular circumstance and be satisfied with that, then let it go. Any suggestions on how to handle her demanding temperment and lower my stress levels are appreciated!

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by Away from home @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Away from home — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:31:42 -0000

Hi Laura! My name is Stacey. My mom was diagnosed several years ago with dementia/Alzheimers. She has been progressing fairly slowly until recently. My father, her primary care taker, passed away in Sept. I have had someone going into her home daily since then to provide her with companionship and the care she needs at this time. My biggest dilema is determining what to do with her next. I need to make some decisions regarding changes in her care that will occur by Feb. My nephew is currently living in my mom's home and is there in the evenings to prepare her dinner and stay overnight. I live in Alaska, my mom lives in Washington. She does not want to leave her home, but I know she can not remain there much longer. My nephew plans to move out by the end of January. I know that I will probably have to force her to leave her home. She is unhappy having people come in to her home to take care of her, but can't be alone either. I'd like to make an informed decision as to the best location for her to be in. I would like to have her back in Alaska near family. (No family members live in Wash., except my nephew who moved down just to help out his grandparents.) It makes me nervous to pick out an assisted living home because I hear so many horrible stories about others who have been placed in one. Do you have any suggestions?? All advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Stacey

'Welcome, we're glad you're here. ' posted by MyMother'sKeeper @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

MyMother'sKeeper — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 06:33:11 -0000

Ann77 - I am so sorry that you and your mother are facing such difficult times. My thoughts are with you.

Yes, your mother needs helps and needs it immediately. Her words and behaviors make that clear. It sounds as if she is so overwhelmed that she does not know where to turn for help and needs you to find help for her.

Please contact a senior's care center in your area and ask about their support group for your mother. If no center is available, contact your local social services agency, Home Health or Hospice. Home Health or Hospice may admit your father and this will allow them to assist your mother with the care of your father and they may offer respite care to give your mother a break from the demands of care.

Please keep us updated about the situation. I am sure others will have suggestions for you, too.

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