It seems to me that the question "how often do I visit my mother" is answered only when you have figured out the answer to two other questions: "what is best for her?" and "what is best for me?" Wherever the answers to those two questions overlap is the schedule that is best. I'm glad you know not to take her comments personally, but you are right that it still takes a thick skin! For me three things have helped when my father has gotten mean and angry: 1) anti-anxiety medication that I only take when I am going to see him and anticipate it being difficult; 2) respecting my own limits; 3)redirecting him to a different topic or activity. I am sorry she is targeting you so heavily and I hope that ends soon. And how great that she can have her dog there!
You asked: I didn't last staying at my mom's house for a week. I did not have the strength that all of you seem to have. She said that we were not her house that we switched all of her furniture to trick her. We tried her house because we thought it would be less confusing and in case she got out her neighbors at least know her. My mom was up all night, didn't know where her bedroom was etc. She wanted to walk to the hospital 10 miles away for a Dr. appt that she didn't have, she accuses me of taking her house, said someone keeps taking her purse and money, when we find where she hid the purse she says that the thief felt bad and replaced her purse with another one. After being hospitalized 2 times in 1 week because she would become so fearful being her in her own house, we put her in an assistive living facility. We did not feel that we could keep her safe at home. The most sleep I got that week was 2 hours - I was having trouble functioning plus I have a stressful fulltime job. My husband and son went to see my mom today. We try to go in pairs and make sure that we see her almost every day. I didn't go because I am the main target being as that I am an only child. Today's topper was when she told my son that she would like to hire a hit man to kill me. He laughed and she assured him that she was not joking. I know not to take this personally but I think it is going to take a long while for me to develop the thick skin that is needed. Selfishly, it does help knowing that there are others who are going through the same thing. I would appreciate if any of you would tell me how often you visit you parent. We thougth it would be good to go more frequently in the beginning. The nursing home said not to visit for 2 weeks and let her adjust. I thought that would make her feel like we just dumped her there. She is able to have her dog with her which is very important to her. Thanks I would appreciate any feedback during this adjustment period. This is just a period of adjustment for everyone especially my mom.
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