The worst has happened

Oh honey. I think it was the right thing to do at the time. It was a dangerous situation! Now you have steps and things to do to help. Hang in there. We're here. :)

I've always suggested that when the warning signs appear, talk as a family and get a trust executed which covers all facets of the care before, during and after.  Then you have the legal right to step in and take care of issues such as bills, housing, care, etc.

You did exactly the right thing.  It seems as if your life is falling apart, and you're running around picking up pieces as other things continue to fall apart.  Keep in communication with the doctor, and get an attorney asap.  Hang in there; as Laural (I think) said before, we're here.  And we understand, because....    been there, done that.  Good luck.

Have you considered a long term care facility with an alzheimers unit?

I was told by a lawyer that even though there are power of attorney papers drawn up, that to get power of attorney would require going to court to have a judge rule.  It would be nasty. The other problem is that I am not the one listed on the power of attorney.  On my mom's, my dad is listed.  On my dad's, my mom is listed.   My dad is the one with the reasoning issues at times. My mom pretty much just goes along with my dad's decisions.  She has always been controlled by him.  And he seems to be more and more controlling with each passing day.  Even when he is not with her, she drives like he would tell her to drive.  Yikes! 

If you can do these things, why would you have let her have a loaded gun.  

 You speak as though you knew that she had this.

Like it or not your mother's mind is no longer in her control.  So if she were to use that gun on someone or herself, she would not be responsible........but someone could be dead or injured.  Her mind is altered and reasoning with her is not going to happen.

You should let her be interned for awhile.  She needs to be evaluated and then maybe they will find meds that can help her.

Thank you for all the input. Mom went to a hospital for alittle over a week. We got a court judgement for 30 days , so if things start going south I can take her right back. She is on meds for the paranoid thoughts, and it seems to be working so very well. The amazing part for me is she is actually taking it. I have a hearing later this month for guardianship. My son and my sisters son are going to go for either the power of attorney or conservatorship. I have moved into the house, and try keeping her busy. It was the paranoid behavior not the alzeimers that was making things so bad. I am a trained cena and plan to keep her at home, atleast as long as I can. The relief I feel not hearing about the people in the trees , ect is such a relief. As for the guns, yes I knew about the rifle, but I knew she didn't know where that one was. The hand gun was a different story. She kept saying she had it, but my uncle kept saying she had given it to him at her 75th bd party. I never actually saw it until I found it. She'd never had it out, and I never knew she had two. I would have never forgiven myself if she'd hurt someone, but they are gone and things are so much better.

I know what should have been done and kick myself daily for waiting. Some people will share their lives and Mom wasn't one. A very dominating, private, stubborn,  woman who in the end did have to be taken out by someone else. My son said it best when he told her she would never die, because that would be admitting something was wrong with her. Thanks everyone

Did you have to get a petition before admitting her to the hospital??  What was the process of the petition?

How is it you can take her right back  if things go south after the hospital said she may never come back?

Is your Mom able to go out socially anymore?

Who was she taken out by and how was it done? I fear how this will happen as Mom is refusing to go to Doc also.  I am in a rural area with limited support and resources.  A social worker and others blew me off.

When things got really bad that day I caled 911. My sister told me they would come and take Mom for the three day observation at the hospital. Wrong!! Even though they saw how she was they said since there were no weapons in sight they had no cause to take her. They advised me to go to the court and get a petition for hospitalization and bring it to them. I went to the probate window, got the form, filled it out, they got it signed by a judge, gave me copies, and took one to the sheriff. They came and took her, nicely, to the hospital. Because they had no room they found a place in a nearby town.

The following day a nurse I spoke to said the dr said she wouldn't be able to come home. My thought was how do you determine that in less than 24hr?!? I met with the dr afew days later and told him I did want her home. I told him I had made changes so she couldn't lock herself out, moved in to the house, put smoke alarms, and door alarms up.  The main problem we had was paranoid behavior. She was so sure that everyone was out to get her and take everything. The meds she is on is a real blessing.

We go out to eat, shopping, ect. So far we haven't had any social events, but she would be able to go. Our travels may be over. She gets confused, and doesn't do well on over nights.

It has been a hard road. The worst for me ,aside from the petition, was watching them take her in a squad car. She doesn't remember any of this, and is doing really well. Now I have a court date coming up for guardianship. Another petition done through probate court.

I hope things go well for you. If you can get the guardianship first, I think things would be much easier. You can get the papers at the court and it has all the directions. I have been so lucky and had so much support from my family. Best wishes to you Nina

Thanks so much for the info.

Why was the petition only for 30 days?  Did you have to get her admitted within that time frame?

What is the medication they put her on?  My Mom thinks the pills have rat poision or are sugar pills.  Have you had any problem with her taking her medicine?  I am afraid they will not let me be the caregiver because I do not have any cena  training or nurses training.   Nor does anyone in the family and I do NOT have alot of thier support.   One medical person actually told me I would just have to leave and try later.  I do not think that is the right thing for me to do.  I do think it is possible she has not taken her meds for awhile or at least not regular.  I am not overly concerned with that issue.  I am not big on drugs.  She is still alive and even the local druggist said that a couple of her meds have studies proven to not be that effective.  These are not dementia drugs just her regular meds from prior to this illness.  I think they have her on too many pills.

For example she had another illness a few years back and they put her on baycal.  This was pulled from the market shorty by the fda.  It killed some and had serious side effects for others.  I have even wondered if the crap could  have started this illness.  I do not like alot of drugs.

What meds is she taking now and does she take them or do you have to put them in her food or something?

She still has up to two three days in a row fairly normal and it is very perplexing.  Her hardest target is me and her companion.  He died a few days ago and it is seeming to get worse.  She has not totally grasped the situation of his death.

This is a nightmare only beginning with no ending of any cheer.

You are fortunate she is still doing what she is doing.

Thanks

The petition got her there, but they didn't have to keep her. They did a small assessment snd decided she needed help. The 30 day was a petition from the dr. When Mom would not sign herself in the dr filed a petition and we had a hearing at the hospital. The judge agreed with the dr and she was admitted against her will, but only for acouple days. We have a 30 day order so that once home if she didn't do well she'd have to go back.

You do not need to be a cena to care for your Mom. It was helpful for me with ths dr, because I was already familiar with alzeimes. I was not prepared for the paranoa, and hallucinations, she started having. Mom is on the one med and so far I have no problem with her taking it. It has nothing to do with the advanced alzeimers. With alzeimers she may never truly grasp her companians passing. It surprises me what Mom remembers and what she forgets. It's really hard on the one giving the care. If a person has diabetes, or other illness they're ill but the mind is thee. With alzeimers the body can be well but the brain isn't. They become different people, sometimes sweet as can be , and others mean, and harmful.

Like I said before, my first step would be guardianship. Then you have a say in her treatment and I think you can jut bypass the petitions. I wish I'd done that first.  

Thanks again.

Has she ever resisted meds or is that something you have been familiar with as a cena?

Like possibly relating to some other illness.  I feel that if she were willing to take meds I would have a better shot at keeping her in her home.  If that is going to be a constant battle I don't know if it will work. 

The worst of it is she worked at the facility where she will end up if I were to commit her.

I will keep it to 3 questions this time.  Were they any fees associated with the guardianship and did you really need a lawyer to do that or did you just do it on your own?  I already have financial power but I did not know about the hippa law and all that goes with that law.  I am in a straight jacket with that also.  I can't see spending a bunch on an attorney if it is not necessary.  Thanks

For the most part things are done. I don't have power of attorney, but I am her guardian. It cost me $150 to file and $125 for the guardian ad diem. I filed out the papers, sent copies to the people who I needed, returned the proof, and showed up at court. The other "guardian" came and talked to Mom and she had no problem with it. It took about 5 minutes. Next month we have a meeting with a lawyer about getting myself and my sister on the property, and will see about anything else I need. It is a huge relief. I waffled for afew, because I wasn't sure I wanted to be responsible. I really don't know the differences between guardian, power of attorney, ect if you need all or some. It's all so confusing. Make sure you are ready to have her home. The cena stuff doesn't matter when it's your Mom. It is also really hard knowing my camping days are pretty much behind me unless someone will come stay. Not being able to go and do like before. Totally different than bundling a baby and hauling it. Mom can't take much walking. When we do go out I have to really watch her as she is going up to strangers thinking she knows them. It's a lot, and she hasn't gotten to the worst yet. I am blessed that my husbad is on board and my major support. You are in my prayers and you can feel free to e-mail me. nyna22000@sbcglobal.net  Good luck!!