My mom lives with my husband and I. She was recently diagnosed with alzheimer's almost a month ago. she's 59 yrs. old. My mom's father had alzheimer's but in the late stages before they found it. Well anyway, My mom has been living with us since february of this year. I have noticed she has a lot of anger and likes to start fights over little petty things. But then half the time she can't remember what she said and I have to tell her. She has several doctor appts spread over the months so it's not all at once. Half the time I can't even get her to go. And it ends up in a fight. I don't want to fight with her, but to get her to go to any of them I have to use reverse physchology on her. She isn't the same person and it's frustrating. Then my sister in law moves in with her 4 boys, her husband died a year ago in Oct. 08. She helps out alot and she just as frustrated as I am. My husband and I drive over the road as truck drivers. I drive a company truck and my husband is trying to buy a truck. I don't stay out but only 2 weeks at a time, I try to make it to most of her doctor appts. If my mom gets worse then I'll get off the road. My mom doesn't want to go to senior center where there is activities, sshe says that for old people. I don't want to put her in a nursing home, I figure she would be more comfortable in her own environment and around family and friends. I have an older brother, but he doesn't want to have anything to do with her, he says that he has a life and doesn't want to bother. He lives/stationed in Germany, where he is going to retire with his wife. I don't get no help from him.
My main concern is how do I get my mom to do anything and get her to stop picking fights. This is very frustrating. I want to make this work for her, thru her transition stages. Where can I get more info?
I understand your situation because my Mom does the same thing: always challenging and trying to set up the situation so that she can make a negative comment . It made me crazy sometimes until I finally got to the point where I would just make a statement and not wait for a response. When she asked a leading question or make a challenging statement, I "say it like it is" to save myself. There's no law that says that you have to suffer just because it's your Mom...it took me a looooooong time to get that into my head.
Thank you for the response. It is making me crazy, but I don't want to have to keep fighting with her. It's not helping her situation. I've noticed she contradicts herself alot. Because she can't remember what she says before. Her memory goes quick. If I'm having a conversation one minute, five minutes later she can't remember the conversation. It's a struggle with her. It's like we're strangers and I'm getting to know the other side of her. I don't want to put her in a home, but I don't want to pull my hair out either. My brother doesn't care at all. He won't even call our mom, just to say "HI". That's driving me crazy. I guess I'm worried if I'll be able to care for her properly.
My dad had a form of dementia, and regardless of what type it is, caring for family members is never easy. Luckily my dad became very playful, but he'd been a salesman and wanted to leave at all times of day & night. While I can't give either of you advice on this specific situation, I do want to tell you what a doctor pulled me aside and told me. He told me to make sure my mom didn't run herself down trying to take care of my dad. We were lucky; we had an alzheimer's unit in the town they lived in, and mom could visit him every day. I did weekly. It was one of the hardest, but best decisions we made, in that it didn't ruin my mom's health, too. So I just encourage both of you to remember you are doing your best. And that they are not themselves, and that arguing & pulling your strings may be the only way they feel they have any control in their lives any more. And if a nursing home or center becomes necessary, do NOT beat yourselves up! Most of us are not equipped to take care of our family members, be it financially, emotionally, physically, whatever. I wish you both lots of patience and understanding...and luck!
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