Mocha,

 Can you share with me (us) as much as you’re comfortable with; on how you got your mom into this facility? Is this an insurance covered care item, or totally your out of pocket expense? I’m often hearing that if I put her into a skilled facility that they begin to come after all assets. Can you please help in this area? If you aren’t comfortable sharing on the list please feel free to email me at RevYarb@sbcglobal.net

Thanks

- Matt

Hi Mocha,

It does sound like a dilemma, and I understand your worries!  I wonder, does your mother have a designated doctor? Could he or she help advise you in this, if perhaps they have an opinion on her care? Or possibly, maybe the doctor could make a house call to the home to check on her.

Also, have you checked with the caregiver on medical help? Is she opposed to it for some reason, or is it just something that wasn't communicated well during the transition to the home?

As for activities, I wonder if this is where family members become involved. I know you stated you were an only child; can you spend some time with your mother doing a few things a couple of times a week to  help with that, or provide her something to do when you're not there? Did she knit or crochet, or do puzzles?

I'm thinking of you and hoping that the matter can be resolved in a way that can make you feel more comfortable. :)

~Laura

Hi Mocha,

Welcome to Caring's groups!  I'm glad you posted.

One thing you may want to do is call a few facilities and find out what types of activities they provide for those with similar medical conditions.  That may give you a better idea of what is possible for her.  You may also want to talk to the caregiver about how well (or not) she's eating.  Is there some favorite food she'd prefer?  Is the caregiver willing to accomodate that?  Does your mom's doctor have any idea why she continues to lose weight?  I know these questions don't help with regard to their not being a medical professional at the home where she lives, but I wanted to throw them out there.

Matt, I wanted to talk about the notion of a long-term care facility coming after a person's assets.   I'm curious to know the asset limits for Medicaid eligibility in your area.  If wonder if your mom is able to own a house and still qualify, for example. 

 I appreciate the advise I have not been on for a while because Mom was in the hospital. She had a "TIA". We found out she has 100% blocked artery.

Responding to Laura and Missy... Although there is not a medical professional on the premises. A visiting nurse comes twice a month as a part of this program, and I take my mother to her doctor appointments myself regularly. Her primary care docter  has done many tests(thyroid,cancer, etc) and has no answers for the weight loss other than it is just a part of  the disease. I am noticing that most doctors kind of write off the elderly in a way, and do not encourage looking for problems. I have actually been told things like , "if  cancer was found, what could you really do at her age and condition".     

I visit my mother 2-3 days a week. She will do a puzzle every now and then but her attention span is short. She likes to look at old photos and sing. Some personal care homes provide scheduled activities daily, and have several people on staff. Ours is lacking this although  great in many other ways.

As far as estate recovery, if a person is in a nursing home, they will go after assets. If the home is over 50,000 or so. Luckily, we changed everything over years ago.  

New dilemma...........mother has limited mobility and can not walk without assistance from the caregiver. The dementia causes her to forget she is unstable on her feet so she will just jump up on her own, which creates a serious fall risk. The caregiver has asked me about my feeling of using a soft restraint to prevent her from getting up alone...................

This is a toughy............safety or dignity! 

Hi Mocha,

Thanks for the update!

How receptive do you think your mom would be to a walker?  If it is kept near her when she sits, do you think she'd instinctively grab onto it when she jumps up?

Hi Mocha,

Thanks for the update; I'm sorry to hear of her being hospitalized again!

As for the jumping up to walk - what is a soft restraint? Would it scare her, make her feel like she's being tied down? Or would it be a clue to her to slow down?

Response to Missy......Funny you mention that! Mom has a walker and her physical therapist has attempted to train her on how to use it. Unfortunately, she can not handle it well. Her perception seems off, and she just takes off fast into falls or whatever........It is more of a hazard than a help unless someone is right there with her to guide it.

Response to Laura...what they are calling a soft restraint looks like a tuxedo cumber bund' and goes around the waist and is tied to the back of a chair/bed etc..........She does get upset  and has said she feels like a prisoner. It breaks my heart yet  I know she can not be watched 24/7. The moment  she is in a room alone she would jump up and ultimately fall and break a hip with her frail frame.  I have come to understand that many hosptials and nursing facilities are using these or chemical restraints when patients are a risk like, Mom. I worry about her getting so upset from the restraints that she has an attack or something.    

Mocha, thanks for the updates and information.  I would worry about her being upset by the restraints, too. **hugs**

Hi all, great thread.. thanks for the info.  I am very interested in learning more about the "personal care home " that your parent was placed in.  What state are you in? How did you find the place? 

I am in illinois and am contimplating the same thing - My Mom had a stroke 2 months ago and I am trying to think of a way to get her out of the nursing home (for rehab) and get her back into her house with 24/7.  Having someone(s) else to help share the costs would be helpful.  Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

My mother is in Assisted Living in a Facility. It is large and she gets lost in the crowd.

I have been to two types of nursing homes-- one that just is the basic services you describe and this model                                                             Look for a small nursing home with one to one therapeutic recreational activities with a few group activites ones that are non threatening. Bingo may be threatening. Line Dancing with another caregiver in recreation may not be. On Luckey Drive in Houghton, NY there is a Houghton Nursing Home that may be able to assist you find  a mainstream but individual approach. It is located near Houghton College,NY they might know of similar models in your area.  Katrina

I am trying to get my mildly dementia mother to a better facility but most places put all the people together with dementia and forgetfulness problems after a while . I think they are frustrated with them as the same feeling is with the clients, like my mother. I wish I had enough money to start a different kind of home like Houghton Nursing Care Facility--most are putting them in places just for safety--the thing about it is I think a ground level house sounds rather appropiate. Too bad,Mocha there isn't a place with care that you describe with activities--that would be ideal for my mother---also.

Alot has happened since I posted this 5 months ago. My mother has experience 4 mini-strokes, and a fractured hip in this short time. We had no choice besides skilled nursing facility this time. My advise to all who have parents who are at a functioning level,  keep them in a personal care home as long as they are able to stay. I am convinced that there is no skilled facility that I will be totally pleased with. My experience is the rehab is good and the nursing care is lacking or vise versa. Personal care homes are becoming a more popular alternative now that medicaid is supplementing the costs through waiver programs. 

Mocha, How do you know she had these strokes? I am in a similar situation and my mom is in a SNF (for rehab) I am not sure they are treating her well (medically) and I have seen some major ups and downs. They only draw blood once a week and her last EKG was showing Atrial Fib. Her PT and INR levels are also up and the Dr at the SNF was decreaing her Warfin levels (why???) he increased them only slightly. after this last test. Took him a week just to review the EKG.

 Not sure where we go from here but things are bad enough wthout them getting worse.

Her PT was 13.3 now 27.2, Her INR was 1.1 now 2.3. When I asked today the Nurse said they scheduled a chest xray for Wednesday...

 We have had my mom at three different place each was ok but I always found something I did not like. i would try the small home care. I have looked at a lot of them in San Diego. Honestly my mom doesn't want to do much.   I had her in adult daycare but she would worry too much about how she was getting home.  We now have her in a small house by us with my daughter living in.  It is work but .....

We are using a mobile doctor, the service is great. X-rays in her chair at home. She gets her blood checked at home to for warifin.

Mocha:

My mom is in the same situation as far as her living arrangements, and she is mid-stage 6 of Alzheimer's. I feel so very lucky to have found the home she is in. My sweet mom is very well taken care of; incredible "from scratch" healthy and delicious meals. Two other lady residents with dementia. Each have their own, lovely rooms and bathrooms. However, just as you mentioned, there are no activities for the ladies. But, at this stage, I don't think it makes any difference. I,too, visit mom three days per week.

I will do all I can to keep mom out of a nursing home situation because I believe the personal care is so much better in the small, private care home (which is licensed by the state). If she has health issues, Home Health care will send a nurse to take care of those issues.

Hi Caring daughter, It sounds like you have found the perfect situation for your mom.  Is the home strictly for Alzheimers/Dementia residents? The only problem I saw in the assisted living homes that I worked in was our inability to provide a safe environment and give the one on one time that my residents required as their disease progressed.  The administrator was forced to move these residents to a skilled nursing faciility which was heart breaking for the other residents as well as the staff.  I would suggest for anyone looking into an assisted living facility rather than skilled nursing to make sure that your loved one can stay at that residence during the course of the disease.  It is also very important to ask the administrator if the staff has had special training in Alzheimers and if the house has all the necessary safe guards to protect your loved one.  I always suggest  making a few unscheduled visits to the facilities you are looking into at different times to see the level of care being provided and definitely talk to the other residents.

Mocha

I live in Northern California, and the city that I live in has one of those homes on just about every third street.  The owners usually own more then one, they are profitable.  The one on our block has the Adult Day Care Bus pick-up and drop-off everyday......so that is where the activities are.  The ones here are licensed by the state, so they have to be modified for handicap.

To the poster that spoke of the ASL facilities.  Some, not all, have a seperate building, floor, area, etc for Alzheimer patients.  The ones that don't let it be known if their needs change that they have to be placed elsewhere.

Question........................WHAT SHOULD BE EXPECTED FROM A SKILLED NURSING FACILITY?

NEED ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH SNF...........

Should I expect that they will help my mother with grooming, and putting on lotion?

Should I expect that someone will plan activities for her to fill her days?

Is it reasonable to expect for someone to get her up, and help her walk on the walker daily so she wil not get too stiff from sitting? She is unable to do this without assistance? 

I have asked these questions but I never get a straight answer from the facility

Will my  continuing to ask questions, and make demands cause my mother to be mistreated?

http://www.helpguide.org/elder/nursing_homes_skilled_nursing_facilities.htm [helpguide.org]

Hi Mocha,

Caring.com also has a ton of information about nursing homes.  Click here to see it.  Hope that helps!

Mocha,  I would like to know the same thing this gentlemen asked-----  copied below

Thanks

RevYarb responded 9 months ago

Mocha,

Can you share with me (us) as much as you’re comfortable with; on how you got your mom into this facility? Is this an insurance covered care item, or totally your out of pocket expense? I’m often hearing that if I put her into a skilled facility that they begin to come after all assets. Can you please help in this area? If you aren’t comfortable sharing on the list please feel free to email me at RevYarb@sbcglobal.net
 

snow responded less than a minute ago :
lovetorn or anyone who knows

In regard to the paranoia and hallucinations did a medical person ever eplain the reasons?

My Mom thinks my eyes are bloody or different colors and my body is otherwise distortred. She is afraid at times the food is being poisoned and her pills have rat poison.

Has anyone had trouble getting the A person to take meds because of this? Did medical people ever tell you you could not be a craregiver for such a reason or other memory problems? Thanks

I would like to add that she does eat fairly well and even with writing this I have thought of trying something else with the pills. NO one mentions this problem---

If you have had problems did you put the pills in the food and did they taste them. I am afraid to interrupt the food process if she discovers it and then does not want to eat.
 

 My mom lost about 15 pounds in about three weeks  went she was in a SNF after being in the hospital.   She has put it all back now that she is home but the Dr. thought her weight was fine with the weight loss. 

My mom seems to have no sense of taste some days and I think the meds curb her appetite too.

My mom live in a small house with my daughter and I live two doors down.   I like the homes compared to the SNF. The homes are usually very nice. I live in La Mesa and learned so much from talking to the owners of various homes.  

if you use a SNF look it up, go at different times, really check it out. They may have more medical staff but maybe not better care.