My Dad Smells

Hello!

Have you asked your dad directly if he is concerned about his catheter being dislodged by bathing?  Maybe he needs some reassurance or techniques from a doctor.  Another thought that came to mind is if he has insecurities about falling while bathing.  In that case, maybe some grab bars or other safety accessories in the bathroom may help.

How do you think he would take a frank, but very loving and supportive, discussion about it?

I agree with what Missy offered above, but I had a different thought initially.

What about sponge bathing? How often can you stop by and perhaps do this for him? A personal moment with the two of you, discussing his day and yours while you wash him.

Here's a guide for bathing your dad:

Bathing Your Dad: A Beginner's Guide?

Hope this helps! Let us know how things are going.

Another thought popped into my head about you this morning.  Does he smell of urine?  Could it be that he's having difficulty managing his catheter?  Or could there be a leak somewhere in it?  It may be worthwhile to have his doc take a look at it to make sure it's working as it should be.

Great responses from Missy and LauraL and hope their ideas work for you.   Missy makes an excellent point about checking the catheter for leakage.  Also, be sure the catheter bag is cleaned/changed regularly to help eliminate odor.

You might want to consider having a Home Health caregiver help with your father's care.  He should qualify for this service related to his indwelling catheter.  Perhaps if your father's physician or nurse practitioner suggested that bathing was part of the care for his catheter, your father will be more open to the "need" for a bath every couple of days.  Also, he may be much more comfortable with a male caregiver, from the Home Health agency, bathing him to avoid any embarassment.

With dementia, bathing can be a frightening experience.  A few inches of water in a bathtub can look like several feet of water to the person and they will resist stepping into the tub.  For this reason a shower with a chair and handheld sprayer may work better.

Hi guys!

  Thanks for all the advice. It is nice to know I am not alone because BOY do I feel like that. It is just confounding to me that my Dad, who is functioning quite well, just doesn't have any inclination to bathe. I can't wrap my head around that and what the disease is doing to his brain. I guess I am still in denial that he HAS Alzheimer's because it is such a scary word/disease and because he is pretty lucid etc.

  Okay, what I did was call a Home Health Care agency. On Friday, the owner and I are going to meet with Dad. Dad will be REALLY mad at me. BUT I will pitch it like MyMother'sKeeper suggested - that it is a MEDICAL necessity to help avoid infection from the Foley Catheter. No way in heck would he ever let me bathe him. But he might if we say the aide is a "nurse's helper." When he got out of the hospital in May, he was really good about letting the home nurses (they no longer come) check his catheter etc.

  Any other advice on how to talk to him on Friday about the need for this aide. Other than saying what I said before (when I hired a 3xs weekly cleaning lady/companion): "Do you want to stay in your house???? Then you need to DO this!" I swear, I wind up talking to him like my toddler but it seems to work. I just feel ashamed that I have to.

I am happy to know that things are looking up for you.  Well, at least from the home health standpoint. My best advice is to tell your father than the nurse is there to talk with him about a plan prescribed by his physician.  Then, allow the nurse to take over the conversation.  I have to assume she/he has experience handling these delicate matters and your father may be more receptive to her/him than to you, especially since he was okay with the idea previously.  Use the past experience to reinforce the positives of the new care being offered and assure him that the care will be basically the same.  This may help to eliminate any fear he may have.  I certainly understand your comment, "do you want to stay in this house?", but this can backfire on you and create resentment and hostility, not to mention confusion to him.  It is best to avoid those type statements.  Simply assure him that you love him and want only the best for him.  Do allow him to express his feelings even if it is not what you want to hear. In other words, allow him to talk.  This may be enough to allow him to believe he has control of the decision.  If he becomes agitated, stop the meeting and try again on a "better" day and different time of the day.  I have learned never to discuss matters with my mother after Noon.  She is most alert in the mid-morning.

Remember, too much information can be confusing to your father.  Keep your statements short and precise and do not feel ashamed for doing this.  You are lovingly helping him to comprehend your words.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Did the home health care thing work? My mom is only 71, very proud, in denial that anything is wrong, but refuses to bathe or shower or get her clothes washed. All services are available where she lives, but she is resistent. She too can be very lucid, a few of her friends don't even believe the diagnosis, yet she's probably stage 5 of 7 already. She also doesn't flush and can't smell the putrid odor lingering in her room.

Hi Marie!Wow. It was weird to go back and look at this post since so much has changed. I started writing this thread in 2008. By 2009, I had a home health aide come in and she bathed Dad. He let her do it - no complaint! I was shocked. In the summer of 2009, he was having so much trouble with memory, injuries (he fell down the steps) and his catheter (he wound up in the ER every few weeks), that I got him into assisted living. THAT is a whole story unto itself! He is doing fine there. But yes, there is still a smell. He wears a catheter bag which seems to leak, or perhaps he doesn't close the valve correctly. So yes, my Dad still smells but now it is of urine. I have to stay on the assisted living staff constantly to clean his room, bathroom, pants, bedding etc. They respond pretty well. He does not seem to notice the smell AT ALL. Just remember, it is part of the disease and not their fault.

Hi IrishMiddleChild, Thanks for your update. Sorry to hear your dad went thought some tough times recently, that must have been difficult for the both of you. Though it seems you have found out why your dad smells, we do have an interesting article all about what can cause "old people smell." You can check out the article here for some more ideas on what could be causing other smells: http://www.caring.com/articles/old-person-smell

I hope that helps! Thanks again for sharing with all of us!

Emily

It's definitely urine. But the place does a pretty good job of cleaning up his room. Sometimes my Dad puts on the same pants from the day before - and there is urine on it. He doesn't notice the smell.

I see, sorry to hear that. At least you know for sure what's causing the smell, thought it is unpleasant. It's very common for older adults to have a reduction in their sense of smell, so that's probably why he hasn't noticed his own smell. Take care, and good luck! -- Emily