my heart goes out to you for I have been thru similar situations with my mother in law and now with my own dear husband. My first piece of advice is to deal with some legal issues: get a power of attorney to act on your mother's behalf while she is cognizant enough to sign it. Also, if possible, get her to put you on all her financial accounts so you can use her own funds to support her. If you fear repercussions from the other family members, keep meticulous records of every dollar spent. If they aren't willing or able to help out, they don't have any business telling you how to take care of Mom...it's either "put up or shut up!" You are to be admired for your caring and loving manner..it takes a lot of strength and patience. But you must take care of yourself, too. If you go down, so will she. God Bless!
My mother is early stage alzheimers. She was in a retirment "independent living"community in TN (I live in GA - about 8 hrs away) until a couple of months ago when I moved her in with me. I was getting phone calls to drop everything (I just started new job, new state, new everything) and come take care of her because she was "unsafe". I finally realized that the retirement center was going to put her in assisted living because of concerns they had and I felt it would be such a low blow to my mother that I just decided to bring her to live with me. She is still in good physical condition at 88 - just gets tired easily. But she is now resentful of my bringing her here - thinks it was a mistake. It may have been, but I was trying to help keep her as independent as possible, yet I think she feels more dependent than ever. Perhaps this is what I have done. I feel so bad. She gets angry with me about things - accusing me of making decisions for her or being short with her. I AM sometimes short with her, which is inexcusable other than she seems to pick the times I am most stressed with work, car problems, etc. to find fault. I think I have snapped at her a couple of times in two months, but I love her dearly and don't mean to be upset with her. She is upset because of the loss of her ability to drive (I had to take the car away a few months before I moved her here at the insistance of the retirement center; but they were right!). She is also upset because she is so far from everything she has ever known. I am paying someone who is wonderful to come and take her out 2 afternoons a week while I work - just to get out of the house and take her to get her hair done, etc. She refuses to pay for it because 'she doesn't need a babysitter" altho she seems to enjoy herself when she is out with Debbie. She wants to help with living expenses, but she "forgets" and I am footing a good deal of the bills. I am scared to touch her accounts because I don't want any perception I have taken advantage of her financially. I have a very good income, but I am also supporting a daughter in college and my savings is going quickly. I wish I could do better for her. Somedays I feel so overwhelmed. I'm a very patient person normally, so when I snap, it is usually after a lot has transpired, but it pointless with an alzheimers patient! I know this and I know better! I don't know if I am doing the right thing to help her or not. It is a blessing to have her, yet it is also something that seems to have a few more pot-holes than I anticipated.
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