Responding to GI Jan.  I can sympathize with your Mother's hair care problem. My own Mother has been in a nursing home dementia unit for one year as of April 2, 2009. Mother is now 87 years old.  Mother always wore her hair what I call "medium length", not terribly short and not long. I could do Mother's hair for her very easily because her hair has good body and is  a beautiful silver. I always hoped that I would have hair the color or my Mother's in my lifetime. Initially Mother's hair was not getting shampooed frequently enough and I would find her hair oily and smelly.  After struggling with this for a few months, I finally had the hairdresser to cut Mother's hair very short, fitted neckline, short on top and cut up over the ears.  I think in years past this might have been called a "pixie" haircut.  It has really improved the hair care issue. Recently Mother complained that she did not want her hair shampooed everytime she gets a bath. I now have the order for Mother to get her hair washed only once per week.  I learned that you cannot tell the CNA staff to "use their judgement" as to whether Mother's hair needs shampooing. It HAS TO BE recorded on "the order card". Sigh.  Today, Thursday, May 14th, I visited Mother and her hair had been shampooed when she got her bath. The do NOT dry her hair with a blow dryer, so having it short is obviously preferrable to having LONG wet hair.  I only have Mother's hair cut by their hairdresser every 5 weeks. I hope this gives you some ideas about resolving your Mother's "Einstein" appearance.  Good Luck and God Bless you and your Mother.

NeedGrace,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on solving the problem of hair care. My mom has really thick hair as well. At least it used to be thick and nicely curled. Now her scalp shows. Mom never wore her hair long -- felt it wasn't professional -- because she's an RN. I feel she needs a simple roller set to be good to go. Because of the volume of her hair, it cannot be blow dried without achieving the look of a poodle.

I have spoken with the social services director and hope to get this issue resolved. I feel the hairdresser, and young CNA staff members, need to take a proactive approach. You'd never ask a dementia patient "Do you want to take your medicine now?" or "How about some therapy later this morning?" or even "Do you want to live here?" The issue of asking mom if she wants her hair styled or cut smacks of a staff inexperienced in dealing with persons who have dementia.

If I could take Mom out of the facility for hair care, I would. But she is confined to a wheelchair and I cannot transport her. I will continue to advocate for my mom and her needs. I will continue to provide what I can. I will continue to love and support her. . .even though it breaks my heart to see what little is left of the straong and capable woman she once was.

Again, thank you.

GIJane,  It sounds as though the facility where your mother resides is better staffed than where my mother is confined.  I am in Georgia, CNAs here are not paid very well and I believe are minimally trained at best and poorly trained in some cases.  Some of the older ones seem to care about the patients; some young ones are absolutely callous in their approach. My mother is not physically or mentally capable of resisting anything the CNAs do to/for her. Her roommate is still quite mobile and is capable of resisting when the mood strikes her. The roommate actually can be combative if she does not want her hair done, does not want to sit down to eat, does not want a bath, etc. To make matters worse, the dementia unit where my mother resides is UNDER staffed to the point of ridiculous! The administrator and head nurse both swear that they meet the state standard, but I KNOW they do not.  To avoid having my Mother tossed out, I have not written a formal complaint to the State of GA nor to the state ombudsman.  I feel certain that their  records are kept in such a way as to hide the understaffing, I just have not pursued the problem. There are some "windmills" I just don't have the energy to take on!!

I work in the hair care room of a nursing home.  I don't have any special degrees to work with the elderly, the only requirement of me is to have a Cosmetologist mangers license.  But I can tell you that it can be very difficult dealing with people having dimantia and other related issues.  I have several residents that have dimentia.  I have quite a few women (residents) that have their hair washed and set each week.  I love what I do, it is the most rewarding job I have ever had, and the most physical job I have ever had.  It takes alot of patience and understanding.   In defense of the hair dresser in your mother's facility, I must say that these people do lay on their hair a lot more than they normally would in their own homes, thus making it very difficult for your mother's hair to look as it once did before she was put into the nursing home.  I will recomend that putting a hair net on her hair before bedtime may help some, or even a silk pillow case.  Your mother may be a fairly restless sleeper.  If it would help, suggest that she have her hair washed in the shower on her scheduled day, and to shorten her time in the haircare room the haircare person then could spritz her with water and roller set her hair, and take her back to her room to dry.  In a few cases this works well because dimintia patients are very fidgety and don't like to sit for that long, but being under the dryer seems to sooth them also.  So you just have to work on a case to case basis, and figure out what works well with the patient. I would recomment talking with the Haircare person at your mother's facility and keep the lines of communication open.  Good luck!

The Hair Lady, thanks so much for your very insightful tips!

I had a very similar experience with my mother. She has dementia, broke her hip and the whole surgery, anesthesia and hospital experience made her dementia a lot worse. Her time in the rehab facility was a nightmare due to the staffs lack of expertise with dementia patients, and overmedicating her to settle her down because of her physical aggression. (She was attacking staff with silverware so they could only give her plastic spoons, plus elbowing them in the stomach, slapping, etc.)

My suggestion is to have the hairdressers keep trying to offer her a haircut different times of the day, and if that fails, try another day. My mother's combativeness varied, so at times she was more receptive. A shorter haircut would make your mother's hair look less unruly. Also, one of the dry shampoos that come in the spray  bottle (If your stores don't have them, purchase online) might be better than no washing at all. Or even brushing a little bath power through her hair would absorb some of the oils. Good luck. It's just another difficult roadblock you have to deal with the best you can when caring for someone with dementia. It's all about finding alternative options and compromises and lowered expectations. Good luck and patience to you.

Thank you for posting this question! I'm having the same problem with my mom saying no to having her hair done on her scheduled Friday appointment. Then she complains on Saturday (and Sunday and Monday...) that she needs her hair washed, and wants us to call the the hairdresser to fit her in. She adamantly refuses to wash it in the shower so this appt is necessary. The tips here were great. Thanks everyone.

I am a man taking care of my 80 yr. mother with dimentia afro-american. She attends a day care center in East Point 3 times a wk. At the center they do hair for free. My mother fights everything, but I cant stand too see her wild headed, I have her hair done every 5 wks. I have the hairdresser cut her hair down too 1/4 inch. So all she has to do is run a comb thru it and it looks   neat. Every 5 wks its a small fight but its something we both can live with. I say keep it short. Good Luck  

Thank you for your response. My mom died on Monday, hair wild as ever. I'm praying the funeral home hairdresser can get her looking like the woman we all remember. Mom's hair was already short. What I discovered about my lovely mom is that she kept a permanent permanent in her hair. Thus the always nicely curled look. Again, thank you and I wish you strength for the journey ahead.

Hi GIJan,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Oh, Jan, I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences.

This may be too late, but make sure the Funeral Home has a picture of her so that they can try and duplicate how she once looked before. I am so sorry to hear about your Mother! I wish I could help! My caring thoughts and deepest sympathy are with you and your family. Take care!

 So sorry for your loss. Take comfort in knowing that you gave your mother a lot of care and compassion and she is at peace now.

I know it is embarrasing to see one's mom looking so unkempt, so try getting her a short haircut and a perm - also, show pictures in short haircut book and ask her how she wants it "done". If she says "no". Just tell her she has to look decent. If she is the extremely stubborn type, promise her something nice if she gets a perm and a cut. Try the persuasive, non demanding approach first. Maybe have a social worker or other visitors talk to her casually about it a couple of hours before you come. Then, come with books and pictures. Have an appointment already set up at a beauty parlor or something, also. My mother stubbornly refused to quit wearing these big brown, curly wigs even at 84 years old. Looked really out of place. But, finally was wheedled away from it, and got a haircut and a dye job. Now, she never wears wigs! On the understanding of dementia: Maybe have some social workers try to educate staff more at that place. Suggest to administrator that they need some inservices on caring for people with dementia.