Guardianship/Conservatorship

Hi Jamie,

This is a tough-sounding situation, with the potential for family tension. My hunch is that your grandmother would feel most comfortable in a familiar place with familiar routines. It sounds like this might be challenging at her daughter's, as her daughter may have a new job; and certainly at her son's, as this will be a whole new home.  I'm wondering if you think everyone can sit down and talk about the situation as calmly as possible, vowing first  to put your grandmother's emotional comfort first. I do know that people with Alzheimer's are easily frightened by the unknown and unfamiliar; including changes. Since changes could be in store at either home, the family needs to be thinking about how best to help your grandmother make these transitions. Familiar faces and voices and objects, like pictures or blankets, may help. By the way, how wonderful that you're trying to help your grandmother in this way. I sure hope it's not a hornet's nest for you.

Thanks for the advice! The familiar stuff idea makes alot of sense. She has her own room at her daughter's and she put up her favorite paintings and did all the decorations herself.  She seems most comfortable in that room. We will have the opportunity talk about the situtation soon. Hopefully everyone can stay calm, and focused on her best interests.

Jamie, do keep us updated - everyone's experiences help everyone else when they're faced with similar situations. I hope everything turns out for the best!

Yes Jamie... as Laura said keep us posted on your grandmother.  It does sound like sticking with her familiar room would be a first choice, but if her daughter is going back to work, this might not be possible, unless there's in-home care.  If your grandma ends up at her son's, I'm hoping she can decorate her room to feel just like home. 

By the way, the conservatorship is meant to protect your grandmother, on the basis that she can no longer make sound financial or medical decisions. I don't know why it was granted to your grandmother's son versus daughter; these things can be complicated (and messy), but the whole point is to protect your grandmother. I hope things turn out well and you feel good about it.

They are currently working on determining conservatorship, between her daugher and son. Is it like a custody deal between divorcing parents? I just want to make sure that no matter what I can still see her.  And I will be sure to keep y'all informed. Thanks again for all the advice and support! :)

Hi again Jamie- We have a couple of laywers around here, and I'm going to ask them to take a look at the conservatorship questons. But meanwhile I'll take a lay person stab. Well, actually a "been there, done that" stab, as we went through this years ago with an uncle. In our case, a judge determined conservatorship based on a pile of evidence, including testimony from family members. There wasn't an real controversy, mainly because the cousin granted conservatorship was the only family member living close to my uncle, but the main issue was who would have authority to make medical and financial decisions for my uncle. It seemed clear that all family (and friends) could visit and fuss over my uncle as much as they wanted.  I'll see if I can drum up any more info for you.

Hi Jaime!  Please keep us informed.  I would like to know if anyone out there nows if establishing gaurdianship is a good way to go.  I currently have a durable power and medical power of attorney for my mom.  Is that enough, or should I apply for gaurdianship?

Hey Laura Ann I guess it would depend on what the situation is. For example if you are the only person that can take care of your mom then you probably wouldnt need it. But i cant really think of a situation where anyone would need it as long as the people taking care of your mom are willing to communicate. There isnt much of an update on my grandmother's situation because the court case was delayed until august. But i went to see her a few weeks ago and she knew who i was but not by name. I think she is doing ok.  

Hey, Jamie - I'm just coming in on this with you, but I am interested in what has been happening in your situation.  My situation still has both parents in it, but both are quickly getting to the point it will be challenging for them to live alone.  Mom has COPD & CHF with a pace-maker & about twelve different meds, while Dad is two weeks out of open-heart surgery & on ten meds of his own, and because of a totally unacceptable rehab facility - my sister & I are taking "shifts" living with & caring for the two of them.  Right now she has nights & I have days.  We are hoping this will ease-off soon with physical therapy, etc. - we aren't talking about what we'll do if he doesn't get better.

hi there...conservatorship/guardianship can be very costly, time consuming and down right grueling...a durable power of attorney and advanced directive for health care should be sufficient, as long as there is a responsible person available who has thier parents best care in mind at all times as it is a very powerful document...also a good thing to know is that the durable power of attorney expires with the person...this can be challenging with any affairs that need to be handled after death, like property, bank accounts etc...I have been caring for my mom with late stage alzheimers for 4 1/2 years and have become a wealth of knowledge on these subjects...my best advice is to have ALL these documents in place BEFORE there is a real dementia problem, because once the person is found incompetent of making a decision for themselves, conservatorship/guardianship becomes inevitable and then the courts are involved with family matters...I'm grateful that this did not happen to my mother, sister and I...i wish you well... 

Hi everyone,

Ronda, be sure that you and your sister do not wear yourselves out. It was exhausting sometimes just dealing with my grandmother I cant image how crazy it would be to have that twice over. But nothing new is happening with her court case. She is currently living with her son. I talked to her the other day and she knew who I was and also asked me about my brother (she called him by name!  ). Does anyone actually know how the courts determine guardianship if it is not a straight forward case?  thanks

Here's also some more information about conservatorships/guardianships on the site: http://www.caring.com/items/tagged/guardianships

Hi everyone,

I too and going down this path, I am seeking next week the guardianship of my mom. My sister and other family members convinced my mother to sign power of attorney over to them, which she (mom) now deeply regrets. They thought I was doing such a terrible job at taking care of her affairs now they see firsthand what it is to care for a person with this dreadful sickness. They still do not see in the fullness of what it is all about because none of them lives with her as my wife and I do. It is so much easier to point a finger or stand in the judgment seat when you’re on the outside looking in. So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we petition the courts for guardianship of my mother.

Thanks

Bless Your Spirit!

-          RevYarb

Hey, Rev, it's good to hear from you! But not with such sorrowful news. I'm so sorry these issues have cropped up. Good luck to you with the guardianship, and bless.

HI I AM NEW TO THIS GROUP BUT JUST FINISHED GETTING MOM TO DO A TRUST.  HERE IN CALIFORNIA YOU NEED ONE.  MY BROTHER AND I LIVE WITH MY MOM AND SHARE CARETAKING, WE FOUND OUT THAT WE SHOULD BE NAMED CO TRUSTEES AND MY BROTHER HAS POWER OF ATTORNEY AND I HANDLE HER HEALTH AND WELFARE.

FAMILY MEMBERS FOR SOME REASON RESENT THIS BUT WHEN YOUR THE ONE CARING FOR A PARENT WITH DEMENTIA THEY SHOULD BE GRATEFUL......................

I am new to this group and have just found out that my stepbrothers have petioned the court for guardianship of my dad (their mothers husband.) They are angry that I took him to live with me 6 weeks ago. I have durable power of attorney and health proxy and he is 92 suffering from dementia and was no longer safe at home. Has anyone had any experience with this. Why would a judge allow strangers to peition the courts and not give guardianship to his own daughter?

Hello bub,

Welcome. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you. Could it be you were represented as an unsafe choice somehow and the judge agreed? I would surely speak to an attorney and see what can be done. I hope things work out for the best. Please let us know how things are progressing.

It really has nothing to to do with them wanting to take care of my father , they don't even want to take care of their mother. I do not know what was said to the judge . I just received the papers . Iam upset my lawyer told me it was not necessary for me to get guardianship. has anybody else been in this predicament . I know and believe false info was given to the judge. how do I find out on what grounds are they seeking guardianship and why was a temprary guardian assigned.

Hi Bub,

I can understand your stress. But try to relax and focus on getting more information; the facts. You need to contact the judge and ask for an explanation. You can also view all public court documents, filings etc. I only know that when it comes to guardianship, families can present a range of information on who is the best choice and why. (It's also possible your dad chose a guardian while he was able; though it doesn't sound like this is the case.) My main point is all this is guesswork and speculation, which add to your stress. Make a few phone calls as soon as you can and get the facts. Then you can contemplate your best next steps. By the way, your lawyer can also get this information for you (but will charge for the time). Best of luck; and I'll be curious what you find out.

Hi Bub,

Yes there is something you can do, you have the right to file a cross petition. Since your father lives with you, and you are providing day-to-day care for him you are most likely the best environment for his condition. Be able to show the judge that you have been taking care of all needs beyond the call of duty (so to speak). Be ready to justify your time that you’ve spent making him comfortable, and show all receipts that was spent for his well being.

Your step brothers has only filed a petition that is no guarantee that they will be granted guardianship. Now take advantage, jump in front of this train, and derail it before it pulls into the station.

I speak from experience, I’m going through the exact thing now myself.

 Keep us posted.

Bless Your Spirit!

- RevYarb

Great to have advice from someone who's been there!  This is really helpful, RevYarb. Thanks for the contribution.

Thank you so much for your uplifting advice.  I guess I am a little dispapointed with the juducial system that they would accept their word instead of researching their allegations . I have been sole caregiver to both he and his wife for two years. Although we had 24 hour care I did all the shopping and interviewing the aides and calling three x'x a day. They rarely visited or called. I think they want him to return home because they know I will continue to to do everything. But what a terrible thing to put a 92 year old with dementia through. Thanks for letting me vent.

Bub,

Stay encouraged, this is only a test.

I understand why you feel that the court has not done enough research; let me educate you concerning what is to take place with this guardianship.

First a petition has to be filed by a responsible adult, the next step is the crucial part. The court dept. does not have time to singularly inspect each and every case that is presented to the bench. Therefore the court will appoint what is known as a Attorney at Liedum, this person will represent the alleged disabled person. This attorney will come out and interview your dad alone and possibly with other family members. This attorney is observing to see what they perceive to be in the best interest of the alleged disabled person. After the interview the attorney will recommend to the court their findings. Usually the attorney has the judges ear and the mostly the Judge follows the recommendation.

Try your best to be present at the interview, make yourself look as though you are your dad’s only hope of decent and personal care. Do not be afraid to toot your own horn!  In addition, the attorney will take into strong consideration the desires of the alleged disabled person, if the person is able to make such a declaration.  

 I hope this tidbit of information will put you at ease.

 Bless Your Spirit!

-RevYarb

Rev yarb, thanks for encouragement. The court attorney came today and she would not let me stay in the room while she was questioning my Dad. I listened by the door and heard her asking him if he wanted to go home, that his wife was alone and didn't he want to see her. I really think they were very leading questions and of course my Dad said. Yes. It is not a matterof him wanting to go home its a matter of he is not safe at home. He jst fell in my house and i have an aide following him around. I am sooo frustrated since the 20 page allegations from my step brothers are not only not true but it is very obvious they want my Dad to be with her so they are left alone ,they also think he has money that he doesn't have..Any suggestions.?