I am watching my wife waste away from this most horrible of all mental disease. Once a beautiful and caring holistic chiropractor who did her best to eat the right foods, exercise, avoid drugs, etc., etc. - here she is, bedridden (also with severe rheumatoid arthritis and having suffered two TIA strokes).

Tho I knew her for 20 years, we got married only 3 years ago - after her strokes, after being driven nearly insane by a greedy son who demanded nothing but her money and her property, after being robbed of her retirement income by a "Christian" neighbor who convinced her to owner-finance the sale of 26 acres, which she (the neighbor) then never paid for.

I knew when I married her that we'd have a tough time, but I never imagined anything like this. I've prayed for patience all my life and now, though I know why, I feel like I haven't prayed hard enough. I go for days without sleep trying to be there for her when she needs kleenex, a wastebasket to cough up into, or gets tangled up in her covers and cries out for help.

At times I literally just want to shoot myself in the head, it hurts so bad to see and hear her in pain. She has violent coughing spells, spitting up buckets of clear mucus ... the doctors say they find nothing, because when she's in the ambulance or at the hospital, it seems to stop, only to start right back up as soon as she leaves. She's terrified of again being put in a nursing home to die, and pumped full of morphine and other mind-altering drugs - as happened to her before we married.

I've tried getting help through the Tennessee Medicaid Waiver program, but it seems their goal is to force you to drag it out so long you just die and then it becomes a moot case. Legal Aid is too backlogged to help. We're facing imminent default and foreclosure from a greedy mortgage company (Countrywide Financial) and face being homeless. Lawyers want $7,000+ cash up front to even look at the possibility of getting the property back she was defrauded out of.

We have only our meager Social Security incomes, which barely covers the mortgage. Both our life savings have been wiped out. I've turned everywhere I can for help. It seems there is none.

Since traditional medicine says there is no cure, I am experimenting with electromagnetic frequencies (specific tones) masked by soothing, relaxing music. It helped bring her 180/110 blood pressure down to normal within 10 days (and it has stayed pretty normal) when powerful drugs were of no help.

I've started a website at www.the-phoenix-project.org which may help some of you who've tried everything traditonal medicine has to offer. I make no guarantees - no one can - but it may be a last-ditch place to turn.

All of your stories here are so heart-breaking. I don't understand why a loving God would allow such a horrible ending to a beautiful life. Perhaps it is this person's sacrifice, made knowingly and willingly, to help those of us who are the caregivers and survivors, become better than we ever thought we could be. I just don't know. I just know my heart breaks every night and then again every morning when I look at her to see if she's still breathing.

And you might watch "The Notebook" - it's a joyful, yet sad movie about Alzheimer's starring James Garner. We've watched it together, often, and - just as often I have to turn my face away so she won't see the tears.

God bless us all and have mercy.

Dear Omegareport,

I was really struck by your story of your dear wife.  How heartbreaking for you to see her suffer so.

My Dad died 3 months ago to this disease, and it is merciless.  Here was a man who fought the Battle of Bulge, survived his captivity by the German soldiers in a prison camp, lost toes to gangrene, had TB earlier on in life, raised 9 children with his wife of 61 years and yet suffered his last 4 years to Alzheimer's.  He lived his last days feeling that he was abandoned by his family.  He tried desperately with each visit to the nursing home to put on his hat and come home with us. It hurt so bad to tell him he could not come, and that he needed to stay and get better.  The only good thing was that he would not remember this the next day. 

I truly believe through it all, that our God is an awesome God and He will not forsake you or your sweet wife.   It will remain a mystery to us until we meet in Heaven as to what purpose this suffering here on earth has done for us or our caretakers. 

Please know that although i don't have the answers, I will pray for both of you that the Lord gives you strength to get through this.  If my Dad  could have his say, he'd tell you, "keep your chin up, and have faith".   He use to say this in his darkest times, and he made it through the worst of them.  God's love and prayers.

Penny is now in intensive care, on life support. FOur attempts to get her admitted through the ER for the coughing and mucus - three were denied ... "it's probably psychological, related to the AAlzheimer's." Not so! I have a website called the-phoenix-project.org - it's about energy healing, all kinds. There's a chapter there called Penny's story that chronicles her struggle to live.

She was upstairs at the hospital and they didn't check on her for 5 hours, removed her IV and her heart monitor, saying they wanted to force her to eat solid food by giving her drugs to increase her appetite. That last coherent night (April 14), she was bright-eyed, lucid and affectionate. The next morning I got a call to come to the hospital - it was an emergency.

Kidneys stopped, a stroke has paralyzed her left side, her pulse was 200 and her blood pressure 40/20 when it stopped registering altogether. They tried three times to put a breathing tube down her throat - but that "imaginary" blockage that kept her from swallowing prevented it. Three times they "Cardio-verted" her (the shock pads) to restart her.

Tonight, after a heavy diet of energy-healing CD's with a soft music background ... and some heroic efforts by the ICU unit, she's off most of the emergency drugs, her blood pressure is better than mine ,  her urine output is almost normal ... and she may live. I don't know in what shape, but I'll be there for her.

Lord, you gave me a mountain (so says that old Frankie Lane song), and I may be on my knees, crawling, but I'm still climbing up that mountain.

Your prayers and your hopes are very,very, VERY much appreciated and I am humbled. I don't know what tomorrow brings, for all the other challenges are still there, but she knows I love her and she can feel my hand holding hers.

I don't mean to throw a negative thought into this already depressing subject,  however, after watching my poor father suffer through every step of this horrible disease, I don't see how ALL OF YOU talk about God and God Bless You and your Faith.  Faith in WHAT? Why do they have to suffer this in the first place? I don't think God "has a PLAN for us" by having these poor people suffer through this.  That would be kind of cruel, don't you think? Especially by "God".  I can see an enemy making someone suffer like this, but not  an  all merciful, kind God?  And please don't say that I just have to believe and pray and trust in the Lord.  Why should I trust something or someone that let's this happen to one of his "most faithful servants" on this earth who has, at the very least,  gone to church to serve "The Lord" every day of his life .  I say, thanks for nothing.

for puppy

I just wanted to say to you that you are not the only one who gets these thoughts.  I had a very small family.  My brother drowned, my Dad committed suicide, and now my Mom is suffering with this inhuman nightmare.  Plus, I made mistakes along the way with her process because she would not obtain treatment.  The short version for now anyway is I think the hospital staff is lying to me and put someone else's name on a petition for guardianship under the table or at least it was very bad communication.  I think it was done on purpose because I had made my wishes very clear to the social worker in charge.  The petition may be fixed by her attorney as that is not done.  But in the very least it has been another nightmare added to a drowning plate of illness, grief, extreme mental duress for myself and my Mom.  I would warn people make sure of all the steps that will be taken AFTER any action you take regarding a hospital BEFORE you take any actions. PLEASE I hope I can save even ONE person from my error.  Sometimes it happens just because of understaff, the crazy legal system and miscommunication between all involved but it does not matter why it happens.  It is just something you would NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH or your already suffering loved one.

There also has been other statements said to me that my Mom has been told she will enter a faciollity and "is fine with it".  That is just NOT TRUE.  My Mom still has her mind much of the time and acts very normal and just like herself.  She remembers the whole process of being taken to the hospital and I thought she would forget and the process did not go as stated to me.  They have not  told her any such thing.  She has stated this to me and I know it is true.  Point being I feel they just want me out of the picture so they can stick her where they want to and if they get a stranger for a guardian they are on the road.  I am not going to make this long with ever detail but PLEASE DO NOT GO THE PATH OF A COURT HEARING.  Go with the local social service people and ask all questions what will happen before they come out and what rights you and the person have or find out legally.  I will never be the same after all this.  I need a shrink myself and I feel like they are destroying us both.

Dear Omegareport:

You are doing all the right things for your wife. It takes a strong soul to stay beside her as you have. Your love and caring for her speaks volumes.  As I have witnessed even now after my Dad's passing, and my Mom is now hospitalized for other illnesses, there are many things that can happen in hospitals and nursing homes when we are not there to care for  our loved ones.  I've found that although you can't change things, your holding her hand and letting her know you are still there caring for her means so much to her.  Human touch, the sound of your voice, all these are necessary even for the sick and dying.  Our God is a Mighty God and he will not forsake you or your wife.  Keep the faith. I've been witness to too many miracles and had many prayers answered in my lifetime.  I believe there is a purpose for everything.  God love you and be by your side along with your dear wife.  Prayers are powerful and will continue. MercyMe