Thank you to all for your support with questions regarding AD.
Please pray for my Dad Roger who passed away on 1-5-09 after contracting pneumonia in the nursing home. He is finally freed from his physical and mental illness from this horrid disease. Finally he is at peace with his Maker.
God help all of you as you continue to care for your sick husbands, fathers, and mothers. You will never regret for one second when they are gone, all that you have done for them. You will be truly blessed.
MercyMe, my heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, as I continue caring for my beautiful, wonderful mom through our journey with this heartbreaking disease.
Dear Laura Ann,
I will pray for you and your Mom as well.
Cherish each moment you spend with her, even when it appears she may not comprehend what is going on. My family and I have some beautiful and special moments, both as a group and individually. We can hold these dear to our hearts forever, knowing that we loved him and respected him to the very end. Our loved ones deserve to have their dignity no matter how sick they are right now. Just comfort them and show them gentleness and love. That's all we can do. God be with you in the caretaking of your sweet mother.
My sympathies to MercyMe and your family. I am new to this, but have been reading and was relating to much of what you said about your loving father. My father, is 84 yrs old and has had memory issues or Alzheimer's for the past several years, but it's been mostly mild, and now seems to be in the middle to moderate stage, depending on what daily living skills are going on, and also has macular degeneration, which seems to contribute to his frustration of reading and using the remote for tv, although he is able to read the paper and daily mail with patience and time. He functions very well with his personal hygiene skills, makes his bed every morning, sleeps all night, and waits patiently for his breakfast and meds.
He is a WII Ex-POW at Hammelburg and the Battle of the Bulge and sounded much like your father's temperament. Our dear father has been doing quite well, living at home, with my mother being his caretaker, up until this fall, when she had a horrible stroke. Overnight, our family and our lives were turned upside down. This change of events really rocked his world and the first month he had a huge downslide with confusion, obessions, worry, etc.
Our mother has since been put in a nursing home and we children are taking turns caretaking. Dad is obsessed about many things, that it consumes much of his day and worries all the time. He has had some few hallucinations, but he hasn't had those lately. When his routine is changed in the slightest, he gets very confused, and then can't remember his childrens names, or even sometimes his wife's. Often gets words mixed up.
We have begun to check into many of the resources available, but some of it is diffcult to follow through with, being from a smaller community. Also, our dad (bless his heart) is not as outgoing or social anymore, but is a very kind, gentle soul. He is apphehensive with having respite care come in and sit with him, which I have read is normal. We have tried it twice, and it did go better than we thought, but still., it also just made him more uncomfortable and confused., due to the change of his usual routine. It is difficult to do, to help him understand that these "friends" are coming to talk to him, spend time with him, etc.. without feeling like we're blindsiding" him. or betraying him.
It still feels too early to put him in the same nursing home as our mother, as he will surely go crazy. He was an outdoor man, did not have many indoor hobbies, so his interests are few with cards, games, etc. He is physically healthy and strong and has taken long walks through the community for years and even this fall, so knows the area well, another concern that when he gets to a nursing home, he will try to leave. Realizing that the staff will have control of his leaving, it breaks our hearts to think that he will be so confined... sooner than later. How do family members get over this guilt if we decide to place him in a home?
We children live all over the state and one out of state, but we're trying to make it work... for now. We know we won't be able to do this forever, so if anyone has any other suggestions,I'd welcome them. Thanks for letting me share.
Dear Jeannie,
My heart goes out to you and your family. When your going down that road it seems long, but now that my Dad is gone, I would love to see his sweet face and hold his hand again. I respect him as I'm sure you do your Dad, for all they've been through as Prisoners of War. The stories he told were something you see in a movie, not real life. He was a heroe in my book. He had two toes cut off due to gangarine in his feet, because the Germans had them walk in snow to a bombed out school building which is where they were held captive for sometime. He also had to lay beside another prisoner who had TB and once he was liberated he contracted same and was left to die in a hospital in solitaire. He prayed to the Infant Jesus Of Prague and received a miracle. The doctors took x-rays as he grew healthier and could not believe their eyes. The hole in his lung was healing until it completely closed and he ended up going home to his wife and they had 9 children. He lived a long and happy life, but very sad to see him losing his memory for about 5-6 years or so, before becoming hospitalized at the Veterans Adm Hospital. They could not keep him because he would try to escape. He did not remember why he was there, and just knew he wanted to go home. We then placed him in a nursing facility and it was many months before the right medication kept him from being so aggressive to get out. Unfortunately, it was sad to see him so lethargic and sad looking. It was the only way to calm him down and keep him safe. His eyes were so bad with the macular degeneration that he couldn't see pictures we posted on the wall, he couldn't figure out the remote, he basically was dependent on everyone else to help him. When he was at his end stages he was hallucinating and was paranoid. Five days before he died, we rushed to see him at the hospital in which he was sent because of his breathing. He had contracted pneumonia and was real bad. After a day or so, he seemed to get better, but kept telling us he was seeing Popes and Bishops visiting him. We ignored it for a bit. Then the night before he died he looked up smiling and reached for something. My Mom asked what he was doing and he said to her. "You should see the beautiful Saints, there must be 500 of them and St Theresa is at the front". He kept reaching and smiling and said they were handing him a prayer. Then he exclaimed that we may think he's nuts but he's not. He said this in a very matter of fact tone. We truly believe that they were already opening the gates to receive him in the night before his death. Although we miss him so much, it's better than wondering each day while at work if he's okay, what is he doing, is he thinking we've abandoned him. Now we know he is at peace. Most of my sibblings live in NH and I have a sister in Georgia who could not be here to help. One of my brothers moved to Budapest as a missionary and so they missed out on his care. We pretty much all took turns to check up on him, visit him, and made sure he had everything he needed, and that he knew how much he was loved. He said in the end that he wished he was home with my Mom, but that he lived a very blessed life. My advice would be to continue to visit and show him you are there for him, even when he forgets. Just be as gentle and loving as possible, and you will be happy you did. I don't regret one single thing I ever did for him, and neither do my sisters and brothers and my dear Mom. She loved him most of all right to the end. Thank you for your posting, I was amazed to see your Dad is a POW, as most of them are deceased now. Good luck in caring for your sweet father. I will pray for you, your Mom and your Dad. God Bless. Claudette
My mom was diagnois with Alzhimers in 2007 and now things has gotten to the point were I had to make the decission to place my mother into a nursing home for protection and care. She has started to forget things, when she stayed along. She had started to burn up pots and pans, she couldn't even remember to pay bills, and sad to say her neighbors really took advantage of that. Now, my family members is not speaking to me because they feel like I could have done more for mother.
But, I am not worried about them because they didn't do anything for her anyway. She not to happy about her new setting but she adjusting because she can't remember her past. As long as my mother is safe she had begin to wander at night and I prayed and asked God to let me make the right decission and he did.
Now, she in a place were I can go see her anytime I get ready without the fear of finding her hurt or gone. She get's her medication on time, and meals,bath etc.
So, I learn that you have to be patience with this type of illness. But it's going to be alright.
Peace
TO MERCY ME, AS I READ YOUR COMMENT ON YOUR DAD, MY HEART ALMOST SKIP A BEAT.I THOUGHT SOME ONE WAS DESCRIBING MY DAD, HE SUFFERS THE SAME ILLNESS AS YOUR DAD,AND ALSO CRIES ALOT .THINKING MY MOM HAS LEFT HIM FOR ANOTHER MAN, BUT MOM PASSED AWAY 12 YRS.AGO. HE STILL THINKS SHE IS ALIVE,AND REFUSES TO COME SEE HIM. BESIDES THE EYE DISEASE,ALZHEIMERS,HE ALSO HAS SKIN CANCER, THE DOCTOR HAS OPERATED TWICED BUT THE SKIN CANCER IS BACK.AND I BELIEVE IT IS WORST .A LARGE KNOT HAS POP UP ON HIS FACE,HE 'S SUCH A LOVING HUMBLE MAN . EVEN THOUGH ITS HARD TO UNDERSTAND HIM WHEN HE TRIES TO TALK, I LOVE HIM DEARLY, AND IT KILLS ME TO SEE HIM LIKE THIS, WHAT IS EVEN WORST,NOW THE DOCTORS WANT TO GIVE HIM RADITION TREATMENTS, FOR THE CANCER. I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR GOD TO GIVE US WISDOM AS TO WHAT WE NEED TO DO.I HAVE 9 BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND WE HAVE GOT TO COME TOGETHER ON THIS. I CAN'T STAND TO SEE HIM SUFFER ANYMORE. PLEASE PRAY FOR US .AND WE WILL PRAY FOR YOU. GOD BLESS YOU...
Dear Joyful, There are certainly many simularities aren't there? My Dad constantly thought my Mom was with another man, because he could not remember she had just visited him. We had to put her on the phone with him to assure him she had not left him. So sad. I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad is also dealing with cancer as well. How awful to have to make that decision. Have you and your sibblings decided what to do yet? My Mom was an avid believer in doing everything while he was alive to help him obtain quality of life. The week before his death she even wanted to allow the doctors to put in a pacemaker, which I did not think was a good idea. I felt he wasn't strong enough to get through the surgery. I pray God helps you to make that decision. Also, I am amazed that you have 9 brothers and sisters because we are a family of 9 children. Three brothers and five sisters, and i am the sixth child. We lost my oldest brother at 46 from heart problems. He died 14 years ago. I was really amazed that you had 9 sibblings. Not too many big families anymore. We are all close and love each other dearly. Mostly, we have been in agreement on any decision making for both our parents. I truly wish you well in the caretaking of your dear father. They are so dependent on their children when they become that ill, and really need us to be there for them. My Mom said to me yesterday that she really missed my Dad and that she was in bed the other night and said to him outloud that she needed a hug and a kiss. Awe...so touching. As it is now 4 weeks ago since his death, I am finding it hard to not hear his voice or hold his hand and kiss his cheek and look in his eyes and say, I love you Dad. I miss that a lot. I took several mini videos of him on my cell phone, and I love to watch them. Be sure to tell him how much you love him, and take lots of pictures and or videos. I kept thinking he'd be around forever and now he's gone. Just enjoy every moment you spend with him and savour that for future memories. God bless you through it all.
Thanks Mercy Me,
I Cherish every moment i have with Dad, And as you said, i never miss a day of telling him i love him, And giving him a hug. I appreciate you writing me back, i feel like i am talking to my sister.God has blessed us both to have such large families And wonderful parents. I was sad to hear of your dad's passing,But as much as you miss him, i know you have a peace about him not suffering anymore.Taking care of them is like taking care of our children,we love them and dont want to see them suffering,My prayers are with you every day.We go tomorrow to talk to his doctor.He's got to where he's not eating and taking his medication , I am afraid he is in his last stages of alzheimer's.And the cancer we just don't know how far it has progressed.I hope after tomorrow we will know more at what we are looking at. Keep us in your prayers tomorrow and thanks again. It means so much to have some one to talk to and feel like they are holding your hand when you need it most. God bless you.......
Hello Joyful,
It's always a pleasure to hear from you and talk about our Dad's. I do feel like we have such a common ground that we are related. You talking about your Dad reminds that although I've lost my Dad, that you and so many others are at this very moment are still facing these big decisions on a daily basis just like we did. Wondering if they are receiving the proper care, questioning a bed sore, wondering if a medication is creating worse problems with side effects than it is helping, worrying that if he needs surgery that he may not be strong enough to get through it. These are all very real matters that need to be handled every day and worries that you carry on your heart while at work. Never knowing if the phone rings, will it be the nursing home saying he fell again because his legs are so weak. In the last stages my Dad lost his appetite, he weighed 119 lbs, he was so thin. He had no memory of what had just happened moments before. He began to lose himself before reaching the bathroom which was sad to see happen to a man who had so much pride. The very last days, he thought he was at work back many years ago and the nurses were his co-workers and they made him work late. He had them call my Mom one night and apologized for not being home from work on time because his boss made him work late. She assured him it was okay to work overtime. I'll tell you something on the lighter side. My sweet father enjoyed a couple beers at night when he was still home. In the nursing home he would mention how if we cared about him that we'd sneak in a beer for him on occasion. He'd whisper this and laugh. So my sister brought him an O'Doole's non-alcoholic beer and dumped it into a red cup and he was so thrilled as we sat in the dining room drinking beer. He would tell her to hide the can so they wouldn't catch him. We all got a kick out of the fact that he really thought it was his Heineken he was drinking. Many fond memories to look back at. He was a man of humor even to the end. What a sweet person he was.
I will pray for you and your family today that God helps you to make the right decision on treatment of his cancer. I'm glad to see that although this is a difficult time that God has helped you as he did with us to enjoy each moment you have with him. Always a pleasure to chat with you. Keep me posted on your Dad's care, I think about you and your family having to face these decisions daily. Take care and keep in touch. My name is Claudette by the way.
lovetorn or anyone who knows
In regard tothe paranoia and hallucinations did a medical person ever eplain the reasons?
My Mom thinks my eyes are bloody or different colors and my body is otherwise distortred. She is afraid at times the food is being poisoned and her pills have rat poison.
Has anyone had trouble getting the A person to take meds because of this? Did medical people ever tell you you could not be a cregiver for such a reason or other memory problems? Thanks
snow responded less than a minute ago :
lovetorn or anyone who knows
In regard to the paranoia and hallucinations did a medical person ever eplain the reasons?
My Mom thinks my eyes are bloody or different colors and my body is otherwise distortred. She is afraid at times the food is being poisoned and her pills have rat poison.
Has anyone had trouble getting the A person to take meds because of this? Did medical people ever tell you you could not be a craregiver for such a reason or other memory problems? Thanks
Snow:
My mother seems to have the same symtoms, But she only thinks that something is going to happen to me and my children. She worry all the time if we have enough food and she wants me to keep money in my pockets. Me and her were so close before she got sick and I miss my mother so bad until I wish it was a magic pill to return her back to normal. Sometimes I cry because I know she is fighting this thing so hard. Until she asked me other day was she going crazy.
I tried explaing her condition to her but she can't retain it, I can only make her feel safe for the moment. She had to be put into a nursing home and she really thinks that it is something I can do to change her situation. I just reassure my mother that it's going to be alright and I love her.
Hi ,Mercyme (Claudette)
I been wanted to get back with you for a while now. but i have been really busy with dad. We went to the Radiologist about dad's cancer. And he feels like we do about the cancer ,even though it has progressed further.he feels dad is really to far in to alzhemier's and feels like we need to focus more on making dad as comfortable as possible. And i agree one hundred percent. I spent the day with him yesterday. He has started having horrible headaches and now he is not eating much at all,Iknow he can't last much longer like this . The nurse told me that the cancer is in his throat now. Yesterday i just sat and held him untill he went to sleep. If it weren't for the help of god i couldn't make it. I still desire your prayers to keep me going . It's horrible , but i have learn to take a day at a time.
My prayers are still with you at the loss of your dad , I know it doesn't get any easier. But like you said we have to be there for them while we can, Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on, in this critical time. By the way i love your name, My dad's name is Claude, Is that not a coincident. thanks again for your prayers, GOD BLESS YOU, and take care................. Georgia
Georgia, It's so nice to hear from you. I was thinking about my Dad the other day and listening to his voice sing on a recording we had of him. I began to wonder how you and your family were doing, and if a decision had been made about his cancer. How sad for all of you to watch him suffer. That is the only part I don't miss about my Dad, is seeing him in anguish and not being able to make things better. I hated to leave him once I was at the nursing home, but I had to get home and care for my family as well. This sounds like the right decision you all have made. I will pray for Claude, and how can I forget his name now. That's so coincidental isn't it? I take it he is french, because my name is definately a french name. I am so sad to hear that the cancer has spread to his throat. I will light a candle for him this week when I make my visit to the Precious Blood Monastery here in my town. We too felt as though we could not have made it without God's help and blessings. What do people do without faith? We are too weak to go it alone. I appreciate your keeping me updated, and I will continue to pray for him and your dear family.
My Mom is 82, and she took a fall this past weekend, when my youngest brother of 40 called her from Budapest to tell her that his son was born. They are 6 hrs difference and he forgot she was in bed. When she got up from bed, her legs were weak and she took quite a fall going for the phone. She is in the hospital with her arm all bandaged. All her skin came off so they are treating it like a burn. They thought she may have suffered a mini stroke, but the CT Scan showed nothing. We are just waiting for her to get strong enough to go back home again. On Valentines Day she fell and we had her at the doctors. She told the nurses that my Dad just died last month. She said to them, "it's Valentines Day and my heart is broken". She began crying, and they felt so badly as they tried to console her. It's been tough, and I hope God gives us some time to heal from my Dad's loss before he comes for my sweet Mother.
My prayers are with you, keep in touch. Claudette
Mercy me, as always its nice to hear from you. but i am so sorry to hear about your mom.I sure hope everything is going to be o.k. I know the days ahead will be hard for her as well as you and the rest of your family. How long was your mom and dad married? I know you said you came from a large family. Which is something you don't see any more,But like we said we are blessed to have a large loving family. The nursing home has ask us to start hospice on dad this week. which i knew was coming because of him not eating . I just hope he doesn't have to suffer long. My prayers have always been that he would go peaceable in his sleep. Pray that we can get dad home to a hospice house here in the state, It's about a 50 mile trip one way to the nursing home. and we are trying to get him as close as we can. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. We will remember your mom in our prayers also.... GOD BLESS .... Georgia
To the top square in particular what phsical suffering is known to the AZ person?
I don't mean to sound like a rum dumb but I know my Momis afraid of her food about half of the time so of course she is not enjoying her food for sure. And lots of anxiety about food and so much. However, it seems each situation is different and I was hoping she is not experience alot of physical discomfort at this point.
For the ones in the home do they give them pain relief and drugs to calm them down??
To annoymous,
wish it was a magic pill to return her back to normal. Sometimes I cry because I know she is fighting this thing so hard. Until she asked me other day was she going crazy.
About the above quote from your reply what made her say that?? Does she know what is going on?? Has she been diagnosed?
Hi Joyful/Georgia,
Sorry to hear that your Dad will be moved to hospice. At least he will be closer to home than he is now. Still it is very sad to know that there is nothing they can do for him. I'll pray for him that God doesn't allow him to suffer a long time. That makes it hard on all concerned to watch their loved ones go through the confusion and the pain. We had the same problem with having to drive to another town miles away to see our Dad. It took 45 min one way. He was moved to the hospital for pneumonia which was only 20 min from us, but the Lord took him before we could move him to a closer facility. My brother passed away at the young age of 46. I was thinking this morning how my Dad must be with him, at least I'm hoping this is the case. I pray for both of their souls. My Dad would say in his end days, "I am not longed for this world anymore, my time is done here". He is in a much better place i am sure.
My Mom was doing better until this morning. They were preparing to move her to a nursing home skill care unit to get her legs strengthened. Well this morning they decided to pull her entire bandage off the arm that she fell on, and it is hurting her an awful lot and bleeding all over again. So now i don't know that they can move her today, until she mends from her fall. Poor her, she's been through so much.
Good luck with placing your father. I pray they take good care of him and keep him comfortable throughout his last days. God bless him. Bye for now, Your friend Claudette
Hi,Claudette I know its been a few days since i last talk to you. But we were busy getting Dad transfered to the hospice house here in S.C. The transition went well, actually better than i thought it would. We were able to have dad transfered all in one day.I went up to Hendersonville N.C. on Monday morning and had dad back home in S.C. in the hospice house by 7:30 monday night. It was so nice to to have him finally home where he long to be, close to his family. It truely was a wonderful home coming for all dads children and grandchildren. Unfortunately dad passed away Wednesday at 1:00 p.m. I thank GOD that i was able to be with him when he drew his last Breath..It still feels like i am having a bad dream , and i will walk up soon,I feel so empty and loss with out him to hug and tell him every thing will be allright. I can;t even start to imagin what you have had to go through since the passing of your dad. I appreciate your prayers for dad not to have to suffer long,because he didn't. Tomorrow we will have his funeral at my brothers church, At this time i feel so helplessly weak ,but i know god will give me the grace and strength to make it through. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we will you. Hows your mom doing? I sure hope everthing is looking up for her . Please keep me updated on her and we will continue to keep her and your family in our prayers, god bless and take care.......Georgia
Dear Georgia,
Please accept my deepest and most sincere sympathy in the loss of your Dad. He is now at peace in the Lords house along with my Dad. No more pain or confusion. Your Dad is now joined with his sweet bride in heaven. I know your heart must be broken. I still have moments when I think of my father and miss him dearly. It was two months yesterday since his death.
My Mother is being discharged from the nursing home to go back to her home on Saturday. She is doing pretty well and her legs are strong enough to walk with just a cane, no more walker.
You and your family are certainly in my prayers and I know that God is watching over us.
Let's keep in touch. Anytime you want to chat, I am here to lend an ear.
Nice friends don't come easy. Claudette
Mercyme, (claudette) I just want to thank you for being that listening ear,in my time of grief.Like you i feel the pain of the loss of a Dad. It just felt comforting to have someone to talk to that was feeling the same grief and new just the right words to say,when i needed them most. Thanks for your inspiring words of encouragment. I always look forward to your e-mails. I am so glad your mother is home and doing much better, I know she has a loving and supporting family that keeps her going. My prayers are with you and her , and please feel free to e-mail me at my e-mail address at joyful9574@aol.com. God bless you and your family . Look forward to hearing from you,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Sincerely ,Georgia
Georgia,
I think about you and your family often. I told my sisters this weekend about your Dad and that he had passed on. We were saying how it's really something how no matter what side of this planet we reside on, we are all part of God's plan, and we share in the same joys, love, prayer and unfortunately grief too. It has been a pleasure conversing with you during a time when we both needed a shoulder to lean on. I have kept your email address and will certainly keep in touch with you. Please add me to your address list as well at clawdie2003@comcast.net. Claudette
Georgia, I am so sorry to read of your loss. Please know we are thinking the best thoughts for you and your family.
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