Oh, Michelyn, I'm so sorry! What a heartbreaking situation.

I have a ten year old son myself - I think, but you would know better, that he may well be old enough to understand what is happening and how he can be patient and help his grandfather out.

My own grandfather took a real downward turn when my father passed away - the loss of a child, even if that child is an adult, is really hard to take and in my own humble opinion could very well have been an instigator in this.

Your mother may want to speak to a therapist to help her with her anger - I can understand it, but you're right, yelling at him doesn't help either one. I'm so sorry about that. :(

Please keep us updated and I hope things start to turn to the better.

Michelyn,              That is so very  sad  & diffulcult for the whole family . I also am in the same situation as your Mom . Although I try not to yell only I do find myself raising my voice at times of stress (like his driving). My husband now 60 was diagnosed at 58 just after he retired early after being there 39 years plus. We are dealing with the driving issue but it is hard . He has his swcond driving eval in a few weeks . Mean time he insist's on driving everywhere we go. He is constantly asking me for directions  , even to places a mile from home.He is impatient at the stop light's hates when people pass him etc. I will need to hide his keys soon. He also played chess and every card and sport game amanagenable . We have been spending quaity time with our children and grand daughter . For your   children I sugest a book called '"Grandma has Cobwebs" . Chidren I find are even more excepting once they know there is a problem. Your mother will need all your suport and  help which sounds like she already has from you . 1 day at a time is what I keep saying to myself . All my best to you and your family.  Love Torn .           

Reading this really touched me My father is 62 and has alzheimers it is hard to watch him not be able to do daily tasks or even speak sometimes...  It seems like at first it wasnt that bad then it drastically took a change after he retired.. Im scared for what may happen this disease is really sad...

Brat551456,

          Yes, this disease is sad and depressing but don't be afraid  to laugh when you can . My husband always seems to make me smile at times and even laugh . He no longer can drive and I have to hide the keys , but he still asks to drive now and then. One night when I was explaning to my family that a neighbor has a key for EMS . He said loudly. WHAT you gave them a key to the house and won't even give me a key to the CAR? He smiled with us . Some days are better than others .

Love Torn

Michelyn,

It is sooo hard to see someone you love fade away into someone you don't even know.  I can tell you that when my Mom first moved in with me, I felt unable to deal with it and had no one to reach out to, you are not alone.  Take it easy on yourself and your Mom, you are only human.   Focus on the positive, you and your Mom have each other to vent to and of course this support group.  

I also, read several books.  One in particular was very helpful, Learning to Speak Alzheimer's, was a great help.

What a wonderful recommendation, Laura Ann, thanks for doing that!

Here's a link to the Amazon listing of that book: http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Speak-Alzheimers-Groundbreaking-Approach/dp/0618485171/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1216327938&sr=8-1

It has been rated highly by those who have used it. Best!

Thanks Love torn.. My dad does have some good days were he makes me laugh or smile but somedays its just hard for me to believe this really is happenning.. I'm trying to find out more ways I can intercat with him and find things to do that can help him.  Do you have any ideas of simple things that can be fun for him?

Brat, perhaps something like a game? Checkers, or cards, or take him to the zoo or something like that, getting him active and moving?

brat551456,

                 I'm not sure what stage your Dad is in  in his disease of AD but playing a simple game of Ball ,wether it be just catching and throwing or Boccie , Basket ball, or horse shoes .Playing his favorite music seems to always work on all stages. My husband who I would have to beg to dance with me now will dance by himself to his favorite music . Music seems to relax and comfort also . Find and keep to what he likes and go with it . My husband likes to feel useful and helpful also . Not always for me but he likes to help volunteer at the American Legion where they know about him and give him clear instructions .  Maybe taking A walk .Sitting and watching and listening to birds ,and bird feeding . Watching a favorite sport or movie on TV . I find it keeps his mind sharper and he talks more .  Looking at family photos and home movies,  also is a good Idea . Good luck and hang in there . Let me know what you found that he likes . _-----LoveTorn

Thanks Love torn and Laural... My dad is in the moderate stage so some things are easier to do than others...  I find he likes to listen to music a lot so I will turn on his favorite groups and ask him if he knows who sings them and a lot of times he gets them right and sings along an dances which makes me smile..  Its funny that little things people take for granted I cherish like him rembering my name or doing a simple task on his own like iron..  And love torn you are right about the watching movies when my dad watches a good movie he talks more and really gets into it and understands the whole concept of the movie.  He also loves golf and we recently bought a wii game and he plays golf on there since it is way too hot for him to play outside now... Once again thanks for your advice.. It really helps to know Im not alone... I know I dont know you but you and your husband are in my prayers..

Thanks to you too Brat, that WII game I heard is a great interactive tool and I might get one for my husbands birthday if it's not to complicated . Is it easy to work and play?  Also thanks for the prayers .

Love torn

Love torn ...Yes the Wii is a great interactive tool... It's not too complicated..  I had to constantly tell him how to play but once he got it he was laughing and enjoying himself and it was fun to me as well.  If you get one tell me if you like it or not..

 brat, that's wonderful. Thanks for updating us!

wow...I know exactly how you feel Michelyn.  I'm 24 and my mother was diagnosed when I was fifteen.  She's 59 right now, and like your father, she was so brilliant.  She's at the advanced stages where she is pretty much a shell of what she once was.  I just wanted to write to you to encourage you to keep on fighting this.  I know that this is hard, and I regret to inform you that it sounds like it will get more difficult before it gets better.  Believe me, I know the feeling of remembering all the great times, and not grasping the fact that you are now a stranger.  It will be a long a grueling battle, and some days will be tiring, but most days will be great.  I strongly encourage counseling.  I know that it isnt for everybody, but me personally, I had to start seeing somebody this year because I bottled it up too much, and came pouring out of me during my senior year in college. 

As for your father, I would strongly recomend if at all possible, keep him excercising...just something as simple as walking around the block daily is very imporant to helping maintain his strengeth and health.  I don't know if you are aware of this, but your father can collect disability money from the government. Also, if your mother is taking care of your father, then I would recomend saving money as much as possible.  Group homes are a good next step when your father can no longer be taken care of at home.  When he officially becomes too bed ridden, he will have to be moved to a nursing home.  Eventually, he will lose the ability to eat, and a feeding tube will be give to him.  To keep his weight up, I recomend giving him something like Ensure.  its easier to have them drink through a straw, it loads them up with calories, and it has some good protein, vitamins, and minerals. 

I know that was a lot of information, but I just want to prepare any readers for what is to come.  My mother is in a group home right now, and it stll makes me emotional when  I think about what's in store for her.  Some of the things that I have had to endure so far:

-when I was about 21, my mother starting exibiting signs of aggression.  Be prepare for him to possibly yell at you, or maybe even try to hit you.  That's what happend to me, which was simultaneously the worst moment of my life.  The proper action to take will be to have him sedated in order to prevent future episodes. 

-after being sedated, moods will change.  when my mother was sedated, she slowly roamed the house expressionless, and almost resembled that of a zombie. 

I won't lie, there were times when this disease almost broke me.  I was just a kid when this happend, and it made me grow up a little to fast.  The most comforting thing to know is that your father is not suffering.  As for care takers, there were times when I just wanted to give up and not live; but a friend of mine pulled the "your mother wouldn't want you to be unhappy" card, and she was totally right on the mark about that.  So I will say that there will be times of sadness, but I think in our special case,when sad, give yourself full permission to do something you like.  When I am sad, I will watch my favorite comedy movies or go with a friend to get Sees Candy.   I really hope that some of what I told you helps to prepare you.  I know that there is no good preparing for whats to come, but atleast you won't be totally blindsighted like I was.  Again, I am sorry for what you are going through.  I know exactly what it is like to feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but if you constantly dwell on it, you will go crazy.  best of luck to you.  feel free to contact me if you need somebody to vent to.  I assume that my screenname shows up.  If not, it's onepissedoffjap.

cheers,

whitney

Thank you all so much for your kind words and suggestions.  My father just turned  57 this past July.  He does a lot of yard work around the house but we have to watch him.  For instance, he put oil in the gas tank of the lawn mower.  Shoot....I could do that even on the best day ever is what I told him.  He's starting to have a hard time dressing (putting clothes on backwards or inside out) and he use to take long walks with the dog, but can't now because he got lost and ended up clear across town at his former job (thank God!!) where they knew him and had to call my mom to come get him.  He couldn't figure out how to use the cell phone my mom gave him.  he does still play catch with my kids but that's about it.  Do any of you have some sort of ID bracelet or whatever on your loved one with AD?  Where can you get them?  My mom is finally talking about finding a support group.  I am helping her find them.  She refuses to learn how to use a computer so a forum like this is not for her.  He's becoming a hermit almost though.  He doesn't want to leave the house and doesn't want my mom to leave either.  He always tells her to hurry up and get back if she steps out to go grocery shopping or whatever.  He doesn't want to be alone.  It's at the point where it's like having a toddler to take care of.  He can't do anything without help.  I just can't believe how fast it's going. 

Michelyn -- there is a great program called Safe Return at http://alz.org/we_can_help_medicalert_safereturn.asp 

 Michelyn,

Has your father been diagnosed withEOAD (Alzheimer's before 65 of age ) ? My husband was first diagnosed with MCI ( mild cognitive dementia) Now EOAD. But we are getting a second opinion with the help of his neruologist . Because this is so rare and often misdiagnosed and might be FTD ( frontal temportal  lobe dementia ) Pick's . My Husband was 58 when diagnosed sister at 57 an a brother died in a memory community at 63. Look back in your fathers family -siblings , grandpartents and see if there is a familier patern of dementia  . With a Neurophysic exam. and Mri, and spinal tab, also Pet scan  you might get a clearer picture .

As for and I D bracelet . Yes my husband and I both wear one . Ours says Medic Alert but most say Safe Return . Mind says Caregiver and his has AD etc. You can get them by calling the Alzheimer's associaton and on line also . I paid $75. for the 2 . I also plan to get 2 cell phones 1 with GPS for my husband . I think they are called a champorone phone . Let me know how you make out and good luck to you .  Love Torn 

Hi Michelyn~

It's so heartwrenching not only having to go through the difficult times with an Alzheimer's parent but to read about other's who are also going through basically the same issues really breaks my heart. My father was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's after a PET scan and it really felt like I ran into a brick wall. We both cried together and talked about all that needed to be done while he was still capable of getting his affairs in order. He lives alone and drives because he is still able to do so but realizes one day he will have to give it up. My father has always been a very private, non emotional, hard to say "I love you" person all my life but since his diagnoses, we have become really, really close. He comes to stay at my house when he wants which is really a hugh surprise to all my siblings and my mother (divorced parents). The one thing that I told my father the day we found out was even though he may not remember later what I was going to tell him, I wanted him to know that I promised him that throughout the time he had left here that I was not going to allow ANYONE to take his dignity away from him. Everyone that came or would come in contact with him was going to treat him as the man he will always be. I think that really meant alot to him to hear that someone was always going to be "protecting" him. He also made me promise that at any point that I could no longer handle him or his "bad" behavior that he did not want me to ever threaten to put him in a nursing home but to just talk to him about it. Never to threaten him about it. We've had some really heart to heart talks just hanging out together which I thank God for. I find that he has become extremely restless and goes for mini-walks about every 30 mins. or so. Just to get out for a while I guess. Sometimes he stops and talks to neighbors or some of the kids outside playing. He expressed that he just wants to get out sometimes and look at the different sceneries and sometimes sits in a lawn chair in the front yard. I basically let him do what he wants and still keep an eye on him and never treat or talk down to him when he has frustrated me. I will always maintain respect for him because I know he has no control over what is happening to him.  I just wanted to let you know that your family and situation will be in my prayers and thanks for taking the time to read my response.

Alzheimer's caring.com sister~ Melody

Melody,

Sure sounds like you are  thinking of his best interest and keeping him as independent for as long as possible which I have been doing also with my husband. We played 9 holes of golf yesterday.Which is something he has been doing in leagues for 30 somewhat years . He also has always been a great bowler but we had to stop the league play recently but we will continue to open bowl. Keeping his dignity intact is very important indeed . At this time my husband gets agitated and a bit pariniod when playing games and sports, very unlike his old self . He certainly has his dislikes and likes and not always for any reason. But it is what it is and he is not  who he was anymore but still as you say deseves to be treated with respect and with dignity  and love always . I plan to keep him with me always unless some unexpected illness or the  death of me . We have never mentioned nursing homes  I will call on friends and family and home care and maybe even day care down the line if Need be . In order to better care for him I understand I need to care for both of us . We are still enjoying  our lives the best we can  as it sounds like you are doing with your Dad .He is so very lucky to have such a caring daughter . 

 My prayers are with you all. Love Torn     

I am a first timer to this site and was trying to find information on the association of hallucination with alzheimer's.  My Dad is 83 yrs and has suffered for about 5 years now.  He is currently in a nursing/special care unit and deteriorating quickly.  I have read and followed all the different stages as I painfully watch my dear Dad decline.  He is currently at the severe stages where he is beginning to lose ability to control bowels. He still remembers my Mom and all his 9 children. Now he thinks that the nursing home is where he lived and he thinks my Mom has left him and cannot remember that she visits him daily. He cries and is heart broken that the love of his life has left him for another man.  Despite all the reassurance we give and her care and love each day, he forgets. Once she leaves he is back to square one thinking she has left him.  This is the saddest disease ever to watch your parent, whom you looked up to all your life, go down hill like this.  Surprisingly, he still says things in conversation that inspire me and touch my heart. He has always been a man of faith, and he inspires me when he is so ill, yet tells me how blessed he is to have been given such a wonderful family and good life.  It really touches my heart.  My Dad also suffers from macular degeneration, which makes things a little more difficult, because he cannot see the remote for his tv, nor can he remember how to turn it on. He has a headset with music he likes, but cannot get it to work once we leave.  We put up family pictures, but he cannot see them unless they are in front of him.  It saddens us so very much to see this strong fatherly figure who now can hardly walk, eats very little, and can't see well, go from an average weight of about 160 to a mere 122 lbs.  I am sure that God has a special place prepared for this man who also suffered as a young man, and is a WWII Ex-Prisoner of War from the Battle of the Bulge.  I have the utmost respect for all he's been through for his country and family.  I'd like to thank all of the people who post words of encouragement here, it is helpful to know that we are not alone at the hand of this disease.  Thank you to all.

to Mercy me ,

On the matter of your father and his thinking -- I believe what he is experencing is called paranioa , or distorted thinking not hallucination . Hallucination is when he would SEE things that are not there . As my husband did 2 weeks ago. He said look at those men they are pushing eachother into the fire. He was looking at the reflextion in our fireplace glass . No TV or windows to look at because the power went off because of an ice storm . It was 8pm and curtains where closed etc. My husband has FTD 61 yrs. old and that was the first time he hallucinated but he does at times get a bit paranoid with strangers & .Even with TV actors .He will say someone is the bad guy and trying to hurt someone when he is the good guy . So Sorry for your Mom, you ,and family . It sounds like your Dad was and Is a terrific Guy . Best wishes . Love torn

My heart goes out to those of you having to deal with this so young and with 'young parents'.  I've been dealing with caregiving for my mother with dementia for quite a few years now but she didn't really show it until her 80's.  She is now almost 88.  She was an 'older mom' as I am now only in my 40s.  When  I say I am 'only in my 40s' now its because most of my friends my age haven't had to deal with what I am going through with their parents needing anything yet.  I have been asked if my mom was my grandmother.  I now have alot of friends that are 10-20 years older than I am partly because they seem to understand what I am dealing with as their parents are the age of my mom and needing help for one thing or another.  It's the first time I have had so many older friends but they are truly some of the best friends I have ever had.  This is alot to handle and quite frankly I don't know if I could have handled it really young...but I also know we sort of rise to the occasion when we have to.  What  I do realize is that I have learned alot in caring for my mom about love and life and what really matters.  It has helped me not sweat the small stuff as much as before and be more 'in the moment'.  Our 'goal' everyday is just to have a 'good day'.  Some of that thinking would have actually helped me over the years yet it took my mom's illness to really get me there.  Because she can't remember almost anything, 'the moment' is all we really have.  Her smile can still light up a room and I am grateful for that.  But I do remember that when this all started about 6 years ago her forgetfulness would make me pretty angry and resentful.  I would be impatient, and I wanted her to change back...I didn't want to be 'the mom' as she was the mom if you know what I mean.  I didn't understand her illness.  Now I am mostly concerned for my mother's future and just hope it doesn't have to be too painful for her...or me...but in some ways it is easier for me now as I have sort of 'lost her' in the way she was and accepted that part.  Over time, I became 'the mom' and her protector, and just want to be as good to her as she was to me.  I don't experience the same feelings of resentment or loss much any more but I am very tired and worn out all the time.  This is alot to handle.   I hope that you can get the support you need wherever your road takes you.  I also hope that your parent's illness doesn't interfere with you pursuing your dreams because that is important too...My prayers are with you. 

Love torn -  Thank you for your thoughts.  I do believe that my Dad has both paranoia and hallutionations.  He claims to see rats in the room, dogs, people walking by the window hitch hiking, and also picked lint off my sister for quite sometime before asking why she had so much lint on her sweater.  She told him there wasn't any, and he got upset and asked what was wrong with his eyes.  Only once has he referred to my sister as his uncle, otherwise he knows us all by name. He recently asked if four of his adult children were married yet?  My sister replied yes and once she mentioned the spouses names it jogged his memory.  He is somewhat confused about the grandchildren of which he has 23.  He knows my 3 childrens names, but will ask if they are mine or my sisters kids.  I am just thrilled that I can still look into his eyes and tell him I love him and have him reply same, knowing who I am.  Realizing though that it may not always be this way. I do believe that these moments are precious and I am grateful to God for every visit I get with him. Due to my Dad's being "VA related", the facility he's in is 40 minutes one way. We are praying for a Christmas miracle that he'll be placed locally very soon. There are only a few places and they are all booked.  My sister who works for herself has been a jewel in caring for my Mom's needs and transporting her almost daily to the nursing home to visit.  She has been very ill for many years, having open heart surgeries, pacemakers, knee replacement, yet still is a gentle caring loving wife he needs, bringing him clean clothes, special treats, ointments that she massages into his scalp for dryness, etc.  To watch her do this is so sweet and loving, and my Dad looks at her and tells her he loves her and would die without her.  I know somehow that this too is part of God's plan to have us be witness to this great love.  It's better than any movie I've ever seen. 

I am sorry to hear about your husband, 61 years old is so young to be stricken with AD.  I guess i related it to an elderly disease, but have found out through this support group, that is not the case.

Dear Janine - I am sorry for your pain in caring for your Mom as well. I too enjoy those special smiles we get from our loving parents. I feel so blessed to still have both my Mom & Dad to teach me love, patience, humility, and above all faith.  I pray you are strong for your Mom and God blesses you for your caregiving. "mercyme"

Mercyme, Yes, he sure does have hallucinations.  My husband was thought to have AD early onsetsince he was 58  but this past Oct. we got a second opinion because his brother and sister also have been stricken with Dementia. and we found they have  FTD--Frontal Temporal  lobe Dementia , which is rarer and genetic or familiar. It hits earliar and 1 third of all Diagnosed AD where the patent is under 65 is usaually FTD or a related Dementia I have been told . Because it is hard to tell the 2 apart. But Dr. Grossman in Philly and his team  @  The  University  Hospital  of Pennsyvania  specialize  in this area .  They also have a great reshearch program which He is participating in too.  Anyway  we all seem to be in the same boat and soon I hope for a cure for this incidious disease and related ones .   Love torn