'Death While Remaining Present' posted by snow @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

snow — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 01:11:59 -0000

To a greatful caregiver--

I am getting burned out on the research and educating myself on AZ. I am still at it but I am going to try to be brief in my reply. I watch my Mom deteriorate everyday and study and learn and with no cure it is like a black tunnel in my mind. I only get happier if I get out of the house, see friends, etc. She has become more violent and attempts to shake the terrorists out of me. So far, I have had to go to a chiropractor only but I need a shrink the most. I don't mean that to be derogratory to a psyhchologist. I really do need one. If I don't find a little humor its a darker tunnel also.

But in specific to your person locking herself in the room be gratelful she is locking herself in the room instead of YOU. As long as she is not hurting herself she is probably pouting like my Mon, letting off resentment. My Mom locks the doors going up to my level with chairs and bars, etc. It does not usually last long. She just needs to be in control I think for a bit. She also had locked me OUT of the house and I had the police come. She has NOT done it again. I took the outside lock off and she has never fussed about it again. The authority must have done it.

And you are getting paid. I'm sure I am not alone in with my Mom it is my own time and because she always emphatically stated no NURSING HOME. So much for brief!!!!!

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by a greatfull caregive @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

a greatfull caregive — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 20:12:05 -0000

hello all i have been in the medical feild for 10 years from asst. living to rehab to nursinghomes to ahospital and have seen alot and delt with alot. right now i am a caregiver for a couple the husben fell and broke his hip and the wife has the begining stages of alzimers. the change in his status has greatly effected her life and behavior she has become physical and verbally violent at times. she yells at him and i both. she has hit him and told me to leave at times right now for me the hard part is explaining to him why she is doing this. he does not understand and allways tells me he is sorry for the way she treats me. she gets mad and loxks herself in her room and this ffrightends me. we have had to get her some medication to help her sleep as well she was not sleeping. she has had a large change in her life. she calls him names and tells him he is lazy because he does not go shopping and sits around alot and she does evewrything. I try to help her and allways ask first and she tells me to go away. she is like this with all the caregivers. i do also think she has sundowners as well at night it is BAD.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by snow @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

snow — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:55:17 -0000

Senior Child,

Why can't she go on medicade? What do you mean the doctor tests are good?

Does she not have dementia or Alz.?

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by snow @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

snow — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:42:41 -0000

Anonymous where did you go?? I am about in the same boat. Was she willing to take meds. I would like to ask more but I see it has been 4 mths since you wrote so----------

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by snow @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

snow — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:22:58 -0000

I would like to add that she does eat fairly well and even with writing this I have thought of trying something else with the pills. NO one mentions this problem---

If you have had problems did you put the pills in the food and did they taste them. I am afraid to interrupt the food process if she discovers it and then does not want to eat.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by snow @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

snow — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:16:35 -0000

I would like to add that she does eat fairly well and even with writing this I have thought of trying something else with the pills. NO one mentions this problem---

If you have had problems did you put the pills in the food and did they taste them. I am afraid to interrupt the food process if she discovers it and then does not want to eat.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by RevYarb @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RevYarb — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:17:49 -0000

My suggestion to you is to gather some additional support. I know EXACTLY what you are going through based on your description. You may also want to consider getting power of Attorney for her so that you may be able to properly transact her business or at least be a authorized signer on her bank account. It sounds like she is not too far from not understanding what is taken place. Additionally you may want to contact the department of ageing with your local government, to see what services they may provide for free and that you may get some relief.
Please keep us posted.

Bless Your Spirit!
-RevYarb

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by RevYarb @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RevYarb — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:17:45 -0000

Bless Your Spirit!
-RevYarb

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 11:14:13 -0000

I know exactly where you are and what you are going through. My prayers are with you. My mom just lost her struggle in Oct 2008 but the first day as well as the last day is as clear as yesterday. Peace be with you. I know the "hell" you are going through. Please feel free to "let it all hang loose". I will listen which was the biggest help for me was just for someone to hear my pain. I loved mmy mom and hated the illness. One step at a time and remember take care of you.

Charlene

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:10:08 -0000

As an only child who is also a Senior I never thought I would be in this situation of taking care of my 89 year old mother . She is extremely forgetful and needs her meals brought to her daily. She will not get out of bed until 12 to 2 P.M. At that time I have to take the covers from her and then she gets up. She slowely does her A.M. and P.M. care. Most of the time refuses to leave the house except to have her hair done. She says she is too sick. Dr. reports and test are all good. I'm at her home 3 to 5 hours a day doing her shopping, taking her to all appointments, writing out her checks to pay the bills because she forgets. At night she will call and ask me questions about her bills and taxes and "look" for things which she usually mixes up and causes me more problems.

There is no help or relief because she cannot go on Medicade. She supports herself with her income which is not enough to pay help to relieve me. She does have a girl once every two weeks to do the housework. I do the cooking, laundry, dishes, shopping and then go home and take care of my house.

Any suggestions

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:10:07 -0000

Any suggestions

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:55:42 -0000

Robin,

You are indeed very right. Time never heals our wounds for there is a festering below the surface until we dig out the coruption of our past and make a decision to live for a reason. I learned much from my mother and was honored to have her in my life for the short time that i did. She wasn't perfect and as a matter of fact neither was I. I thank God that I found out many years ago I was missing out on so much happiness by my own choices so I made a decision that day in Dec. 15, 2002 to repent and choose life. I dug my heels in and by no means was it easy facing my own demons but if you have a hand of someone who is bigger than any demon of this world than you can face anything. I did this first for me and God, but esp. for my mom. Do you know why for my mom? Because she deserved it? No, because God said it and i believe it. Times haven't been easy walking one day at atime without my best friend for she turned out to be exactly that. I would have given her the world with a fence around it if I could, but that is idolatry. I lost a child in 86 and I know they are having the time of their lives. I wouldn't take back a minute of the time of hatred and anger I had instead I would have done it many many years sooner if I'd only known the love and joy I was missing from a pearl of great price that stood next to me for 51 years of my life.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Anonymous @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:47:19 -0000

RobinD: I think time does heal all wounds.............just not 1. on OUR timetable, i.e. not QUICKLY, and 2. Healing may not be ERASURE of a wound.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by RobinD @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RobinD — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 03:29:49 -0000

Wow; you all have gone through all the sadness and sorrow of caregiving someone you love more than life itself, and then to lose them, you always feel like you failed. It is natural. And also the aftermath, adjusting to life without caregiving is sometimes a little too much to ask.

Keep this in mind: Time does NOT heal all wounds. It takes sometimes a day at a time and even a minute at a time to get through it. So time just gives you the space you need to figure out where to put the pain, where it's somewhat manageable so you can get through that moment. There are no easy fixes. Support groups and grief counseling is good, but find a great one is really tough.

Caregivers NEVER give themselves the kudos they deserve. Post Tramatic Stress Disorder is common with caregivers who lose their charges, so getting the help you need is critical.

You will never be the same again, and it is a tough way to go. Here I'm advising you, when I'm still going through it myself. I don't have a good answer except to talk to someone about it. Sometimes the only ones that understand are those that did it. But hopefully you'll listen when we say that you're not alone, and you're an amazing person. You deserve everything great life has to offer and just be kind to yourself.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by AuntieM @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

AuntieM — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:28:46 -0000

SadEyes: That was 3 weeks ago, has all gone well? I know the paperwork for all of hewer care is overwhelming, but there should be a social worker or aide there to help you out with all of that......Assisted Living is essential I would think to help if it is truly Alzheimer's. There needs to be medication, hygiene, nutritional needs....therapies may be needed, it is all too much for one person.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Sad Eyes @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Sad Eyes — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:36:09 -0000

Charlene & All that have Replied,

I forgot to mention......

We have decided on a ASL. We have the pastor and all of my brothers coming this Friday to sit down and tell Mom and planning to move her Monday (which happens to be on my birthday). My Father was a smart man. He had Mom playing the piano at most all of the ASL's and Nursing Homes in the area for years. I hope this helps. They have two pianos at the ASL and we can bring hers if she wants too. I'm not looking forward to Friday.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Sad Eyes @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Sad Eyes — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:21:07 -0000

Charlene,

It helps me to know you understand what I am saying. I hope you come out of your grey skies and see the sun shine soon. One thing a relative told me that would apply to you as well. "You will be rewarded in Heaven for what you are doing in helping our Mom. I see the toll in your eyes it is taking".

God please help us all. Amen

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Sad Eyes @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Sad Eyes — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:16:11 -0000

Rev,

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I am going to talk to someone at the church as soon as I get Mom situated. The only brother I have close by that was helping me has Parkinson's and the time he has been spending with Mom is making it worse. I am alone now for the most part in this journey. I have become unemployed in this bad economy and have cancelled two interviews. I am two months behind and have about a weeks worth of cash left. Only God can help me now.

Glod Bless You

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:45:53 -0000

Thanks. Let us all work on that.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Tootsie @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Tootsie — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 02:38:30 -0000

Your situation is just amazing; what you've gone thru, your stamina, your determination are quite inspiring. I feel for your exhaustion and your being burnt out. My 90 year old mother has Alzheimers and I also have really tough days. If you could only think of a few things that used to make you happy and try to do something special for yourself each day.....whether its a warm bubble bath with candles or putting some nice flowers where you can appreciate them. You need to put yourself first now and focus on you and getting physically and emotionally healthy. Your mother and all who appreciate you (including me) want you to return to the happy, robust, full of life girl that you were long ago. YOu can get there; every morning as you awaken think of several things you are grateful for...Oprah Winfrey does this every morning...it puts her in a positive frame of mind to start the day. Try it; try also reading from the Psalms or Proverbs both are encouraging. Remember its easier to smile than to frown and smiles are contagious. WE care for you and want you to know that you've impressed many by your loyalty and devotion to your mom. She would want you to be happy so please, please work on that. A friend.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 23:30:38 -0000

Sad Eyes, I understand what you are saying. I don't self medicate use to in the past found out it wasn't good for me. I just sleep allot. It seems I can't keep up energy wise. My mom kept us very busy and my sister and I are still exhausted from taking care of her or grieving or both I don't know. Don't much care too tired anyway. I try to keep going cause I know what stopping does for me. Gets me stuck.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by RevYarb @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RevYarb — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 16:45:50 -0000

Sad Eyes,

I feel your pain, and I support you as you go through this season. As soon as possible I humbly ask that you go and share these same feelings that you have shared with us with your pastor or some ministerial staff that they may walk with you during this time. This is very urgent, will you promise that you will do this? Please?

Bless Your Spirit!

-RevYarb

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by Sad Eyes @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

Sad Eyes — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 16:28:09 -0000

Charlene,

I too have failed God, my Father and Mother. There were hundreds of friends and family at my Father's funeral. Everyone that spoke talked about how many lives he touched and what a warrior for God he was. Meeting the people that I did not know I was ashamed to say I was "Jr." I don't deserve the name. They raised me in Church since the day I was born. For the first time though I witnessed someone going to Heaven. I always believed but my Dad took his last breath in my arms at the hospital and I knew he went to Heaven. I wouldn't admit to anyone but I guess I have fallen into a deep depression. I have no energy and the severe stress of everything and months of no sleep is starting to show on my body (i.e. headaches, palpitations,A-fib,nausea). I know what you mean about the hospital. I thought about it myself yesterday but what do you say "I can't handle Alz. anymore". I feel like I am being sucked into Mom's Alz. and I can't get out. Why is it on my mind 24 hours a day. Years of this will ruin my Life. My Prayer today is for God to put his healing hands on all of us going through this. My Mom and Dad would not approve of my self medicating to get through this but I need to find some strength.

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

charlenereeves2004@yahoo.com — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:42:20 -0000

Thanks I am now in a better place and my mind is clearer. You are right. Some days are not so good I guess while others like today are better. Thanks be to God!

'Death While Remaining Present' posted by RevYarb @ {post.created_at.to_s(:post_time)}

RevYarb — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 15:41:44 -0000

Charlene,

Please accept my deepest condolences; each day will get a little better.

I am saddened to hear that you are beating up on yourself over quilt. Honestly, there is nothing that can be done about what is in the past. You know if you did your best, then you have to make yourself content in this. Charlene, please don’t allow the enemy to imprison you in the cage of unforgiveness. Pray to God and ask Him to forgive you for all of your supportive shortcomings and your personal shortcomings. One of the greatest things about God is He is faith and just to forgive us from all of our shortcomings and will never bring them to our remembrance again. Now, if God has forgiven you, why then wont you forgive yourself? Go and walk in your new freedom, make notes to remind yourself of whom you are and where you stand. Surround yourself with positive people that have your best interest and will keep you lifted up. Also, seek support from your spiritual family.

Bless Your Spirit!

-RevYarb

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