dad angry about mom's stroke

My mother had a stroke in June. Prior to that she was taking care of Dad who we suspected had vascular dementia for many years. But he was managing, even holding down a full time job in May 2009. Well, with mom's stroke, there are now 24 hr sitters in their home and his dementia has taken a downward spiral very rapidly. He's seeing a geripsych who's got him on 100 mg seroquel, and namenda and cymbalta. Weaning him from his xanax. Problem is he is so very rageful 95% of the time. He goes to a day program for psych patients and he manages to be well behaved there. But he holds it all in for when he gets home at 4:00. He then becomes rageful, screaming at sitters and my mother. He has so many paranoid delusions. He rails on us for not taking up for him, not attending doctor visits with hims that he conjures up in his imagination, for supervising him with his medicine, for bringing horrible food to him, any myriad of topics. He has hid knives and scissors and hammers, and denies when we find them. He threatened one sitter with a chair. My mother still attempts to manage his temper outbursts and she just takes all this verbal/emotional abuse that he dishes out at her. He accuses her of being stupid, faking her stroke (she had a R CVA which has left her with short term memory problems, and she is as sweet and compliant as she can be).

He is just so very angry with these changes to his life: no more job, wife is not able to care for him, sitters 24/7. We fear for my mother's safety. She has stated that if he has to go, she would live with that. She is visibly stressed to the max, but she won't admit it. This is no way for her to live out her life.

Should we stop Seroquel and try another drug? It has not produced any positive results. We hospitalized him for 12 days in a geripsych unit, and that only increased his rage (How can my family DO this to me?) He's been out of the hospital for 2 weeks now and he hasn't stopped screaming at us about this.

What I struggle with is this: Should we remove him from their home and basically force a separation on them and put him in a nursing home? He is bordering on being a danger to himself and to my mother. How do you get a person in a nursing home against their will? We have him on a waiting list for a very nice nursing home, but struggle with how to get him there when the time comes.