Caregiver wore out

I know how you feel. I want to keep my Mom in her home for as long as I can. Since we lived the nomad life of a military family, we didn't own a home so moved in here. I have care of Mom as I only have one sister and she lives in a different state. It sounds like you have a depressing situation. If you are responsible for most of the care, and have the power of attorney it should be you with the final word. Have you tried a home health aide? Someone to come in and care for her? People can usually get assistance for paying for it as an alternate to a care home.

As for the first husband, did he pass young? If it was a first love, you can move on but seldom forget. Besides if she is living in the past she hasn't met the second husband yet. It is sad, but I am learning I can't change how this awful illness affects Mom, but I can control how I react to it. I hope your sisters can make a united decision have will have your back!! 

Dad was 35 when he passed. I was 1 month old to the day.He held me 1 time.And he saw agels when he died.Mom was 29 at the time,with 3 children.He was wounded 7 times at Normandy.

We are trying to do the right thing, but it's hard! And  they did not want to P.O.A. so I had to be it.Then every move I make is questioned.I try to be nice to my siblings, but I have heard enough. If I say ok to a assisted living,they change there mind. But I am going to put a stop to my every move being questioned. I would  and have tried to keep mom out of a home.But If she keeps falling,it could be the end. And I must do what I can to protect her.

You are right!  Since no one else wanted the responsibility and you stepped up, they should rspect that.  It's hard to make the decision to move a loved one to a care home, a lot of people feel guilty and they shouldn't. I work in a care home as a cook now, but I was a cena. Sometimes it's the best for everyone. Some times our resident enjoy the company of people who remember the old days.  Home health care is another option. I know my sister is no where to be seen, but has her two cents to put in which I generaly ignore.

Your Dad may have been your Moms soul mate taken too early. It doesn't take away from her second marriage, but now if she is reliving the past he's what she remembers. Do what you feel is best, it's all any of us can do.  Right now I am not where you are, but this disease is so different person to person. I became a cena to prepare, but I don't think you can prepare. My thoughts are with you! 

Thank you,this is the hardest thing I have done as of now. But once she is in the home,I know she will be alot safer.Her home is beside a railroad track. And this really scares me.

Thanks for you warm thought,I am very down over this,cry everyday.But I won't cry in front of her.

She will be safe, she'll have company, and she'll have 24hr care. You will have peace of mind, and you'll be able to give her your best. You know she would want you to live your life. I know for myself I have already spoken to my family.  My grandparents and my Mom have suffered with this disease and I have a big chance of being next. I don't want my kids to have to make the decisions I am trying to deal with. All we can do is the best we know how to. With the railroad tracks, you really have made the best choice for your Mom. Be brave and know that you are doing whats right to protect your Mom!!

Thankyou for your note,you are right,I will try to keep this in mind.It's for her own good and safety.

wilibeme55; i am new to this but my opinion is that not all of your siblings will be happy with every decision made in your mom's care;however; they need to realize that you are the primary caregiver and if they want the right to complain then they have to be part of the process of when and where the mom goes; have the other family members even looked at potential home/facilities on their own? have they offered to come over for a day or two so that you could go to dinner or take and afternoon walk or go to the library to read? my husband has a daughter with cerebralpalsy and we had an outside careperson contracted through a regional center; we could go out for 2 to 6 hours a week so that we were away from the house. i must tell you that being able to leave my house for even an hour was a great relief. i love our daughter but i can truly understand your personal frustrations of being hands on all day every day. we were able to find a home for our daughter and she has thrived. best of luck to you and look into what is called respite care in your local area;ty MICKI

snow responded less than a minute ago :
lovetorn or anyone who knows

In regard to the paranoia and hallucinations did a medical person ever eplain the reasons?

My Mom thinks my eyes are bloody or different colors and my body is otherwise distortred. She is afraid at times the food is being poisoned and her pills have rat poison.

Has anyone had trouble getting the A person to take meds because of this? Did medical people ever tell you you could not be a craregiver for such a reason or other memory problems? Thanks

I would like to add that she does eat fairly well and even with writing this I have thought of trying something else with the pills.  NO one mentions this problem---

If you have had problems did you put the pills in the food and did they taste them.  I am afraid to interrupt the food process if she discovers it and then does not want to eat.

The dr told me it sometimes goes with the alzeimers (hallucinations, and paranoid behavior). The brain doesn't function right. My Mom does take her pill, it is very tiny, and a masive help. They started her on it at the hospital, and she has given me no trouble. I agree, the longer in the home is better for everyone. I have taken the reins on this. My sister asked to be kept in the loop, and part of the decision making. Since I am the one in the home, I told her where Mom lives is my decision. I run her where she needs to go, fix the meals, keep her company, and am the one here dealing with the day to day issues.   It is a heavy load we have, but it can be rewarding as well. 

When you get a chance what is the name of the pill?  If it is small I can deal with it easier.

The local doc in the town of 1000 people (approx) give or take said the pills do not work.

I was not satisfied with his answer.  This was a counsel without Mom as she will not go

to the doc at this time. 

I successfully put one of her meds in ice cream today.  But there are so many I don't know-----

Mom takes 0.5 mg of risperdol. It isn't for alzeimers, it helps the parinoid thoughts. She only takes one pill. The dr says we usually end up on 1 pill per decade, but instead of 8 she only has the one. From the neck down she's fine.

My Mom was diagnosed in 2005. There are 3 of us children. My brother takes care of her investments and income arrangements (really that's all he's good for LOL), I pay the bills and solve problems (I'm in another state) and my sister takes care of emergencies and pays the sitter (she live in the neighborhood). We consult each other about a lot of it and I think that helps with not 2nd guessing each other. Feeling useful or consulted with will make a person feel more included in descisions.

  We are blessed that my Dad left Mama well off enough that we can hire a sitter. Home health will not help because there is an able body in the house(sitter).  No one else could have taken as good care of Mama as the sitter. Not even me!  We have a sub to give her a break when she needs it.  Mama is good at sneaking around the walker and fell 2.5 months ago and broke her arm. Now, Mama is laying in bed and staying awake until daylight and also trying to get out of the hospital bed. We have tried several sleeping pills (Ambien,rosephin?, and Tylenol PM), but none work. She also take risperdol and wellbutrin. Can anyone tell me a medicine that will help her sleep, so the sitter won't be so tired. If we lose the sitter who is 65, she will have to go into a home. We tried an assisted home early on and I think she would have died if she had been there another week. She grieved for her house. We want to keep her there as long as possible. Please help!