Your feelings are natural and you are human.  We do get those feelings and then we feel ashamed of ourselves for having them. Don't worry about your life,you are young and that makes it worse. You are having the human feelings of a young person,you want to enjoy your life but feel as if Granny is holding you down.  Think of it this way?? IF the things were reversed and it was you who was sick and needed help,would you appreciate that person for giving you all the love and attention that you needed. You moved into her home when times were bad for you,if I understood the message,so now things are better for you but worse for Granny,give yourself some time,you are young and have lots of time for all these things you wish to do. Believe me,you will be proud you stayed with her  now and she will not be with you much longer,so enjoy her while you have her,your life will be blessed by what you are doing for your Granny.  Yes,it is hard to understand why others can't do the work but it seem as if it has fallen on your shoulders,be strong and know that you are giving back to your Granny who gave you a place to stay when you were down,so now she is sick and can't help herself,it is up to you to give her a good life while you can. She will be gone some day and you will be so thankful for what you did for her. Hang tough and know that it will change,you will have time for your own life to do as you wish. I hope you never have to have a place to go because Granny will not be there much longer. Love her while you have her. I wish you all the best,know you are doing what you can to make her last years as good as it can be. Putting you own life on hold will not hurt you,right now. Just enjoy these days as much as you can. Stay happy and know that things will get better. My thoughts will be with you, Thanks for giving back what has been given to you. A place to live when ;you needed it. Count your blessings.

I am also worried about the effects living with a person with alzhiemers has on a small child, He disrepects me, because of what granny says. He says, but granny said I could.

It is according to how old your child is??  You need to sit the child down and explain things to the child.  Tell them that you are the boss,not Granny any more.  They are to listen to you only.  EXplain to them that Granny is sick and can't tell you what to do now,so always ask you before they do anything.  Let them know to love Granny and treat her nice and if they see Granny doing things that she should not be doing or going outside,to call someone to let them know.  Granny could be hurt real bad by going out by herself or doing something around the cook stove by herself.  It's hard on a child to understand that Granny is sick and needs to be watched but if you are not there with her,let the child know to get you as soon as they can.  Teach them to be a good nurse,to watch and care for Granny because someone has to be there with her.  You may have to think of getting other help in the home for her.  Your child is minding Granny and she does not know for sure what she is telling the child., so make sure the child understands that minding Granny does not mean they can do anything Granny says they can,WIThOUT asking you first. Make that clear to them. Also,you should never leave the child alone with Granny.  It is too dangerous. When the mind loses it's ability to think clearly and know right from wrong,they do not know what to tell a child or any one else. Their thinking is not clear so never leave the child alone with Granny in her condition. The child is thinking clearer than Granny is at times.  So keep your child safe. You haven't told me exactly what state you Granny is in right now so I am just guessing about her ability to think clearly and know what she is telling the child to do ?? Some times,they think as clear as before they became ill,then other times,they are bad.  They should not be left alone at any time. Never know what their minds will tell them to do?? Please be careful with her. They do not see danger or things happening to hurt anyone around them. So please watch her and be careful with your child. My thoughts are with you and yours, Blessings to you and yours, Mildred

Yes, I agree,it is not good to have the child around a person who tells them one thing and you tell them something else. I did write another one but wanted to add to it. I stayed with my Dad.  I had to either knock him out with something or else run for my life at times. He did not know who I was most of the time. I would explain to him over and over but he would forget before I could get his meal on the table. According to what stage they are in,they do not remember anything about their life or who they are,much less who we are??  I had ran out of energy and strength. I was the basket case by the time I realized he was going to kill me without even knowing what he was doing.  Yes,I know that sounds horrilble but they do attack others in the house,they lose their memory and do not know that person. They think they are in danger and they attack first and not even knowing who they are hitting or where they are.  So please,never leave the child along with her Granny. It is too dangerous.  If a grown woman who is use to being with my DAD for 55 years can nearly get killed,what would a child do?? Think about it.  Also,Granny could tell the child to go someplace to get something for her,not realizing the child is too young to do that thing and it could cause her harm. After this disease sets in,it is very hard to know when they have all their mind and are thinking clearly,or if they just act as if their are thinking clearly.

My Sister has  dememia now, ,is fine some days,other days,she is lost. She comes to me crying,wanting to know why she is at my house,am I really sick and she is taking care of me or what?? She wakes up scared,not knowing where she is for a while,then she realizes that she is in my home and doesn't know why?? She feels lost and scared. I hug her up and tell her she's  fine and NO,I am not sick,she is just visiting me for a few days. She will be going to a rest home.soon, I can't do it again. I am in a wheelchair now and can not tend to anyone any more.  Yes,we want to do it,we wish we could but know when to give up and put them where they can be cared for by some one else. They need to be watched,for their own good. My Sister began to cook something but nearly set the house on fire. If I had not been sitting close by,to put it out real fast,we both would have been hurt very bad, She did not know what she had done, That is why I say to never leave your child with Granny alone.  Even light cases can lead to dangeterous things happening to others in the house. They do not understand things any more. They are lost in their own mind. So please,take care of that child.  Granny is worse than a child now so don't trust her to take care of the child at home any more. Please,I have seen it happen too many times and seen the horrible things that can happen if someone is not right  beside them,ready to jump up and get things under control.  Because they are not in control of their own minds or bodies. I wish you the best. I know we want to do it but know when to let them go to a rest home. Or have someone responsible in the house and with Granny at all times.  Blessings to you and yours,Prayers, Mildred

Thank you for responding . That is one thing that I will not do. Granny is always telling me that I can leave my son with her, while I go to town, but I always tell her that I can't do that. I have to take him with me. I know that she can't even take care of herself let alone a small child. And when he is sleeping I will wake him up and take him with me. You know, I worry about that to, that she will attack someone. I know that in her right mind she would do no such thing, but you never know. It tears me up that she is not the same person that she used to be, but I can only do so much. Sometimes I feel like I am at my breaking point. She is always trying to get up and cook. When I have to leave I take the knobs off of the stove and lock the oven(it is a new one that you can lock the door and the controls). We came home one night a couple of years ago, the smoke alarm was going off and the house was filled with smoke, she was laying in the bed like nothing had happend. She has turned the oven on high, trying to turn the kitchen light off, I had a pot of cooking oil in the oven and I don't know how long it was on. That was a wake-up call. Now I don't even let her get near the stove.  I try to tell my son that Granny is sick, and sometimes Ithink he understands a little, He will tell me that Granny is doing something that she shouldn't do.  I love my Granny dearly, but I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like a broken record. She also has problems with holding her bowels. I have to steam clean the carpet sometimes 3 times a week, because either she want wear her depends or she gets it on the bottom of her shoe and tracks it through the house. I always said that I didn't want any kind of nursing job, and now look, I am doing it anyway and feel like I am going crazy sometimes. I also watch my 2 neices (4 and 8) alot. Thanks so much for responding, it helps to know that I am not alone.

Smokey I am so sorry you are going thru this at such a young age. I care for my 85 yr old M-I-L, and totally understand your mixed emotions. I have found for me that adult day care is a lifesaver. If your Granny is on medicare/medicaid she should qualify for this service. Check your yellow page and see if they are offered in your area. Here in Ky, they have a handicap van/bus that will pick them up everyday but Sunday and they can stay for 8 hours. They are fed and interact with other elderly and handicap individuals. If that service is not available check into home health services, they too should be covered with her insurance. These service come out several times a week to help her bath and can provide weekly respite for 3 or 4 hours. It doesn't sound like much but it can mean the world. I just want to caution you on leaving her home alone, once they get to the point she is, it is just not safe to do. I understand that you have things you have got to do, that is why you need to find some sort of help. Good Luck Honey and let us know how it goes...

Smokey,  Thank you for  letting me know how you are doing with your situation.  I do care and my prayers are with you.  You are doing all you can to take care of all the problems but some times,you will have no choice but get help. The message from Kycaregiver is so right.  If your Granny is on Medicare/Medicaid,she could go to a day care,give you a break.  Also,it would help her to be with others who share her problem. There will be a time when you have to give her up to some other type of care. I thought I could do it all too,but after they get so bad,such as the stove being turned on while you were gone,or there is other things they can find to get into while we go to the store or something.  I found my Dad under the house,trying to fix the water lines. I could not crawl under there to get him out and he could not remember how he got under there so I had to call the fire Dept. to get him out.  He thought the lines were frozen and he had to thaw them out,it was in the Summer,100 degrees but in his mind,he was remembering the Winter times. They get so mixed up and do not know what time,week,day,night or what ever?? It hurts so bad to see them go into the stages of no return,but we have to do what is best for them as well as yourself.  OH Yes,it hurts us so bad to give them up to someone else to care for but it does happen for the sake of our family and yourself.  You have to face the truth of what is happening to her,she could hurt herself real bad.  The bowel problem will only get worse,also make it worse on your child. I had to bath my Dad several times a day and night. When I called in my Sisters and let them take care of him for ONE week end,they did not argue with me about putting him into a rest home. I could not do it any more. My body,mind and whole system was giving out on me. Being up day and night takes it toll on us. It is impossible to watch  them all time.  That is what it leads up too,day and night,because you never know when they will find something to get into or turn on something. They do not know what they are doing or else,in their minds,they know very well but it is not the same thing they think they are doing?  You are very wise to not leave the child with her,but she is a danger to be alone too.  It sounds as if you do need to seek help for her,a day care while you do other things or just a break for you. Believe me,you need to take a break or else you will pay a heavy price. The body will only take so much and then we began to give out.  Don't wait for that time to get to you. The child is so important in your life so think of that and do something about Granny now.  Don't wait until you wish you had. I hate those words"WISH I HAD DONE SOMETHING WITH HER SOONER'"   My prayers are always with you and your child,who is the important one in your life too. Do what needs to be done now,don't wait until your body gives out on you. The stove sounds wise but think of things  in your home that we do not know as a danger. I know I didn't realize all the danger that is just sitting there waiting for them to think is something else and use it to hurt themselves or else do something else with it. The home is full of dangerous things that we do not see but in Grannies mind,it  could be used. Get some rest,you need it so bad. May God protect all of you and you do what has to be done,even if it does hurt so bad to give up caring for Granny. Yes,you love her,but there is only so much we can do for our loved ones in her case, think of your child and how your body is going down trying to do all of this on your own. Please get some help or take her to the day care,get some rest. 

While you at it,get all the paper work done to make sure you have the right to do all the things that will be needed. Power of Attorney,make sure Granny has her Will made out. Know where all the paper work is?? I know this is not important right now,but since you live in the home,taking care of her,you need to make sure all the paper work is done too. Make sure you can sign the papers necessary to have a say in her care at any place you need to take her too. I know this may sound silly right now but it does come up. I never thought I had to have so many papers signed by my Dad before I could do anything about him. Lucky for me,he could still sign his name,barely but they excepted it under the circumstances.  So think about this for now,be ready when they began pushing all the paper work in your face. Gets to us all over again. But that is the way it has to be done. Take care of yourself and the child,who is the most important one.   Blessings, Mildred

I wish that we had a Day Care but the closest one is about 2 hours away. I keep telling my Daddy that we need to get power of attorney, but nothing has been done. There is no will. I do know that she wants everything split between my daddy and my aunt, and I don't know where that will leave us. We have no where else to go. We have too many bills to pay rent. Do you know if they can take anything from someone who does not have a will, after the owner dies. I know that my daddy would let us stay here, the trailer is on his land. But I am worried about the government. Thank you so much for your help.

Did anyone here have a problem being a caregiver or did anyone have medical people or a Dr. say they could not take the A person home?

I do not have any medical training and have a problem getting Mom to take her pills.  I think they have her on too many drugs anyway.

Snow, I am so sorry that you have run into the biggest problem. Well,not really the biggest but one of them. Running into the doctor and him telling you that your Mother could not leave with you. Yes,the law says in my State that the person who has been admitted to the rest home has to have the person who put them in the rest home with them or a signed paper,giving them the right to take Mother out for a while. Other wise,the doctor has to approve the action or else your Mother must be in worse health and they do not wish for her to be out of the rest home for some reason???  I know that NO ONE could take my Dad out except me,that was because I had been the one to admit him to the rest home. I was responsible for everything that happened to him. They had to call me and ask me about anything that happened to him. I had to be there and see if it was fine or else get the doctor to put him in a hospital until he was better. I had to be the one to check him in or out with anyone else. I had to be there to make sure it was fine with me before they would let him go out with any one. They were afraid he would fall or be injured some way while out and then we would sue them for letting him leave the rest home. Makes it so hard on the one who is responsible for our loved one. Even though they are in a rest home,we are still responsible to take care of them. If you are the one who put your Mom in the rest home,then I see no reason why they will not let her go home with you for a few hours. There must be some other reason why they do not want her out of the rest home?? Is she not feeling well,does she have trouble walking??? So many things are so dangerous for her to be out at someone else's home. Ask them why they are stopping you from taking her out for a few hours.

My Sister is in the rest  home now with Dememtia and she can't leave with anyone except her son with her. He is the one who put her in the rest home,so he has to be called and if he comes up there and tells them it is fine for her to go have a ice cream cone with me,then she can go,other wise,she cannot leave the rest home. They know me real welll but they are protecting her. If he says it is fine and I take her off the property,then if something happens to her,it is not their fault,it is his and mine only. They have to protect themselves  from being sued by loved ones of  the ones living there.. I just stay up there and visit with her,we sit outside and have a good time,listening  to the singing and playing of music.  Much easier on me than trying ot get both of  us in the car and our wheelchairs too. So I do not try to get her out to go out for dinner. I never know what she may do while I have her out  and away from the nurses. I have gone through that with my DAD and I sure do not want to repeat it with my Sister so I just enjoy her at the rest home.  That way if her bowels act up,the nurses are there to tend to her where I would have a very rough time taking care of her out, some where?? Also,you never know  what they may do or say to some one. or become upset about something?? Ask the nurse why they do not want her to go out with you,ask the doctor why he does not want her leaving the rest home with you,if in doubt,ask questions and find out the truth,don't settle to half answers,find out the truth. I wish you luck and may the Lord bless you and your Mother, Mildred

Mildred,  I did not accurately explain my question I realized by your answer.  However, your answers even though distressing to hear are helpful anyway. 

Mom is not in the home yet.  I had a dr. counsel and he said she cannot be forced to come to the doc.  But, he also said they can't really live alone.  But, I precisely said so until something happens medically there is nothing I can do?  He said thats right.  I am in a rural area with little support and I do not even live in the same state.  I came for a visit and am still here.  My job had been cut back and I think the life I knew has changed forever.  I have been contemplating my next step.  I have little doubt it is A.  I keep hoping but my studies say A.  I want her home and I am afraid if I get the petition and force her in the hospital they will never let her go home with me again????  That is what I was saying.  Partly cause she does not want to take meds and I am not trained in any medical.  Do you think they will let her out??

lovetorn or anyone who knows

In regard to the paranoia and hallucinations did a medical person ever eplain the reasons?

My Mom thinks my eyes are bloody or different colors and my body is otherwise distortred. She is afraid at times the food is being poisoned and her pills have rat poison.

Has anyone had trouble getting the A person to take meds because of this? Did medical people ever tell you you could not be a craregiver for such a reason or other memory problems? Thanks
 

Snow, I am sorry for not understanding your message,forgive me,  I hope you figure out what you have to do?  I know if she is seeing these things and will not take her meds,then you have a very hard time ahead for you.  My Sister would not take her meds while we had her at our homes. We would put it beside her plate at meal times and tell her to please take it so she will feel better. She refused to take it because she thinks it is dope or something to kill her. She did get sleepy after taking it and she doesn't like that part of it.  It was so hard to get her to take it. We tried to sneak it in with mashed potatoes,she loves potatoes and it worked for a while. At the rest home,she takes her meds and never gives the nurses any problem. WHY?? I do not know why they react differently at the rest home but we knew we had to do something,she would not sleep at night time,was up walking and talking to the windows all night long.  She was seeing her deceased husband outside the window and he talked to her, she would carry on a full conversation with him at that window. As I have said before,their mind does wierd things that we do not understand. My Dad did not know me,he fought me because he thought I was someone who was going to hurt him or steal his money or do damage to his home. I had to run from him to save myself.  That really hurts to know you own Father would hurt me but he would if he caught me. Lucky for me,  I could roll faster than he could run around the rooms of his home.  I still have nightmares about him chasing me. Yes,I had to have therapy and had problems because of me trying to keep my Dad at home. I should have had him put in a rest home the first time he turned on me. That was not my DAd at all,he was a very loving father all my life so this monster was so different.  So think about what could happen during the night? You can't stay awake all night and all day,it will get you down real fast.  Think ahead about all the nights and days ahead,you can't keep it up. Things will keep coming up by your Mom and she will only get worse. This illness does not stop,it only gets worse as time goes by. I don't want you to end up going through what I did,it does so much damage to US.  Yes,the doctors have told me about how loving we are and we want to take care of them but usually it ends up KILLING US.  The doctor told me that caregivers die sooner than the loved one.  He stated that we do not realize the damage we are doing to ourselves. So think about it and get her some care by professionals and let go. Hard to do but  you have to do it for your own sake. My prayers are with you and your Mother,may you see the things you need to do before it is too late. Blessings, Mildred

Mildred,

Thanks for your answers

In regard to the home and your sister do you know if they did anything different than you tried to for the medication?  Did they put it in the food, etc?  Or did she just take them like normal.  There must be SOMETHING they did different.  I have about given up on the food.  If she does not eat then it goes in the trash expensive pills and all. 

In regard to your Dad do you know why some have so much anger and others are not  angry at all?   Did the docs elaborate on this?  I have chatted with people on A sites who have A and the anger does not seem to be in a high percent.  I fear it comes closer to the end.    The first physical deal was mild and I thought she was joking at first.  She said she needed to shake the cult out of me.  Did he say bizarre stuff like that?  If I resist or do not do as she wants it seems to trigger it off.  I can't stand all her smoking and the worst one came when I said the doc said she had to cut back.   It was a bad reaction.  I know what you mean already.  I can't really lock my door where I sleep but I need to get a lock on cause I have already thought what if she attacks me when I am sleeping.  I can't believe I even have to think about such a thing.  It almost makes me crazy to think of it.  BUT the cold hard facts are I live in another state and they will take all her assets, house and I would not even have a place to stay if she is in the home and all finances and house are lost.  They are strong facts.  If they did not strip you dry it could be more fair.  So many pay all by medicaid and those who worked and saved a little looses it all.  IT IS NOT FAIR.  I have no answer to this right now.

I can honestly say I still love my Mom but I don't like her anymore.  Of course I am very tired at the moment.  I actually am a bit afraid of her behavior  also.    Too tired but thanks for your help when you have time.

Also, she is not going to sign another paper or document.  At least not on her own.

If your Dad was so full of anger how did he sign papers?

He signed papers after he went into the rest home. He was very calm and sweet that day,so we called a Lady to get there fast. She did and he signed the papers giving me Power of Attorney over all his assets.  Which I had already had made out Before he became so angry. I got him talking about how was I going to take care of him if I could not even pay his bills with only his name on his checking and saving acc's.  He told me to call the man tomorrow and we would go to the bank and fix everything so I could take care of him and his home. I woke up very early and got him up and we were at the bank by the time they opened. Had it all made out and signed in just a few minutes. Of course,they all knew me at the bank. I had been paying all his bills for years and they knew this was coming. His actions had changed,so the small town where he lived,knew he was different and I was taking care of him. So there wasn't any problems. We went to visit my younger Sister and got his funeral all paid for and made up real nice. I was so glad he went into the place and told them to do whatever I told them to do.  He signed the check after we had it all made out for him. Of course,much later,he remembered doing it and we really had a time for about a month. He was so afraid I was after his money. I typed up a paper and had it on the table the next morning. I told him that if he was afraid of that happening,we would just tear it all up and put it in trash,I began ripping it up and he looked so happy but he did not know it was  just a piece of paper I had typed up while he slept that night. We have to think of ways to get the things done,some way,some how?? Yes,in his right mind,I would have never tricked him but this was necessary and had to be done for his own sake.  We have to do things like that.  He also signed his papers in the hospital because he knew that I had already tore up the paper that had his money in it.  Even though he was completely out of his mind in so many ways,he did remember me ripping up that piece of paper. I was so thankful I did it. Saved a lot of red tape for him and me. I had to sign everything for him from that time on,right on up to his death. As one man told me,we were very wise to get those papers made out before he got too bad to sign them for us. Little did he know what all I had gone though before those papers were signed.  and sealed.

That is why I tell everyone to make sure you have Power of Attorney over everything. I had to sell his home and that did hurt but none of us lived in the small town,we had all moved away so there wasn't anyone to take over it. I sold it and split the money between us girls. There was 3 of us so we took care of it and so thankful he was finnally at peace. He lasted 5 years in the rest home but was so angry nearly all time. They had to tie him down most of the time. He took the meds real good. They put them in his mouth and then the water up to his lips and he swallowed so peaceful But later he began spitting them out,they began the shots into his legs or arms when he wasn't looking. They kept asking me how I managed to take care of him,they would give the shot real fast and jump back because they knew not to get too close,he would hit them if he could reach them. I felt so sorry for him because this was not the man I knew as my Dad. He was so sweet and loving to all of us. No one could believe that was the same man but his mind did turn real  slowly so if you do not have papers made out,talk to her real sweet and kind and ask her if she wanted you to take care of her when she got sick or anything,nothing bad,justt maybe a bad cold or something?? That gets her mind on being sick with something that can be treated,then you can tell her that you would have to pay for the medicine to give to her so she oculd get better. Ask her if it would be fine for you to sign a check for her while she is sick so you can help her get well. Don't want her to be sick,then move on slowly but never mentioning anything about her money being in your care. Ask her what she would like to do about a funeral some day a long long time from now. tell her what you want done for yourself in case she is around. Tell her what  you would like for her to do for you if you did die first.  Have to make it sound very real but sincere. I know it sounds awful but we have to be prepared to take over all her things in case something does happen. I know it sound awful,I felt so terrible when I had to do it this way but my Sister's told me to get it done any way we could so I could pay his bills at the rest home. That way the money stayed in his account and I made out a check every month. Upon his death,i had full power to do as we had to do. Sell the home and move on with our lives. Everything was paid for,his funeral,his final resting days.So hard but God knew best for him. I was so glad I had taken the steps I had to do to get everything taken care of before it was way too late. Everyone should think about this,it is not easy once they are too bad to sign papers and lucky for us,he was really too bad to really do it on his own but the Notary knew us and she knew we were not trying to get his money or anything sleezy. We just wanted to take care of all  the last details and let him go to God. He had worked hard for all his money,so he had a nice funeral,and he would have loved it all but I am sure he was watching us from up above.

I have had my father with me and my hubby (and dog) for the past seven years. My brother does not get involved very often. I didn't have any expectations that he would though, so I was not so upset when I was proved right about him. (He was the same way when I cared for our mother about 14 years ago). My son and his wife are always willing, able and there whenever asked (and many times when they are not asked)! My son and his wife are only 25 years old, too.

When daddy was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease he immediately went to his attorney and changed his POA and Will Executor to just me from brother and me. When my brother found out he was livid. I explained to him daddy did it to protect him. He is not good with this stuff and it just upsets him. That helped a little; however, there was a battle over the money. Brother seemed to resent how I spent daddy's money. Not that daddy had a lot to start with, but brother seemed to think I was "taking" it for my own use!

When daddy asked to live with me when he could not live alone he was very emphatic that he "Pay my own way." So, yes, I did pay myself a small amount each month for the care we gave him (24/7), the room and board, the utilities (old people get cold all the time), etc. I took this small amount and put it into a savings account. When daddy could no longer be alone and needed a lot more care, I had to hire around the clock help. He wandered and did it at night. I was getting no sleep and working all day while hubby watched him. That only worked for so long. Every other week my hubby and I paid the caregiver. Doing so to prolong daddy's money as long as possible. We managed to make about $250,000.00 last almost eight years. I think I did pretty good considering the weekly bill for the caregiver was over $2000.

Now, daddy is on in-home hospice care. He does not need a lot of active care, just someone to be with him, feed him, keep him changed and watch for choking, etc. My hubby and I have managed to handle most of that with the help of the kids and about 25 hours of respite care a week. When I was searching for in home care I went through all the large agencies and many of the smaller ones. I could not believe the prices! Sheesh! And the care left a lot to be desired. I was fortunate to find an angel who literally lived with us 6 days per week and took care of daddy like he was her own father. It was then I decided others deserved this type of treatment and started my own agency. It has been a struggle for sure, but knowing and seeing that I and my hoard of "Angels" are making a difference to others is all I need to get me up in the morning.

I am here to listen, to vent too (I have big ears and bigger shoulders) and sometimes I can pull a solution out of my hat! We have to stick together here and be there for each other. No one will ever understand what we go through until they have done it! And, no one ever knows when they may be put into the position of caregiver. Also, something to think about here, no one ever knows when they may need a caregiver. I think sometimes we are just paying forward. I like to think, in that respect, my bank accound is VERY large! LOL!

I have had my father with me and my hubby (and dog) for the past seven years. My brother does not get involved very often. I didn't have any expectations that he would though, so I was not so upset when I was proved right about him. (He was the same way when I cared for our mother about 14 years ago). My son and his wife are always willing, able and there whenever asked (and many times when they are not asked)! My son and his wife are only 25 years old, too.

When daddy was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease he immediately went to his attorney and changed his POA and Will Executor to just me from brother and me. When my brother found out he was livid. I explained to him daddy did it to protect him. He is not good with this stuff and it just upsets him. That helped a little; however, there was a battle over the money. Brother seemed to resent how I spent daddy's money. Not that daddy had a lot to start with, but brother seemed to think I was "taking" it for my own use!

When daddy asked to live with me when he could not live alone he was very emphatic that he "Pay my own way." So, yes, I did pay myself a small amount each month for the care we gave him (24/7), the room and board, the utilities (old people get cold all the time), etc. I took this small amount and put it into a savings account. When daddy could no longer be alone and needed a lot more care, I had to hire around the clock help. He wandered and did it at night. I was getting no sleep and working all day while hubby watched him. That only worked for so long. Every other week my hubby and I paid the caregiver. Doing so to prolong daddy's money as long as possible. We managed to make about $250,000.00 last almost eight years. I think I did pretty good considering the weekly bill for the caregiver was over $2000.

Now, daddy is on in-home hospice care. He does not need a lot of active care, just someone to be with him, feed him, keep him changed and watch for choking, etc. My hubby and I have managed to handle most of that with the help of the kids and about 25 hours of respite care a week. When I was searching for in home care I went through all the large agencies and many of the smaller ones. I could not believe the prices! Sheesh! And the care left a lot to be desired. I was fortunate to find an angel who literally lived with us 6 days per week and took care of daddy like he was her own father. It was then I decided others deserved this type of treatment and started my own agency. It has been a struggle for sure, but knowing and seeing that I and my hoard of "Angels" are making a difference to others is all I need to get me up in the morning.

I am here to listen, to vent too (I have big ears and bigger shoulders) and sometimes I can pull a solution out of my hat! We have to stick together here and be there for each other. No one will ever understand what we go through until they have done it! And, no one ever knows when they may be put into the position of caregiver. Also, something to think about here, no one ever knows when they may need a caregiver. I think sometimes we are just paying forward. I like to think, in that respect, my bank accound is VERY large! LOL!

Jemmie   Whar caused the choking?   Where is your agency  what state?

midlred,

how could you sell a house and keep the money.  the home gets all assets.  but i am learning i won't make it as long as i thought.  she is going after me already.  i am too tired.