Accusing me of stealing

Hi JoAnn,

This is something I've gone thru too.  Mom gives me a blouse or nicknac and the next time she sees it, wonders when I was able to sneek that out of her home.  I have gotten to the point that I will take it when she gives it to me, then I "sneek" it back to when it belongs when shes not looking.  My oldest granddaughter (21) stays with her during the day and has always been "the worst" to walk off with stuff and especially mom's money.  She has come home in tears but bravely tries to remember that it is the disease talking.  My mom is 86 too, sleeps as lot, somethimes 12 hours a day, but the TV or radio aggrivates her to death.  She will sit in "her" chair and wonder why no one comes to see her.  When she starts her yelling, give her a hug and say you're sorry she feels that way and that you love her to death and wouldn't hurt her for anything.   This seems to help with my mom.  The main thing you need to do, is fine someone who will go in and stay with her and your brother while you and your daughter go to a movie or window shopping.  Be sure to do something for yourself-be good to yourself.  Thinking of you - Grateful

Hi JoAnn,

Like you I have been seeking help from others when found this site and thought I would check it out. I was amazed at what others had to share in regards to their experiences. However, your posting hit so close to home. I too live with my mother and several years ago asked my brother if he would consider moving in to help which would allow for 24 hour care while each of us took our shifts working or took care of other activities outside of home. This has worked out great for all concerned. What is so difficult to deal with and understand is her accusing us of stealing something from her on a daily basis yet worse she feels we are hoping she were dead and gone with us plotting to do away with her because she is still here. She has gone so far as to lock her bedroon door at night and brace her walker under to door knob so no one can enter. She will then communicate the next day that she does not understand how one of us got in her room during the night to do physical harm to her but seen one of us standing over the bed then disappear when we seen her open her eyes. It is extremely frustrating hugging her and telling her you love her, trying to assure her that no one is hurting her, we want her around for years to come with her rejecting you in disbelief. She will hide things and forget where then accuse us of stealing it. I spend hours going through the house with her trying to locate what she is looking for at the moment. We always seem it find it hidden in her room or locked in a drawer somewhere but it is so exhausting when the entire time you feel you are trying to help you are listening to what a terrible person you have suddenly become in stealing and plotting against her. I have been to her doctor out of pure frustation with hopes of finding an answer to ease her mind and make things like they use to be but I think the first step is to accept things will never be what they were at one time. I do not know the answers in helping her or us, but think in sharing with others and seeing how others are coping is help in itself. We are not alone. Thanks for sharing and thank you for allowing me to share.

So, I found the first post helpful.  I live with my 83 (at least that's how old we think she is) year old grandmother.  I am really stressing out!  I am 25 years old and have to watch a woman who helped raise me most of my life turn around and swear that I'm pilfering stuff of hers and then giving it away to my friends.  EVERY DAY she is hinting that it's me who's taking it and that she even wants to move (my elderly disabled aunt lives with us too) away from me.  Its SO HARD not to take it personally and not to feel guilt even though I KNOW I haven't done anything wrong.  I find myself getting angry and just making it through each day.  One thing that did help me was to attend a free 4 week seminar on caring for relatives with Dementia or Alzheimers.  It was given through the local hospital by way of a grant they received.  During the last session, the caretakers were taken care of for a change and we received massages and bubbles, yes I said bubbles to releive stress.  We also went through abdominal breathing and believe it or not when I started doing those breathing exercises in the middle of one of those what I call "endless loop" conversations my grandma quieted down and even began to imitate me once she saw I was trying to calm myself.  I think it even triggered something within her to see that she was saying something wrong even though in her mind she still couldn't figure out why.  Big help.  I have also expressed to her that I understand how important her things are to her and that I don't move or take things without asking.  I keep it as simple as that.  I don't argue.  I show compassion on a daily basis so that there is a foundation of compassion and love that combats any suspicion and accusation that she has.  That helps too.  And, last but definitely not least I pray with her.  She is a strong believer in the power of prayer so I use that to try to calm her and show her that I care too about her plight.  I don't know how I make it through most days without screaming my frustrations into my pillow but..I do.  I grant all of that to my close relationship with God and my hope for a better future based on Bible truths.  Well...it feels good to rant even though it feels like I've talked too much about myself and how i feel (that guilt slipping in there again)...so to whoevers out there that reads this...hope it helps you too!  More later!