My mom waived her Medicare for Bravo ..she was told that it was much better then medicare and she would not need a medi gap policy. Because she did that, we were stuck not having medicare. She applied and got denied for medicaid...she has too much income.

She goes in and out of 'sound' mind, but I guess I should have seen a lawyer months ago. I honestly thought she was beating this thing. Everytime I made an appointment for the lawyer, she would cancel....saying that she would be back in her home by the fall and she didn't want to sign anything. She would be very upset about the whole thing so I dropped the issue. I was just trying to what she wanted. The doctors said she was doing well too and the scans were looking good...until 9 weeks ago. It's all fallen apart.

Now that she stopped using the phone, she probably won't be able to call and cancel it. BTW...I could not have left her in that horrible hospital. At least I know I'm doing my best. oh, I am in Maryland.

We have already seen the doctor and they ordered tests. They don't know what is going on with her...they initially thougth it might be the ativan. (it's a very complicated histor) Her recent CT scans only showed the one tumor. But who knows if it's in the brain. I'm taking her in tomorrow hopefully. She has the last cyberknife tomorrow. I keep praying that things will improve... and still do. I'll know more tomorrow about her worsened dementia.

(btw..her home is another problem. She did a reverse mortgage and she has to live in the home and because she has not, I think the bank can take it....it's a crap situaiton all around)

Jeanine

Yeah Jeanine, I see that you are in a tough situation. My mother has just enough income not to qualify for medicaid also. If the bank takes the home her income will be less right..I assume they are paying her monthly on the reverse mortgage..I don't know much about that.

My mother has good health but suffers in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease.. so I can not imagine what you must be going through. Except that my mother requires step by step instructions to complete every task and can almost never put a sentence together that makes sense. She can never be left alone. I have to bring in a care provider when I am away from the house. I am blessed to have a friend that is willing to earn those hard dollars for now. I am not sure what our next step will be with her required care, but at this point we are making it ok with lots of patience and what is left of my ability to be understanding of her mean streak.

You are right the system stinks when it comes to seniors and the typical care they require. I commend you for protecting her from a bad care facility, that is actually how my mother came to live with me. Her hand was broken twice in a short period of time at an assisted living facility and I did not want to see her health begin to go down since that was really all she had left. They could not or would not provide the added care needed because she wore the cast and could not manage personal care very well. Just the fact that they permitted the two broken bones to occur was a problem for me, neglect maybe... the doctor said he did not think it was abuse based on the lack of other signs (bruises, etc)

I guess this will teach us to provide for ourselves better because we know that we can not rely on the system. My prayers are with you to find a better situation for yourself and your mother.

HI JEANINE

I JUST GOT THE INFO BELOW RIGHT OFF THEIR WEB SITE...

http://www.elderhealth.com/Resources/Medicare.aspx

"When you join Bravo Health, you'll still be in the Medicare Program."

"When you join a Bravo Health plan, you can be confident that you will still have all your Medicare rights and protections. And you'll still get all your regular Medicare-covered services."

"If you have questions about Original Medicare coverage or would like to receive more information about the Medicare program, call toll-free 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227)."

"TTY users should call 1-877-486-2048. You can call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or, visit www.medicare.gov on the web."

BTW, I am in California, and I do not think the system here is very good either, though my experience with it so far has been limited...

Keep in touch.

Galowa

c.suzannemcable2009

that is exactly how i feel. my sister brought mom home tonight, and my sister was telling me mom was saying terrible things about my husband and me. Yet, when they walked in, my mom ran up to me and told me she missed me and was glad to be "home." We fixed up her room for her while she was gone this weekend. (some alone time huh?) Anyway, we painted, bought an area rug, set up HER bedroom set, and put out things I know she enjoys looking at. she was in a great mood and seemed very appreciative. People think that you want to go "out". I don't. I want alone time with my husband in "MY" house. My oldest sister, who does nothing, brought by a package of hot chocolate, and that is her contribution. She agitates my mom, and gets a sick kick out of it. Mom's birthday is next month, and my sister said SHE thought they could all come to my house to celebrate. She doesn't think of bringing a meal to help out, or even a damn cake or something. she brings a pkg of hot chocolate. She lives right up the street and never comes to visit. I really don't want mom around her anyway, because she likes to get mom going. She is so immature, that I would be afraid to let mom be alone with her. They don't understand that it is an ongoing job. I have to wait until mom goes to bed to do laundry, or anything, because I cannot take a chance on her getting into something or falling. I would love for them to take an entire week, not a weekend, and just see how hard it really is physically, emotionally, and any other way you can think of. They simply DON'T GET IT. My best friend does more for me that some of my family. she stays here so I can go to the grocery, drs appts, etc. The oldest sister does nothing. Really, I am glad, but she could at least make a gesture of bringing a casserole or something down here, even if she doesn't want to spend time with mom.

You should have a family meeting and get your siblings to contribute financially if they are not willing to take more time with her (to allow you free time). The expenses should be shared even on a low scale. They need to pay for their freedom. Maybe then you can afford a respite for your Mom once a month out of the house for the weekend. You should check the prices for facilities near you before the meeting so you will know how much to ask them for. And they should pay it monthly directly to you.

That would be time that you can count on having to yourself.

I understand you because I am very protective of my mother also...of course that is why we end up caregivers.

Good advice, Terry!

Might I add that it is very important in dealing with your siblings that you must believe what you are doing is right! If you approach them with uncertainty, they will naturally push back. I am not suggesting you get aggressive or hostile but you believe inside your own self that what you are requiring is right and just. Your attitude and your demeanor can make a difference between an emotional, drawn out struggle and a simple meeting of logistics.

I learned this the hard way after dealing with first my late husband's illness and then my late father's. And, now, with my mom's declining health, I have my siblings "trained" to cooperate with money when necessary. You cannot MAKE them show up, put in the hours or voluntarily bring things to the table but you can get them to realize the benefit to them of simply writing a check for those extras the medical insurance doesn't cover.

Sounds harsh, I know, but it worked for me... It was the best I could get.

Hi,this is my first time writing,been ready it.I been taking care of my mom for six years now.she bedridden with arthritis,well if she get mad she yell at me,kick and hit me.I just walk away,she really good some days and very mean other.My daughter live with us too,she very slow and can;t live on her own.plus,a grandson who is now out of school.mom,very mean and nasy to them.went mom hit and kick me i;m getting tried of it.She like getting her hair done every week,am i wrong if i don;t take her after she hit me.i don;t want her hitting me went were out in the store.mom is 78 year old.thank you!

IF there is anything I have learned from caring for Alzheimer patients, it is that they do not mean to cause anyone harm or pain. Acting out is just their way of coping with the rough transition that has just occurred in their life.It's nothing personal, so please remember that the next time your mother gets upset.

If it is too much to handle, you can always hire part time live-in care. They can relieve some of the burden for you.

I wish you the best! Kathy

i wish i could,don't have the money or the room

I know wouldn't it be nice to have the money to have someone care for our loved ones. It's all on me.

SueD KJohnson and TerrySmith, great advice. Thanks for the insight.

I am back to work...Thank GOD. I do have a friend that I pay well to watch my mother when I am out of the house. I have also contacted the assisted living facility that she lived in for awhile for respite care prices and day care prices. They would charge less than I am paying my friend - so need I say - we renegotiated her rate.

We will finally be in a position that my mothers income will cover her expenses and care, while I am out of the house 5 days a week earning and some weekends for fun (smile).

I remind myself that my mother is here with me because she was injured over night and no one knew what happened. Twice within a month. That was enough. I believe that the more aggressive Alzheimer's patients suffer at the hands of strangers or people that do not love them.

I say stick in there with actions of a loved one.. ok ok I give her what- for sometimes when she is being mean because she is to proud to ask for help. But at the end of the day I know she is safe with me because I love her.

Please remember that this job is not for everyone. Admit it and fix it if you can not do it, in a hurry.

That's great, Terry!